Women, how has having kids impacted your career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am on the fence about having them and would appreciate hearing the impact, positive or negative, that having children has had on your working life.

Wish I had them 10 years earlier. My sorority sisters who had their first age 23 to 25 are already empty nesters in their 40s. One is a school teacher and kids didn't negative impact her career at all. Another sorority sister is also teacher, she waited until her 30s for kids and she makes the same salary.

[Anonymous]

I stayed at a backwater place (employer) that would allow me to be the kind of parent I wanted to be.

It was less prestigious and much less demanding. The pay was average but very secure.

I would have taken more risks, achieved more professionally and perhaps lived overseas if I had not had a child. BUT those were all my choices. They reflected my values/priorities.

My child is now grown and it was the best decision I ever made. Being her mom is my proudest achievement. And my most rewarding endeavor. And it allowed me to experience a depth of love that is unparalleled.

[Anonymous]

Well, not pressuring at all, I am actively planning to be available to help my daughter or son in racing their children, if they plan to have them. Of course, that would be subjected to their own choices, which they would make with their spouses, if any. I work in an international community and have seen that everyone, but particularly women, are able to thrive at work and at home when they have strong family support. And by that I don’t mean toxic in-laws, who want their way, but rather strong support, who won’t follow their lead in helping anyway, they can. To me, that is my priority for life. If they don’t want it, all good and no pressure, but I’ve seen it make a world of difference to colleagues and friends.

[Anonymous]

I literally started my own business to have the flexibility I needed to have kids and do my work. I had a 3 year old and an 8 month old, and it was more reasonable to do this than stay at my consulting agency.

Now I'm in my mid-40s, and the oldest is in middle school. I am honestly not sure how to balance a job and a middle schooler. I thought this would be easier, and it's worse than the toddler stage.

Also, my ambition is plummeting. Maybe that will change after both kids graduate, but now, after working 60 hour weeks for the past two decades, I just cannot. I want a paycheck and to call it a day. But I'm GenX, so that's not really in the DNA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am on the fence about having them and would appreciate hearing the impact, positive or negative, that having children has had on your working life.

Wish I had them 10 years earlier. My sorority sisters who had their first age 23 to 25 are already empty nesters in their 40s. One is a school teacher and kids didn't negative impact her career at all. Another sorority sister is also teacher, she waited until her 30s for kids and she makes the same salary.

I don’t see how having kids at 23 versus 33 really changes a school teacher’s career trajectory much at all. But you miss out on all that fun in your 20s.

Southern or midwestern sorority girls are in a mad rush to get married because $. The women you mention who were teachers never had much of an opportunity to make a salary to support the lifestyle they wanted. So marriage is prioritized out of necessary. It’s likely subconscious. If you paid these 23 year olds 250k they wouldn’t be pushing marriage and having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was ruinous for mine and every other woman I know. Plus, I thought I'd be sad if I didn't have kids but all my friends who didn't have kids seem much happier than me. I love my kids, don't get me wrong, but it's a constant sacrifice - I will stay home tonight instead of going to the christmas party because if I do, Larla will go to bed late and be grumpy tomorrow and I don't want to deal with the grouchiness all weekend.

OP this is why you don't want to have a gaggle of kids. No one needs more than one and no they won't ruin your life, but they do alter it significantly. But you decided to by like a martyr like PP, i am sure you will find the misery she thrives in.

My career was and is great. Had only one child and he is now an amazing man. We did it with no family help, only daycare and schools and aftercare. I didn't make him my entire universe they he learned boundaries and that women/mother can have careers and lives outside of being "a mom".

Yes, it was so much easier for moms in the past! Millennial working moms have to deal with incredibly intensive parenting standards whereas mothers in previous generations had a far more laissez fare, hands off approach to child-rearing that made it far easier to balance kids and a career!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am on the fence about having them and would appreciate hearing the impact, positive or negative, that having children has had on your working life.

Wish I had them 10 years earlier. My sorority sisters who had their first age 23 to 25 are already empty nesters in their 40s. One is a school teacher and kids didn't negative impact her career at all. Another sorority sister is also teacher, she waited until her 30s for kids and she makes the same salary.

I don’t see how having kids at 23 versus 33 really changes a school teacher’s career trajectory much at all. But you miss out on all that fun in your 20s.

Southern or midwestern sorority girls are in a mad rush to get married because $. The women you mention who were teachers never had much of an opportunity to make a salary to support the lifestyle they wanted. So marriage is prioritized out of necessary. It’s likely subconscious. If you paid these 23 year olds 250k they wouldn’t be pushing marriage and having kids.

So much projection and retrograde nonsense. Bless your heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am on the fence about having them and would appreciate hearing the impact, positive or negative, that having children has had on your working life.

Wish I had them 10 years earlier. My sorority sisters who had their first age 23 to 25 are already empty nesters in their 40s. One is a school teacher and kids didn't negative impact her career at all. Another sorority sister is also teacher, she waited until her 30s for kids and she makes the same salary.

I don’t see how having kids at 23 versus 33 really changes a school teacher’s career trajectory much at all. But you miss out on all that fun in your 20s.

Southern or midwestern sorority girls are in a mad rush to get married because $. The women you mention who were teachers never had much of an opportunity to make a salary to support the lifestyle they wanted. So marriage is prioritized out of necessary. It’s likely subconscious. If you paid these 23 year olds 250k they wouldn’t be pushing marriage and having kids.

We are friends with a 42 year old female MD who got knocked up at age 20. Had the baby and still finished undergrad on time and went straight to medical school. She is a dermatologist and makes over $400,000 a year.

[Anonymous]

Ruined it - I’m a fed stuck at remote with no prospects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am on the fence about having them and would appreciate hearing the impact, positive or negative, that having children has had on your working life.

Wish I had them 10 years earlier. My sorority sisters who had their first age 23 to 25 are already empty nesters in their 40s. One is a school teacher and kids didn't negative impact her career at all. Another sorority sister is also teacher, she waited until her 30s for kids and she makes the same salary.

I don’t see how having kids at 23 versus 33 really changes a school teacher’s career trajectory much at all. But you miss out on all that fun in your 20s.

Southern or midwestern sorority girls are in a mad rush to get married because $. The women you mention who were teachers never had much of an opportunity to make a salary to support the lifestyle they wanted. So marriage is prioritized out of necessary. It’s likely subconscious. If you paid these 23 year olds 250k they wouldn’t be pushing marriage and having kids.

We are friends with a 42 year old female MD who got knocked up at age 20. Had the baby and still finished undergrad on time and went straight to medical school. She is a dermatologist and makes over $400,000 a year.

Yes this is very common. Oh wait. The average 20 year old who gets pregnant doesn’t finish college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am on the fence about having them and would appreciate hearing the impact, positive or negative, that having children has had on your working life.

Wish I had them 10 years earlier. My sorority sisters who had their first age 23 to 25 are already empty nesters in their 40s. One is a school teacher and kids didn't negative impact her career at all. Another sorority sister is also teacher, she waited until her 30s for kids and she makes the same salary.

I don’t see how having kids at 23 versus 33 really changes a school teacher’s career trajectory much at all. But you miss out on all that fun in your 20s.

Southern or midwestern sorority girls are in a mad rush to get married because $. The women you mention who were teachers never had much of an opportunity to make a salary to support the lifestyle they wanted. So marriage is prioritized out of necessary. It’s likely subconscious. If you paid these 23 year olds 250k they wouldn’t be pushing marriage and having kids.

We are friends with a 42 year old female MD who got knocked up at age 20. Had the baby and still finished undergrad on time and went straight to medical school. She is a dermatologist and makes over $400,000 a year.

Her parents are likely doctors who had money to cover her expenses and give guidance thru medical school etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am on the fence about having them and would appreciate hearing the impact, positive or negative, that having children has had on your working life.

Wish I had them 10 years earlier. My sorority sisters who had their first age 23 to 25 are already empty nesters in their 40s. One is a school teacher and kids didn't negative impact her career at all. Another sorority sister is also teacher, she waited until her 30s for kids and she makes the same salary.

I don’t see how having kids at 23 versus 33 really changes a school teacher’s career trajectory much at all. But you miss out on all that fun in your 20s.

Southern or midwestern sorority girls are in a mad rush to get married because $. The women you mention who were teachers never had much of an opportunity to make a salary to support the lifestyle they wanted. So marriage is prioritized out of necessary. It’s likely subconscious. If you paid these 23 year olds 250k they wouldn’t be pushing marriage and having kids.

We are friends with a 42 year old female MD who got knocked up at age 20. Had the baby and still finished undergrad on time and went straight to medical school. She is a dermatologist and makes over $400,000 a year.

Her parents are likely doctors who had money to cover her expenses and give guidance thru medical school etc

I don’t know their professions. But I’m sure she had help from parents, the child’s grandparents. That’s what families are for.

[Anonymous]

I have no ambition left after 15+ years of grinding. I work in a small firm just enough to keep my career going as I fear divorce is a possibility. I get much more satisfaction out if parenting and hobbies than work.

[Anonymous]

Of course it’s going to affect your career! Unless you can afford a 24/7 nanny and have a husband who is a saint it will have an effect. The real question is is it worth it? For me it’s a solid yes. I changed my career path and was able to do my own thing that worked out but I’m sure I could have done more career wise. But I had three kids who are now young adults and they are far more my legacy than any title I might have achieved. I also was lucky to have a husband who supported whatever I wanted to do (not what he felt I should do) and spent hours just listening to me as I thought things out loud. I really wanted to be a mom and if that passion isn’t in your DNA you will have a problem with the trade off.

[Anonymous]

I have two kids, now 14 and 19 and I'm in my 50's, spouse just turned 60. I found the early childhood and elementary years the smoothest, actually, in terms of being able to feel i was functioning very well as both a mother and professional. Adolescence, the pandemic, and peri menopause made the teen years feel significantly harder. (I had my kids late, in late thirties early forties). They go through things, they need more in some ways, one of my kids developed a chronic though non life threatening illness, etc. It's all doable but midlife and teens is challenging. Sorry if that's a bummer but it's true. Life is not easy...