Sister in law told my elderly mother this is the last Christmas she’ll see their family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your brother and SIL have every right to make other plans and should not be expected on the 24th or 25th (or any specific day) each year. It would be nice to celebrate Christmas together another day- many extended families do! I’d go that route. Invite your mom to your house for Christmas.

We already pushed it to the 23rd for them this year. I guess even that wasn’t enough. And for those saying break is short. Private school Christmas break is at least two weeks. Delaying a beach vacation with private school families a day or two is not the end of the world. I would bet anything they go to a place in Florida where her parents can rent an Airbnb or stay in a luxury hotel, so they still spend all of Christmas with her family.

Many people want the two weeks! My spouse works crazy hours and needs two full weeks to decompress. He had taken a week before but he really needs two full weeks or he doesn’t get the benefit. Who cares what they do?! It is their life, let them enjoy their two weeks away and do Christmas another time!

My uncle missed Christmas this year and his mom is in her 90s and sick. He is in Florida with his girlfriend who is a teacher (and works extra In the summer) and only gets certain vacations a year. We are all happy for them! Another aunt went to Europe with her family for two weeks! They all live close and see one another frequently, whereas we live in DC, so don’t see them as much, but that is ok! Meet up another time or set up a family reunion type thing when it’s less busy, maybe in Feb or March when there isn’t much going on and people need something fun to attend!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a terrible lesson to teach her children. Keeping up with the joneses and materialism and bragging rights is more important than family.

Is this OP posting again? I suspect yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your brother and SIL have every right to make other plans and should not be expected on the 24th or 25th (or any specific day) each year. It would be nice to celebrate Christmas together another day- many extended families do! I’d go that route. Invite your mom to your house for Christmas.

We already pushed it to the 23rd for them this year. I guess even that wasn’t enough. And for those saying break is short. Private school Christmas break is at least two weeks. Delaying a beach vacation with private school families a day or two is not the end of the world. I would bet anything they go to a place in Florida where her parents can rent an Airbnb or stay in a luxury hotel, so they still spend all of Christmas with her family.

You are so jealous of her, it is seeping out your pores. I love it. Pairs well with my wine.

I agree with this. OP has fixated quite a bit on things like private school, luxury hotels, accusations of materialism etc. My guess is financial differences and jealousy issues play a role here.

And the real reason SIL isn’t spending Christmas with your family anymore is because she knows you dislike her, and she’s done spending holidays with people who are ugly to her. Good for SIL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: your SIL doesn't like doing your family's Christmas because you are passive aggressive and manipulative. You want to control other people but do so in indirect ways so that you can always claim that you aren't doing it. "Oh I was just worried about mom, who knows how many Christmases she has left after all." It's toxic and annoying AF. Since your SIL and brother live near your mom, they probably prefer to see her at times when you are not around. Or maybe your mom is like you and they distance generally because no one enjoys behavior like this.

Think of it this way. In doing this, your SIL is giving you a Christmas gift you will enjoy every single year -- the gift of feeling superior and taking $hit about your relatives when they aren't around. That's actually really sweet of you -- there's probably nothing you enjoy so well.

Seriously. And Op- stop using the term private school as a dig- good for your SIL and Brother for trying to give their kids opportunities we all would cherish. You sound like my ILs who forget DCs birthday every year but want us to drop everything to see them when they demand as they might die any day! We all could die at any day! Toxic guilt trips to make people be with you tell me all I need to know. My DC is almost off to college and I am making memories for them - not what my crabby in-laws want!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many private schools were on break all last week as well as this week. What I would give for a 2 week break with my spouse and kids only!

Similar to your SIL, I live near my parents and see them 1-2x a week. And yet - we fly back from spring break a day early every year to have Easter dinner with them. I would love to give up that tradition and just enjoy my full vacation. I don’t think I’ll declare “this is the last Easter”. I think we’ll just say “these are the flights we could get” and repeat as needed.

Wow a whole day early. I’m so sorry you have to go through such anguish to bring a great deal of joy to your elderly parents who could randomly drop dead any day.

Any one could drop dead or be hit by a bus. Op's parents had her way for 20 years. Why can't sil and brother celebrate where they want?

Because it's Christmas. They can go on vacation any time.

Christmas I a good time to go on vacation in my industry because it’s the only time of year that EVERYONE is checked out. Not everyone is a lawyer like you and/or your hubsy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Christmas celebrations are nice, but warm weather vacations are even better. I doubt SIL had to “strongarm” her husband into anything. Lol.

Also, they live nearby…this isn’t a “but it is the only time a year we see each other!” sort of thing. They can spend time with your mom any other time.

Their kids are getting older (and most likely less Santa-focused) and now have school breaks etc to work around also. Makes total sense for their family to consider traveling over break now, even though they didn’t before.

365 days in a year. Christmas or Christmas Eve or Christmas Eve Eve are one of those days, leaving 364 days to travel anywhere they want. How will they manage.

It’s just a day PP. no one really truly believes it’s the day Jesus was born and all the manger stuff. It’s just a day.

[Anonymous]

What is with OP’s obsession with private school? My public school kids get two weeks off. Our public school friends have travelled to India, Switzerland, Tahoe, Hawaii, and Mexico this winter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting how so many on this board are totally fine with the scenario OP described. Maybe I just come from a different culture, but skipping Christmas Eve & day with the extended family in order to go on vacation would NOT fly. Nor would I ever want to do that. But everyone has their own cultures, traditions, and families.

You think you should control or influence the choices of adults?

NP. Influence?! Of course. Family influences other family members every single day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting how so many on this board are totally fine with the scenario OP described. Maybe I just come from a different culture, but skipping Christmas Eve & day with the extended family in order to go on vacation would NOT fly. Nor would I ever want to do that. But everyone has their own cultures, traditions, and families.

This forum is full of loners, strivers who secretly hate their flyover country family, and non-Christians.

+100

If you see your family every Christmas, you're enmeshed!

Yup. Never share things or discuss life with your family either!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: your SIL doesn't like doing your family's Christmas because you are passive aggressive and manipulative. You want to control other people but do so in indirect ways so that you can always claim that you aren't doing it. "Oh I was just worried about mom, who knows how many Christmases she has left after all." It's toxic and annoying AF. Since your SIL and brother live near your mom, they probably prefer to see her at times when you are not around. Or maybe your mom is like you and they distance generally because no one enjoys behavior like this.

Think of it this way. In doing this, your SIL is giving you a Christmas gift you will enjoy every single year -- the gift of feeling superior and taking $hit about your relatives when they aren't around. That's actually really sweet of you -- there's probably nothing you enjoy so well.

OMG you are such a drama llama. Stop projecting your own BS onto internet strangers. Weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your brother and SIL have every right to make other plans and should not be expected on the 24th or 25th (or any specific day) each year. It would be nice to celebrate Christmas together another day- many extended families do! I’d go that route. Invite your mom to your house for Christmas.

We already pushed it to the 23rd for them this year. I guess even that wasn’t enough. And for those saying break is short. Private school Christmas break is at least two weeks. Delaying a beach vacation with private school families a day or two is not the end of the world. I would bet anything they go to a place in Florida where her parents can rent an Airbnb or stay in a luxury hotel, so they still spend all of Christmas with her family.

You are so jealous of her, it is seeping out your pores. I love it. Pairs well with my wine.

I agree with this. OP has fixated quite a bit on things like private school, luxury hotels, accusations of materialism etc. My guess is financial differences and jealousy issues play a role here.

And the real reason SIL isn’t spending Christmas with your family anymore is because she knows you dislike her, and she’s done spending holidays with people who are ugly to her. Good for SIL!

You can't win, OP. DCUM is full of jerks like your SIL who don't understand enjoying being with family and are too busy keeping up with the Joneses to cultivate real relationships. They've dragged out the jealousy trope, too. It couldn't possibly be that your SIL is a jerk, which she sounds like. They identify with her. Typical DCUM strivers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your brother and SIL have every right to make other plans and should not be expected on the 24th or 25th (or any specific day) each year. It would be nice to celebrate Christmas together another day- many extended families do! I’d go that route. Invite your mom to your house for Christmas.

We already pushed it to the 23rd for them this year. I guess even that wasn’t enough. And for those saying break is short. Private school Christmas break is at least two weeks. Delaying a beach vacation with private school families a day or two is not the end of the world. I would bet anything they go to a place in Florida where her parents can rent an Airbnb or stay in a luxury hotel, so they still spend all of Christmas with her family.

You are so jealous of her, it is seeping out your pores. I love it. Pairs well with my wine.

I agree with this. OP has fixated quite a bit on things like private school, luxury hotels, accusations of materialism etc. My guess is financial differences and jealousy issues play a role here.

And the real reason SIL isn’t spending Christmas with your family anymore is because she knows you dislike her, and she’s done spending holidays with people who are ugly to her. Good for SIL!

You can't win, OP. DCUM is full of jerks like your SIL who don't understand enjoying being with family and are too busy keeping up with the Joneses to cultivate real relationships. They've dragged out the jealousy trope, too. It couldn't possibly be that your SIL is a jerk, which she sounds like. They identify with her. Typical DCUM strivers.

And none of them seem to notice the part about how their travels don't interfere with time with her family.

You've lost your brother, OP. I'm sorry if you actually like him, but SIL is no loss, clearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many private schools were on break all last week as well as this week. What I would give for a 2 week break with my spouse and kids only!

Similar to your SIL, I live near my parents and see them 1-2x a week. And yet - we fly back from spring break a day early every year to have Easter dinner with them. I would love to give up that tradition and just enjoy my full vacation. I don’t think I’ll declare “this is the last Easter”. I think we’ll just say “these are the flights we could get” and repeat as needed.

Wow a whole day early. I’m so sorry you have to go through such anguish to bring a great deal of joy to your elderly parents who could randomly drop dead any day.

This melodramatic, manipulative twaddle doesn’t work on mentally healthy people. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting how so many on this board are totally fine with the scenario OP described. Maybe I just come from a different culture, but skipping Christmas Eve & day with the extended family in order to go on vacation would NOT fly. Nor would I ever want to do that. But everyone has their own cultures, traditions, and families.

This forum is full of loners, strivers who secretly hate their flyover country family, and non-Christians.

+100

If you see your family every Christmas, you're enmeshed!

DP. You don't know the meaning of the word if you think that is true.

Sigh. You know they weren’t being literal and were mocking people on this thread who feel that way, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it a huge deal if they visit with your mother on a day that is not exactly Dec 24-25?

This. I just sat through 5 days where I worked my a$$ of while my mom sat around on her phone playing solitaire and games and maybe tried to engage with my kids once. Took her out to dinner 3 times and cooked two huge meals entertaining her family that I do not care about. I see them once a year. In return my kids and I got $25 gift cards. She forgot to get anything for DH. I am done. Next year, I plan to buy the kids one big gift and some small things that we can bring in a suitcase. I’m going somewhere that I can actually enjoy myself and spend time with my kids.

You’re projecting. Nobody said anything about a five day Christmas. It’s literally one day. Usually Christmas Eve until 10 p.m., when they leave to go to church with her family. This year it was Eve Eve. Even Eve Eve no longer works for them.

Actually, dear, Christmas is LITERALLY TWELVE DAYS.

Yawn. We KNOW. We don’t CARE. Most people want to celebrate on Christmas DAY, which is ONE DAY. Your endless rigidity is tiresome and boring. Dear.