15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?

[Anonymous]

A 15-year-old is closer to being an adult than to being 11 years old.

Yes, it's a transition. If you don't want to hang out with the teen, just invite the adults, and get a sitter for your own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Okay. So if this is normal, I just need to prepare to socialize with my friends and a 15 year old everytime we host them?

Im aware this sounds stupid, but do you all just sort of accept that you have to chat with boring and pedantic teens now (this one was a vegan and told us all about it) when you are trying to socialize with other adults?

Why are you assuming this will be every time? Did this teen join her parents every time up until this weekend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Okay. So if this is normal, I just need to prepare to socialize with my friends and a 15 year old everytime we host them?

Im aware this sounds stupid, but do you all just sort of accept that you have to chat with boring and pedantic teens now (this one was a vegan and told us all about it) when you are trying to socialize with other adults?

So you want to the evening to be ALL ABOUT YOU. God forbid any topic of conversation not approved by you should rear its ugly head.

Apparently you have fewer social skills than the teen in question!

[Anonymous]

I think it’s abnormal and my best friends son has always done this. He’s now 20 tabs still does it. And I have the same issue at times, I can’t have some conversations I want to have with her because he’s there listening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What on earth did you expect to talk about that you couldn't broach in front of a 15 year old? Your swinging proposition? Your binges? Your new sex tape?

Teens are developmentally ready to talk with adults. I have an 18 year old in college and a 13 year old - they can talk and opine about current events, and they're mature enough to hear about personal struggles (sanitized for the 13 year old). When he was 15, my son would often hang out with the adults, because we have a social circle where he has always been the oldest. So unless his friends were there, he would gravitate towards us, listen nonchalantly and interject perfectly appropriate comments or questions.

Well, to me it’s sort of similar to hanging out with a friend and a person I don’t know. Or a friend and someone who’s close to someone else I know. I might want to share details about my child or some issue my family is dealing with, and wouldn’t in this case. Or sometimes, our group can be jokey-snarky about parenting responsibilities, but I’m not doing that with a child present. I don’t want to hang out with a random 15 year old. I’m surprised they came. Maybe because it was on the Dad’s weekend and they didn’t want to leave her alone? Maybe you can plan for days you know she will be gone.

[Anonymous]

This can be tricky. We’re a family with a 15 year old and a younger one. Close friends of ours have two younger kids. It all worked out fine up until a year or two ago when teenager clearly didn’t want to hang out with the younger kids, nor be expected to “babysit.” Also didn’t want to be left home alone, despite my strongly hinting that she wasn’t probably going to enjoy herself with the adults. For us, going forward, we will probably only do adults-only get togethers for a while.

[Anonymous]

I understand. Yes, that is in the realm of normal for the 15 yr old to prefer to socialize with the adults vs the 11 yr old. There is a big golf between 11 and 15.

But at the same time, it definitely changes the dynamic of the adult conversation when someone’s 15 yr old is present.

Next time, plan to have them over when the 15 yr old is with the other parent. But yeah, you can’t get around this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Okay. So if this is normal, I just need to prepare to socialize with my friends and a 15 year old everytime we host them?

Im aware this sounds stupid, but do you all just sort of accept that you have to chat with boring and pedantic teens now (this one was a vegan and told us all about it) when you are trying to socialize with other adults?

Adults can be boring and pedantic, too. Deal with a teen conversationally the same way you’d deal with an adult. If you’re tired of the subject, transition to a new subject or disengage from the conversation and talk with someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 15-year-old is closer to being an adult than to being 11 years old.

Yes, it's a transition. If you don't want to hang out with the teen, just invite the adults, and get a sitter for your own kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Okay. So if this is normal, I just need to prepare to socialize with my friends and a 15 year old everytime we host them?

Im aware this sounds stupid, but do you all just sort of accept that you have to chat with boring and pedantic teens now (this one was a vegan and told us all about it) when you are trying to socialize with other adults?

Adults can be boring and pedantic, too. Deal with a teen conversationally the same way you’d deal with an adult. If you’re tired of the subject, transition to a new subject or disengage from the conversation and talk with someone else.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This can be tricky. We’re a family with a 15 year old and a younger one. Close friends of ours have two younger kids. It all worked out fine up until a year or two ago when teenager clearly didn’t want to hang out with the younger kids, nor be expected to “babysit.” Also didn’t want to be left home alone, despite my strongly hinting that she wasn’t probably going to enjoy herself with the adults. For us, going forward, we will probably only do adults-only get togethers for a while.

Your 15yr old was too scared to be home alone?!?!

Now THAT is abnormal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can be tricky. We’re a family with a 15 year old and a younger one. Close friends of ours have two younger kids. It all worked out fine up until a year or two ago when teenager clearly didn’t want to hang out with the younger kids, nor be expected to “babysit.” Also didn’t want to be left home alone, despite my strongly hinting that she wasn’t probably going to enjoy herself with the adults. For us, going forward, we will probably only do adults-only get togethers for a while.

Your 15yr old was too scared to be home alone?!?!

Now THAT is abnormal

Did I say she was scared?

[Anonymous]

I guess dad could have left the daughter he only gets to see half the time at hoem or banished her into the basement to babysit.

It was obviously silly of him to think family friends would understand custodial guilt and the fact that a 15 year old would have NOTHING in common with young kids.

[Anonymous]

The comments on this are ridiculous. No OP you are not expected to want to socialize with a 15 year old. You are allowed to want adult time. Zero justification required. You will have to figure out the best way to handle it in this particular case. If it was my close friend I’d be direct about it and talk it through. Also keep in mind a couple months time and patience might solve the problem on its own - the teen is an age where they might start to have plans of their own.

I do agree the teen should not be expected to hang out with little kids - although maybe you could pay them to be “supervising” and make it a win win?

[Anonymous]

Why would a 15-year-old want to hang out with grade school kids? Your kids are too young for a teen a mere three years from adulthood.

15 is a short hop to 18. And this kid may be much closer to 16 at this point.

Maybe Dad relishes his time with his teen, who he shares custody with? Maybe the teen had plans that didn't work out (my teens got tired of asking friends to do something and stopped asking)?

OP, you will have a 15-year-old before you know it. I can't wait for you to tell your 15-year-old to "go play" with the 7-year-olds.