Sister in law told my elderly mother this is the last Christmas she’ll see their family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a terrible lesson to teach her children. Keeping up with the joneses and materialism and bragging rights is more important than family.

How is any of it about bragging rights or materialism? I don’t get it.

Luxury travel at the most expensive time of the year isn’t materialism?

Not all travel is “luxury”. We know several families who travel over Christmas break instead of giving gifts (to immediate family/ kids). We’ve never done this but have always admired the idea actually.

DP. Because they would have spent $25,000 on gifts otherwise? I don’t care where people go or when, but these are not equivalents.

Did you not see they were going to Florida??? LOL. A family of four can vacation in Florida, even over Christmas break, for far far FAR less than 25K- particularly if booked well in advance. As with everything, the devil is in the details. OP has no specifics of her brother and SIL’s trip…she is making a lot of assumptions. Not that it particularly matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a terrible lesson to teach her children. Keeping up with the joneses and materialism and bragging rights is more important than family.

How is any of it about bragging rights or materialism? I don’t get it.

Luxury travel at the most expensive time of the year isn’t materialism?

Not all travel is “luxury”. We know several families who travel over Christmas break instead of giving gifts (to immediate family/ kids). We’ve never done this but have always admired the idea actually.

DP. Because they would have spent $25,000 on gifts otherwise? I don’t care where people go or when, but these are not equivalents.

Did you not see they were going to Florida??? LOL. A family of four can vacation in Florida, even over Christmas break, for far far FAR less than 25K- particularly if booked well in advance. As with everything, the devil is in the details. OP has no specifics of her brother and SIL’s trip…she is making a lot of assumptions. Not that it particularly matters.

Private school social climbers ain’t driving, staying in a some seedy Everglades motel, playing board games, or eating rice and beans. Plane tickets for a family and a higher-end two week stay in Florida over winter break is easily twenty grand. The experience all needs to be instagram-worthy for Golden Goose-wearing private schools moms. That’s never cheap.

[Anonymous]

Back to OP's initial question - no SIL is not out of line to start a new family tradition, and while some felt it was harsh to announce now - in a way it was a good thing to let everyone well ahead of time and enjoy this Christmas together.

While OP's title was overly dramatic, I can see why she and her mother may be sad about this, but what is the alternative - have someone cancel something they are looking forward to out of guilt? Time to remember the fun tradition of the past but move on to something different.

[Anonymous]

Your SIL is a "B."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your SIL is a "B."

Op is the queen "B". What a nasty, jealous bunch you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is deliberately evading the question about her brother. It’s clear it was his decision equally and she’s just scapegoating the SIL.
Grow up and stop whining, OP.

My brother is a pushover. Is that what you want me to say? She pretty much wears the pants. She wants to orbit the families at the private school. And as I’ve repeated, I would bet anything her parents are given the address where they plan to vacation so they can arrange travel and lodging there for next Christmas, while she “nicely” tells our mom this is their last local Christmas.

If you hate her so much, why do you want to spend the holidays with her?
People like you who make enemies of family members AND insist on spending holidays with them are toxic.
What's worse is it sounds like the brother and SIL live nearby so they are around the toxicity all the time. No wonder they need some relief from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a terrible lesson to teach her children. Keeping up with the joneses and materialism and bragging rights is more important than family.

How is any of it about bragging rights or materialism? I don’t get it.

Luxury travel at the most expensive time of the year isn’t materialism?

Lots of projection in the assumptions about how and why they’re traveling. It could be a budget trip to Orlando.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a terrible lesson to teach her children. Keeping up with the joneses and materialism and bragging rights is more important than family.

How is any of it about bragging rights or materialism? I don’t get it.

Luxury travel at the most expensive time of the year isn’t materialism?

Not all travel is “luxury”. We know several families who travel over Christmas break instead of giving gifts (to immediate family/ kids). We’ve never done this but have always admired the idea actually.

DP. Because they would have spent $25,000 on gifts otherwise? I don’t care where people go or when, but these are not equivalents.

Did you not see they were going to Florida??? LOL. A family of four can vacation in Florida, even over Christmas break, for far far FAR less than 25K- particularly if booked well in advance. As with everything, the devil is in the details. OP has no specifics of her brother and SIL’s trip…she is making a lot of assumptions. Not that it particularly matters.

Private school social climbers ain’t driving, staying in a some seedy Everglades motel, playing board games, or eating rice and beans. Plane tickets for a family and a higher-end two week stay in Florida over winter break is easily twenty grand. The experience all needs to be instagram-worthy for Golden Goose-wearing private schools moms. That’s never cheap.

Projecting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it a huge deal if they visit with your mother on a day that is not exactly Dec 24-25?

We do the social part of holidays on different days some years. It’s so relaxing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a terrible lesson to teach her children. Keeping up with the joneses and materialism and bragging rights is more important than family.

How is any of it about bragging rights or materialism? I don’t get it.

Luxury travel at the most expensive time of the year isn’t materialism?

Not all travel is “luxury”. We know several families who travel over Christmas break instead of giving gifts (to immediate family/ kids). We’ve never done this but have always admired the idea actually.

When you travel this time of year, it costs 50-100% more than the normal price, so by definition a luxury. We are big on travel but never travel this week because it would eat up most of our budget for the year. We’d rather take 2-3 week long trips at other times.

We (my whole family) love to ski. Schools don't get a February break. When, precisely, should we go on a much anticipated ski trip other than the Christmas break?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is deliberately evading the question about her brother. It’s clear it was his decision equally and she’s just scapegoating the SIL.
Grow up and stop whining, OP.

My brother is a pushover. Is that what you want me to say? She pretty much wears the pants. She wants to orbit the families at the private school. And as I’ve repeated, I would bet anything her parents are given the address where they plan to vacation so they can arrange travel and lodging there for next Christmas, while she “nicely” tells our mom this is their last local Christmas.

If you hate her so much, why do you want to spend the holidays with her?
People like you who make enemies of family members AND insist on spending holidays with them are toxic.
What's worse is it sounds like the brother and SIL live nearby so they are around the toxicity all the time. No wonder they need some relief from it.

+1

If you hate the SIL and clearly think very little of your own brother…why so desperate to spend the holidays with them? I’d think you’d be pleased they are traveling- good riddance- no? 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

OP there is a great post on the relationship forum about putting spouse or family of origin first. I suggest you go and read it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a terrible lesson to teach her children. Keeping up with the joneses and materialism and bragging rights is more important than family.

How is any of it about bragging rights or materialism? I don’t get it.

Luxury travel at the most expensive time of the year isn’t materialism?

Not all travel is “luxury”. We know several families who travel over Christmas break instead of giving gifts (to immediate family/ kids). We’ve never done this but have always admired the idea actually.

When you travel this time of year, it costs 50-100% more than the normal price, so by definition a luxury. We are big on travel but never travel this week because it would eat up most of our budget for the year. We’d rather take 2-3 week long trips at other times.

We (my whole family) love to ski. Schools don't get a February break. When, precisely, should we go on a much anticipated ski trip other than the Christmas break?

If you were OP SIL+brother who live local to OP mother you would NOT be "allowed " to go. You also would get recriminations on spending part of Christmas Eve and Day with your own local family. OP lives about 4 hours away from her mother plus there are sibs other than those 2. I guess OP's DH was hatched and has no parents, sibs, close friends, or relatives.

One would think SIL +brother were the only people available for the entire holiday season to the OP mother. Sitting home alone while OP lived overseas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a terrible lesson to teach her children. Keeping up with the joneses and materialism and bragging rights is more important than family.

Huh?!?! They live nearby and can see grandma any time. What exactly is so special about xmas day itself? They can celebrate before or afterwards. As kids grow, you learn you can celebrate with them any day---it's about the gathering together not the specific day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was this out of line?

SIL told my mother this is the last Christmas or Christmas Eve (or even Christmas Eve Eve) she’ll see them and their two kids as they’re planning family vacations next year and moving forward.

This is a thing at the private school their kids go to, so they are dropping out of participating in Christmas with our family; a tradition going back 20 plus years of all of us getting together for Christmas Eve or Christmas Eve Eve. Brother and SIL live near my mother, so no travel involved.

My mom was so sad. Can’t help but think how many more Christmases does she have left. They can’t go on their vacation a day or two later?

It’s odd for her to tell your mother that they will never be spending Christmas with her again. How about they wait until closer to next Christmas and see how it goes. Overly harsh