My 39 y.o. gym trainer is looking for a husband, with no success on dating apps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 40 with no education and no financial security, but she expects more from the guy?

Of course. Women tend to have unrealistically high expectations. She probably wants him to be at least 6' tall too.

OP here. Yes, she does want the tall guys! So funny, because she is tiny.

Since I am 5'10", I wanted to say something nice and told her that at least she has a larger pool of guys who are taller than she is. Her reaction: "I don't want the short guys either!"

Men tend to pick taller women for marriage as well. 5.5-5.8 is best height for women

No they don’t. Average women’s height in America is 5’3” and there’s not an epidemic of unmarried short women. Frankly short women are more likely to be married as they have more options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:🎶 no one asked OP for help or her opinion 🎶

+1 Why the hell did OP post this in the first place? It's both smug and mean.

+1

No content, fulfilled person would post this mean sh*t.

[Anonymous]

Low SES ppl may be easier, and OP is almost white? 😳 Can you imagine someone writing this crap about you “trying to help?” I hereby nominate OP for the worst person award.

[Anonymous]

I still want to know what “almost white” means. I think I may be almost white and want to know if actual humans use that description when they talk or think about me. 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 40 with no education and no financial security, but she expects more from the guy?

Of course. Women tend to have unrealistically high expectations. She probably wants him to be at least 6' tall too.

So she should settle for less? Men outnumber women on date apps. If she's attractive she can have her pick. The problem is she's jumping into bed too quickly. Also freezing eggs isn't as guaranteed as an embryo freeze.

Less than 15% of men in the US are 6' or taller. It's an unreasonable demand, just looking at the numbers, not whether she "deserves" it.

[Anonymous]

She's 39 and still single. Single men are thinking: why is she still single at 39? If she were a catch, then she would be off the market by now. What's wrong with her?

Also, there are rising risks for many dudes today. Gonorrhea and Chlamydia rates are off the charts bad now. Syphilis rates are going up, too. Lots of news stories lately. Why are the rates rising? (Hint: Dating apps.)

Working at a gym...aren't trainers known for having an active life in more ways than lifting, if you know what I mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Also, there are rising risks for many dudes today. Gonorrhea and Chlamydia rates are off the charts bad now. Syphilis rates are going up, too. Lots of news stories lately. Why are the rates rising? (Hint: Dating apps.)

Guy here. None of the single men I know think about this. They just use protection and assume all will be fine (yes, I know there are still risks). Men tend to be less risk-averse than women.

But the other point, about men wondering why a 39 year old still isn't married, is spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she want your advice?

OP here. Yes, she is open to advice. But mostly I just wanted to vent about how sad her situation is. Some women miss their chance of finding a good husband because they don't make it a priority in their 20s.

+1 to the other PP who said you sound smug, and, I'll add, sexist. Women in their 20s should not make "finding a good husband" a priority in their 20s. They should prioritizing selecting and getting educated for a career in their 20s - a career path that will enable themselves to buy a home, save for retirement and raise children on their own if they have to. The need for financial stability to raise kids on their own is likely to happen whether they marry or not given the divorce rate is so high.

A man is not a plan.

Respectfully, does your 39 yo trainer own their own home, have a lot of savings, have a retirement plan, and warn enough to support a child on her own? If not, she is not going to be great dating material for a lot of people. Very few men her age want to marry and be financially responsible for a second (and third) person. Families today need to have both parents working at reasonable paying jobs to not struggle.

I'm guessing the answer to all of that is no, since she went into debt to freeze her eggs. If she were more financially stable, she would have been considering having a kid on her own.

JFC, my own DD won't even be finished with her education until she is almost 28. No one her age should be prioritizing "finding a husband".

[Anonymous]

Leave this poor trainer alone and mind your own business!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:🎶 no one asked OP for help or her opinion 🎶

+1 Why the hell did OP post this in the first place? It's both smug and mean.

+1

I think the OP is the wife and the “friend” really her husbands trainer who makes her nervous. She’s slamming this woman while asserting her own worth.

Nah. OP is a dude. There’s a whole genre of red pill dudes who take great joy in spewing about “low value” women who have “wasted their fertility.”

Oooh I think this is it. It would be nice to think women like Op don’t actually exist.

I have a hard time picturing a woman being so unsympathetic, but who knows.

You must be new here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:🎶 no one asked OP for help or her opinion 🎶

+1 Why the hell did OP post this in the first place? It's both smug and mean.

+1

No content, fulfilled person would post this mean sh*t.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she is hooking up w/the majority of these men - then she is not giving off the impression that she is looking for something serious.

A better strategy would be to date different people w/o sleeping with them.
That will show a man that she is in it for real > not just a fun time.

I bet her prospects will go up if she starts doing that‼️

OP here. I think she is hooking up with them on the second date. But I agree, it is much too soon.

FWIW, she is from Brazil, and she is almost white. She is dating almost exclusively black guys. I'm not sure how that affects the dynamic.

Okay, you agree she is hooking up with guys too soon. So why start this thread wondering what the problem is?

No answer from op?

OP here. Of course I think that hooking up with guys on the second date makes the wrong impression on them. But I myself have not dated in 20 years, and people's attitudes may have changed.

I think that she is not enough of a catch on the dating market, because of a combination of her situation, looks and age. She looks pleasant, but not hot.

You need to be told that just because you have not in 20 years that sleeping with lots of guys on date 2 is a bad idea?

OP here. She is from a lower SE class, where people might not be as "uptight" as in mine. So no, I have not immediately identified this as the primary problem. But now that you told me, I have my answer 😉

She thought you were a friend and confided in you but you're just a smug b.tch and you sound judgemental. Who cares if you were married 20 yrs? Woken like you slept with dozens of men before marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Also, there are rising risks for many dudes today. Gonorrhea and Chlamydia rates are off the charts bad now. Syphilis rates are going up, too. Lots of news stories lately. Why are the rates rising? (Hint: Dating apps.)

Guy here. None of the single men I know think about this. They just use protection and assume all will be fine (yes, I know there are still risks). Men tend to be less risk-averse than women.

But the other point, about men wondering why a 39 year old still isn't married, is spot on.

To answer your question. Long relationship with a man. He cheated. Wasted my time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is her. I am 46, divorced with elementary kids and have no trouble dating anyone I want age 27-50. I was married at 32, btw, and not in my 20s.

Yep. Stop with the age crap. Im im my 50s, fit and gorgeous. I have suitors - im not "hooking up" with any btw.

however the guy i have the most fun with is much much younger than me. I wont say by how much cause dcum always freaks out lol. No, he is not in his 20s!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a generation older. You are Gen X, she's a millenial.

You’re joking right? Six years does not a generation make. According to the stupid guidelines, my sister who is exactly two years older than I am is a different generation. You have to be very stupid to look at the world that way, so I’ll assume you were trying to be funny.