MIL buying items on my baby registry for herself

[Anonymous]

It’s great! She’s making sure she has the stuff you like so she’s ready to host you. You need gear for naps and changes etc even if you’re just there for lunch. Well, not *need* of course but it’s really nice/convenient. I loved that my mom had a pack and play, a monitor, a sleep sack and the same noise machine that we used. She even had wipes etc. It made it so easy to visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my shower isn’t yet so I haven’t been gifted any items. I find it weird that she would buy these items for herself and not buy items for my household first. I guess I’m here to ask if I am in the right to find this weird or it’s no big deal.

You’re wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my shower isn’t yet so I haven’t been gifted any items. I find it weird that she would buy these items for herself and not buy items for my household first. I guess I’m here to ask if I am in the right to find this weird or it’s no big deal.

It’s nbd. If she doesn’t get you any presents then of course that is a separate issue.

[Anonymous]

As someone who lugged a stroller, pack n play, booster chair, car seat, bottles, toys and even freakin’ books to my MIL’s over the course of two kids’ infant to preschool years, because she refused to buy or store ANYTHING, please try to reframe this as a blessing. (Note that she did go ahead and buy things for subsequent SILs’ kids, but they were recalled 1970s death trap play pens, 30 yo cribs, etc. Again: Blessings, count ‘em.)

Try to see this as her wanting to help, and wanting to get exactly what you and your husband prefer. As long as she is not marking things as complete on the registry, please consider these things a bonus that will lighten your load when you visit any time in the next few years.

[Anonymous]

Relax, I’d bet she is getting you & DH a gift, she doesn’t need to tell you she’s getting a gift.

I think it sounds nice. My mom & MIL both did this. Even if she doesn’t babysit, you will go visit sometimes, right? Believe me, it will be nice when you & DH don’t have to lug over a high chair or toys or whatever when you go over for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my shower isn’t yet so I haven’t been gifted any items. I find it weird that she would buy these items for herself and not buy items for my household first. I guess I’m here to ask if I am in the right to find this weird or it’s no big deal.

I think it's actually thoughtful that she's looking to outfit her house with the items you have decided you want for the baby. That could be really useful, frankly.

Since you haven't had your shower yet, you have no idea what she's bought or plans to buy for you. Sometimes grandparents will stake out something specific from the registry and let you know -- "we're buying the stroller so don't let anyone else do it!" because they want to make sure they buy you something they know will be useful and will get a lot of use, or they want to make sure to by a high dollar item. Other times they have more sentimental gifts in mind. They also might want to wait until the baby is born and then buy the thing you didn't know you needed but it turns out you really want, which happens ALL the time with babies.

It's also possible that she's thinking "well I'll buy this stuff for my house but then if any of it doesn't get purchased off the registry, I'll just give the stuff I bought to them."

All of which is to say, she's not doing anything *wrong* and actually what she's doing could be seen as helpful. And since you don't actually know what, if anything, she's buying for you guys, it's probably too early to judge.

Now, if the baby is born and she never gives you anything and then explains that her plan is to just take the baby to her house to use all the cool stuff she bought, then come back and tell us and we'll bash her with you! But start with the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are maybe feeling stressed about having what you need for the baby and that’s why you are thinking “If you are going to spend money on baby gear give it to us!!!”

This is probably your nesting hormones kicking in. It’s pretty common to feel stressed about having everything ready, and if you haven’t had your shower yet then it makes sense that you are spinning your wheels mentally bc you can’t go out and buy everything until you see what you actually end up getting, so instead you are stuck not being able to fully nest.

Accept that this is not an offensive thing for MIL to do, you will probably get most of what you need at the shower and you don’t need much anyway!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who lugged a stroller, pack n play, booster chair, car seat, bottles, toys and even freakin’ books to my MIL’s over the course of two kids’ infant to preschool years, because she refused to buy or store ANYTHING, please try to reframe this as a blessing. (Note that she did go ahead and buy things for subsequent SILs’ kids, but they were recalled 1970s death trap play pens, 30 yo cribs, etc. Again: Blessings, count ‘em.)

Try to see this as her wanting to help, and wanting to get exactly what you and your husband prefer. As long as she is not marking things as complete on the registry, please consider these things a bonus that will lighten your load when you visit any time in the next few years.

All of this. My MIL did procure a few essentials, but they were awful and barely functional. And my FIL still acted like it was a massive imposition for them to store a pack and play or a high chair, even as they also complained constantly about us not visiting enough (we visited my parents once that first year, we visited my ILs 5x).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are maybe feeling stressed about having what you need for the baby and that’s why you are thinking “If you are going to spend money on baby gear give it to us!!!”

This is probably your nesting hormones kicking in. It’s pretty common to feel stressed about having everything ready, and if you haven’t had your shower yet then it makes sense that you are spinning your wheels mentally bc you can’t go out and buy everything until you see what you actually end up getting, so instead you are stuck not being able to fully nest.

Accept that this is not an offensive thing for MIL to do, you will probably get most of what you need at the shower and you don’t need much anyway!

Op here, thank you for this!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she is excited.

[Anonymous]

I think this is amazingly considerate of hwr to buy items for her home that she knows you selected and approve of. I say this as someone who is often annoyed my my MIL.

[Anonymous]

I would see this as a red flag that she expects you to leave the baby there often. Worst case is that she is already building a fantasy and expectation of how this will be and this almost never aligns with what is good for the baby or parents. If she was being thoughtful she would ask you and your husband if she should buy some things to set up in her house. She’s just doing it which is a warning sign that she feels entitled to the baby.

You and your husband may already know that you don’t want to do this based on whether she’s flaky or the over stepping boundary type. I would ignore her buying things but you and your husband need to keep your ears open for her dropping comments about her access to the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would see this as a red flag that she expects you to leave the baby there often. Worst case is that she is already building a fantasy and expectation of how this will be and this almost never aligns with what is good for the baby or parents. If she was being thoughtful she would ask you and your husband if she should buy some things to set up in her house. She’s just doing it which is a warning sign that she feels entitled to the baby.

You and your husband may already know that you don’t want to do this based on whether she’s flaky or the over stepping boundary type. I would ignore her buying things but you and your husband need to keep your ears open for her dropping comments about her access to the baby.

You sound cra cra.

[Anonymous]

Oh boy….get ready for an “over involved” MIL. Good luck!

My advice is to be kind, but firm with her…and use humor to navigate tricky situations.

[Anonymous]

My mom bought a bunch of stuff and she is the best about boundaries. 1) it’s really convenient when we visit and 2) she loves buying stuff and she was excited.

Some of you are nuts.