Casual Racism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP maybe you shouldn't live around white people if their minor mistakes bother you so much. I'm also not sure what to make of your "mind reading" incident with the smell in the elevator. Do you have major anxiety or boredom maybe?

Agree - people move to a country where they were a tiny minority (like just above 1%), even into the 1990s and then when someone notices that they look different from the majority population, they are aghast. Did you or your parents understand what they were doing when they moved to the U.S.?

How about being appreciative that the population of the US has been so welcoming to people from around the world and recognize that people have to learn how to navigate a multi-racial, multi-ethnic society, because there has NEVER in all of world history been a society like ours. Give people a break unless they are being hostile to you.

[Anonymous]

OP your pain is valid and understandable. I am sorry these incidents happened to you. But we are all imperfect humans and we will all make mistakes. I don't mean to diminish your justifiable concern and hurt, especially because when people hurt our kids, I know how intensely protective we feel.

I just want to suggest that trying to see the best intentions from people in these types of situations will help you feel happier in general. Instead of assuming the people in the elevator thought the smell was from you, try to assume they are just processing what their senses are telling them as they seek more information about what they are experiencing. I'm not great at speaking off the cuff myself, but adding something in this context like, "I know! I smelled it as soon as I got on here too, but can't figure out what it is." This could be helpful in several ways. One, it makes a brief human connection between all of you. Two, if they were thinking the worst, you have proved them wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP maybe you shouldn't live around white people if their minor mistakes bother you so much. I'm also not sure what to make of your "mind reading" incident with the smell in the elevator. Do you have major anxiety or boredom maybe?

Agree - people move to a country where they were a tiny minority (like just above 1%), even into the 1990s and then when someone notices that they look different from the majority population, they are aghast. Did you or your parents understand what they were doing when they moved to the U.S.?

How about being appreciative that the population of the US has been so welcoming to people from around the world and recognize that people have to learn how to navigate a multi-racial, multi-ethnic society, because there has NEVER in all of world history been a society like ours. Give people a break unless they are being hostile to you.

These same people know how hostile and unwelcome they are to foreigners in their home countries yet expect the red carpet treatment in the US. Mostly they get the red carpet treatment, but sometimes they don't. Why should anyone else get worked up about this?

[Anonymous]

You should have quietlyturn around and give them the stink eye. farted when you left the elevator and

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your pain is valid and understandable. I am sorry these incidents happened to you. But we are all imperfect humans and we will all make mistakes. I don't mean to diminish your justifiable concern and hurt, especially because when people hurt our kids, I know how intensely protective we feel.

I just want to suggest that trying to see the best intentions from people in these types of situations will help you feel happier in general. Instead of assuming the people in the elevator thought the smell was from you, try to assume they are just processing what their senses are telling them as they seek more information about what they are experiencing. I'm not great at speaking off the cuff myself, but adding something in this context like, "I know! I smelled it as soon as I got on here too, but can't figure out what it is." This could be helpful in several ways. One, it makes a brief human connection between all of you. Two, if they were thinking the worst, you have proved them wrong.

Actually, OPs “pain” is neither valid nor understandable. Mild annoyance or amusement, OK. But finding “pain” in these two extremely weak examples is not smart.

[Anonymous]

When everything is marked "Racism" the word has no meaning anymore and the world stops listening. It becomes irrelevant.

OP stop looking for problems.

[Anonymous]

To assume an Asian person speaks or understands an Asian language just based on the way they look is a manifestation of the underlying bias that the person is “other” than American. That is the microaggression. And to have this happen over and over in different contexts sends you the signal that you are “other”- and that seems exhausting. I’m sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To assume an Asian person speaks or understands an Asian language just based on the way they look is a manifestation of the underlying bias that the person is “other” than American. That is the microaggression. And to have this happen over and over in different contexts sends you the signal that you are “other”- and that seems exhausting. I’m sorry OP.

To have your hackles up and mistrust all white people is it's own form of racism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP maybe you shouldn't live around white people if their minor mistakes bother you so much. I'm also not sure what to make of your "mind reading" incident with the smell in the elevator. Do you have major anxiety or boredom maybe?

Agree - people move to a country where they were a tiny minority (like just above 1%), even into the 1990s and then when someone notices that they look different from the majority population, they are aghast. Did you or your parents understand what they were doing when they moved to the U.S.?

How about being appreciative that the population of the US has been so welcoming to people from around the world and recognize that people have to learn how to navigate a multi-racial, multi-ethnic society, because there has NEVER in all of world history been a society like ours. Give people a break unless they are being hostile to you.

These same people know how hostile and unwelcome they are to foreigners in their home countries yet expect the red carpet treatment in the US. Mostly they get the red carpet treatment, but sometimes they don't. Why should anyone else get worked up about this?

This shows a total lack of understanding of the history of immigration in this country. Some “tiny minority” immigrants who are not white have lived in the US far longer than the wave of Europeans who came over in the early 1900’s… and yet because they are not white they’re assumed to be not American.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m South Asian and Muslim. I get tons of micro aggression too. From “you speak English so well” to “you’re so exotic” it doesn’t matter that I was born and raised in the Midwest, people just see other when they see Asians. It’s sad that now my kids are experiencing it.

I’m a ordinary white American and no one has ever told me “you speak Spanish so well!” , despite considerable effort on my part to do so….If anyone ever did, I’d feel really complimented by that. I certainly wouldn’t think of it as a microaggression.


This crap is what’s wrong with this country now. Everyone is looking to win the most-offended-victim sweepstakes.

You weren't born and raised in a Spanish speaking country! There is no correlation

I work almost exclusively with Central Americans - hence my need to speak coherent Spanish. For all intents and purposes I DO live in a Spanish speaking country. That was the point of my post.

I’m sorry, I should’ve taken you into account when I posted earlier, and explained the things that would’ve otherwise seemed obvious because of context.

My bad

So your actual argument is that it's okay for people to assume that that previous poster is from a different country because of her skin color and therefore it's okay to say you speak English so well?

This is really your argument with your terrible analogy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SMH get a life op stop looking for trouble literally everywhere you go!!!!

YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!!!!

+1. Beyond silly. If you look for problems you will find them (and make everyone around you miserable). And you apparently know nothing of racism in hawaii. Or of Kill Haole Day there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To assume an Asian person speaks or understands an Asian language just based on the way they look is a manifestation of the underlying bias that the person is “other” than American. That is the microaggression. And to have this happen over and over in different contexts sends you the signal that you are “other”- and that seems exhausting. I’m sorry OP.

To have your hackles up and mistrust all white people is it's own form of racism.

I don’t see how this incident translates into “mistrusting all whites people.” I’m the PP and I’m white, by the way. Listen, we all have biases- everyone. Asian people have biases, we all do. And most of us have good intentions. That’s why it’s called unconscious bias. We don’t do it to hurt anyone intentionally. Assuming a non white person speaks a language other than English is an unconscious bias. Yes, it’s a way the brain automatically sorts people into groups. But let’s strive to be more intentional and bring those unconscious biases to the surface so we don’t unintentionally hurt other people. When a hyphenated American - which we all are, except indigenous folks- whose family may have been here for generations, is spoken to in a language they don’t understand but are assumed to understand because they don’t “look American (ie white)- that is hurtful. Let’s just try to be kind to people. It involves digging a little deeper into ourselves and listening to what other people find hurtful, even if you can’t understand why it’s hurtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To assume an Asian person speaks or understands an Asian language just based on the way they look is a manifestation of the underlying bias that the person is “other” than American. That is the microaggression. And to have this happen over and over in different contexts sends you the signal that you are “other”- and that seems exhausting. I’m sorry OP.

To have your hackles up and mistrust all white people is it's own form of racism.

I don’t see how this incident translates into “mistrusting all whites people.” I’m the PP and I’m white, by the way. Listen, we all have biases- everyone. Asian people have biases, we all do. And most of us have good intentions. That’s why it’s called unconscious bias. We don’t do it to hurt anyone intentionally. Assuming a non white person speaks a language other than English is an unconscious bias. Yes, it’s a way the brain automatically sorts people into groups. But let’s strive to be more intentional and bring those unconscious biases to the surface so we don’t unintentionally hurt other people. When a hyphenated American - which we all are, except indigenous folks- whose family may have been here for generations, is spoken to in a language they don’t understand but are assumed to understand because they don’t “look American (ie white)- that is hurtful. Let’s just try to be kind to people. It involves digging a little deeper into ourselves and listening to what other people find hurtful, even if you can’t understand why it’s hurtful.

You are asking for the impossible. What offends one Asian person or Hispanic or black or whatever, is laughed off by another.

I don’t care about my unconscious biases and I don’t care about yours. How about that? Much simpler all around.

[Anonymous]

I’m Latina. People say hola and gracias to me all the time. It’s not racist but their way of trying to be friendly and make a connection. It’s not racism and it’s not a micro aggression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To assume an Asian person speaks or understands an Asian language just based on the way they look is a manifestation of the underlying bias that the person is “other” than American. That is the microaggression. And to have this happen over and over in different contexts sends you the signal that you are “other”- and that seems exhausting. I’m sorry OP.

To have your hackles up and mistrust all white people is it's own form of racism.

I don’t see how this incident translates into “mistrusting all whites people.” I’m the PP and I’m white, by the way. Listen, we all have biases- everyone. Asian people have biases, we all do. And most of us have good intentions. That’s why it’s called unconscious bias. We don’t do it to hurt anyone intentionally. Assuming a non white person speaks a language other than English is an unconscious bias. Yes, it’s a way the brain automatically sorts people into groups. But let’s strive to be more intentional and bring those unconscious biases to the surface so we don’t unintentionally hurt other people. When a hyphenated American - which we all are, except indigenous folks- whose family may have been here for generations, is spoken to in a language they don’t understand but are assumed to understand because they don’t “look American (ie white)- that is hurtful. Let’s just try to be kind to people. It involves digging a little deeper into ourselves and listening to what other people find hurtful, even if you can’t understand why it’s hurtful.

The person in the OP's example was trying to be kind but ended up with the OP being devastated enough to accuse the man of racism. How are we supposed to be kind when any minor utterance has people curling up in anxiety and complaining about you on social media? Clearly a lot of people in the DC area are assuming white people's brains are just churning racist thoughts 99% of the day, unable to control their urge to blurt out racism at the sight of a POC.