Money, college and exILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom has said the same thing to the grandkids and once it came time, she gave them nothing. I think you will have to have a direct conversation about it otherwise they are going to keep dodging you and not giving an answer. Polite but direct.

It's impossible to have a conversation with someone who is dodging your calls, texts and emails. Who is dodging their grandson's calls too. At this point I told DS that I got him covered + scholarships. It would be somewhat amusing to watch them try to interact again once this all quiets down. Probably will pretend that nothing happened.

So it’s not about the money with you, you want to embarrass the grandparents who have been good and kept up a relationship with your kids even post divorce. (No, that’s not a given, Especially with a lame duck son who has 5 other kids.) That seems cruel.

[Anonymous]

Can you claw back the child support? If so it might be worth giving that a shot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you claw back the child support? If so it might be worth giving that a shot.

Not worth it, it'll be literally enough to buy them cheap shoes.

[Anonymous]

I would just let it go. Obviously their plans have changed.

Never count on promises, even from family. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just let it go. Obviously their plans have changed.

Never count on promises, even from family. Sorry.

Then all they had to do was come out and say it. But hiding and dodging calls is just so pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have friends whose parents reneged even without a divorce.

I caution everyone. No one can rely on money like that unless it is deposited into an account that you control.

I am sorry that this has happened to you and they seem to be ghosting you and your son as a result. Don’t bring it up again.

Yes, I have a friend whose wealthy dad reneged, I think because his new wife wanted the money for her kids/his step kids.

It really hurt my friend but, you have to accept that sometimes people don't come through as they said they would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they can stop seeing their grandparents now if they don’t want to.
And definitely no more driving them there unless it’s in your own interest.
At least you are free from this one obligation!

Aren’t you petty !

It's not about the money. It's about promises made - repeatedly - promises broken, and a refusal to even answer phone calls! That is super sh*tty behavior. I wouldn't blame the kids if they wanted nothing to do with their grandparents after this.

IT'S NOT THE MONEY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends whose parents reneged even without a divorce.

I caution everyone. No one can rely on money like that unless it is deposited into an account that you control.

I am sorry that this has happened to you and they seem to be ghosting you and your son as a result. Don’t bring it up again.

Yes, I have a friend whose wealthy dad reneged, I think because his new wife wanted the money for her kids/his step kids.

It really hurt my friend but, you have to accept that sometimes people don't come through as they said they would.

It sucks but I like I said earlier, I am OK to pay for college. What I am not OK with is flaky people and empty promises. I don't like people like that, I don't raise my children like that. DS will be fine but I think he now knows where he stands with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they can stop seeing their grandparents now if they don’t want to.
And definitely no more driving them there unless it’s in your own interest.
At least you are free from this one obligation!

Aren’t you petty !

It's not about the money. It's about promises made - repeatedly - promises broken, and a refusal to even answer phone calls! That is super sh*tty behavior. I wouldn't blame the kids if they wanted nothing to do with their grandparents after this.

IT'S NOT THE MONEY.

It may not be about the money, but your repeated insistence on proving a point to the grandparents is ticky-tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom has said the same thing to the grandkids and once it came time, she gave them nothing. I think you will have to have a direct conversation about it otherwise they are going to keep dodging you and not giving an answer. Polite but direct.

It's impossible to have a conversation with someone who is dodging your calls, texts and emails. Who is dodging their grandson's calls too. At this point I told DS that I got him covered + scholarships. It would be somewhat amusing to watch them try to interact again once this all quiets down. Probably will pretend that nothing happened.

You don't need to track them down, OP - presumably, they are not looking to cut off contact with you and your three kids. At some point, they will reach out. And there's no urgency - you have this year covered - but when they do, you can have the direct conversation the PP suggests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe no one is commenting on the fact that OP told her ex is was ok not to pay child support! Wtf op? That’s what you were legally entitled to. You should have gone after that and saved it for college.

The grandparents owe you nothing. Nothing. Move on. Your behavior is embarrassing.

My behavior is EMBARRASSING? Are you for real? Yes, I was legally entitled to child support which would've been great if exDH was able to hold a stable job. I am lucky he didn't go after my salary or 401 or the kids 529 plans. I did nothing embarrassing. I raised my kids. I made sure they had a roof over their heads, they got education, they were fed, clothed and most important, LOVED. The grandparents did not need to run their mouths for years about "don't you worry about college, we will help". Now that's EMBARRASSING.

Allowing such a man to impregnate you not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES is indeed embarrassing behavior.

Like I said before, and who impregnated you? Were you even worth to f&^^? And did your kids come out normal?

So because you have some kind of magic vag you’re entitled to the money? WITW!

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine being an adult and expecting other people to pay my bills. Holy crap, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they can stop seeing their grandparents now if they don’t want to.
And definitely no more driving them there unless it’s in your own interest.
At least you are free from this one obligation!

Aren’t you petty !

It's not about the money. It's about promises made - repeatedly - promises broken, and a refusal to even answer phone calls! That is super sh*tty behavior. I wouldn't blame the kids if they wanted nothing to do with their grandparents after this.

IT'S NOT THE MONEY.

It may not be about the money, but your repeated insistence on proving a point to the grandparents is ticky-tacky.

NP. I think your post is more tacky than anything OP has done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they can stop seeing their grandparents now if they don’t want to.
And definitely no more driving them there unless it’s in your own interest.
At least you are free from this one obligation!

Aren’t you petty !

It's not about the money. It's about promises made - repeatedly - promises broken, and a refusal to even answer phone calls! That is super sh*tty behavior. I wouldn't blame the kids if they wanted nothing to do with their grandparents after this.

IT'S NOT THE MONEY.

It may not be about the money, but your repeated insistence on proving a point to the grandparents is ticky-tacky.

NP. I think your post is more tacky than anything OP has done.

Why?

Grandparents are embarrassed about not providing for the kids after promising the money would be there. Why does OP need to make them feel worse?

Zoom out for a minute, the grandparents have 5 additional grandkids that (I’m guessing) are local to them and a bum of a son living in their house. The 5 other kids came after the first 3 so the initial promises were made so the circumstances have changed. And maybe other siblings have had kids, the grandparents health has changed, whatever.

What does pointing out to the grandparents (with screenshots) that they stink for not following thru do for anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP. I think your situation is unfair and most normal people would be upset like you. The posters on here lecturing on here that you’re greedy and shouldn’t be entitled to anything are miserable, sanctimonious losers who want to sh!t all over someone who’s hurting.

No one asked your kids’ grandparents to make these promises over the years so they are wrong for reneging now. It also sounds like you can afford college, but it’s just unfair that not one cent is coming from dad’s side, and it should. I would tell your kids about this because they need to know the truth about their unreliable, deadbeat dad and his equally useless parents.

We are not all sanctimonious losers. the suggestions to embarrass the in laws are trashy.

The rest of us are all living in the real world where we know paying for our kids college is on us. OP seriously didn’t question why she never saw a dime? Until the money is in a bank account that you control, the money isn’t yours and you should plan accordingly. And to boot, OP has the money but doesn’t want to spend it. She just wants to spend other people’s money.

You’re absolutely a sanctimonious loser and your glossing over the grandparents’ failure to uphold their promise is trashy. Also, it’s not like OP is greedily trying to extract money to spend on herself. It’s for her kids’ educations. I can’t believe there’s so many people on here who think a broken promise is no big deal.

OP sounds like a badass single mom raising three kids solo with no help from ex-DH and saving for their education, something many two working parent families aren’t able to do. She asked for help on the situation, never suggesting extortion! OP I’m cheering you on and I’m sorry the ILs flaked.