Casual Racism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To assume an Asian person speaks or understands an Asian language just based on the way they look is a manifestation of the underlying bias that the person is “other” than American. That is the microaggression. And to have this happen over and over in different contexts sends you the signal that you are “other”- and that seems exhausting. I’m sorry OP.

To have your hackles up and mistrust all white people is it's own form of racism.

I don’t see how this incident translates into “mistrusting all whites people.” I’m the PP and I’m white, by the way. Listen, we all have biases- everyone. Asian people have biases, we all do. And most of us have good intentions. That’s why it’s called unconscious bias. We don’t do it to hurt anyone intentionally. Assuming a non white person speaks a language other than English is an unconscious bias. Yes, it’s a way the brain automatically sorts people into groups. But let’s strive to be more intentional and bring those unconscious biases to the surface so we don’t unintentionally hurt other people. When a hyphenated American - which we all are, except indigenous folks- whose family may have been here for generations, is spoken to in a language they don’t understand but are assumed to understand because they don’t “look American (ie white)- that is hurtful. Let’s just try to be kind to people. It involves digging a little deeper into ourselves and listening to what other people find hurtful, even if you can’t understand why it’s hurtful.

You are asking for the impossible. What offends one Asian person or Hispanic or black or whatever, is laughed off by another.

I don’t care about my unconscious biases and I don’t care about yours. How about that? Much simpler all around.

You sound angry. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

I am a first gen American and when I was little, used to translate for my Mom etc. We are white but experienced racism on a daily basis. It’s part of my life story but not something that I dwell on. Is it because we are white. My Mom is still embarrassing and speaks with a thick accent and is discriminated against everyday but she handles it fine.

We love the US and are proud Americans. This is a part of moving from your home country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP maybe you shouldn't live around white people if their minor mistakes bother you so much. I'm also not sure what to make of your "mind reading" incident with the smell in the elevator. Do you have major anxiety or boredom maybe?

Agree - people move to a country where they were a tiny minority (like just above 1%), even into the 1990s and then when someone notices that they look different from the majority population, they are aghast. Did you or your parents understand what they were doing when they moved to the U.S.?

How about being appreciative that the population of the US has been so welcoming to people from around the world and recognize that people have to learn how to navigate a multi-racial, multi-ethnic society, because there has NEVER in all of world history been a society like ours. Give people a break unless they are being hostile to you.

These same people know how hostile and unwelcome they are to foreigners in their home countries yet expect the red carpet treatment in the US. Mostly they get the red carpet treatment, but sometimes they don't. Why should anyone else get worked up about this?

This shows a total lack of understanding of the history of immigration in this country. Some “tiny minority” immigrants who are not white have lived in the US far longer than the wave of Europeans who came over in the early 1900’s… and yet because they are not white they’re assumed to be not American.

People assume I’m from somewhere else all the time. The white side of my family traces back to Jamestown. Freaking Jamestown. My Chinese side is like 5 generations in this country now. But white people whose grandparents immigrated here and are on generation away from speaking with an accent assume all the time that somehow I’m not a real American. It’s so annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To assume an Asian person speaks or understands an Asian language just based on the way they look is a manifestation of the underlying bias that the person is “other” than American. That is the microaggression. And to have this happen over and over in different contexts sends you the signal that you are “other”- and that seems exhausting. I’m sorry OP.

To have your hackles up and mistrust all white people is it's own form of racism.

I don’t see how this incident translates into “mistrusting all whites people.” I’m the PP and I’m white, by the way. Listen, we all have biases- everyone. Asian people have biases, we all do. And most of us have good intentions. That’s why it’s called unconscious bias. We don’t do it to hurt anyone intentionally. Assuming a non white person speaks a language other than English is an unconscious bias. Yes, it’s a way the brain automatically sorts people into groups. But let’s strive to be more intentional and bring those unconscious biases to the surface so we don’t unintentionally hurt other people. When a hyphenated American - which we all are, except indigenous folks- whose family may have been here for generations, is spoken to in a language they don’t understand but are assumed to understand because they don’t “look American (ie white)- that is hurtful. Let’s just try to be kind to people. It involves digging a little deeper into ourselves and listening to what other people find hurtful, even if you can’t understand why it’s hurtful.

The person in the OP's example was trying to be kind but ended up with the OP being devastated enough to accuse the man of racism. How are we supposed to be kind when any minor utterance has people curling up in anxiety and complaining about you on social media? Clearly a lot of people in the DC area are assuming white people's brains are just churning racist thoughts 99% of the day, unable to control their urge to blurt out racism at the sight of a POC.

I’m sorry you can’t understand how assuming an American (who is not Chinese by the way) speaks Chinese because they look Asian can make that person feel like an outsider. Try to do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see why OP is upset about the guy speaking Chinese, but his intent was likely good and he’s just clueless. Was he an older man?

I agree that the intent was likely good but the impact wasn't. And he wasn't aware of what the impact would be due to ignorance. We can't find that guy and educate him, but hopefully by posting it, some readers here will learn from his mistake not repeat it, and teach their kids to do better.

[Anonymous]

I lived in 9 countries and 4 continents by the time I was 18, and I can tell you confidently that people make stereotypical assumptions--and stupid comments--everywhere in the world. That is not to minimize your experience but just to say I truly believe it's a universal phenomenon. It's just that we Americans think of ourselves as the world's true "melting pot" so we are extra sensitive to race/culture-based slights.

[Anonymous]

I mean this is just how life is when you’re non white, yes even in such a “well educated” area as the DMV where white people pride themselves on having traveled to 67 countries. And all the ppl telling you NBD, you’re searching for something to be mad about — 99% are prob white and have never dealt with this stuff a day in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see why OP is upset about the guy speaking Chinese, but his intent was likely good and he’s just clueless. Was he an older man?

I agree that the intent was likely good but the impact wasn't. And he wasn't aware of what the impact would be due to ignorance. We can't find that guy and educate him, but hopefully by posting it, some readers here will learn from his mistake not repeat it, and teach their kids to do better.

Well I'm quite thankful to live in a primarily Latino neighborhood where no one gets so offended unless you are looking to start trouble. When I dare to venture into micro aggression territory they at least tend to dish it back or come up with some disparaging nickname. Would hate to live around people I only wave to in passing because I stayed off TikTok for two weeks and don't know the current acceptable vernacular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean this is just how life is when you’re non white, yes even in such a “well educated” area as the DMV where white people pride themselves on having traveled to 67 countries. And all the ppl telling you NBD, you’re searching for something to be mad about — 99% are prob white and have never dealt with this stuff a day in their lives.

Yes, you are not treated not white people, even though you are not black, sorry you are disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean this is just how life is when you’re non white, yes even in such a “well educated” area as the DMV where white people pride themselves on having traveled to 67 countries. And all the ppl telling you NBD, you’re searching for something to be mad about — 99% are prob white and have never dealt with this stuff a day in their lives.

I'm white and lived in Miami where people constantly asked where I was from, couldn't spell or pronounce my last time, and called me gringo or "the Americano." I never thought to call them out or get upset about it since the vast majority of the time they were being harmless. While I'm sure this is "white privilege" I think a lot of people these days are unaware of the term resilience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To assume an Asian person speaks or understands an Asian language just based on the way they look is a manifestation of the underlying bias that the person is “other” than American. That is the microaggression. And to have this happen over and over in different contexts sends you the signal that you are “other”- and that seems exhausting. I’m sorry OP.

To have your hackles up and mistrust all white people is it's own form of racism.

I don’t see how this incident translates into “mistrusting all whites people.” I’m the PP and I’m white, by the way. Listen, we all have biases- everyone. Asian people have biases, we all do. And most of us have good intentions. That’s why it’s called unconscious bias. We don’t do it to hurt anyone intentionally. Assuming a non white person speaks a language other than English is an unconscious bias. Yes, it’s a way the brain automatically sorts people into groups. But let’s strive to be more intentional and bring those unconscious biases to the surface so we don’t unintentionally hurt other people. When a hyphenated American - which we all are, except indigenous folks- whose family may have been here for generations, is spoken to in a language they don’t understand but are assumed to understand because they don’t “look American (ie white)- that is hurtful. Let’s just try to be kind to people. It involves digging a little deeper into ourselves and listening to what other people find hurtful, even if you can’t understand why it’s hurtful.

The person in the OP's example was trying to be kind but ended up with the OP being devastated enough to accuse the man of racism. How are we supposed to be kind when any minor utterance has people curling up in anxiety and complaining about you on social media? Clearly a lot of people in the DC area are assuming white people's brains are just churning racist thoughts 99% of the day, unable to control their urge to blurt out racism at the sight of a POC.

Boom! So I gues I can no longer say "Ni hao ma" even though I speak Mandarin and would like to practice it. I can no longer say "Bon Jour" without criticism. And I can't speak Spanish to those in Nova who have difficulty speaking english, without being called a racist. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To assume an Asian person speaks or understands an Asian language just based on the way they look is a manifestation of the underlying bias that the person is “other” than American. That is the microaggression. And to have this happen over and over in different contexts sends you the signal that you are “other”- and that seems exhausting. I’m sorry OP.

To have your hackles up and mistrust all white people is it's own form of racism.

I don’t see how this incident translates into “mistrusting all whites people.” I’m the PP and I’m white, by the way. Listen, we all have biases- everyone. Asian people have biases, we all do. And most of us have good intentions. That’s why it’s called unconscious bias. We don’t do it to hurt anyone intentionally. Assuming a non white person speaks a language other than English is an unconscious bias. Yes, it’s a way the brain automatically sorts people into groups. But let’s strive to be more intentional and bring those unconscious biases to the surface so we don’t unintentionally hurt other people. When a hyphenated American - which we all are, except indigenous folks- whose family may have been here for generations, is spoken to in a language they don’t understand but are assumed to understand because they don’t “look American (ie white)- that is hurtful. Let’s just try to be kind to people. It involves digging a little deeper into ourselves and listening to what other people find hurtful, even if you can’t understand why it’s hurtful.

You are asking for the impossible. What offends one Asian person or Hispanic or black or whatever, is laughed off by another.

I don’t care about my unconscious biases and I don’t care about yours. How about that? Much simpler all around.

You sound angry. Sorry.

Nope not at all. Just realistic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m South Asian and Muslim. I get tons of micro aggression too. From “you speak English so well” to “you’re so exotic” it doesn’t matter that I was born and raised in the Midwest, people just see other when they see Asians. It’s sad that now my kids are experiencing it.

I’m a ordinary white American and no one has ever told me “you speak Spanish so well!” , despite considerable effort on my part to do so….If anyone ever did, I’d feel really complimented by that. I certainly wouldn’t think of it as a microaggression.


This crap is what’s wrong with this country now. Everyone is looking to win the most-offended-victim sweepstakes.

You weren't born and raised in a Spanish speaking country! There is no correlation

I work almost exclusively with Central Americans - hence my need to speak coherent Spanish. For all intents and purposes I DO live in a Spanish speaking country. That was the point of my post.

I’m sorry, I should’ve taken you into account when I posted earlier, and explained the things that would’ve otherwise seemed obvious because of context.

My bad

NP. If you live in the US, then no, you don’t live in a primarily Spanish speaking country, and the idea that anyone should have picked up on your work with Central Americans from your post is ludicrous. You gave no “context.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "xiexie" is a microaggression arising out of ignorance. The elevator thing has everything to do with the smell and not race.

Definitely not enough to move to Hawaii, unless you are fond of surfing anyway.

What if it was a Latin American boy and the man said gracias? But the boy is Brazilian Latin American and they say obrigado, not gracias. Is this also a microaggression or an honest mistake?

Why can’t you just say thank you? Why do you need to call out their ethnicity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To assume an Asian person speaks or understands an Asian language just based on the way they look is a manifestation of the underlying bias that the person is “other” than American. That is the microaggression. And to have this happen over and over in different contexts sends you the signal that you are “other”- and that seems exhausting. I’m sorry OP.

To have your hackles up and mistrust all white people is it's own form of racism.

I don’t see how this incident translates into “mistrusting all whites people.” I’m the PP and I’m white, by the way. Listen, we all have biases- everyone. Asian people have biases, we all do. And most of us have good intentions. That’s why it’s called unconscious bias. We don’t do it to hurt anyone intentionally. Assuming a non white person speaks a language other than English is an unconscious bias. Yes, it’s a way the brain automatically sorts people into groups. But let’s strive to be more intentional and bring those unconscious biases to the surface so we don’t unintentionally hurt other people. When a hyphenated American - which we all are, except indigenous folks- whose family may have been here for generations, is spoken to in a language they don’t understand but are assumed to understand because they don’t “look American (ie white)- that is hurtful. Let’s just try to be kind to people. It involves digging a little deeper into ourselves and listening to what other people find hurtful, even if you can’t understand why it’s hurtful.

The person in the OP's example was trying to be kind but ended up with the OP being devastated enough to accuse the man of racism. How are we supposed to be kind when any minor utterance has people curling up in anxiety and complaining about you on social media? Clearly a lot of people in the DC area are assuming white people's brains are just churning racist thoughts 99% of the day, unable to control their urge to blurt out racism at the sight of a POC.

I’m sorry you can’t understand how assuming an American (who is not Chinese by the way) speaks Chinese because they look Asian can make that person feel like an outsider. Try to do better.

An outsider? Oh no! What ever shall we do?!
This is the problem. Not every feeling someone has needs to be validated and the other persons behavior corrected. Everyone is so frickin’ fragile these days.