Money, college and exILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that they might have had money set aside and then spent it on other things or people. (Maybe the other 5 grandkids)

My parents have been making empty promises to contribute to our kids 529 for years. Every year they say "soon." I'm not holding my breath.

Seriously. My parents *did* set up 529s for their grandchildren. They asked for SSNs. They let us know the balances every year. They meant it.

Anything less and we'd have assumed a $0 contribution

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. I think your situation is unfair and most normal people would be upset like you. The posters on here lecturing on here that you’re greedy and shouldn’t be entitled to anything are miserable, sanctimonious losers who want to sh!t all over someone who’s hurting.

No one asked your kids’ grandparents to make these promises over the years so they are wrong for reneging now. It also sounds like you can afford college, but it’s just unfair that not one cent is coming from dad’s side, and it should. I would tell your kids about this because they need to know the truth about their unreliable, deadbeat dad and his equally useless parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP. I think your situation is unfair and most normal people would be upset like you. The posters on here lecturing on here that you’re greedy and shouldn’t be entitled to anything are miserable, sanctimonious losers who want to sh!t all over someone who’s hurting.

No one asked your kids’ grandparents to make these promises over the years so they are wrong for reneging now. It also sounds like you can afford college, but it’s just unfair that not one cent is coming from dad’s side, and it should. I would tell your kids about this because they need to know the truth about their unreliable, deadbeat dad and his equally useless parents.

We are not all sanctimonious losers. the suggestions to embarrass the in laws are trashy.

The rest of us are all living in the real world where we know paying for our kids college is on us. OP seriously didn’t question why she never saw a dime? Until the money is in a bank account that you control, the money isn’t yours and you should plan accordingly. And to boot, OP has the money but doesn’t want to spend it. She just wants to spend other people’s money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those financial promises were made when you weren't the ex. They no longer feel obligated. Maybe they can't afford it.
I really don't think a grandparent should pay a grandchild's tuition. College is a choice not mandatory. It's up to you and the father to provide that.
We bought the grandchild a vehicle and pay his insurance only because that's money we saved for him.

This is the dumbest post on this thread, and that's saying something.

First, the divorce had, quite literally, no effect on the grandparents relationship with their grandchild. None. They no longer feel obligated to their grandchild because the kid's father got divorced? WTF.

Second, it's perfectly reasonable that grandparents not pay for college, and no one is saying otherwise. But these grandparents said they would help, repeatedly. And now they apparently don't intend to, and don't even have the courtesy to state that fact. That's the issue - the promise made, and not kept.

That said, OP is kind of a fool for relying on just "promises" to finance college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those financial promises were made when you weren't the ex. They no longer feel obligated. Maybe they can't afford it.
I really don't think a grandparent should pay a grandchild's tuition. College is a choice not mandatory. It's up to you and the father to provide that.
We bought the grandchild a vehicle and pay his insurance only because that's money we saved for him.

This is the dumbest post on this thread, and that's saying something.

First, the divorce had, quite literally, no effect on the grandparents relationship with their grandchild. None. They no longer feel obligated to their grandchild because the kid's father got divorced? WTF.

Second, it's perfectly reasonable that grandparents not pay for college, and no one is saying otherwise. But these grandparents said they would help, repeatedly. And now they apparently don't intend to, and don't even have the courtesy to state that fact. That's the issue - the promise made, and not kept.

That said, OP is kind of a fool for relying on just "promises" to finance college.

OP is just mad that she has made a series of poor decisions (procreating with a dud, not going after him for CS, relying on the word of someone else to pay for her children’s education) and is lashing out when she should be mad at herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe no one is commenting on the fact that OP told her ex is was ok not to pay child support! Wtf op? That’s what you were legally entitled to. You should have gone after that and saved it for college.

The grandparents owe you nothing. Nothing. Move on. Your behavior is embarrassing.

My behavior is EMBARRASSING? Are you for real? Yes, I was legally entitled to child support which would've been great if exDH was able to hold a stable job. I am lucky he didn't go after my salary or 401 or the kids 529 plans. I did nothing embarrassing. I raised my kids. I made sure they had a roof over their heads, they got education, they were fed, clothed and most important, LOVED. The grandparents did not need to run their mouths for years about "don't you worry about college, we will help". Now that's EMBARRASSING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just figure out how to pay for it yourself.

Grandparents make all sorts of grandiose proclamations with younger children that they don’t mean. It’s all for show.

If your DC got in ED and you really can’t afford it, you can explain the situation to the school and they should let you out of the agreement. There’s no way to force the grandparents to help.

Can I pay for his college? Yes. Do I think it's fair that I am the only who is doing that and exDH is not contributing a dime, and now his parents are flaking? No, I think it sucks.

Yes, it is fair. Child support stops at age 18. You want him to go to college. You picked that college. Dad has been clear he isn't contributing. So, either pay or they go to a cheaper college, community college or don't go until they can save enough to go.

The student should be paying for his own college. If he wants it, he can pay for it. If mom wants it, mom can pay for it.

You clearly have no idea how financing college works. Available financial aid is based on the parents income whether they are willing to pay or not. And kids cannot work their way through college. In state college with room and board will cost close to $40K/year in many states.

It may have been unwise to rely on these flaky grandparents (that raised a flaky child), but your comment is asinine.

Glad you are not my parent.

Me too!
I know exactly how it works, and how much it costs. There is no reason college kids cannot get jobs and contribute and then work to pay off the difference. OP's kid should have been working and saving for college for years. If not, that's just bad parenting.

My kid has been working since he was 12. What about yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe no one is commenting on the fact that OP told her ex is was ok not to pay child support! Wtf op? That’s what you were legally entitled to. You should have gone after that and saved it for college.

The grandparents owe you nothing. Nothing. Move on. Your behavior is embarrassing.

My behavior is EMBARRASSING? Are you for real? Yes, I was legally entitled to child support which would've been great if exDH was able to hold a stable job. I am lucky he didn't go after my salary or 401 or the kids 529 plans. I did nothing embarrassing. I raised my kids. I made sure they had a roof over their heads, they got education, they were fed, clothed and most important, LOVED. The grandparents did not need to run their mouths for years about "don't you worry about college, we will help". Now that's EMBARRASSING.

OP, i can see why grandparents are backing away. Go ahead and badger them for money you’re not entitled to, I bet that will make you feel good for about 30 seconds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe no one is commenting on the fact that OP told her ex is was ok not to pay child support! Wtf op? That’s what you were legally entitled to. You should have gone after that and saved it for college.

The grandparents owe you nothing. Nothing. Move on. Your behavior is embarrassing.

My behavior is EMBARRASSING? Are you for real? Yes, I was legally entitled to child support which would've been great if exDH was able to hold a stable job. I am lucky he didn't go after my salary or 401 or the kids 529 plans. I did nothing embarrassing. I raised my kids. I made sure they had a roof over their heads, they got education, they were fed, clothed and most important, LOVED. The grandparents did not need to run their mouths for years about "don't you worry about college, we will help". Now that's EMBARRASSING.

My parents made all kinds of promises. They never delivered on one so for college we expect no help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe no one is commenting on the fact that OP told her ex is was ok not to pay child support! Wtf op? That’s what you were legally entitled to. You should have gone after that and saved it for college.

The grandparents owe you nothing. Nothing. Move on. Your behavior is embarrassing.

My behavior is EMBARRASSING? Are you for real? Yes, I was legally entitled to child support which would've been great if exDH was able to hold a stable job. I am lucky he didn't go after my salary or 401 or the kids 529 plans. I did nothing embarrassing. I raised my kids. I made sure they had a roof over their heads, they got education, they were fed, clothed and most important, LOVED. The grandparents did not need to run their mouths for years about "don't you worry about college, we will help". Now that's EMBARRASSING.

OP, i can see why grandparents are backing away. Go ahead and badger them for money you’re not entitled to, I bet that will make you feel good for about 30 seconds.

They are more than welcome to back away. Just like my kids are more than welcome to limit their interactions with flaky people. I do have money to pay for college, DS is getting scholarships too. And you know what the grandparents will do? Brag about him as if it was them who put him through college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just figure out how to pay for it yourself.

Grandparents make all sorts of grandiose proclamations with younger children that they don’t mean. It’s all for show.

If your DC got in ED and you really can’t afford it, you can explain the situation to the school and they should let you out of the agreement. There’s no way to force the grandparents to help.

Can I pay for his college? Yes. Do I think it's fair that I am the only who is doing that and exDH is not contributing a dime, and now his parents are flaking? No, I think it sucks.

Yes, it is fair. Child support stops at age 18. You want him to go to college. You picked that college. Dad has been clear he isn't contributing. So, either pay or they go to a cheaper college, community college or don't go until they can save enough to go.

The student should be paying for his own college. If he wants it, he can pay for it. If mom wants it, mom can pay for it.

You clearly have no idea how financing college works. Available financial aid is based on the parents income whether they are willing to pay or not. And kids cannot work their way through college. In state college with room and board will cost close to $40K/year in many states.

It may have been unwise to rely on these flaky grandparents (that raised a flaky child), but your comment is asinine.

Glad you are not my parent.

Me too!
I know exactly how it works, and how much it costs. There is no reason college kids cannot get jobs and contribute and then work to pay off the difference. OP's kid should have been working and saving for college for years. If not, that's just bad parenting.

You really expect them to work full time and go to school. That’s not realistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP. I think your situation is unfair and most normal people would be upset like you. The posters on here lecturing on here that you’re greedy and shouldn’t be entitled to anything are miserable, sanctimonious losers who want to sh!t all over someone who’s hurting.

No one asked your kids’ grandparents to make these promises over the years so they are wrong for reneging now. It also sounds like you can afford college, but it’s just unfair that not one cent is coming from dad’s side, and it should. I would tell your kids about this because they need to know the truth about their unreliable, deadbeat dad and his equally useless parents.

We are not all sanctimonious losers. the suggestions to embarrass the in laws are trashy.

The rest of us are all living in the real world where we know paying for our kids college is on us. OP seriously didn’t question why she never saw a dime? Until the money is in a bank account that you control, the money isn’t yours and you should plan accordingly. And to boot, OP has the money but doesn’t want to spend it. She just wants to spend other people’s money.

You’re absolutely a sanctimonious loser and your glossing over the grandparents’ failure to uphold their promise is trashy. Also, it’s not like OP is greedily trying to extract money to spend on herself. It’s for her kids’ educations. I can’t believe there’s so many people on here who think a broken promise is no big deal.

[Anonymous]

My mom has said the same thing to the grandkids and once it came time, she gave them nothing. I think you will have to have a direct conversation about it otherwise they are going to keep dodging you and not giving an answer. Polite but direct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom has said the same thing to the grandkids and once it came time, she gave them nothing. I think you will have to have a direct conversation about it otherwise they are going to keep dodging you and not giving an answer. Polite but direct.

It's impossible to have a conversation with someone who is dodging your calls, texts and emails. Who is dodging their grandson's calls too. At this point I told DS that I got him covered + scholarships. It would be somewhat amusing to watch them try to interact again once this all quiets down. Probably will pretend that nothing happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe no one is commenting on the fact that OP told her ex is was ok not to pay child support! Wtf op? That’s what you were legally entitled to. You should have gone after that and saved it for college.

The grandparents owe you nothing. Nothing. Move on. Your behavior is embarrassing.

My behavior is EMBARRASSING? Are you for real? Yes, I was legally entitled to child support which would've been great if exDH was able to hold a stable job. I am lucky he didn't go after my salary or 401 or the kids 529 plans. I did nothing embarrassing. I raised my kids. I made sure they had a roof over their heads, they got education, they were fed, clothed and most important, LOVED. The grandparents did not need to run their mouths for years about "don't you worry about college, we will help". Now that's EMBARRASSING.

Allowing such a man to impregnate you not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES is indeed embarrassing behavior.