Sister in law told my elderly mother this is the last Christmas she’ll see their family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was this out of line?

SIL told my mother this is the last Christmas or Christmas Eve (or even Christmas Eve Eve) she’ll see them and their two kids as they’re planning family vacations next year and moving forward.

This is a thing at the private school their kids go to, so they are dropping out of participating in Christmas with our family; a tradition going back 20 plus years of all of us getting together for Christmas Eve or Christmas Eve Eve. Brother and SIL live near my mother, so no travel involved.

My mom was so sad. Can’t help but think how many more Christmases does she have left. They can’t go on their vacation a day or two later?

Your SIL and your brother can spend Christmas the way they want. She is preparing her now so everyone knows. There is no tradition like a new tradition and I'm assuming SIL has been doing it your way for a while. When does the SIL and your brother get to live their life?

Stay out of it if I were you.

[Anonymous]

My brother did the same thing to my parents because SIL can't spend Xmas with his parents (whom she's known for 40 years) because her deadbeat parents are dead. My parents were more parents to her than her real parents ever were.

[Anonymous]

The SIL sounds like a jerk They can certainly mix up their routine without telling your mom point-blank that their family will never see her again on Christmas or Christmas Eve. But SIL sounds like a classic keeping-up-with-the-Jones striver, so perhaps nothing better could be expected of her.

[Anonymous]

It's their loss. I understand why your mom is sad but at least your family had all those years together. Treasure those memories and make new ones with the family who shows up.

[Anonymous]

If this is true it's one of those things where someone uses the DCUM script in real life and it does not work out because the other parties involved are normal people with normal reactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother did the same thing to my parents because SIL can't spend Xmas with his parents (whom she's known for 40 years) because her deadbeat parents are dead. My parents were more parents to her than her real parents ever were.

She's probably grieving her parents, however flawed they were. Have some compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The SIL sounds like a jerk They can certainly mix up their routine without telling your mom point-blank that their family will never see her again on Christmas or Christmas Eve. But SIL sounds like a classic keeping-up-with-the-Jones striver, so perhaps nothing better could be expected of her.

+1. She could have waited until the holidays were over. Jerk move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The SIL sounds like a jerk They can certainly mix up their routine without telling your mom point-blank that their family will never see her again on Christmas or Christmas Eve. But SIL sounds like a classic keeping-up-with-the-Jones striver, so perhaps nothing better could be expected of her.

Why aren't you blaming the brother at all?

[Anonymous]

I am so tired of family matriarchs being in charge of holidays. I am not responsible for my husbands moms feelings. If we agree to do something different than what she wants, she is a big girl and can deal with it. Christmas is just a day. If it really is about spending time with family, you can do that any time. Winter break is the only time many families can travel and take long trips to certain locations.

[Anonymous]

DCUMommies are so emotional about Christmas. People have posted this exact same thing about long standing family summer vacations and the mommies are always in solidarity around boundaries, but if someone does it at Christmas, then they are a wicked, evil harpy. Hypocrites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it a huge deal if they visit with your mother on a day that is not exactly Dec 24-25?

We already did Christmas Eve Eve this year for them. Christmas Eve has been the tradition for 20 years. And even with Eve, they would leave early to go be with her family. This year they wanted to do Eve Eve and now next year they don’t want to do anything with the rest of us. But specifically sad for our mom who is slowing down, as it’s the only time she gets to see ALL of us and all the grandkids together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a terrible lesson to teach her children. Keeping up with the joneses and materialism and bragging rights is more important than family.

Yep. I thought it was so out of line. And she said it in the overly nice way, like she was sad she had to announce it. Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your brother and SIL have every right to make other plans and should not be expected on the 24th or 25th (or any specific day) each year. It would be nice to celebrate Christmas together another day- many extended families do! I’d go that route. Invite your mom to your house for Christmas.

I would bet my life savings they NEVER miss seeing HER family at least one of the days 23rd-25th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it a huge deal if they visit with your mother on a day that is not exactly Dec 24-25?

We already did Christmas Eve Eve this year for them. Christmas Eve has been the tradition for 20 years. And even with Eve, they would leave early to go be with her family. This year they wanted to do Eve Eve and now next year they don’t want to do anything with the rest of us. But specifically sad for our mom who is slowing down, as it’s the only time she gets to see ALL of us and all the grandkids together.

Why aren't you blaming your brother? He isn't doing this with a gun to his head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From your dramatic title I thought your family had some big blowout fight, and they were cutting ties forever. But they just want to start going on vacation at Christmas? Good lord, OP. They are not beholden to your 20 year tradition. They want to start a new tradition with their family. It's not that serious.

+1.