MIL buying items on my baby registry for herself

[Anonymous]

I think it’s sweet that she wants to have things in her house that you like and approve of. This is much better than pulling out an ancient crb or bassinet that isn’t safe.

[Anonymous]

So my MIL did this with our first. It was her first grandchild.

It was like competing throughout my whole pregnancy - her decorating “her” nursery in her house, buying things off of my registry to keep at her house, and then her researching things she thought were better than my choices, or more expensive, and keeping them there.

She did insert herself a lot throughout my pregnancy, when the baby was born, and in the years since. It was really annoying, especially when I was a new mom, hormonal, and wanting to figure things out on my own. She always had an unsolicited opinion, including disparaging remarks about breastfeeding (because she didn’t.)

But as time’s gone on, I’ve gotten better about maintaining boundaries, shutting down certain topics, letting other things go, and on the bright side, she and my FIL are very helpful with my children and they have a great relationship. At the end of the day, the more people who love your children the better, and you can work within that by setting boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my MIL did this with our first. It was her first grandchild.

It was like competing throughout my whole pregnancy - her decorating “her” nursery in her house, buying things off of my registry to keep at her house, and then her researching things she thought were better than my choices, or more expensive, and keeping them there.

She did insert herself a lot throughout my pregnancy, when the baby was born, and in the years since. It was really annoying, especially when I was a new mom, hormonal, and wanting to figure things out on my own. She always had an unsolicited opinion, including disparaging remarks about breastfeeding (because she didn’t.)

But as time’s gone on, I’ve gotten better about maintaining boundaries, shutting down certain topics, letting other things go, and on the bright side, she and my FIL are very helpful with my children and they have a great relationship. At the end of the day, the more people who love your children the better, and you can work within that by setting boundaries.

Pp again. To stress how much I get this, when we’d go somewhere together, MIL would bring her own diaper bag- the same as mine- packed with her own products. She is generally a controlling type of person, but at her best can be very helpful, so that’s what I stress boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP’s instincts aren’t wrong.

This behavior is ONLY helpful if OP and her husband have already decided that they plan frequent and lengthy visits with MIL, use MIL for babysitting and child care, and plan to leave the baby there. It sounds like OP and her husband haven’t made those decisions yet but MIL is presuming she’s going to be hosting the baby frequently. It’s the presumptuous behavior and if MIL has already shown herself to be overstepping, whiny, demanding or whatever would be a very bad sign.

The things that would be helpful for short, non weekly visits would be a pack and play, high chair and child proofing the house. MIL doesn’t need a crib, changing station, car seat, second set of clothes, diapers, bottles, bouncy seat, swing, stroller etc.

OP and her husband should have a conversation with MIL to figure out what her intentions/expectations are with outfitting a nursery at her house. OP and her husband then need to start thinking what will work best for them and their baby.

Helpful hint: you don't need to plan out an unborn baby's life before it is even born. Part of being a good parent is being flexible. OP has no idea how this is all going to play out.

You have ZERO business telling OP how she is supposed to be with her inlaws and baby. None.
As for what people need to do in planning for a baby, everyone is different. Everyone has different views. Yours is no more valid than anyone else's. And YOU also don't know how this will play out but, given granny's plans and purchases, it's pretty clear what she expects. And that's fine as long as OP and her DH are on board. But that is not the case at this point.

So, your opinions here are really . . . irrelevant.

Oh wait, you're the sockpuppeting troll. Now it makes sense.

Jeff did say that the OP was sockpuppeting, so...
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/weblog/2023/10/13/update101323

Yep once the PP was outed she stopped the hysterical posting. Probably off trying to think of the next fake MIL drama to post about.

No I’m the PP poster who thinks her instincts aren’t wrong and I’m not the OP. Quite frankly, you are the one being hysterical.

Maybe time to find a new hobby? This is a fake thread anyway as OP is a troll and you most likely are too if you're instincts haven't helped you figure that out yet.

[Anonymous]

I would be over the moon if this was my MIL “problem”. Anything you don’t have to pack or logistics you don’t have to figure out because your preferred things are in place elsewhere is one less thing you have to worry about. If it never gets used, that is also not your worry. Maybe you won’t need her help, but odds are that there will be days where you will want everyone out of your house for the afternoon.

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read all the pages of replies. However, if she’s buying stuff off your registry for herself and not getting you anything, that’s obnoxious. While it’s lovely for her to have basic baby-friendly items at her home, the priority should be making sure you have everything you need first.

[Anonymous]

She is the “stealing mother” type. She wants you gone and sees herself as the mother. She may not even realize it and she won’t physically steal a child but that’s the underlying motive.

[Anonymous]

Either this post has jumped the shark or a majority of women here need a psych eval.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either this post has jumped the shark or a majority of women here need a psych eval.

The post above yours is hilarious/concerning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom bought a bunch of stuff and she is the best about boundaries. 1) it’s really convenient when we visit and 2) she loves buying stuff and she was excited.

Some of you are nuts.

My mom and MIL also got stuff and it’s been really helpful for visits. I think they also just like having the stuff around because it reminds them of their grandkids who they love very much

[Anonymous]

The problem is the items are for the parents and their home. The MIL is not the parent. She is welcome to go out and purchase the items she wants for her home but not prevent others from purchasing for the parents from the registry the mom took the time to make for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the problem? She's just trying to have the same setup as yours, for the baby.
Is she not allowed to do that?

The problem is the items are for the parents and their home. The MIL is not the parent. She is welcome to go out and purchase the items she wants for her home but not prevent others from purchasing for the parents from the registry the mom took the time to make for herself.

[Anonymous]

OMG, OP. I hope you have a daycare provider lined up. If you don’t yet, find a good one stat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is the items are for the parents and their home. The MIL is not the parent. She is welcome to go out and purchase the items she wants for her home but not prevent others from purchasing for the parents from the registry the mom took the time to make for herself.

She is not marking it as complete on the registry, so she is not keeping anyone from buying them for the mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, no she didn’t mark them as complete.

Then what is the problem?

This. She's buying the things you like and your baby will have familiarity at MIL's house. She sounds great to me.