Money, college and exILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
At this point you've got nothing to lose, OP, so straight-up remind them of their promise and ask for a contribution.

If they don't answer, you've got your answer.

But they are already not answering. Their not answering has gone so far they aren't even answering their grandchild's calls. OP, why continue to harass them for money they aren't going to give you? I think your real beef is with your ex, he's the one who should be helping you with this expense. No matter how many times the exILs told you by word of mouth or by email, just accept it, they aren't going to help.

[Anonymous]

The grandparents have 8 grandchildren now, they can't single out yours for special treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
At this point you've got nothing to lose, OP, so straight-up remind them of their promise and ask for a contribution.

If they don't answer, you've got your answer.

But they are already not answering. Their not answering has gone so far they aren't even answering their grandchild's calls. OP, why continue to harass them for money they aren't going to give you? I think your real beef is with your ex, he's the one who should be helping you with this expense. No matter how many times the exILs told you by word of mouth or by email, just accept it, they aren't going to help.

I guess it is unclear if OP is being direct by saying something like, "On many occasions, you mentioned you would like to help pay for DC's college, and I've been planning on it. Can you please clarify what amount you plan to contribute and I can help you get that set up?" I can't tell if OP has been this direct yet or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The grandparents have 8 grandchildren now, they can't single out yours for special treatment.

'

I would still make them renig. Let them know I was counting on their help and that their withdrawal hurts.

[Anonymous]

You divorced their son so don’t expect much from them. You should contact your ex and see if he recalls the promises made and let him deal with his parents. They are his children too. If he is required to pay some of the college costs it will be in his interest to contact his parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The grandparents have 8 grandchildren now, they can't single out yours for special treatment.

'

I would still make them renig. Let them know I was counting on their help and that their withdrawal hurts.

Is that really the most important thing here? You know it, they know it, why make things awkward and unpleasant? Their son having a lot more kids is probably what threw a wrench in the plans. At least the kids have a good relationship. Why let money come in-between that.

[Anonymous]

Those financial promises were made when you weren't the ex. They no longer feel obligated. Maybe they can't afford it.
I really don't think a grandparent should pay a grandchild's tuition. College is a choice not mandatory. It's up to you and the father to provide that.
We bought the grandchild a vehicle and pay his insurance only because that's money we saved for him.

[Anonymous]

Agree with other posters that you should be direct and share that you have to have this info, even if the answer is nothing, so you can do your own planning. Don’t share that you can pay for them yourselves, and don’t share any details of how this will be financed. I can’t believe the gall of your ex to complain about plane ticket costs when he chose to have 5 other kids so I applaud you for your gracious attitude toward his absolute negligence!

Given that their dad sucks, I would try to continue to facilitate a strong and positive relationship with the grandparents. I would also give them grace as a lot of people are re-thinking retirement finances with inflation, real estate costs, and LTC costs rising. Are there non-financial ways that they can support DC and your family? Can they stay with younger kids while you move oldest into dorm? Can they visit for family weekend? I don’t know geography or ages but maybe they can support your family in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You divorced their son so don’t expect much from them. You should contact your ex and see if he recalls the promises made and let him deal with his parents. They are his children too. If he is required to pay some of the college costs it will be in his interest to contact his parents.

I have it in writing from them that they will help pay for his college. Emails, texts saying they've saved up some sums for the grandkids' colleges.

[Anonymous]

If they wanted to help they would have given you the money. My parents made all kinds of promises but when the time came they never followed through. We planned otherwise given they did it several times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You divorced their son so don’t expect much from them. You should contact your ex and see if he recalls the promises made and let him deal with his parents. They are his children too. If he is required to pay some of the college costs it will be in his interest to contact his parents.

I have it in writing from them that they will help pay for his college. Emails, texts saying they've saved up some sums for the grandkids' colleges.

There is no money. Move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they wanted to help they would have given you the money. My parents made all kinds of promises but when the time came they never followed through. We planned otherwise given they did it several times.

You can't sue them over this. The money isn't coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they wanted to help they would have given you the money. My parents made all kinds of promises but when the time came they never followed through. We planned otherwise given they did it several times.

You can't sue them over this. The money isn't coming.

^

^ Sorry that was meant for OP who said she has written proof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You divorced their son so don’t expect much from them. You should contact your ex and see if he recalls the promises made and let him deal with his parents. They are his children too. If he is required to pay some of the college costs it will be in his interest to contact his parents.

I have it in writing from them that they will help pay for his college. Emails, texts saying they've saved up some sums for the grandkids' colleges.

There is no money. Move on

+1
I am surprised that people want to pin the grandparents down, if there was money to offer, it would’ve been discussed by now. Their dodging of the kids means they feel awkward about it.

I would be annoyed at everyone if I were OP - annoyed at XH for being a pisspoor dad, annoyed that the grandparents weren’t able to contribute, but also annoyed with myself that I didn’t take the child support and stash it away for exactly this scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they wanted to help they would have given you the money. My parents made all kinds of promises but when the time came they never followed through. We planned otherwise given they did it several times.

You can't sue them over this. The money isn't coming.

^

^ Sorry that was meant for OP who said she has written proof.

Emails and texts are just conversation. They aren’t legally binding. If you don’t have written evidence of specific account that they funded where your DS is the beneficiary, then it’s all cheap talk.

I’m sorry. You aren’t the first to have this done to you and you won’t be the last.

Even you saw estate documents with your DS as beneficiary, you’d have to engage an attorney to have access to the money if they aren’t responding to you now.