Sister in law told my elderly mother this is the last Christmas she’ll see their family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many private schools were on break all last week as well as this week. What I would give for a 2 week break with my spouse and kids only!

Similar to your SIL, I live near my parents and see them 1-2x a week. And yet - we fly back from spring break a day early every year to have Easter dinner with them. I would love to give up that tradition and just enjoy my full vacation. I don’t think I’ll declare “this is the last Easter”. I think we’ll just say “these are the flights we could get” and repeat as needed.

Wow a whole day early. I’m so sorry you have to go through such anguish to bring a great deal of joy to your elderly parents who could randomly drop dead any day.

Any one could drop dead or be hit by a bus. Op's parents had her way for 20 years. Why can't sil and brother celebrate where they want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah yes, the “Old, Local Mom Will Die Soon” card. You know, the one my aunt played about my grandmother for TWENTY YEARS? My grandmother died at the age of 98, and while I loved her, I saw her a lot and would have liked to have a few Christmas vacations with my immediate family here and there, especially before college and adulthood changed everything.

I think there’s a difference between announcing in October that your immediate family will be away for Christmas that one year, and instead telling a mother that this will be the last Christmas she shares with her child and grandchildren because you have to keep up with the private school families.

Any time your BROTHER announced this would be crappy for you, wouldn't it, OP?
You are so jealous, it's coming out of your pores.

Um, I’m not the op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many private schools were on break all last week as well as this week. What I would give for a 2 week break with my spouse and kids only!

Similar to your SIL, I live near my parents and see them 1-2x a week. And yet - we fly back from spring break a day early every year to have Easter dinner with them. I would love to give up that tradition and just enjoy my full vacation. I don’t think I’ll declare “this is the last Easter”. I think we’ll just say “these are the flights we could get” and repeat as needed.

Wow a whole day early. I’m so sorry you have to go through such anguish to bring a great deal of joy to your elderly parents who could randomly drop dead any day.

Any one could drop dead or be hit by a bus. Op's parents had her way for 20 years. Why can't sil and brother celebrate where they want?

Because it's Christmas. They can go on vacation any time.

[Anonymous]

And this why American families have so many mental health issues. Everyone is selfish and no respect for tradition and elders. No reason their trip can’t start the next day or even that evening

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Christmas celebrations are nice, but warm weather vacations are even better. I doubt SIL had to “strongarm” her husband into anything. Lol.

Also, they live nearby…this isn’t a “but it is the only time a year we see each other!” sort of thing. They can spend time with your mom any other time.

Their kids are getting older (and most likely less Santa-focused) and now have school breaks etc to work around also. Makes total sense for their family to consider traveling over break now, even though they didn’t before.

365 days in a year. Christmas or Christmas Eve or Christmas Eve Eve are one of those days, leaving 364 days to travel anywhere they want. How will they manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And this why American families have so many mental health issues. Everyone is selfish and no respect for tradition and elders. No reason their trip can’t start the next day or even that evening

You think subsuming your preferences to comply with traditions you didn't choose or care about in order to appease others improves mental health?

[Anonymous]

OP the sad thing here is you probably you believe you are helping your mother - somehow. Guess what? You aren’t.

It is fairly obvious that you don’t like your SIL. I promise you she is very much aware of this. So is your brother. Why would they want to spend time with someone who is constantly nitpicking, stewing about and sneering at their vacations, values, kids’ schools? And constantly keeping score and being resentful of the time spent with SIL’s side?

You want to help your mom? Improve your relationship with your brother. Improve your relationship with SIL. Be someone they actually WANT to spend time with and see at holidays. You will see them more often that way and….guess what? So will your mom. Aside from that, your mom will pass away someday and the relationship with your brother may become more important to you. He isn’t the enemy and neither is his wife. I highly suggest you rethink your attitude about all of this - for everyone’s sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother did the same thing to my parents because SIL can't spend Xmas with his parents (whom she's known for 40 years) because her deadbeat parents are dead. My parents were more parents to her than her real parents ever were.

This is out of line. People need to stop bashing in laws. Just as much your brothers decision as your SILs. You don’t always have to spend it with family!

OP, I think SIL was preparing your mom so she knows. Also stop blaming her, why didn’t your brother tell his mom this?!

[Anonymous]

So she told her they had different plans for the next two years. Indeed, she did not say, "This is the last year you will see me and my kids for Christmas!"
It would be much different if she just plainly said there are plans different from your dramatic way.
Why do you hate her? Is your brother a deaf mute, and you have to talk for him on a dcum?

[Anonymous]

And this why American families have so many mental health issues. Everyone is selfish and no respect for tradition and elders. No reason their trip can’t start the next day or even that evening

You think subsuming your preferences to comply with traditions you didn't choose or care about in order to appease others improves mental health?

I hear you. But breaking traditions that important to people you love sends the message that you don't care about them. That hurt stays with people. So then when you need them, they are less willing to help out. And the relationship just keeps on breaking down bit by bit until there's nothing left but hurt and maybe regret. So sometimes you wait 2 days to start your vacation because while your mental health is important, so is your mother or mother-in-law's feelings. Now if there is abuse or if the relationship is already completely broken, then enjoy your xmas on the beach. You have to weigh both sides and sometimes choose the unselfish thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And this why American families have so many mental health issues. Everyone is selfish and no respect for tradition and elders. No reason their trip can’t start the next day or even that evening

You think subsuming your preferences to comply with traditions you didn't choose or care about in order to appease others improves mental health?

I hear you. But breaking traditions that important to people you love sends the message that you don't care about them. That hurt stays with people. So then when you need them, they are less willing to help out. And the relationship just keeps on breaking down bit by bit until there's nothing left but hurt and maybe regret. So sometimes you wait 2 days to start your vacation because while your mental health is important, so is your mother or mother-in-law's feelings. Now if there is abuse or if the relationship is already completely broken, then enjoy your xmas on the beach. You have to weigh both sides and sometimes choose the unselfish thing.

After 20 years, brother and SIL have earned the right to celebrate the holiday the way they want to. Can't the family just celebrate a different day? Why does OP's family always get the prime days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many private schools were on break all last week as well as this week. What I would give for a 2 week break with my spouse and kids only!

Similar to your SIL, I live near my parents and see them 1-2x a week. And yet - we fly back from spring break a day early every year to have Easter dinner with them. I would love to give up that tradition and just enjoy my full vacation. I don’t think I’ll declare “this is the last Easter”. I think we’ll just say “these are the flights we could get” and repeat as needed.

This. Many friends who have kids in private have two weeks off at end of the year and so much is closed their kids aren’t missing practice etc (which can happen in the summer). Most of those friends go away over Christmas because that’s really the only time especially with older kids they can get two weeks off without missing a practice or some such thing. They can go to Europe or somewhere and don’t have to rush back. My kids go to public so I don’t get those two weeks, but I get it and would love it as my kids get older. I can see once kids get into sports or certain activities they might not be able to get two weeks off in a row (and even with parents vacation).

OP be compassionate. If they live locally and see your mom frequently j don’t see the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP the sad thing here is you probably you believe you are helping your mother - somehow. Guess what? You aren’t.

It is fairly obvious that you don’t like your SIL. I promise you she is very much aware of this. So is your brother. Why would they want to spend time with someone who is constantly nitpicking, stewing about and sneering at their vacations, values, kids’ schools? And constantly keeping score and being resentful of the time spent with SIL’s side?

You want to help your mom? Improve your relationship with your brother. Improve your relationship with SIL. Be someone they actually WANT to spend time with and see at holidays. You will see them more often that way and….guess what? So will your mom. Aside from that, your mom will pass away someday and the relationship with your brother may become more important to you. He isn’t the enemy and neither is his wife. I highly suggest you rethink your attitude about all of this - for everyone’s sake.

This is a great response, bravo!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have an entire year of notice to come up with alternate plans for Christmas. You’ll manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh no, your SIL is widowed, or divorced? Or your brother is a deaf, mute, blind quadriplegic who can’t communicate in any way?

OH WAIT. Your brother is also equally responsible for this decision. And yet you only blame the woman, you sexist jerk.

Just because she strongarmed her husband into agreeing with her doesn't mean she doesn't get the lion's share of the blame. SIL can't have it both ways - getting what she wants (Christmas Eve and Day with her family, not having to see DH's family on Christmas at all) AND also getting to play "this was our joint decision, teeheehee."

Oh no! He is a deaf-mute and she is an evil woman that bent him to her evil ways! Yay, you know Will Smith is not to blame for the punch it is the Evil Black Woman that is to blame for man's behavior!