Should I ask my husband about chat saved from a female asking him out

[Anonymous]

Whatsapp is for cheaters. « Come to Jesus talk? «  Some evangelical Americans are so weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - am very confused, on one side I feel that maybe he did not want me to worry and so did not mention / but not sure why he did not just delete the conversation. I don't see any change in his behavior with me - any perspective from men would be great. He is 43 year old man and we have 2 teen kids.

Man’s perspective: I might save it even though I have zero intention of doing anything, it’s just that I never get hit on and could use the tiny boost to my ego.

[Anonymous]

How did this woman have his number?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that's a huge problem, that his response was simply that he had plans (and it didn't mention those plans were with his freaking wife and kids).

But you looking at his phone is a huge problem too.

But you know all of this, right?

It's really not. they are married, it's ok to look at spouse's phone.

Keep your wide eyes open and you should ask him why he didn't mention you to the woman who asked him out.

Absolutely not. That's a violation of trust. No one should be snooping into anyone's phone behind their back. My DH would never do this, nor would I.

It’s not snooping if you are married.

Psyyyychoooopath… you are a walking red flag.

What do you people do on your phones that you are so terrified of your spouse discovering?

WTF is wrong with you people? I have zero to hide from my DH of 20 years nor does he. I could probably guess his cell and computer pw but in 20 years of marriage it has never once occurred ti me to look ( or snoop) at his phone. I can’t even imagine living like that. Those that feel the need to search or have full access to a spouse’a phone sound incredibly entitled, insecure and bizarre. And to the prior “gay” marriage PP( as if that mattered at all to the point of your post) - it’s couples like you who have zero sense of privacy or boundaries or trust in your partner that are more likely to get divorced. You all sound like a bunch of insecure and immature teenagers. Pathetic. Grow up.

You do protest too much. What are you hiding?

DP here. I am a woman who has never and will never cheat. Twice in our 25-year marriage, my husband has jumped to insane conclusions by basically hacking in to my work email, snooping, and then accusing me of cheating. Both instances were such stretches from what he read and it basically ruined years of my life because he is a controlling, insecure weirdo who snooped on my computer and carelessly read something. I had and still do give zero evidence or reason for him to think I would cheat. Anybody who thinks snooping around your spouse's phone, email, laptop, whatever, is healthy, is the one with the problem. I agree the PP is rather vehement, but you disagreeing with her are just the typical judgemental, old-fashioned, probably SAHM DC moms who are just fine with being controlled by their husbands and then not trusting them. It's nuts.

Spouses that use each other’s phones and a spouse hacking your email and being a nut job are two entirely different things.

You don't ever check to see what porn, or how much porn, your spouse is watching?

How can you do that anymore they just use.porn mode????

You mean incognito browser? You can disable that, it's easy, see on youtube.

For good?! Seriously??

Well, you can add it back if you change your mind.

Well can't a motivated spouse add it back to use then remove it again also can't they just use explorer or safari or another browser?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatsapp is for cheaters. « Come to Jesus talk? «  Some evangelical Americans are so weird.

Uh, no.

It is a common expression and I am not an evangelical—far from it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that's a huge problem, that his response was simply that he had plans (and it didn't mention those plans were with his freaking wife and kids).

But you looking at his phone is a huge problem too.

But you know all of this, right?

It's really not. they are married, it's ok to look at spouse's phone.

Keep your wide eyes open and you should ask him why he didn't mention you to the woman who asked him out.

Absolutely not. That's a violation of trust. No one should be snooping into anyone's phone behind their back. My DH would never do this, nor would I.

I guess if you have the expectation that your phone is not to be looked at… my spouse and I do not have this agreement, we know each other’s phone passwords and I would have zero problem with him looking through my phone. Then again I have nothing to hide from him.

My husband and I know each other’s phone passwords and we also use each other’s phone if it’s more convenient in the moment, but I’d still upset if he read through my texts or emails and I’d never do that with his. We’re both allowed to have private thoughts. I’m allowed to vent to my best friend that my husband decided to retile the master bathroom instead of fixing the clog in the powder room toilet (that’s an example, it didn’t happen) and expect that he isn’t going to read it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that's a huge problem, that his response was simply that he had plans (and it didn't mention those plans were with his freaking wife and kids).

But you looking at his phone is a huge problem too.

But you know all of this, right?

It's really not. they are married, it's ok to look at spouse's phone.

Keep your wide eyes open and you should ask him why he didn't mention you to the woman who asked him out.

Absolutely not. That's a violation of trust. No one should be snooping into anyone's phone behind their back. My DH would never do this, nor would I.

It’s not snooping if you are married.

Psyyyychoooopath… you are a walking red flag.

What do you people do on your phones that you are so terrified of your spouse discovering?

WTF is wrong with you people? I have zero to hide from my DH of 20 years nor does he. I could probably guess his cell and computer pw but in 20 years of marriage it has never once occurred ti me to look ( or snoop) at his phone. I can’t even imagine living like that. Those that feel the need to search or have full access to a spouse’a phone sound incredibly entitled, insecure and bizarre. And to the prior “gay” marriage PP( as if that mattered at all to the point of your post) - it’s couples like you who have zero sense of privacy or boundaries or trust in your partner that are more likely to get divorced. You all sound like a bunch of insecure and immature teenagers. Pathetic. Grow up.

You do protest too much. What are you hiding?

DP here. I am a woman who has never and will never cheat. Twice in our 25-year marriage, my husband has jumped to insane conclusions by basically hacking in to my work email, snooping, and then accusing me of cheating. Both instances were such stretches from what he read and it basically ruined years of my life because he is a controlling, insecure weirdo who snooped on my computer and carelessly read something. I had and still do give zero evidence or reason for him to think I would cheat. Anybody who thinks snooping around your spouse's phone, email, laptop, whatever, is healthy, is the one with the problem. I agree the PP is rather vehement, but you disagreeing with her are just the typical judgemental, old-fashioned, probably SAHM DC moms who are just fine with being controlled by their husbands and then not trusting them. It's nuts.

I’m not sure you should be judging other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I use our phones fairly interchangeably. I’m not going to find my phone upstairs if his is right beside me and I need to google something. Heck, our 11 year old knows our phone passwords. We have nothing to hide on there. But I also don’t consider it snooping when I’m away from my phone and my husband says “hey, your sister just texted.” I’m sure he glanced at the content that flashed up.

But back to the OP. I am super curious about what this invite really was. For example, we joined a swim and tennis club last summer and my husband is pretty good. I don’t play. Two different women I know (whose husbands don’t play) asked my husband to play with them in a mixed doubles tournament. I certainly wasn’t worried they were trying to steal my husband or that he would cheat.

So you don’t have any texts on your phone discussing people, including possibly children, that you don’t want your kids seeing? My best friend and I have been texting about a kid who is causing some issues in a friend group and discussing how to proceed/address the problem and I don’t want my children reading that. It’s not about them but they’re my adult thoughts that they don’t need to see.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that's a huge problem, that his response was simply that he had plans (and it didn't mention those plans were with his freaking wife and kids).

But you looking at his phone is a huge problem too.

But you know all of this, right?

It's really not. they are married, it's ok to look at spouse's phone.

Keep your wide eyes open and you should ask him why he didn't mention you to the woman who asked him out.

Absolutely not. That's a violation of trust. No one should be snooping into anyone's phone behind their back. My DH would never do this, nor would I.

It’s not snooping if you are married.

Psyyyychoooopath… you are a walking red flag.

What do you people do on your phones that you are so terrified of your spouse discovering?

WTF is wrong with you people? I have zero to hide from my DH of 20 years nor does he. I could probably guess his cell and computer pw but in 20 years of marriage it has never once occurred ti me to look ( or snoop) at his phone. I can’t even imagine living like that. Those that feel the need to search or have full access to a spouse’a phone sound incredibly entitled, insecure and bizarre. And to the prior “gay” marriage PP( as if that mattered at all to the point of your post) - it’s couples like you who have zero sense of privacy or boundaries or trust in your partner that are more likely to get divorced. You all sound like a bunch of insecure and immature teenagers. Pathetic. Grow up.

You do protest too much. What are you hiding?

DP here. I am a woman who has never and will never cheat. Twice in our 25-year marriage, my husband has jumped to insane conclusions by basically hacking in to my work email, snooping, and then accusing me of cheating. Both instances were such stretches from what he read and it basically ruined years of my life because he is a controlling, insecure weirdo who snooped on my computer and carelessly read something. I had and still do give zero evidence or reason for him to think I would cheat. Anybody who thinks snooping around your spouse's phone, email, laptop, whatever, is healthy, is the one with the problem. I agree the PP is rather vehement, but you disagreeing with her are just the typical judgemental, old-fashioned, probably SAHM DC moms who are just fine with being controlled by their husbands and then not trusting them. It's nuts.

Spouses that use each other’s phones and a spouse hacking your email and being a nut job are two entirely different things.

You don't ever check to see what porn, or how much porn, your spouse is watching?

This has literally never occurred to me in almost 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you go thru your spouse's phone, your marriage is in the toilet. I don't even go thru my kids' phones. Get a grip, people.

You should definitely go through your kids’ phones on occasion… what kind of negligent parent are you?

The kind with trusting, well-behaved kids who tell me a lot about their lives. Snooping is the fast track to bad relationships. I also don't snoop through their rooms. My mom didn't listen to my phone calls, read my letters and go through my room. My stepmom did and I still think it was a violation decades later!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My husband and I use our phones fairly interchangeably. I’m not going to find my phone upstairs if his is right beside me and I need to google something. Heck, our 11 year old knows our phone passwords. We have nothing to hide on there. But I also don’t consider it snooping when I’m away from my phone and my husband says “hey, your sister just texted.” I’m sure he glanced at the content that flashed up.

But back to the OP. I am super curious about what this invite really was. For example, we joined a swim and tennis club last summer and my husband is pretty good. I don’t play. Two different women I know (whose husbands don’t play) asked my husband to play with them in a mixed doubles tournament. I certainly wasn’t worried they were trying to steal my husband or that he would cheat.

This is how my ex-spouse and I were and it gave me a total false sense of security.

He didn’t text or call through his cell. Their communication was all through Skype internet messaging/voice or other internet app which were not stored on his cell.

I would have likely discovered cheating much much earlier except I felt he was an open book. We shared passwords and an Apple ID account.

Burner emails are common too.

Same poster. Yes, I realize that is my husband was actually going to cheat on me, he wouldn’t be stupid enough to do it openly on his phone. I was responding more to the posters that seem to assume that sharing phones means you are a BIG SNOOPER AND TERRIBLE SPOUSE.

Do you have a hard time going through life not understanding the difference between things like sharing a phone or knowing passwords versus reading someone’s texts?

[Anonymous]

I don't think DH and I have even ever touched each other's phones. I don't even know how his is set up and would not want to try to fiddle with it to do anything. Married 20 years. No cheating. I don't care how much porn he watches. He doesn't care what I am gabbing about to my sister and friends. What a burden to have to monitor your spouse. We have life 360 so we can tell whether the other one is without bugging them to ask.

I don't have a memory of using anyone else's phone ever, actually. I find it terrifying when moms are like "oh, we are waiting to get Larla a cell phone until 8th grade" and then hand theirs off to the kid to play with/use with all their chats, texts, etc.

[Anonymous]

WhatsApp is for anyone who has friends or family abroad. If you don't know this, you clearly have no friends that live in other countries. It is also for anyone who has group chats that they don't want in their normal texts bc it's easier to ignore them/check later when they aren't coming thru the main text app. It is not just for cheaters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WhatsApp is for anyone who has friends or family abroad. If you don't know this, you clearly have no friends that live in other countries. It is also for anyone who has group chats that they don't want in their normal texts bc it's easier to ignore them/check later when they aren't coming thru the main text app. It is not just for cheaters.

I use WhatsApp for all my friends, some group chats, most individual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think DH and I have even ever touched each other's phones. I don't even know how his is set up and would not want to try to fiddle with it to do anything. Married 20 years. No cheating. I don't care how much porn he watches. He doesn't care what I am gabbing about to my sister and friends. What a burden to have to monitor your spouse. We have life 360 so we can tell whether the other one is without bugging them to ask.

I don't have a memory of using anyone else's phone ever, actually. I find it terrifying when moms are like "oh, we are waiting to get Larla a cell phone until 8th grade" and then hand theirs off to the kid to play with/use with all their chats, texts, etc.

I guess it's only a problem if it escalates over time, the husband no longer being as interested in sleeping with his wife. Watching degrading stuff etc. online instead.