15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 11 year old daughter would much - much - rather hang out with the adults than with younger kids. A 15 year old is definitely going to want to. If you’re inviting a family into your home, you talk to all of them. If you want adult time only, you go out to dinner.

Yes. And if you want the 15 year old to babysit, you make that clear, and you pay her. So many mean and mannerless people here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love how this thread turned into everyone bragging about their ability to socialize with children on a Saturday night and how much they love it …. Post it again in a month OP and say you love hanging out with your friends teens and the same people will come ridicule you for being weird. It’s just about being critical. Next thread

Op here- hahaha yes! Thanks for this!! I honestly can’t believe so many people are getting worked up about this. 15 year olds are fine and all, but they’re not adults and when there are two couples and a 15 year old engaged in a heavy conversational dynamic for 4 hours it does feel forced and awkward.

Also, I realize I was not clear with this piece of info- I did not know that the dad had a teenaged daughter and shared custody. We know the wife through my husband and she recently married him and had a child together. Like I said, we don’t know them well which is why we invited them over for dinner.

Most of our friends have kids our kids ages or younger, it’s normal to feed them first then they run off to play or have a movie night if they want to do that. Our other friends with teens have always left them home, just saying the kids had other things to do or straight up didn’t want to come hang with a bunch of babies. That makes sense 😊

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like such a jerk. FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No 15 year old is going to want to hang out with an 11 year old. Man girls have no interest in video games.

I didn’t think she would want to hang with my 11 year old. I also didn’t think she would want to hang with us. I didn’t know what she would do. I didn’t need her to babysit my kids, they were fine playing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Okay. So if this is normal, I just need to prepare to socialize with my friends and a 15 year old everytime we host them?

Im aware this sounds stupid, but do you all just sort of accept that you have to chat with boring and pedantic teens now (this one was a vegan and told us all about it) when you are trying to socialize with other adults?

LOL! My spouse works in academia, so these are the kinds of adults I often have to chat with. Yes, we just accept it.

I'm sorry OP. I get that this teen was not a perfect friend fit for you, but you do need to be more gracious and understanding that she was not exactly having the time of her life at your house either. She would have rather been with her pedantic vegan friends than at your house with annoyed adults and annoying kids. But I truly don't get all the vitriol toward you just venting. All the people ragging on you need to step back and evaluate what is making them so triggered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What on earth did you expect to talk about that you couldn't broach in front of a 15 year old? Your swinging proposition? Your binges? Your new sex tape?

Teens are developmentally ready to talk with adults. I have an 18 year old in college and a 13 year old - they can talk and opine about current events, and they're mature enough to hear about personal struggles (sanitized for the 13 year old). When he was 15, my son would often hang out with the adults, because we have a social circle where he has always been the oldest. So unless his friends were there, he would gravitate towards us, listen nonchalantly and interject perfectly appropriate comments or questions.

I know you think your teens are fascinating, but adults don’t want to spend all evening talking to them. Sorry.

No, she shouldn’t have been a babysitter, but she should have stayed home alone and if there’s a valid reason that isn’t feasible, go into another room with her phone.

Are you the OP now just posting in third person because this lack of empathy reeks of OP. This 15yo is in a split custody situation. Of course she is going to want to spend time with her dad just as he wants to spend time with her. All these updates with mixed signals, oh she was boring, pedantic and discussed in depth being a vegan but also she was just lovely...sounds like a troll.

Haha I’m the OP. Not a troll I don’t have time for that. We didn’t know the dad had a shared custody situation or another kid until the day of. Of course I wouldn’t desire the kid to be left home alone if she wants to come, I’m not monster.

Y’all are punking me, right? You really want to chat over wine with a 15 year old about all their extracurriculars and ap scores for 4 hours on a Saturday night? Cmon now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not abnormal. She didn't want to be a defacto babysitter either.

+1


What 15 year old wants to hang out with the kiddos? And babysit. Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No 15 year old is going to want to hang out with an 11 year old. Man girls have no interest in video games.

I didn’t think she would want to hang with my 11 year old. I also didn’t think she would want to hang with us. I didn’t know what she would do. I didn’t need her to babysit my kids, they were fine playing.

Sounds like you made several incorrect assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love how this thread turned into everyone bragging about their ability to socialize with children on a Saturday night and how much they love it …. Post it again in a month OP and say you love hanging out with your friends teens and the same people will come ridicule you for being weird. It’s just about being critical. Next thread

Op here- hahaha yes! Thanks for this!! I honestly can’t believe so many people are getting worked up about this. 15 year olds are fine and all, but they’re not adults and when there are two couples and a 15 year old engaged in a heavy conversational dynamic for 4 hours it does feel forced and awkward.

Also, I realize I was not clear with this piece of info- I did not know that the dad had a teenaged daughter and shared custody. We know the wife through my husband and she recently married him and had a child together. Like I said, we don’t know them well which is why we invited them over for dinner.

Most of our friends have kids our kids ages or younger, it’s normal to feed them first then they run off to play or have a movie night if they want to do that. Our other friends with teens have always left them home, just saying the kids had other things to do or straight up didn’t want to come hang with a bunch of babies. That makes sense 😊

This is the norm, OP. Don't let these nutjobs on DCUM fool you. I have a 16 yo DS and I don't drag him to family outings where I know he won't have peers to engage with. I either leave him at home to do what he wants or he makes plans to hang out with his friends. And IF he has to be there, for whatever reason, I expect him to engage and be pleasant with adults for like maybe 30 minutes or an hour, but I would NOT expect my 16 yo DS to spend the WHOLE NIGHT at the adults' table interjecting in adult conversations.

It's important for a child to know a child's place. And adults should be able to have adult conversations without a child interjecting and disrupting the flow of grown conversations.

[Anonymous]

Another question from OP- obviously, my oldest kid is 11. I don’t know any 15 year olds well at all (no close friends with kids that age). Why would I be expected to know their developmental level and what’s appropriate/typical behavior? That’s literally what I’m here asking about but people are criticizing me for…not knowing what I don’t know? What I came here to ask? Too funny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- wow! So much judgement and hate already in this thread! Dcum never fails to dish up the vitriol.

Thanks to everyone kind for their reasonable responses. These are new friends and I’m not close enough with the woman to address it. Of course I understand and applaud it if the dad wants to spend time with his daughter on their weekends. She was lovely and a great guest. However, I would prefer not to spend my limited Saturday nights socializing with a 15 year old after being with my own kids all day.

I do think it may be an only child thing (she’s an only child on his side)

truth hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another question from OP- obviously, my oldest kid is 11. I don’t know any 15 year olds well at all (no close friends with kids that age). Why would I be expected to know their developmental level and what’s appropriate/typical behavior? That’s literally what I’m here asking about but people are criticizing me for…not knowing what I don’t know? What I came here to ask? Too funny

Were you ever 15 OP?

Then you should know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another question from OP- obviously, my oldest kid is 11. I don’t know any 15 year olds well at all (no close friends with kids that age). Why would I be expected to know their developmental level and what’s appropriate/typical behavior? That’s literally what I’m here asking about but people are criticizing me for…not knowing what I don’t know? What I came here to ask? Too funny

We're criticizing you because people answered on the first page (yes, it's normal) but you keep coming back to stir the pot and each time you do, you sound more horrid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love how this thread turned into everyone bragging about their ability to socialize with children on a Saturday night and how much they love it …. Post it again in a month OP and say you love hanging out with your friends teens and the same people will come ridicule you for being weird. It’s just about being critical. Next thread

Op here- hahaha yes! Thanks for this!! I honestly can’t believe so many people are getting worked up about this. 15 year olds are fine and all, but they’re not adults and when there are two couples and a 15 year old engaged in a heavy conversational dynamic for 4 hours it does feel forced and awkward.

Also, I realize I was not clear with this piece of info- I did not know that the dad had a teenaged daughter and shared custody. We know the wife through my husband and she recently married him and had a child together. Like I said, we don’t know them well which is why we invited them over for dinner.

Most of our friends have kids our kids ages or younger, it’s normal to feed them first then they run off to play or have a movie night if they want to do that. Our other friends with teens have always left them home, just saying the kids had other things to do or straight up didn’t want to come hang with a bunch of babies. That makes sense 😊

OP if you think what you just wrote makes you sound better you’re wrong. Basically you’re saying that you invited people over to your home who you don’t know very well and were annoyed to discover that they had a 15 year old who you didn’t want to be around or converse with. It’s rude AF and really inhospitable. You’re a terrible host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another question from OP- obviously, my oldest kid is 11. I don’t know any 15 year olds well at all (no close friends with kids that age). Why would I be expected to know their developmental level and what’s appropriate/typical behavior? That’s literally what I’m here asking about but people are criticizing me for…not knowing what I don’t know? What I came here to ask? Too funny

Were you ever 15 OP?

Then you should know.

Yea I can see why you wouldn’t know. Because your 11 year old is clearly either immature for their age or doesn’t like you very much. Because most kids that age will want to hang with adults over small children.