My 39 y.o. gym trainer is looking for a husband, with no success on dating apps

[Anonymous]

I know its none of my business, it just makes me sad how a capable, kind, relatively good-looking 39 y.o. has such a low market value on the dating apps. She meets up with around 2 guys every week, some younger, some older, hooks up with most, but none seem to want to have anything to do with her after a few days.

I don't want to discourage her, so I would never tell her, but what was she thinking in the past 15 years? The same woman, 15 years younger, would be considered very desirable.

Of course she wants kids and has told me that she got into debt to get her eggs frozen.

Women's market value really decreases a lot after 30.

I am 45, married for 18 years, teenage kid, my own house, earning well, etc. I am in a very different place in life. Side remark: The funny thing is that even though I am only marginally older than her, she considers me to be a generation older.

She doesn't want to date other trainers at the gym, even though there would be good candidates.

Any advice I could offer her? I am quite pessimistic about her prospects.

[Anonymous]

Does she want your advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she want your advice?

OP here. Yes, she is open to advice. But mostly I just wanted to vent about how sad her situation is. Some women miss their chance of finding a good husband because they don't make it a priority in their 20s.

[Anonymous]

As a mid 40s divorced woman here, I have no issues dating men who are about my age, and who are open to have kids (usually adoption). What men hate most is clinginess, desperation or feeling like walking sperm banks. Your friend is also jumping into beds too soon: she needs to date several guys at a time and at least do 6 dates to see if there is a good fit before sleeping with anyone. That would help her not to feel discarded after ONS and not get "stuck" in intimate relationships with people who are not good matches for her. She also needs to date guys from her own social circle and education level: dating in DC is very structured.
Value of a woman is not decreasing with age: it's women's behavior that determines her value for men. Looks also help: men would rather date a beautiful mid 40s woman than a so-so desperate late 30s. The age difference is not that big for it to be a consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I know its none of my business, it just makes me sad how a capable, kind, relatively good-looking 39 y.o. has such a low market value on the dating apps. She meets up with around 2 guys every week, some younger, some older, hooks up with most, but none seem to want to have anything to do with her after a few days.

I don't want to discourage her, so I would never tell her, but what was she thinking in the past 15 years? The same woman, 15 years younger, would be considered very desirable.

Of course she wants kids and has told me that she got into debt to get her eggs frozen.

Women's market value really decreases a lot after 30.

I am 45, married for 18 years, teenage kid, my own house, earning well, etc. I am in a very different place in life. Side remark: The funny thing is that even though I am only marginally older than her, she considers me to be a generation older.

She doesn't want to date other trainers at the gym, even though there would be good candidates.

Any advice I could offer her? I am quite pessimistic about her prospects.

You sound smug. Plenty of women find their happiness and enter into first and second marriages in their 40s and 50s

[Anonymous]

She’s 40 with no education and no financial security, but she expects more from the guy? Not interested in dating other trainers?

[Anonymous]

The problem is her. I am 46, divorced with elementary kids and have no trouble dating anyone I want age 27-50. I was married at 32, btw, and not in my 20s.

[Anonymous]

If she is hooking up w/the majority of these men - then she is not giving off the impression that she is looking for something serious.

A better strategy would be to date different people w/o sleeping with them.
That will show a man that she is in it for real > not just a fun time.

I bet her prospects will go up if she starts doing that‼️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s 40 with no education and no financial security, but she expects more from the guy?

Of course. Women tend to have unrealistically high expectations. She probably wants him to be at least 6' tall too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 40 with no education and no financial security, but she expects more from the guy?

Of course. Women tend to have unrealistically high expectations. She probably wants him to be at least 6' tall too.

So she should settle for less? Men outnumber women on date apps. If she's attractive she can have her pick. The problem is she's jumping into bed too quickly. Also freezing eggs isn't as guaranteed as an embryo freeze.

[Anonymous]

[youtube]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I know its none of my business, it just makes me sad how a capable, kind, relatively good-looking 39 y.o. has such a low market value on the dating apps. She meets up with around 2 guys every week, some younger, some older, hooks up with most, but none seem to want to have anything to do with her after a few days.

I don't want to discourage her, so I would never tell her, but what was she thinking in the past 15 years? The same woman, 15 years younger, would be considered very desirable.

Of course she wants kids and has told me that she got into debt to get her eggs frozen.

Women's market value really decreases a lot after 30.

I am 45, married for 18 years, teenage kid, my own house, earning well, etc. I am in a very different place in life. Side remark: The funny thing is that even though I am only marginally older than her, she considers me to be a generation older.

She doesn't want to date other trainers at the gym, even though there would be good candidates.

Any advice I could offer her? I am quite pessimistic about her prospects.

You sound smug. Plenty of women find their happiness and enter into first and second marriages in their 40s and 50s

Smug, despite enough experience to know that life happens. Where you see her today may reflect much growth and riches of a different kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s 40 with no education and no financial security, but she expects more from the guy? Not interested in dating other trainers?

How the hell do you know any of that? And all of that could very easily and most likely is false.

[Anonymous]

43 yo guy here. The problem with the trainers I know and have gone on dates with is there isnt much depth to their life. It is all about exercise, calorie/macro counting and a very regimen lifestyle.

Not the lifestyle I want to live and sounds miserable to raise kids with. Plus super fit woman are a turn off to me personally.

[Anonymous]

You are a generation older. You are Gen X, she's a millenial.

[Anonymous]

She’s 40, dumb enough to think you’re significantly older than her, and even you use the qualifier “relatively” good-looking. I think we have our answer.