Women, how has having kids impacted your career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's funny that some people consider $190k "entry level wages" considering it is well above the median income in the DMV for a person with an advanced degree.

Because that median income includes trust fund kids at think tanks and NGOs, retirees, and a bunch of 20 something’s filled with dreams of marrying a BigLaw partner but then return to Iowa small town.

You are completely out of touch with how most of America and most people in urban areas live. Your parents did a terrible job of raising you if you are this clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pick a good DH. MY DH has a decently high paying job (400k) and complete work from home flexibility - so he is primary parent. He does all doctor appointments and all pick ups. Son is thriving. I work at a non-profit and only make half what DH makes - so law paying, but very fulfilling work. I am in-person all week and do not have flexibility. We did decide to stop at one - it was my decision since DH wanted 3 children. I could only mentally handle one.

Pick a good DH who wants to co-parent in a real way. DH does all mental load work too - since he’s the main volunteer for everything.

Women take on too much, men can help. DH really wanted children - and it shows in his day to day commitment to our son.

No offense but this is crazy advice. I am like your husband and wanted three kids. I had the higher paying career. After first my wife came to me and said I can’t handle more kids and working. So I told her to quit be a stay at home mom and she did and we had three kids.

BTW having one kid is a joke. I say that as we had two back to back then a long break for third. When the two oldest were at college same time and only had one at home it was barely any work.

Wow. You're quite a piece of work, and quite the jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It made me realize how empty and pointless most “careers” are. Very few people make a difference with their careers or even do anything of lasting value. Unless you are one of those lucky few it’s sad to give your life to being a cog.

This. I’ve always known I wanted to be a mother. So for me kids were always going to be a priority over work. I am a fed attorney, so I do have a career. But I took nearly 6 months off after each baby (I have 3 kids) and really prioritized flexible positions/telework over an ambitious career path.

My kids are what provide me my biggest purpose. My job provides me a pay check and keeps my mind intellectually busy.

I think if you go into having kids with the expectation you’re going to stay on the same career path and that work will be your first priority you will be disappointed. But I also know plenty of driven women who were happy to shift gears to focusing on motherhood. Particularly moms who were in the workforce a long time before kids.

[Anonymous]

Marriage negatively impacted my career—not kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pick a good DH. MY DH has a decently high paying job (400k) and complete work from home flexibility - so he is primary parent. He does all doctor appointments and all pick ups. Son is thriving. I work at a non-profit and only make half what DH makes - so law paying, but very fulfilling work. I am in-person all week and do not have flexibility. We did decide to stop at one - it was my decision since DH wanted 3 children. I could only mentally handle one.

Pick a good DH who wants to co-parent in a real way. DH does all mental load work too - since he’s the main volunteer for everything.

Women take on too much, men can help. DH really wanted children - and it shows in his day to day commitment to our son.

No offense but this is crazy advice. I am like your husband and wanted three kids. I had the higher paying career. After first my wife came to me and said I can’t handle more kids and working. So I told her to quit be a stay at home mom and she did and we had three kids.

BTW having one kid is a joke. I say that as we had two back to back then a long break for third. When the two oldest were at college same time and only had one at home it was barely any work.

Wow. You're quite a piece of work, and quite the jerk.

NP. I always tell people that one kid is a vacation compared to two or more kids—because it is 100% true. Once the second comes, you realize having one was like a vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pick a good DH. MY DH has a decently high paying job (400k) and complete work from home flexibility - so he is primary parent. He does all doctor appointments and all pick ups. Son is thriving. I work at a non-profit and only make half what DH makes - so law paying, but very fulfilling work. I am in-person all week and do not have flexibility. We did decide to stop at one - it was my decision since DH wanted 3 children. I could only mentally handle one.

Pick a good DH who wants to co-parent in a real way. DH does all mental load work too - since he’s the main volunteer for everything.

Women take on too much, men can help. DH really wanted children - and it shows in his day to day commitment to our son.

No offense but this is crazy advice. I am like your husband and wanted three kids. I had the higher paying career. After first my wife came to me and said I can’t handle more kids and working. So I told her to quit be a stay at home mom and she did and we had three kids.

BTW having one kid is a joke. I say that as we had two back to back then a long break for third. When the two oldest were at college same time and only had one at home it was barely any work.

Wow. You're quite a piece of work, and quite the jerk.

NP. I always tell people that one kid is a vacation compared to two or more kids—because it is 100% true. Once the second comes, you realize having one was like a vacation.

Doesn't mean that one kid is a joke just because more kids may be worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pick a good DH. MY DH has a decently high paying job (400k) and complete work from home flexibility - so he is primary parent. He does all doctor appointments and all pick ups. Son is thriving. I work at a non-profit and only make half what DH makes - so law paying, but very fulfilling work. I am in-person all week and do not have flexibility. We did decide to stop at one - it was my decision since DH wanted 3 children. I could only mentally handle one.

Pick a good DH who wants to co-parent in a real way. DH does all mental load work too - since he’s the main volunteer for everything.

Women take on too much, men can help. DH really wanted children - and it shows in his day to day commitment to our son.

No offense but this is crazy advice. I am like your husband and wanted three kids. I had the higher paying career. After first my wife came to me and said I can’t handle more kids and working. So I told her to quit be a stay at home mom and she did and we had three kids.

BTW having one kid is a joke. I say that as we had two back to back then a long break for third. When the two oldest were at college same time and only had one at home it was barely any work.

Wow. You're quite a piece of work, and quite the jerk.

NP. I always tell people that one kid is a vacation compared to two or more kids—because it is 100% true. Once the second comes, you realize having one was like a vacation.

Doesn't mean that one kid is a joke just because more kids may be worse.

+1 also every kid is different
What a horrible thing to say

[Anonymous]

Have them as soon as possible. You will have more energy to keep working. And you’re far more likely to have healthy kids and drama free pregnancy and birth. About half of my girlfriends who waited too long had pregnancy issues or the baby was born with complications.

[Anonymous]

No one tells you how much of career success is situation-based luck (being in the right place at right time, finding a champion), and women with kids have fewer opportunities to be in those situations. We go home to pick kids up from childcare or relieve nanny instead of drinks. There are social settings where we just don't risk being alone. But you can do all the things to be in the right place for an opportunity, and it might still not come.

My advice is to be smart but do what you most want. Get the right credentials. Work hard. Understand the politics and who really has power and what work "counts". But have kids if you want them. It's a huge decision and lifelong commitment. If career success could deter you, it might not be for you.

At the same time, if you pursue a career, pursue it without guilt. You will miss things. Decide what's important. I like to cook, but cooking when I came home from work with kids who just want to play was too much...so their nanny does it. relaxed dinner and bedtime were more important to me, so nanny drives them to activities so I can be relaxed finishing up emails end of day.

You really can't predict how career will go. I had mommy-tracked a few years ago, but reorg gave me a chance to shine with a senior person who really believes in me. I was okay with the lower power trajectory I was on before, and I am excited about the one I'm on now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It made me realize how empty and pointless most “careers” are. Very few people make a difference with their careers or even do anything of lasting value. Unless you are one of those lucky few it’s sad to give your life to being a cog.

I love my kids, but I recognize it’s a very selfish act to bring kids into this crowded world to consume and take up space. It’s not like the world needs more people.

Being a mom is just another pointless exercise, which really doesn’t make much of a difference, and for lasting value who knows how your kids turn out, I mean Hitler had a mother. A parent is just another kind of cog, but it’s a personal cog doing what you like which is fine but no more saintly than a retiree spending time on the tees.

If you adopt and care for orphans, that would be commendable, but popping out more kids and phoning in your career? Just another type of consumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pick a good DH. MY DH has a decently high paying job (400k) and complete work from home flexibility - so he is primary parent. He does all doctor appointments and all pick ups. Son is thriving. I work at a non-profit and only make half what DH makes - so law paying, but very fulfilling work. I am in-person all week and do not have flexibility. We did decide to stop at one - it was my decision since DH wanted 3 children. I could only mentally handle one.

Pick a good DH who wants to co-parent in a real way. DH does all mental load work too - since he’s the main volunteer for everything.

Women take on too much, men can help. DH really wanted children - and it shows in his day to day commitment to our son.

No offense but this is crazy advice. I am like your husband and wanted three kids. I had the higher paying career. After first my wife came to me and said I can’t handle more kids and working. So I told her to quit be a stay at home mom and she did and we had three kids.

BTW having one kid is a joke. I say that as we had two back to back then a long break for third. When the two oldest were at college same time and only had one at home it was barely any work.

Wow. You're quite a piece of work, and quite the jerk.

NP. I always tell people that one kid is a vacation compared to two or more kids—because it is 100% true. Once the second comes, you realize having one was like a vacation.

Or your bad at parenting, 2 kids lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have them as soon as possible. You will have more energy to keep working. And you’re far more likely to have healthy kids and drama free pregnancy and birth. About half of my girlfriends who waited too long had pregnancy issues or the baby was born with complications.

Yeah, but you'll be 10+ years behind your peers and have FAR less flexibility. No one is cutting slack to a 23 year old entry level person when all of their peers are single and childless and ready to grind it out. Just throwing that out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It made me realize how empty and pointless most “careers” are. Very few people make a difference with their careers or even do anything of lasting value. Unless you are one of those lucky few it’s sad to give your life to being a cog.

I love my kids, but I recognize it’s a very selfish act to bring kids into this crowded world to consume and take up space. It’s not like the world needs more people.

Being a mom is just another pointless exercise, which really doesn’t make much of a difference, and for lasting value who knows how your kids turn out, I mean Hitler had a mother. A parent is just another kind of cog, but it’s a personal cog doing what you like which is fine but no more saintly than a retiree spending time on the tees.

If you adopt and care for orphans, that would be commendable, but popping out more kids and phoning in your career? Just another type of consumption.

The planet earth does not but humanity does need the next generations. It won't be long before the population of the world starts to decrease and that will cause all sorts of problems.

[Anonymous]

After reading all of these responses my question is this:

How has you having a career impacted your kids?

Please try to be honest about both the positive and the negative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am on the fence about having them and would appreciate hearing the impact, positive or negative, that having children has had on your working life.

Have the children. It is a sad state of society we are in when folks pit having kids against career. We are whole human beings, not designed to go through life alone. Have your babies and thrive in your career!

-Signed Mother of 6 with a Thriving Career