MIL buying items on my baby registry for herself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who lugged a stroller, pack n play, booster chair, car seat, bottles, toys and even freakin’ books to my MIL’s over the course of two kids’ infant to preschool years, because she refused to buy or store ANYTHING, please try to reframe this as a blessing. (Note that she did go ahead and buy things for subsequent SILs’ kids, but they were recalled 1970s death trap play pens, 30 yo cribs, etc. Again: Blessings, count ‘em.)

Try to see this as her wanting to help, and wanting to get exactly what you and your husband prefer. As long as she is not marking things as complete on the registry, please consider these things a bonus that will lighten your load when you visit any time in the next few years.

All of this. My MIL did procure a few essentials, but they were awful and barely functional. And my FIL still acted like it was a massive imposition for them to store a pack and play or a high chair, even as they also complained constantly about us not visiting enough (we visited my parents once that first year, we visited my ILs 5x).

This x100 super nice and considerate. When you have a finicky baby like mine only that one type of chair /toy/pack and play they're used to will work.

[Anonymous]

You said she’s buying the items you put on your registry but not marking them as complete. This sounds like she wants to be sure your baby has stuff at her house that you approve of and like. So she can be ready and helpful and spend time with your baby. I’ve had two babies and have a MIL and this sounds great to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have asked why she is buying all these items as an opening to reset her expectations for how often it will get used. If she’s local this is really unnecessary! A pack n play is all that is helpful. She is clearly planning for it to get used at her house.

If she’s out of town and you plan to travel there frequently it is helpful but not if you’re local.

Op here, that’s what I was thinking. That’s it’s unnecessary since we live so close to her.

Do you often only visit for 15 minutes? Do you know what babies are like at all?

Haha...yes this betrays a lack of understanding over what to expect. Including how much you will likely kill for grandma to take baby for a bit if she can.

[Anonymous]

Just be glad she’s buying her own stuff. My MIL took things she needed for a stay from my house then claimed she bought them and wouldn’t give it back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have asked why she is buying all these items as an opening to reset her expectations for how often it will get used. If she’s local this is really unnecessary! A pack n play is all that is helpful. She is clearly planning for it to get used at her house.

If she’s out of town and you plan to travel there frequently it is helpful but not if you’re local.

Op here, that’s what I was thinking. That’s it’s unnecessary since we live so close to her.

Do you often only visit for 15 minutes? Do you know what babies are like at all?

Haha...yes this betrays a lack of understanding over what to expect. Including how much you will likely kill for grandma to take baby for a bit if she can.

Because a stay at home mom will never have a dr appointment, dentist appointment, meeting, or any other reason to ever be away from her baby. OP is in for a rude awakening when baby arrives.

[Anonymous]

Team MIL here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have asked why she is buying all these items as an opening to reset her expectations for how often it will get used. If she’s local this is really unnecessary! A pack n play is all that is helpful. She is clearly planning for it to get used at her house.

If she’s out of town and you plan to travel there frequently it is helpful but not if you’re local.

Op here, that’s what I was thinking. That’s it’s unnecessary since we live so close to her.

Do you often only visit for 15 minutes? Do you know what babies are like at all?

Haha...yes this betrays a lack of understanding over what to expect. Including how much you will likely kill for grandma to take baby for a bit if she can.

Because a stay at home mom will never have a dr appointment, dentist appointment, meeting, or any other reason to ever be away from her baby. OP is in for a rude awakening when baby arrives.

Or hope to sleep...Or have alone time with DH...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have asked why she is buying all these items as an opening to reset her expectations for how often it will get used. If she’s local this is really unnecessary! A pack n play is all that is helpful. She is clearly planning for it to get used at her house.

If she’s out of town and you plan to travel there frequently it is helpful but not if you’re local.

Op here, that’s what I was thinking. That’s it’s unnecessary since we live so close to her.

Agree X1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have asked why she is buying all these items as an opening to reset her expectations for how often it will get used. If she’s local this is really unnecessary! A pack n play is all that is helpful. She is clearly planning for it to get used at her house.

If she’s out of town and you plan to travel there frequently it is helpful but not if you’re local.

Op here, that’s what I was thinking. That’s it’s unnecessary since we live so close to her.

Agree X1000

This is so weird to me. So next thanksgiving when you go over there with the baby (or whatever holiday/event you might go visit the in-laws for), you would rather bring over your pack & play and high chair (in addition to the diapers/change of clothes/bottles/food/stuffed animals/toys etc), rather than using the one at their house? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who lugged a stroller, pack n play, booster chair, car seat, bottles, toys and even freakin’ books to my MIL’s over the course of two kids’ infant to preschool years, because she refused to buy or store ANYTHING, please try to reframe this as a blessing. (Note that she did go ahead and buy things for subsequent SILs’ kids, but they were recalled 1970s death trap play pens, 30 yo cribs, etc. Again: Blessings, count ‘em.)

Try to see this as her wanting to help, and wanting to get exactly what you and your husband prefer. As long as she is not marking things as complete on the registry, please consider these things a bonus that will lighten your load when you visit any time in the next few years.

+1. As someone who ended up with a kid that has profound special needs, I cannot tell you the comfort it gives me that my aunt and uncle basically replicated a ton of stuff at their own house to make it as easy as possible for us to bring our kid to their house. Nothing is better than a relative who keeps the sippy cup, snack, pack n play, etc that you need so you don’t need to pack up your whole house to come visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is UP with MILs and baby equipment?

My MIL tried to keep my baby's stroller and pack n' play on two separate visits, telling us we could always buy another one "if we still needed it" (for our one-year-old). My DH literally had to wrench the items back from his mother's hands on our day of departure.

(I have no idea what she intended to do with the objects since she doesn't babysit or have any other babies in her life. DH's theory was, MIL always wants what other people have, even if that other person is a 1 year old who is still using the stroller to get around)

My late mentally ill mother used to steal things from me, even the ones she has no use for.
She was also a hoarder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have asked why she is buying all these items as an opening to reset her expectations for how often it will get used. If she’s local this is really unnecessary! A pack n play is all that is helpful. She is clearly planning for it to get used at her house.

If she’s out of town and you plan to travel there frequently it is helpful but not if you’re local.

Op here, that’s what I was thinking. That’s it’s unnecessary since we live so close to her.

That is the opposite of what you should be thinking. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt because you clearly haven’t had a baby before. There is SO. MUCH. STUFF you will need to lug about with you every time you leave the house. If you are out and about and happen to stop by your MIL’s, or even if you make a plan to go there and pack up everything you think you’ll need, babies are hugely unpredictable and it will be a GODSEND that your MIL has a bunch of stuff you like and use at her house. Seriously. Is it “necessary” for her to buy it? No. But it is a huge service for you that she is doing so. Babies don’t eat when you plan for them too. So you assume you won’t need, for example, a high chair at her house, but then child refuses to eat before you go and then you get there and have a screaming child on your hands you need to feed right then and there. Or baby gets overstimulated and suddenly needs a nap. Or you get there and realize you forgot the snack cup. Or a sippy cup. Or diapers. Or whatever. Babies are all encompassing. Sometimes you will forget things. I will never forget the time when my daughter was like a year old, we got on a 3-hour flight with her that then had a connection, and I realized as the plane door closed that I had accidentally packed all of our diapers and wipes (!!) in our checked bag.

OP you have no idea because you are new to this, but please trust everyone who is telling you that on its surface (assuming no huge problems with MIL otherwise) this is a very good thing. And if in the end if you never use any of it? Then you had peace of mind, and didn’t have to spend a cent of your own money for it.

And I’m not a MIL fwiw. I have two small children and chafed at my MIL in the beginning but now 10 years in I’m grateful for all the ways she has made visiting her house easier on us over the years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi all,

How would you take it if your MIL is buying items off your registry for her home only. She doesn’t mention buying any gifts for you to use. I will be a stay at home mom also so my baby wouldn’t be staying at her home that long and I live close to her. I also never mentioned having her look after my baby and if I happen to decide to go back to work, I would hire a nanny.

Thanks for all your responses.

She's setting things up at her place with similar items baby will have at home. Also with items she knows you approve of. Sounds great to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have asked why she is buying all these items as an opening to reset her expectations for how often it will get used. If she’s local this is really unnecessary! A pack n play is all that is helpful. She is clearly planning for it to get used at her house.

If she’s out of town and you plan to travel there frequently it is helpful but not if you’re local.

Op here, that’s what I was thinking. That’s it’s unnecessary since we live so close to her.

That is the opposite of what you should be thinking. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt because you clearly haven’t had a baby before. There is SO. MUCH. STUFF you will need to lug about with you every time you leave the house. If you are out and about and happen to stop by your MIL’s, or even if you make a plan to go there and pack up everything you think you’ll need, babies are hugely unpredictable and it will be a GODSEND that your MIL has a bunch of stuff you like and use at her house. Seriously. Is it “necessary” for her to buy it? No. But it is a huge service for you that she is doing so. Babies don’t eat when you plan for them too. So you assume you won’t need, for example, a high chair at her house, but then child refuses to eat before you go and then you get there and have a screaming child on your hands you need to feed right then and there. Or baby gets overstimulated and suddenly needs a nap. Or you get there and realize you forgot the snack cup. Or a sippy cup. Or diapers. Or whatever. Babies are all encompassing. Sometimes you will forget things. I will never forget the time when my daughter was like a year old, we got on a 3-hour flight with her that then had a connection, and I realized as the plane door closed that I had accidentally packed all of our diapers and wipes (!!) in our checked bag.

OP you have no idea because you are new to this, but please trust everyone who is telling you that on its surface (assuming no huge problems with MIL otherwise) this is a very good thing. And if in the end if you never use any of it? Then you had peace of mind, and didn’t have to spend a cent of your own money for it.

And I’m not a MIL fwiw. I have two small children and chafed at my MIL in the beginning but now 10 years in I’m grateful for all the ways she has made visiting her house easier on us over the years.

So much this. OP, pretend that you are heading over for a Sunday dinner at MIL and pack you car with everything you might need. High chair, somewhere for the baby to sleep if they get too tired, maybe a swing or a play set... Unless you have a large SUV and love filling it, you'll realize that MIL having a second set of things that she knows you approve of already there is huge. It seems like she is trying to make it painless for you to visit with the baby and thinking of your preferences while doing it.

[Anonymous]

Of this was OP’s own mom, she would not care. She just hates her MIL.

My mom bought a crib, a high chair, baby swing, and toys for my kids at her house. We kept diapers, wipes, and even diaper cream there. Even a couple sippy cups. It was a godsend. Made life so much easier. You have no idea OP. Clueless first time mom.