MIL buying items on my baby registry for herself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my shower isn’t yet so I haven’t been gifted any items. I find it weird that she would buy these items for herself and not buy items for my household first. I guess I’m here to ask if I am in the right to find this weird or it’s no big deal.

You are being told it’s no big deal and reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Op you’ve got lots of good advice here, but it sounds like you’re determined to be upset about this. So go ahead and tell her to not buy anything. Good luck in your next few years with your child and next few children lugging around everything from your house to their house. You’ll be eating crow soon enough.

[Anonymous]

Do you want to make this a thing?

Make your life easier and reframe how you are looking at this: she's excited and enthusiastic. She wants to have her house ready for when you visit. And when she gets to babysit.

[Anonymous]

Let’s reframe this: if it were your mom doing this, how would you feel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi all,

How would you take it if your MIL is buying items off your registry for her home only. She doesn’t mention buying any gifts for you to use. I will be a stay at home mom also so my baby wouldn’t be staying at her home that long and I live close to her. I also never mentioned having her look after my baby and if I happen to decide to go back to work, I would hire a nanny.

Thanks for all your responses.

She's setting things up at her place with similar items baby will have at home. Also with items she knows you approve of. Sounds great to me.

I'm a GP. It's only great if those items are also purchased for the baby's house. GP and special relationship people usually buy the big ticket items for the baby house. Some are usually not on the registry like a crib. So if MIL buys a pack n play for her house then who buys the pack n play for OP house? Crib, mattress, Stroller, car seat, extra carseat base, load leg thing, bassinet?

People often ignore the registry for a shower and post birth gifts. So the GP should really have a close working relationship with the couple on big ticket and key needed stuff. I doubt OP posted over a Sophie the Giraffe. SIL and I amazed at how many pop up as gifts. Baby gets a herd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi all,

How would you take it if your MIL is buying items off your registry for her home only. She doesn’t mention buying any gifts for you to use. I will be a stay at home mom also so my baby wouldn’t be staying at her home that long and I live close to her. I also never mentioned having her look after my baby and if I happen to decide to go back to work, I would hire a nanny.

Thanks for all your responses.

She's setting things up at her place with similar items baby will have at home. Also with items she knows you approve of. Sounds great to me.

I'm a GP. It's only great if those items are also purchased for the baby's house. GP and special relationship people usually buy the big ticket items for the baby house. Some are usually not on the registry like a crib. So if MIL buys a pack n play for her house then who buys the pack n play for OP house? Crib, mattress, Stroller, car seat, extra carseat base, load leg thing, bassinet?

People often ignore the registry for a shower and post birth gifts. So the GP should really have a close working relationship with the couple on big ticket and key needed stuff. I doubt OP posted over a Sophie the Giraffe. SIL and I amazed at how many pop up as gifts. Baby gets a herd.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi all,

How would you take it if your MIL is buying items off your registry for her home only. She doesn’t mention buying any gifts for you to use. I will be a stay at home mom also so my baby wouldn’t be staying at her home that long and I live close to her. I also never mentioned having her look after my baby and if I happen to decide to go back to work, I would hire a nanny.

Thanks for all your responses.

She's setting things up at her place with similar items baby will have at home. Also with items she knows you approve of. Sounds great to me.

I'm a GP. It's only great if those items are also purchased for the baby's house. GP and special relationship people usually buy the big ticket items for the baby house. Some are usually not on the registry like a crib. So if MIL buys a pack n play for her house then who buys the pack n play for OP house? Crib, mattress, Stroller, car seat, extra carseat base, load leg thing, bassinet?

People often ignore the registry for a shower and post birth gifts. So the GP should really have a close working relationship with the couple on big ticket and key needed stuff. I doubt OP posted over a Sophie the Giraffe. SIL and I amazed at how many pop up as gifts. Baby gets a herd.

The grandparents clearly have money and OP is having a baby shower. There is zero chance this baby is going to go without. Parents are really expected to buy the nursery and other things for their baby anyway and they usually pick things they like that will last for a few kids anyway. OP never indicated she was broke or there was a risk the baby wouldn't have anywhere to sleep or sit. She's just mad for some inexplicable reason that the shower that hasn't happened for an unborn baby hasn't been completed. It will, she will get what she needs. MIL is apparently buying these things on sale at a good price, why should she wait? What is the problem?

[Anonymous]

OP - to play devil's advocate here - is your mom doing it for bragging rights, or do you think she will genuinely be a great and helpful (to you!) grandparent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi all,

How would you take it if your MIL is buying items off your registry for her home only. She doesn’t mention buying any gifts for you to use. I will be a stay at home mom also so my baby wouldn’t be staying at her home that long and I live close to her. I also never mentioned having her look after my baby and if I happen to decide to go back to work, I would hire a nanny.

Thanks for all your responses.

She's setting things up at her place with similar items baby will have at home. Also with items she knows you approve of. Sounds great to me.

I'm a GP. It's only great if those items are also purchased for the baby's house. GP and special relationship people usually buy the big ticket items for the baby house. Some are usually not on the registry like a crib. So if MIL buys a pack n play for her house then who buys the pack n play for OP house? Crib, mattress, Stroller, car seat, extra carseat base, load leg thing, bassinet?

People often ignore the registry for a shower and post birth gifts. So the GP should really have a close working relationship with the couple on big ticket and key needed stuff. I doubt OP posted over a Sophie the Giraffe. SIL and I amazed at how many pop up as gifts. Baby gets a herd.

The grandparents clearly have money and OP is having a baby shower. There is zero chance this baby is going to go without. Parents are really expected to buy the nursery and other things for their baby anyway and they usually pick things they like that will last for a few kids anyway. OP never indicated she was broke or there was a risk the baby wouldn't have anywhere to sleep or sit. She's just mad for some inexplicable reason that the shower that hasn't happened for an unborn baby hasn't been completed. It will, she will get what she needs. MIL is apparently buying these things on sale at a good price, why should she wait? What is the problem?

I wrote "I'm a grandparent." Are you a parent, GP? The way stuff like cribs etc worked for us, SIL/BIL, friends is the parents identified products and we bought them. 1st the baby house gets complete then GP. If I have $400 to spend on a pack n play it goes to baby house. And exactly why does anyone think people buy off shower lists? It's more fun to surf through cute clothes and buy tons of newborn stuff that won't get used than buy a case of diapers and wipes. Or they get piles of swaddles and sleep sacks and the baby prefers the onesie-footie.

How 1 baby gets 8 swaddles, 10 sleep sacks, and a herd of giraffes...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi all,

How would you take it if your MIL is buying items off your registry for her home only. She doesn’t mention buying any gifts for you to use. I will be a stay at home mom also so my baby wouldn’t be staying at her home that long and I live close to her. I also never mentioned having her look after my baby and if I happen to decide to go back to work, I would hire a nanny.

Thanks for all your responses.

She's setting things up at her place with similar items baby will have at home. Also with items she knows you approve of. Sounds great to me.

I'm a GP. It's only great if those items are also purchased for the baby's house. GP and special relationship people usually buy the big ticket items for the baby house. Some are usually not on the registry like a crib. So if MIL buys a pack n play for her house then who buys the pack n play for OP house? Crib, mattress, Stroller, car seat, extra carseat base, load leg thing, bassinet?

People often ignore the registry for a shower and post birth gifts. So the GP should really have a close working relationship with the couple on big ticket and key needed stuff. I doubt OP posted over a Sophie the Giraffe. SIL and I amazed at how many pop up as gifts. Baby gets a herd.

The grandparents clearly have money and OP is having a baby shower. There is zero chance this baby is going to go without. Parents are really expected to buy the nursery and other things for their baby anyway and they usually pick things they like that will last for a few kids anyway. OP never indicated she was broke or there was a risk the baby wouldn't have anywhere to sleep or sit. She's just mad for some inexplicable reason that the shower that hasn't happened for an unborn baby hasn't been completed. It will, she will get what she needs. MIL is apparently buying these things on sale at a good price, why should she wait? What is the problem?

I wrote "I'm a grandparent." Are you a parent, GP? The way stuff like cribs etc worked for us, SIL/BIL, friends is the parents identified products and we bought them. 1st the baby house gets complete then GP. If I have $400 to spend on a pack n play it goes to baby house. And exactly why does anyone think people buy off shower lists? It's more fun to surf through cute clothes and buy tons of newborn stuff that won't get used than buy a case of diapers and wipes. Or they get piles of swaddles and sleep sacks and the baby prefers the onesie-footie.

How 1 baby gets 8 swaddles, 10 sleep sacks, and a herd of giraffes...

There is no rule "1st the baby house...." you made that up. My mom also bought baby stuff on sale when she wanted. The baby isn't born yet and a shower is in the works this baby will be provided for. So what if she's buying stuff now? If OP wants to cry poor then she can come back and update on her dire financial situation and fears that the baby will have nothing. But, she hasn't. She just doesn't her MIL thinking the baby will be spending any time at her house whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

The alternative is my inlaws, who never gave our babies much thought. Over the years we had to buy ourselves a pack-n-play and high chair and anything else we needed for these out of state visits. Your MIL is excited and thoughtful!

[Anonymous]

A lot of people I know, including me, registered for big items we didn't actually think we'd get from the shower but to be able to get at a discount for unpurchased items past the shower date. It's normal for the expecting couple to get the big items themselves. Does OP plan to spend much of her own money to provide for the baby or is she completely relying on friends and family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The alternative is my inlaws, who never gave our babies much thought. Over the years we had to buy ourselves a pack-n-play and high chair and anything else we needed for these out of state visits. Your MIL is excited and thoughtful!

My MIL went the other way. She thought my crib/high chair/stroller were all too modest and bought her house high-end and bulkier versions of everything. I was offended and felt like everything she bought was a judgment of my apartment-friendly versions. In hindsight I was probably just sensitive and hormonal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people I know, including me, registered for big items we didn't actually think we'd get from the shower but to be able to get at a discount for unpurchased items past the shower date. It's normal for the expecting couple to get the big items themselves. Does OP plan to spend much of her own money to provide for the baby or is she completely relying on friends and family?

Yeah baked into this thread is definitely annoyance from OP that her MIL isn’t just buying her registry out for gifts, huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my shower isn’t yet so I haven’t been gifted any items. I find it weird that she would buy these items for herself and not buy items for my household first. I guess I’m here to ask if I am in the right to find this weird or it’s no big deal.

Entitled much?