Should I ask my husband about chat saved from a female asking him out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not a WhatsApp expert and have archived chats I thought i was deleting. 🤷🏻‍♀️

+1 They make it hard to delete, it’s not the default.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not read through this thread and only the original OP. But my exh had inappropriate conversations with his coworker. We were on his speaker phone chatting with my then mil. Coworker texted something and it showed up in the banner of his phone. Cool as a fan I continued the convo with mil but I recognized his discomfort so I knew something was up. He tried to extend the conversation with mundane questions to his mother. So I just started to stare at him. You know the stare. I let him have it after we got off the phone. We got past that, and as far as I can tell the inappropriate conversations with her ceased. Her. But little did I know he was banging two other coworkers! The joke was on me. Based on my personal experience, my advice to you OP is keep your eyes and ears open. Say nothing until you feel comfortable this isn’t his thing.

Wow!

[Anonymous]

Of course, why wouldn't you ask him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not read through this thread and only the original OP. But my exh had inappropriate conversations with his coworker. We were on his speaker phone chatting with my then mil. Coworker texted something and it showed up in the banner of his phone. Cool as a fan I continued the convo with mil but I recognized his discomfort so I knew something was up. He tried to extend the conversation with mundane questions to his mother. So I just started to stare at him. You know the stare. I let him have it after we got off the phone. We got past that, and as far as I can tell the inappropriate conversations with her ceased. Her. But little did I know he was banging two other coworkers! The joke was on me. Based on my personal experience, my advice to you OP is keep your eyes and ears open. Say nothing until you feel comfortable this isn’t his thing.

Are you still together?

NP. She wrote “my then mil” so it seems not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that's a huge problem, that his response was simply that he had plans (and it didn't mention those plans were with his freaking wife and kids).

But you looking at his phone is a huge problem too.

But you know all of this, right?

It's really not. they are married, it's ok to look at spouse's phone.

Keep your wide eyes open and you should ask him why he didn't mention you to the woman who asked him out.

Absolutely not. That's a violation of trust. No one should be snooping into anyone's phone behind their back. My DH would never do this, nor would I.

It’s not snooping if you are married.

Psyyyychoooopath… you are a walking red flag.

What do you people do on your phones that you are so terrified of your spouse discovering?

DP.

I know a victim of sexual abuse who has texted a friend details about the abuse with the expectation that it's private.

I personally don't hide anything, and I am okay with my DH looking through my phone, but another couple can be different for valid reasons.

[Anonymous]

This is an unbelievable red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that's a huge problem, that his response was simply that he had plans (and it didn't mention those plans were with his freaking wife and kids).

But you looking at his phone is a huge problem too.

But you know all of this, right?

It's really not. they are married, it's ok to look at spouse's phone.

Keep your wide eyes open and you should ask him why he didn't mention you to the woman who asked him out.

Absolutely not. That's a violation of trust. No one should be snooping into anyone's phone behind their back. My DH would never do this, nor would I.

And you'll be divorced inside 3 years. Because clearly you both have trust issues, and/or something to hide.

I'm gay, and my wife and I know each other's phone and laptop codes, use each other's phones interchangeably -- we just grab whichever is closest. Because why would there be anything on there I didn't want her to see? (Full disclosure -- we also don't do gifts or surprises of any kind.)

I can't imagine telling her "I'm changing my phone code and I'm not telling you what it is." That would be completely bizarre to both of us.

That said, I have also archived messages I meant to delete, OP. I don't consciously archive anything because I'm not the POTUS who has to preserve documents for history, but I'm sure there are hundreds archived for posterity anyway. I expect historians will be thrilled to uncover my plans to meet Carol for lunch next Tuesday.

Lol, no. PP. We've together for 20 years, married for 7 -- so we won't be "divorced inside 3 years." And I have nothing to hide at all. That's why no one needs to go looking through my phone. And I trust my DH, and think that whatever is on his phone is his business. So I won't be looking through his phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that's a huge problem, that his response was simply that he had plans (and it didn't mention those plans were with his freaking wife and kids).

But you looking at his phone is a huge problem too.

But you know all of this, right?

It's really not. they are married, it's ok to look at spouse's phone.

Keep your wide eyes open and you should ask him why he didn't mention you to the woman who asked him out.

Absolutely not. That's a violation of trust. No one should be snooping into anyone's phone behind their back. My DH would never do this, nor would I.

It’s not snooping if you are married.

Psyyyychoooopath… you are a walking red flag.

What do you people do on your phones that you are so terrified of your spouse discovering?

WTF is wrong with you people? I have zero to hide from my DH of 20 years nor does he. I could probably guess his cell and computer pw but in 20 years of marriage it has never once occurred ti me to look ( or snoop) at his phone. I can’t even imagine living like that. Those that feel the need to search or have full access to a spouse’a phone sound incredibly entitled, insecure and bizarre. And to the prior “gay” marriage PP( as if that mattered at all to the point of your post) - it’s couples like you who have zero sense of privacy or boundaries or trust in your partner that are more likely to get divorced. You all sound like a bunch of insecure and immature teenagers. Pathetic. Grow up.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that's a huge problem, that his response was simply that he had plans (and it didn't mention those plans were with his freaking wife and kids).

But you looking at his phone is a huge problem too.

But you know all of this, right?

It's really not. they are married, it's ok to look at spouse's phone.

Keep your wide eyes open and you should ask him why he didn't mention you to the woman who asked him out.

Absolutely not. That's a violation of trust. No one should be snooping into anyone's phone behind their back. My DH would never do this, nor would I.

It’s not snooping if you are married.

Psyyyychoooopath… you are a walking red flag.

What do you people do on your phones that you are so terrified of your spouse discovering?

WTF is wrong with you people? I have zero to hide from my DH of 20 years nor does he. I could probably guess his cell and computer pw but in 20 years of marriage it has never once occurred ti me to look ( or snoop) at his phone. I can’t even imagine living like that. Those that feel the need to search or have full access to a spouse’a phone sound incredibly entitled, insecure and bizarre. And to the prior “gay” marriage PP( as if that mattered at all to the point of your post) - it’s couples like you who have zero sense of privacy or boundaries or trust in your partner that are more likely to get divorced. You all sound like a bunch of insecure and immature teenagers. Pathetic. Grow up.

You do protest too much. What are you hiding?

DP here. I am a woman who has never and will never cheat. Twice in our 25-year marriage, my husband has jumped to insane conclusions by basically hacking in to my work email, snooping, and then accusing me of cheating. Both instances were such stretches from what he read and it basically ruined years of my life because he is a controlling, insecure weirdo who snooped on my computer and carelessly read something. I had and still do give zero evidence or reason for him to think I would cheat. Anybody who thinks snooping around your spouse's phone, email, laptop, whatever, is healthy, is the one with the problem. I agree the PP is rather vehement, but you disagreeing with her are just the typical judgemental, old-fashioned, probably SAHM DC moms who are just fine with being controlled by their husbands and then not trusting them. It's nuts.

[Anonymous]

My DH has given me his password dozens of times and I keep forgetting it. I use my work phone for everything (it’s allowed) so he doesn’t have that password but I’ve certainly handed him my unlocked phone while driving so he can navigate or while I’m entertaining a kid at the grocery store so he can look at our list, etc. it’s possible to not have secrets but still basically never look at your spouse’s phone.

As for the archived chat, I’d probably just ask but OP if there are other red flags, you may want to be more strategic.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I use our phones fairly interchangeably. I’m not going to find my phone upstairs if his is right beside me and I need to google something. Heck, our 11 year old knows our phone passwords. We have nothing to hide on there. But I also don’t consider it snooping when I’m away from my phone and my husband says “hey, your sister just texted.” I’m sure he glanced at the content that flashed up.

But back to the OP. I am super curious about what this invite really was. For example, we joined a swim and tennis club last summer and my husband is pretty good. I don’t play. Two different women I know (whose husbands don’t play) asked my husband to play with them in a mixed doubles tournament. I certainly wasn’t worried they were trying to steal my husband or that he would cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that's a huge problem, that his response was simply that he had plans (and it didn't mention those plans were with his freaking wife and kids).

But you looking at his phone is a huge problem too.

But you know all of this, right?

It's really not. they are married, it's ok to look at spouse's phone.

Keep your wide eyes open and you should ask him why he didn't mention you to the woman who asked him out.

Absolutely not. That's a violation of trust. No one should be snooping into anyone's phone behind their back. My DH would never do this, nor would I.

It’s not snooping if you are married.

Psyyyychoooopath… you are a walking red flag.

What do you people do on your phones that you are so terrified of your spouse discovering?

WTF is wrong with you people? I have zero to hide from my DH of 20 years nor does he. I could probably guess his cell and computer pw but in 20 years of marriage it has never once occurred ti me to look ( or snoop) at his phone. I can’t even imagine living like that. Those that feel the need to search or have full access to a spouse’a phone sound incredibly entitled, insecure and bizarre. And to the prior “gay” marriage PP( as if that mattered at all to the point of your post) - it’s couples like you who have zero sense of privacy or boundaries or trust in your partner that are more likely to get divorced. You all sound like a bunch of insecure and immature teenagers. Pathetic. Grow up.

You do protest too much. What are you hiding?

DP here. I am a woman who has never and will never cheat. Twice in our 25-year marriage, my husband has jumped to insane conclusions by basically hacking in to my work email, snooping, and then accusing me of cheating. Both instances were such stretches from what he read and it basically ruined years of my life because he is a controlling, insecure weirdo who snooped on my computer and carelessly read something. I had and still do give zero evidence or reason for him to think I would cheat. Anybody who thinks snooping around your spouse's phone, email, laptop, whatever, is healthy, is the one with the problem. I agree the PP is rather vehement, but you disagreeing with her are just the typical judgemental, old-fashioned, probably SAHM DC moms who are just fine with being controlled by their husbands and then not trusting them. It's nuts.

Spouses that use each other’s phones and a spouse hacking your email and being a nut job are two entirely different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that's a huge problem, that his response was simply that he had plans (and it didn't mention those plans were with his freaking wife and kids).

But you looking at his phone is a huge problem too.

But you know all of this, right?

It's really not. they are married, it's ok to look at spouse's phone.

Keep your wide eyes open and you should ask him why he didn't mention you to the woman who asked him out.

Absolutely not. That's a violation of trust. No one should be snooping into anyone's phone behind their back. My DH would never do this, nor would I.

It’s not snooping if you are married.

Psyyyychoooopath… you are a walking red flag.

What do you people do on your phones that you are so terrified of your spouse discovering?

WTF is wrong with you people? I have zero to hide from my DH of 20 years nor does he. I could probably guess his cell and computer pw but in 20 years of marriage it has never once occurred ti me to look ( or snoop) at his phone. I can’t even imagine living like that. Those that feel the need to search or have full access to a spouse’a phone sound incredibly entitled, insecure and bizarre. And to the prior “gay” marriage PP( as if that mattered at all to the point of your post) - it’s couples like you who have zero sense of privacy or boundaries or trust in your partner that are more likely to get divorced. You all sound like a bunch of insecure and immature teenagers. Pathetic. Grow up.

You do protest too much. What are you hiding?

DP here. I am a woman who has never and will never cheat. Twice in our 25-year marriage, my husband has jumped to insane conclusions by basically hacking in to my work email, snooping, and then accusing me of cheating. Both instances were such stretches from what he read and it basically ruined years of my life because he is a controlling, insecure weirdo who snooped on my computer and carelessly read something. I had and still do give zero evidence or reason for him to think I would cheat. Anybody who thinks snooping around your spouse's phone, email, laptop, whatever, is healthy, is the one with the problem. I agree the PP is rather vehement, but you disagreeing with her are just the typical judgemental, old-fashioned, probably SAHM DC moms who are just fine with being controlled by their husbands and then not trusting them. It's nuts.

Spouses that use each other’s phones and a spouse hacking your email and being a nut job are two entirely different things.

You don't ever check to see what porn, or how much porn, your spouse is watching?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that's a huge problem, that his response was simply that he had plans (and it didn't mention those plans were with his freaking wife and kids).

But you looking at his phone is a huge problem too.

But you know all of this, right?

It's really not. they are married, it's ok to look at spouse's phone.

Keep your wide eyes open and you should ask him why he didn't mention you to the woman who asked him out.

Absolutely not. That's a violation of trust. No one should be snooping into anyone's phone behind their back. My DH would never do this, nor would I.

It’s not snooping if you are married.

Psyyyychoooopath… you are a walking red flag.

What do you people do on your phones that you are so terrified of your spouse discovering?

WTF is wrong with you people? I have zero to hide from my DH of 20 years nor does he. I could probably guess his cell and computer pw but in 20 years of marriage it has never once occurred ti me to look ( or snoop) at his phone. I can’t even imagine living like that. Those that feel the need to search or have full access to a spouse’a phone sound incredibly entitled, insecure and bizarre. And to the prior “gay” marriage PP( as if that mattered at all to the point of your post) - it’s couples like you who have zero sense of privacy or boundaries or trust in your partner that are more likely to get divorced. You all sound like a bunch of insecure and immature teenagers. Pathetic. Grow up.

You do protest too much. What are you hiding?

DP here. I am a woman who has never and will never cheat. Twice in our 25-year marriage, my husband has jumped to insane conclusions by basically hacking in to my work email, snooping, and then accusing me of cheating. Both instances were such stretches from what he read and it basically ruined years of my life because he is a controlling, insecure weirdo who snooped on my computer and carelessly read something. I had and still do give zero evidence or reason for him to think I would cheat. Anybody who thinks snooping around your spouse's phone, email, laptop, whatever, is healthy, is the one with the problem. I agree the PP is rather vehement, but you disagreeing with her are just the typical judgemental, old-fashioned, probably SAHM DC moms who are just fine with being controlled by their husbands and then not trusting them. It's nuts.

Spouses that use each other’s phones and a spouse hacking your email and being a nut job are two entirely different things.

You don't ever check to see what porn, or how much porn, your spouse is watching?

Why on earth would I want to know that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that's a huge problem, that his response was simply that he had plans (and it didn't mention those plans were with his freaking wife and kids).

But you looking at his phone is a huge problem too.

But you know all of this, right?

It's really not. they are married, it's ok to look at spouse's phone.

Keep your wide eyes open and you should ask him why he didn't mention you to the woman who asked him out.

Absolutely not. That's a violation of trust. No one should be snooping into anyone's phone behind their back. My DH would never do this, nor would I.

It’s not snooping if you are married.

Psyyyychoooopath… you are a walking red flag.

What do you people do on your phones that you are so terrified of your spouse discovering?

WTF is wrong with you people? I have zero to hide from my DH of 20 years nor does he. I could probably guess his cell and computer pw but in 20 years of marriage it has never once occurred ti me to look ( or snoop) at his phone. I can’t even imagine living like that. Those that feel the need to search or have full access to a spouse’a phone sound incredibly entitled, insecure and bizarre. And to the prior “gay” marriage PP( as if that mattered at all to the point of your post) - it’s couples like you who have zero sense of privacy or boundaries or trust in your partner that are more likely to get divorced. You all sound like a bunch of insecure and immature teenagers. Pathetic. Grow up.

You do protest too much. What are you hiding?

DP here. I am a woman who has never and will never cheat. Twice in our 25-year marriage, my husband has jumped to insane conclusions by basically hacking in to my work email, snooping, and then accusing me of cheating. Both instances were such stretches from what he read and it basically ruined years of my life because he is a controlling, insecure weirdo who snooped on my computer and carelessly read something. I had and still do give zero evidence or reason for him to think I would cheat. Anybody who thinks snooping around your spouse's phone, email, laptop, whatever, is healthy, is the one with the problem. I agree the PP is rather vehement, but you disagreeing with her are just the typical judgemental, old-fashioned, probably SAHM DC moms who are just fine with being controlled by their husbands and then not trusting them. It's nuts.

Spouses that use each other’s phones and a spouse hacking your email and being a nut job are two entirely different things.

The point is, there is no way that OP saw an archived chat on WhatsApp without looking for it, i.e. snooping. Many came here demanding that her snooping isnt' snooping if it's spouse's phone. Now that she snooped, rather than just grabbed his phone in the car to help send a text or glanced when a text came in to let him know his sister is texting him--I agree that is all fine--I still do that with my insance husband--she has opened up a can of worms because of something that could be nothing. Just like my husband did when he snooped. OP did snoop on his phone and it was wrong.