15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi all!

Im a mom of 3 school aged kids (11 and younger), so Im not really sure what is in the realm of normal behavior for ages 13-18. DH and I have recently started socializing with a couple who has one younger child together and the husband has a 15 year old daughter from a previous marriage. He splits custody of the daughter.

They came over for dinner on the weekend, and I assumed the 15 year old would want to hang in the kid area maybe playing video games with my 11 year old or just doing whatever with the kiddos. Instead, the teen chose to sit with the adults the whole night, first when we were out back drinking and socializing, then throughout dinner being served and eaten (the kids were served earlier), and even until after dinner. The teen interjected into conversation in a mostly appropriate manner, but still.... they are 15. It sort of put a damper on the evening for me as I felt I couldn't be as open with my friends as I usually would without a kid present and engaged.

So my question to this group is, is this normal for the kid to hang with adults all night at their age? Is this something I should expect more as my kids grown older and we continue to socialize at home with other families?

Thanks y'all!

This is a you problem. I speak openly with my 15 yo like I do with my friends. At this stage my role is as her advisor and mentor. She's a young adult and I treat her like one (within bounds, of course - I don't let her engage in dangerous or illegal activities). She prefers adults at times, other times kids. My rule is no phones or devices on these occasions. Personally I'd rather her learn to engage with adults.

[Anonymous]

One more thing OP: “kiddos” is annoying AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What on earth did you expect to talk about that you couldn't broach in front of a 15 year old? Your swinging proposition? Your binges? Your new sex tape?

Teens are developmentally ready to talk with adults. I have an 18 year old in college and a 13 year old - they can talk and opine about current events, and they're mature enough to hear about personal struggles (sanitized for the 13 year old). When he was 15, my son would often hang out with the adults, because we have a social circle where he has always been the oldest. So unless his friends were there, he would gravitate towards us, listen nonchalantly and interject perfectly appropriate comments or questions.

I know you think your teens are fascinating, but adults don’t want to spend all evening talking to them. Sorry.

No, she shouldn’t have been a babysitter, but she should have stayed home alone and if there’s a valid reason that isn’t feasible, go into another room with her phone.

With this attitude I bet your kids are addicted to screens. Or when you see them every other weekend you just leave them at home while you’re out socializing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you ATA here.

You're immature and selfish.

This man is being a great dad to his daughter, if you are really their friends you would welcome their teen to your table-- the more the merrier.

The fact that you tried to fob her off onto screens (movie and vied games) and she preferred to be with actual humans having areal conversations speaks volumes about both of your values and character.

Won't be surprised when this attitude bites you in the arse when your own kids become teens.

You’re ridiculous. This isn’t going to “bite OP in the arse” (stop with the affectation — you’re not British, and don’t lie and say you are), because she will establish appropriation boundaries with her teenagers so they don’t hang around and interrupt adults trying to have a conversation all night.

Ha! I am dual citizenship, but there's no way for you to know either way is there?

And these boundaries you "establish" will work with ways once the kids are older! You and the other parents of little ones don't get it -- that's what me and other posters are trying to tell you. Your disinterest towards teens is ugly, and will only hurt your own relationships later.

(I would say "start as you mean to go" but then I might be accused of faking being British again.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love how this thread turned into everyone bragging about their ability to socialize with children on a Saturday night and how much they love it …. Post it again in a month OP and say you love hanging out with your friends teens and the same people will come ridicule you for being weird. It’s just about being critical. Next thread

Op here- hahaha yes! Thanks for this!! I honestly can’t believe so many people are getting worked up about this. 15 year olds are fine and all, but they’re not adults and when there are two couples and a 15 year old engaged in a heavy conversational dynamic for 4 hours it does feel forced and awkward.

Also, I realize I was not clear with this piece of info- I did not know that the dad had a teenaged daughter and shared custody. We know the wife through my husband and she recently married him and had a child together. Like I said, we don’t know them well which is why we invited them over for dinner.

Most of our friends have kids our kids ages or younger, it’s normal to feed them first then they run off to play or have a movie night if they want to do that. Our other friends with teens have always left them home, just saying the kids had other things to do or straight up didn’t want to come hang with a bunch of babies. That makes sense 😊

Did you invite them and their family over, or did they check with you to see if she could come? If so, she was your guest and behaved appropriately. I can almost guarantee that the evening was more awkward for her, but she apparently handled it graciously.

If you invited the friend and her husband over to join you and another couple for dinner, and they showed up without warning with an extra guest (of any age) in tow, then you have no obligation to entertain them, but it would be the gracious thing to do. Keep in mind the etiquette breach isn’t the teen’s fault, but the friend who imposed on your hospitality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What on earth did you expect to talk about that you couldn't broach in front of a 15 year old? Your swinging proposition? Your binges? Your new sex tape?

Teens are developmentally ready to talk with adults. I have an 18 year old in college and a 13 year old - they can talk and opine about current events, and they're mature enough to hear about personal struggles (sanitized for the 13 year old). When he was 15, my son would often hang out with the adults, because we have a social circle where he has always been the oldest. So unless his friends were there, he would gravitate towards us, listen nonchalantly and interject perfectly appropriate comments or questions.

I know you think your teens are fascinating, but adults don’t want to spend all evening talking to them. Sorry.

No, she shouldn’t have been a babysitter, but she should have stayed home alone and if there’s a valid reason that isn’t feasible, go into another room with her phone.

With this attitude I bet your kids are addicted to screens. Or when you see them every other weekend you just leave them at home while you’re out socializing.

+1

OP was upset this teen did not want to watch a movie or play video games! Great modeling behavior, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not abnormal. She didn't want to be a defacto babysitter either.

+1


What 15 year old wants to hang out with the kiddos? And babysit. Nailed it.

Since a 15 year is still a kid I don't see this as weird. At least at 15, I had no problems with this, I was still a kid myself, much more fun hanging out with kids than adults. However, this only works if the kids know each other well i.e. cousins or close family friends. Strangers it's a little awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another question from OP- obviously, my oldest kid is 11. I don’t know any 15 year olds well at all (no close friends with kids that age). Why would I be expected to know their developmental level and what’s appropriate/typical behavior? That’s literally what I’m here asking about but people are criticizing me for…not knowing what I don’t know? What I came here to ask? Too funny

You didn’t ask in an open-minded way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another question from OP- obviously, my oldest kid is 11. I don’t know any 15 year olds well at all (no close friends with kids that age). Why would I be expected to know their developmental level and what’s appropriate/typical behavior? That’s literally what I’m here asking about but people are criticizing me for…not knowing what I don’t know? What I came here to ask? Too funny

Bet you have an immature 11 year old boy you don’t enjoy. My teen girls are lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not abnormal. She didn't want to be a defacto babysitter either.

+1. I was put in this situation a lot as a teen and it's not fair to the teen. She doesn't want to play with the babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Okay. So if this is normal, I just need to prepare to socialize with my friends and a 15 year old everytime we host them?

Im aware this sounds stupid, but do you all just sort of accept that you have to chat with boring and pedantic teens now (this one was a vegan and told us all about it) when you are trying to socialize with other adults?

Wow. You sound horrible.

[Anonymous]

It’s not normal. No way would I want to hang out with a 15 year old who isn’t my kid for 4 hours while trying to socialize with two adults. I would only socialize with this other couple if you got a babysitter for your kids and met them at a bar so the 15 year old couldn’t come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not abnormal. She didn't want to be a defacto babysitter either.

That is 100 percent what's behind my 14 year old taking an interest in joining in with the adult conversation at family gatherings now. As another PP said, learning how to be part of conversations is a skill and with so much of our teens' time spent texting I am more than happy to help my kid learn how to be part of adult conversations. If you'd rather not have your friends' older kids be part of the adult conversation, either have something for them to do and make it clear you don't expect them to watch the younger kids or make your parties adults only.

[Anonymous]

It seems odd that a 15yr old even wanted to be there - why didn’t she stay home? I agree that kids should not be part of the adult socializing. She also should not be a defacto babysitter. It’s awkward, but at least she contributes to the conversation and doesn’t just listen to everything and scroll her phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love how this thread turned into everyone bragging about their ability to socialize with children on a Saturday night and how much they love it …. Post it again in a month OP and say you love hanging out with your friends teens and the same people will come ridicule you for being weird. It’s just about being critical. Next thread

Op here- hahaha yes! Thanks for this!! I honestly can’t believe so many people are getting worked up about this. 15 year olds are fine and all, but they’re not adults and when there are two couples and a 15 year old engaged in a heavy conversational dynamic for 4 hours it does feel forced and awkward.

Also, I realize I was not clear with this piece of info- I did not know that the dad had a teenaged daughter and shared custody. We know the wife through my husband and she recently married him and had a child together. Like I said, we don’t know them well which is why we invited them over for dinner.

Most of our friends have kids our kids ages or younger, it’s normal to feed them first then they run off to play or have a movie night if they want to do that. Our other friends with teens have always left them home, just saying the kids had other things to do or straight up didn’t want to come hang with a bunch of babies. That makes sense 😊

How old is this couple’s younger child, OP? Sounds like a baby? I’m confused by the age range/dynamics here.