Money, college and exILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just figure out how to pay for it yourself.

Grandparents make all sorts of grandiose proclamations with younger children that they don’t mean. It’s all for show.

If your DC got in ED and you really can’t afford it, you can explain the situation to the school and they should let you out of the agreement. There’s no way to force the grandparents to help.

Can I pay for his college? Yes. Do I think it's fair that I am the only who is doing that and exDH is not contributing a dime, and now his parents are flaking? No, I think it sucks.

Yes, it is fair. Child support stops at age 18. You want him to go to college. You picked that college. Dad has been clear he isn't contributing. So, either pay or they go to a cheaper college, community college or don't go until they can save enough to go.

The student should be paying for his own college. If he wants it, he can pay for it. If mom wants it, mom can pay for it.

You clearly have no idea how financing college works. Available financial aid is based on the parents income whether they are willing to pay or not. And kids cannot work their way through college. In state college with room and board will cost close to $40K/year in many states.

It may have been unwise to rely on these flaky grandparents (that raised a flaky child), but your comment is asinine.

Glad you are not my parent.

Me too!
I know exactly how it works, and how much it costs. There is no reason college kids cannot get jobs and contribute and then work to pay off the difference. OP's kid should have been working and saving for college for years. If not, that's just bad parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am divorced and DCs have a good, positive relationship with exILs. For years they said that once they go to college, they have money set aside for them and that (their words) "they should be fine". Well, lo' and behold, my eldest got accepted into college. For the past 2 weeks I've been trying to have a conversation with exILs about college, tuition, room/board. They acted all surprised when DC called them to let them know he got accepted. I do have 529 plans for all my kids but again, they made both verbal and written promises (via emails and texts) they would contribute to their college education. They are dodging my calls and texts, they are now dodging his calls, and these are the same people who used to text or call several times a week. No, they are not ill or on vacation.

Are they trying to renege on their promise? Is there anything I can/should do? This is awkward. I certainly didn't force them to make these promises but hey, put your money where your mouth is.

It would appear these were just words and you have nothing in writing. I would write them s letter reminding them of their inference of financial assistance for their grandchildren''s college. See if, or how, they respond..

That would be so trashy. OP asked and they have been avoiding her. Isn't that the answer? Why do you want to browbeat a few senior citizens about something they are probably embarassed and ashamed about? YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO ANYONE ELSE'S MONEY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The grandparents have 8 grandchildren now, they can't single out yours for special treatment.

'

I would still make them renig. Let them know I was counting on their help and that their withdrawal hurts.

This is a good time to remind everyone that the word is "renege."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am divorced and DCs have a good, positive relationship with exILs. For years they said that once they go to college, they have money set aside for them and that (their words) "they should be fine". Well, lo' and behold, my eldest got accepted into college. For the past 2 weeks I've been trying to have a conversation with exILs about college, tuition, room/board. They acted all surprised when DC called them to let them know he got accepted. I do have 529 plans for all my kids but again, they made both verbal and written promises (via emails and texts) they would contribute to their college education. They are dodging my calls and texts, they are now dodging his calls, and these are the same people who used to text or call several times a week. No, they are not ill or on vacation.

Are they trying to renege on their promise? Is there anything I can/should do? This is awkward. I certainly didn't force them to make these promises but hey, put your money where your mouth is.

It would appear these were just words and you have nothing in writing. I would write them s letter reminding them of their inference of financial assistance for their grandchildren''s college. See if, or how, they respond..

That would be so trashy. OP asked and they have been avoiding her. Isn't that lthe answer? Why do you want to browbeat a few senior citizens about something they are probably embarassed and ashamed about? YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO ANYONE ELSE'S MONEY.

You know what, these grandparents/senior citizens made promises. No one made them make promises. It is really pathetic to make promises to make yourself feel important and generous and then just ignore your grandchild, to whom you made this promise, when they ask you about it.

They were not entitled to the gratitude they grabbed by making these promises.

It is absolutely true that the OP is clearly on her own.


The lesson here is about choosing the parent of your children wisely, how do we teach that to our children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just figure out how to pay for it yourself.

Grandparents make all sorts of grandiose proclamations with younger children that they don’t mean. It’s all for show.

If your DC got in ED and you really can’t afford it, you can explain the situation to the school and they should let you out of the agreement. There’s no way to force the grandparents to help.

+1 you should be prepared to pay the full cost yourself. Your in-laws suck but it is what it is, and this isn’t uncommon.

What does your actual ex say about it?

Daddy of the year said "congrats son!" . He lives across the country, sees them twice a year and always complains how expensive it is to fly them. In 10 years since we've been divorced, he produced 5 more children. Guy's broke.

His parents are probably supporting those 5 new kids and that's why there's no money for the first batch of college-bound dependents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am divorced and DCs have a good, positive relationship with exILs. For years they said that once they go to college, they have money set aside for them and that (their words) "they should be fine". Well, lo' and behold, my eldest got accepted into college. For the past 2 weeks I've been trying to have a conversation with exILs about college, tuition, room/board. They acted all surprised when DC called them to let them know he got accepted. I do have 529 plans for all my kids but again, they made both verbal and written promises (via emails and texts) they would contribute to their college education. They are dodging my calls and texts, they are now dodging his calls, and these are the same people who used to text or call several times a week. No, they are not ill or on vacation.

Are they trying to renege on their promise? Is there anything I can/should do? This is awkward. I certainly didn't force them to make these promises but hey, put your money where your mouth is.

It would appear these were just words and you have nothing in writing. I would write them s letter reminding them of their inference of financial assistance for their grandchildren''s college. See if, or how, they respond..

That would be so trashy. OP asked and they have been avoiding her. Isn't that the answer? Why do you want to browbeat a few senior citizens about something they are probably embarassed and ashamed about? YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO ANYONE ELSE'S MONEY.

+1

OP, you can have a million "grandchildren" and you are not entitled to one red cent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're SOL. I would write to them and say that you understand there is no longer financial support available, but you hope this will not stop them from spending time with their grandchildren.

I would think either they're idiots, they're psycho, they're broke, or most likely their fool son asked them for this pool of money to support his new children and they gave it to him. So basically they let him spend your kids' college gift. Fun times.

Why would she want her kids to spend time with someone who screwed them over?

+1

Time to move on, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they can stop seeing their grandparents now if they don’t want to.
And definitely no more driving them there unless it’s in your own interest.
At least you are free from this one obligation!

Aren’t you petty !

Well their love is cheap!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're SOL. I would write to them and say that you understand there is no longer financial support available, but you hope this will not stop them from spending time with their grandchildren.

I would think either they're idiots, they're psycho, they're broke, or most likely their fool son asked them for this pool of money to support his new children and they gave it to him. So basically they let him spend your kids' college gift. Fun times.

Why would she want her kids to spend time with someone who screwed them over?

Who cares what she wants? The kid is an adult and has a good relationship with his grandparents and can drive himself to visit and keep in touch regardless of what greedy mom wants.

Sure, no one is saying don’t let the kids see them anymore.
But I personally would also start dodging calls.
They can call the grand kids directly! And make plans with them. If the grandkids have time for them, that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just figure out how to pay for it yourself.

Grandparents make all sorts of grandiose proclamations with younger children that they don’t mean. It’s all for show.

If your DC got in ED and you really can’t afford it, you can explain the situation to the school and they should let you out of the agreement. There’s no way to force the grandparents to help.

+1 you should be prepared to pay the full cost yourself. Your in-laws suck but it is what it is, and this isn’t uncommon.

What does your actual ex say about it?

Daddy of the year said "congrats son!" . He lives across the country, sees them twice a year and always complains how expensive it is to fly them. In 10 years since we've been divorced, he produced 5 more children. Guy's broke.

His parents are probably supporting those 5 new kids and that's why there's no money for the first batch of college-bound dependents.

This for sure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am divorced and DCs have a good, positive relationship with exILs. For years they said that once they go to college, they have money set aside for them and that (their words) "they should be fine". Well, lo' and behold, my eldest got accepted into college. For the past 2 weeks I've been trying to have a conversation with exILs about college, tuition, room/board. They acted all surprised when DC called them to let them know he got accepted. I do have 529 plans for all my kids but again, they made both verbal and written promises (via emails and texts) they would contribute to their college education. They are dodging my calls and texts, they are now dodging his calls, and these are the same people who used to text or call several times a week. No, they are not ill or on vacation.

Are they trying to renege on their promise? Is there anything I can/should do? This is awkward. I certainly didn't force them to make these promises but hey, put your money where your mouth is.

It would appear these were just words and you have nothing in writing. I would write them s letter reminding them of their inference of financial assistance for their grandchildren''s college. See if, or how, they respond..

That would be so trashy. OP asked and they have been avoiding her. Isn't that lthe answer? Why do you want to browbeat a few senior citizens about something they are probably embarassed and ashamed about? YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO ANYONE ELSE'S MONEY.

You know what, these grandparents/senior citizens made promises. No one made them make promises. It is really pathetic to make promises to make yourself feel important and generous and then just ignore your grandchild, to whom you made this promise, when they ask you about it.

They were not entitled to the gratitude they grabbed by making these promises.

It is absolutely true that the OP is clearly on her own.


The lesson here is about choosing the parent of your children wisely, how do we teach that to our children?

Maybe the grandparents really intended to pay for college and their circumstances changed. I'm not hating on my kids grandparents because they can't afford to put them through college. That is for me and my husband and my kids to figure out. OP should've been collecting CS all along and sticking it in a 529 for precisely this reason.

My mom talked a LOT about contributing to my wedding but when the time came, she did not offer money and I didn't ask or probe. I am sure she truly wanted to contribute monetarily towards my wedding but didn't have the money, and I would NEVER embarrass her or myself by asking. I had the wedding I could afford because I am not entitled to anyone else's money.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe no one is commenting on the fact that OP told her ex is was ok not to pay child support! Wtf op? That’s what you were legally entitled to. You should have gone after that and saved it for college.

The grandparents owe you nothing. Nothing. Move on. Your behavior is embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're SOL. I would write to them and say that you understand there is no longer financial support available, but you hope this will not stop them from spending time with their grandchildren.

I would think either they're idiots, they're psycho, they're broke, or most likely their fool son asked them for this pool of money to support his new children and they gave it to him. So basically they let him spend your kids' college gift. Fun times.

Why would she want her kids to spend time with someone who screwed them over?

Who cares what she wants? The kid is an adult and has a good relationship with his grandparents and can drive himself to visit and keep in touch regardless of what greedy mom wants.

Sure, no one is saying don’t let the kids see them anymore.
But I personally would also start dodging calls.
They can call the grand kids directly! And make plans with them. If the grandkids have time for them, that is.

I'm sure they won't mind that. The only reason they care about OP is due to the grandkids so if they can go directly to the source now that they are adults I'm sure that's preferable.

[Anonymous]

They probably meant it at the time, but now there are 5 more grandkids!

[Anonymous]

My guess is that they might have had money set aside and then spent it on other things or people. (Maybe the other 5 grandkids)

My parents have been making empty promises to contribute to our kids 529 for years. Every year they say "soon." I'm not holding my breath.