Should I ask my husband about chat saved from a female asking him out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would irk me so badly, I wouldn’t tell him first, I’d tell his mom and sister. (Maybe a bad move). But I’d love for him to remember why he has integrity, and it’s not just for marriage. It’s part of a good character that people who love you expect you to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think DH and I have even ever touched each other's phones. I don't even know how his is set up and would not want to try to fiddle with it to do anything. Married 20 years. No cheating. I don't care how much porn he watches. He doesn't care what I am gabbing about to my sister and friends. What a burden to have to monitor your spouse. We have life 360 so we can tell whether the other one is without bugging them to ask.

I don't have a memory of using anyone else's phone ever, actually. I find it terrifying when moms are like "oh, we are waiting to get Larla a cell phone until 8th grade" and then hand theirs off to the kid to play with/use with all their chats, texts, etc.

I guess it's only a problem if it escalates over time, the husband no longer being as interested in sleeping with his wife. Watching degrading stuff etc. online instead.

Yeah, no, not an issue. I don't even ask about it. He occasionally will make a joke about porn. I really have no idea what is going on, but it doesn't seem to affect me so I don't monitor it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think DH and I have even ever touched each other's phones. I don't even know how his is set up and would not want to try to fiddle with it to do anything. Married 20 years. No cheating. I don't care how much porn he watches. He doesn't care what I am gabbing about to my sister and friends. What a burden to have to monitor your spouse. We have life 360 so we can tell whether the other one is without bugging them to ask.

I don't have a memory of using anyone else's phone ever, actually. I find it terrifying when moms are like "oh, we are waiting to get Larla a cell phone until 8th grade" and then hand theirs off to the kid to play with/use with all their chats, texts, etc.

It's not terrifying if you don't have terrifying chats, texts and history on your phone. Kids know mine and dh's passwords. They are not looking at our texts but if they did, there's nothing inappropriate or shocking. I don't judge you if you have some suspicious phone history but don't assume everyone does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think DH and I have even ever touched each other's phones. I don't even know how his is set up and would not want to try to fiddle with it to do anything. Married 20 years. No cheating. I don't care how much porn he watches. He doesn't care what I am gabbing about to my sister and friends. What a burden to have to monitor your spouse. We have life 360 so we can tell whether the other one is without bugging them to ask.

I don't have a memory of using anyone else's phone ever, actually. I find it terrifying when moms are like "oh, we are waiting to get Larla a cell phone until 8th grade" and then hand theirs off to the kid to play with/use with all their chats, texts, etc.

It's not terrifying if you don't have terrifying chats, texts and history on your phone. Kids know mine and dh's passwords. They are not looking at our texts but if they did, there's nothing inappropriate or shocking. I don't judge you if you have some suspicious phone history but don't assume everyone does.

It's not "suspicious." I do not want my kids seeing any of my conversations. I think it is inappropriate to give them access to them. For example, I do not want them to see my sister and I discussing my niece and her anxiety. I don't think that conversation is inappropriate or shocking, but I do think it is private. I also do not want them seeing my best friend discussing her own medical info. Private. Between adults. This is not about sexting.

[Anonymous]

^^ if you are someone who tells her DH everything and shares her phone with the kids and DH freely, in all likelihood you do not have a lot of communications that require trust and privacy. If you only discuss your kids' practice times and playdates, well, you may need to evaluate your friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that's a huge problem, that his response was simply that he had plans (and it didn't mention those plans were with his freaking wife and kids).

But you looking at his phone is a huge problem too.

But you know all of this, right?

It's really not. they are married, it's ok to look at spouse's phone.

Keep your wide eyes open and you should ask him why he didn't mention you to the woman who asked him out.

Absolutely not. That's a violation of trust. No one should be snooping into anyone's phone behind their back. My DH would never do this, nor would I.

It’s not snooping if you are married.

Wtf is wrong with you? Yes, it is. No one should be snooping on their spouse and if they are there, major trust issues, and you shouldn’t be married in the first place.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that's a huge problem, that his response was simply that he had plans (and it didn't mention those plans were with his freaking wife and kids).

But you looking at his phone is a huge problem too.

But you know all of this, right?

It's really not. they are married, it's ok to look at spouse's phone.

Keep your wide eyes open and you should ask him why he didn't mention you to the woman who asked him out.

Absolutely not. That's a violation of trust. No one should be snooping into anyone's phone behind their back. My DH would never do this, nor would I.

It’s not snooping if you are married.

Psyyyychoooopath… you are a walking red flag.

What do you people do on your phones that you are so terrified of your spouse discovering?

WTF is wrong with you people? I have zero to hide from my DH of 20 years nor does he. I could probably guess his cell and computer pw but in 20 years of marriage it has never once occurred ti me to look ( or snoop) at his phone. I can’t even imagine living like that. Those that feel the need to search or have full access to a spouse’a phone sound incredibly entitled, insecure and bizarre. And to the prior “gay” marriage PP( as if that mattered at all to the point of your post) - it’s couples like you who have zero sense of privacy or boundaries or trust in your partner that are more likely to get divorced. You all sound like a bunch of insecure and immature teenagers. Pathetic. Grow up.

You do protest too much. What are you hiding?

DP here. I am a woman who has never and will never cheat. Twice in our 25-year marriage, my husband has jumped to insane conclusions by basically hacking in to my work email, snooping, and then accusing me of cheating. Both instances were such stretches from what he read and it basically ruined years of my life because he is a controlling, insecure weirdo who snooped on my computer and carelessly read something. I had and still do give zero evidence or reason for him to think I would cheat. Anybody who thinks snooping around your spouse's phone, email, laptop, whatever, is healthy, is the one with the problem. I agree the PP is rather vehement, but you disagreeing with her are just the typical judgemental, old-fashioned, probably SAHM DC moms who are just fine with being controlled by their husbands and then not trusting them. It's nuts.

Spouses that use each other’s phones and a spouse hacking your email and being a nut job are two entirely different things.

You don't ever check to see what porn, or how much porn, your spouse is watching?

This has literally never occurred to me in almost 20 years.

+1 this is crazy to check that. Or even think of checking it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think DH and I have even ever touched each other's phones. I don't even know how his is set up and would not want to try to fiddle with it to do anything. Married 20 years. No cheating. I don't care how much porn he watches. He doesn't care what I am gabbing about to my sister and friends. What a burden to have to monitor your spouse. We have life 360 so we can tell whether the other one is without bugging them to ask.

I don't have a memory of using anyone else's phone ever, actually. I find it terrifying when moms are like "oh, we are waiting to get Larla a cell phone until 8th grade" and then hand theirs off to the kid to play with/use with all their chats, texts, etc.

It's not terrifying if you don't have terrifying chats, texts and history on your phone. Kids know mine and dh's passwords. They are not looking at our texts but if they did, there's nothing inappropriate or shocking. I don't judge you if you have some suspicious phone history but don't assume everyone does.

It's not "suspicious." I do not want my kids seeing any of my conversations. I think it is inappropriate to give them access to them. For example, I do not want them to see my sister and I discussing my niece and her anxiety. I don't think that conversation is inappropriate or shocking, but I do think it is private. I also do not want them seeing my best friend discussing her own medical info. Private. Between adults. This is not about sexting.

As long as you’re not afraid to show your spouse your texts with the opposite sex, there’s no issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think DH and I have even ever touched each other's phones. I don't even know how his is set up and would not want to try to fiddle with it to do anything. Married 20 years. No cheating. I don't care how much porn he watches. He doesn't care what I am gabbing about to my sister and friends. What a burden to have to monitor your spouse. We have life 360 so we can tell whether the other one is without bugging them to ask.

I don't have a memory of using anyone else's phone ever, actually. I find it terrifying when moms are like "oh, we are waiting to get Larla a cell phone until 8th grade" and then hand theirs off to the kid to play with/use with all their chats, texts, etc.

It's not terrifying if you don't have terrifying chats, texts and history on your phone. Kids know mine and dh's passwords. They are not looking at our texts but if they did, there's nothing inappropriate or shocking. I don't judge you if you have some suspicious phone history but don't assume everyone does.

It's not "suspicious." I do not want my kids seeing any of my conversations. I think it is inappropriate to give them access to them. For example, I do not want them to see my sister and I discussing my niece and her anxiety. I don't think that conversation is inappropriate or shocking, but I do think it is private. I also do not want them seeing my best friend discussing her own medical info. Private. Between adults. This is not about sexting.

This makes sense. I talk in person or on phone about those things way more than I would text about something sensitive. Some of my friends have their kids read them their messages while they drive and I keep that in mind when texting others too.