Casual Racism

[Anonymous]

Just let me vent.
I live in NW DC. Most of our neighbors are white and we are one of a few Asian families. Most of the time we are happy here. But sometimes we encounter casual racists. They are not malicious, but ignorant at best.
A few days ago, my child helped a guy who lives nearby to pick up the things he dropped. He said "Xiexie" to my child and went away. I know it means "thank you" in Chinese, but we are NOT Chinese. My child only speaks English and doesn't know a single Chinese word. I wasn't very happy, but tried to forget about it.
Today I took an elevator in a nearby shop. It smelled awful as if someone spilled something nasty on the floor. A few minutes later, a white woman and her partner got in. And as they noticed the smell, I saw them exchange this look. I could feel that they thought it was me smelling nasty. Perhaps it wasn't a completely racist thing. But I can't help thinking that they might have looked elsewhere if I were white.
I don't know what I should have done. Perhaps I should have said something in both occasions. Or not. Perhaps we should move to Hawaii or somewhere else with major Asian population. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just let me vent.
I live in NW DC. Most of our neighbors are white and we are one of a few Asian families. Most of the time we are happy here. But sometimes we encounter casual racists. They are not malicious, but ignorant at best.
A few days ago, my child helped a guy who lives nearby to pick up the things he dropped. He said "Xiexie" to my child and went away. I know it means "thank you" in Chinese, but we are NOT Chinese. My child only speaks English and doesn't know a single Chinese word. I wasn't very happy, but tried to forget about it.
Today I took an elevator in a nearby shop. It smelled awful as if someone spilled something nasty on the floor. A few minutes later, a white woman and her partner got in. And as they noticed the smell, I saw them exchange this look. I could feel that they thought it was me smelling nasty. Perhaps it wasn't a completely racist thing. But I can't help thinking that they might have looked elsewhere if I were white.
I don't know what I should have done. Perhaps I should have said something in both occasions. Or not. Perhaps we should move to Hawaii or somewhere else with major Asian population. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent.

Does your son look Chinese? Was the person speaking to him Chinese? Maybe he thought your son was Chinese.

[Anonymous]

The "xiexie" is a microaggression arising out of ignorance. The elevator thing has everything to do with the smell and not race.

Definitely not enough to move to Hawaii, unless you are fond of surfing anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let me vent.
I live in NW DC. Most of our neighbors are white and we are one of a few Asian families. Most of the time we are happy here. But sometimes we encounter casual racists. They are not malicious, but ignorant at best.
A few days ago, my child helped a guy who lives nearby to pick up the things he dropped. He said "Xiexie" to my child and went away. I know it means "thank you" in Chinese, but we are NOT Chinese. My child only speaks English and doesn't know a single Chinese word. I wasn't very happy, but tried to forget about it.
Today I took an elevator in a nearby shop. It smelled awful as if someone spilled something nasty on the floor. A few minutes later, a white woman and her partner got in. And as they noticed the smell, I saw them exchange this look. I could feel that they thought it was me smelling nasty. Perhaps it wasn't a completely racist thing. But I can't help thinking that they might have looked elsewhere if I were white.
I don't know what I should have done. Perhaps I should have said something in both occasions. Or not. Perhaps we should move to Hawaii or somewhere else with major Asian population. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent.

Does your son look Chinese? Was the person speaking to him Chinese? Maybe he thought your son was Chinese.

Oh for heaven's sake -- this is why it is problematic. (not OP)

[Anonymous]

SMH get a life op stop looking for trouble literally everywhere you go!!!!

YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!!!!

[Anonymous]

OP, chill.

[Anonymous]

As a white person I am guilty of not being able to tell from looking OR hearing their last name which Asian country someone is from. I know some (most?) Asian people can do that, but I can't. Sometimes based on last name I guess Japanese but am so scared to be wrong I won't say my guess out loud.

There's nothing you could have done or said about the elevator other than pointing to a visible smell and saying "That was here when I got in". Your kid could have said, "Actually, I'm Korean" and hoped the guy would feel ashamed for having guessed, but I don't know if it's on children to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound racist. The Chinese person may not have spoken English.

The OP did not suggest the person was Chinese. Context clues indicate it was a white person ignorantly assuming the child was Chinese.

OP: I understand and feel you, but I'm Black and know how microaggressions take a toll over time. Unfortunately, most on this board aren't going to be emphatic to you but yes, casual racism gets old and aggravating and hopefully, over time, people will know better. In the meantime, you also have to deal with people saying "get over it" or "get a life"

[Anonymous]

DH is very hard of hearing so he wears hearing aids. Even though he is perfectly conversational, every now and then someone will attempt to respond in sign language, typically a thank you or goodbye. DH doesn't know sign language and he finds it irritating. But he also doesn't make a deal out of it and laughs it off because he knows people are just attempting to be nice.

DH has also had incidents with individuals who treated him as if he was "deaf and dumb" with everything it implies. Rarely, but it comes up every now and then and it infuriates him. But the little boy responding to your kid falls into the first category, not the latter.

[Anonymous]

Person of color here. Yes, it is relentless and exhausting. It's just part of life. Also agree with op than many on this board have the luxury of telling you you are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is very hard of hearing so he wears hearing aids. Even though he is perfectly conversational, every now and then someone will attempt to respond in sign language, typically a thank you or goodbye. DH doesn't know sign language and he finds it irritating. But he also doesn't make a deal out of it and laughs it off because he knows people are just attempting to be nice.

DH has also had incidents with individuals who treated him as if he was "deaf and dumb" with everything it implies. Rarely, but it comes up every now and then and it infuriates him. But the little boy responding to your kid falls into the first category, not the latter.

This is ableism, which is also horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Person of color here. Yes, it is relentless and exhausting. It's just part of life. Also agree with op than many on this board have the luxury of telling you you are the problem.

By "person of color" you probably mean not African American and not white, so yes, many people will assume you or your immediate ancestors came from another country. It's ok to acknowledge that some people groups have been here longer than others.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me a lot when I was young. Mostly white or black guys tried to hit on me with a few words in a random Asian language, or would walk up to me asking if I was Thai or something else way off base. But once a white yoga instructor asked my white friend if I spoke English because I hadn’t heard her when she said something. Sorry, OP. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a white person I am guilty of not being able to tell from looking OR hearing their last name which Asian country someone is from. I know some (most?) Asian people can do that, but I can't. Sometimes based on last name I guess Japanese but am so scared to be wrong I won't say my guess out loud.

There's nothing you could have done or said about the elevator other than pointing to a visible smell and saying "That was here when I got in". Your kid could have said, "Actually, I'm Korean" and hoped the guy would feel ashamed for having guessed, but I don't know if it's on children to do that.

The point is: Her son is American and understands “Thank you” as well as you do. No need to figure out anything. Just say thank you and move on.

The elevator thing is annoying but I don’t think it was racially motivated. But OP, I am black and I get it. Hang in there. And don’t look for understanding on such issues from DCUM.

[Anonymous]

OP I was with you until the elevator story.

I'm sorry; "you could feel that they thought...?"

No, you could not. You have no idea what they were thinking. I can understand that incidents like the one with your neighbor get tiring over time, but you are letting them seep into your mindset and they are coloring your daily interactions with other people. That's not healthy and that is on you to change.