I feel like my hosting is rarely reciprocated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moms of 2+ (especially 3+) have a sleepover dynamic every day of the week.

They want more kids so their kids will be entertained so they don't have to entertain their own kids or put any effort into them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Short answer: Yes - you are definitely being taken advantage of.

If you look at most of these responses, parents excuse their failure to reciprocate based on excuses such as "I'm antisocial", "My house is messy or small", or "I work full-time". That is all irrelevant and does not excuse their lack of manners. I work full-time. I have a busy schedule. My house is not pristine. Regardless, I still always try to set an example for my kid to be courteous and kind because that is an essential job as a parent. If I can't host during the week, I suggest a weekend day. Easy peasy.

That being said, your daughter's friends are not their parents nor do they have their parents' issues. The girls are probably completely unaware of any underlying dynamics, and hopefully remain that way. Just because a parent is being selfish, doesn't mean that should reflect on their kid.

The takeaway: If your daughter and her friends are having a good time and you don't mind hosting, keep doing it...
You don't have to be best friends with the parents, just be there to help your daughter, her friendships, and (perhaps) even her friends who are not being exposed to better adult role models.

We have a 900 square foot house. Where would be put an extra kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Short answer: Yes - you are definitely being taken advantage of.

If you look at most of these responses, parents excuse their failure to reciprocate based on excuses such as "I'm antisocial", "My house is messy or small", or "I work full-time". That is all irrelevant and does not excuse their lack of manners. I work full-time. I have a busy schedule. My house is not pristine. Regardless, I still always try to set an example for my kid to be courteous and kind because that is an essential job as a parent. If I can't host during the week, I suggest a weekend day. Easy peasy.

That being said, your daughter's friends are not their parents nor do they have their parents' issues. The girls are probably completely unaware of any underlying dynamics, and hopefully remain that way. Just because a parent is being selfish, doesn't mean that should reflect on their kid.

The takeaway: If your daughter and her friends are having a good time and you don't mind hosting, keep doing it...
You don't have to be best friends with the parents, just be there to help your daughter, her friendships, and (perhaps) even her friends who are not being exposed to better adult role models.

I agree with this post. Yes, the excuses are lame, but if your child enjoys and you can handle it, then keep it up.

My husband and I both work full time and have four kids: a toddler and a 1st, 3rd, and 4th grader, and we have no problem hosting sleepovers for the friends of our oldest three in our sometimes messy 3-bedroom house. It's not like hosting a fancy party for adults. The biggest extra thing I do is make them pancakes in the morning, and I can always cut that out if I need to. The kids entertain themselves. Our kids love it. Some friends reciprocate a lot, some less. That's OK, I don't really care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have read these threads before and there are fundamentally two different kids of people:

-People who think it is polite to reciprocate an invitation
-People who think invitations come without strings attached, simply because the person enjoys your company and wants to socialize

I tend to side with the latter, since I think the burden is on a host to not take on more than they are willing to take on, and it’s unfair to expect everyone else to have your same priorities in life.

Um, seriously? Other moms do not "enjoy" your kids' company - they are doing this for their kids. If you don't have any intention of reciprocating, then shame on you. It is not about you. It is about the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read these threads before and there are fundamentally two different kids of people:

-People who think it is polite to reciprocate an invitation
-People who think invitations come without strings attached, simply because the person enjoys your company and wants to socialize

I tend to side with the latter, since I think the burden is on a host to not take on more than they are willing to take on, and it’s unfair to expect everyone else to have your same priorities in life.

Um, seriously? Other moms do not "enjoy" your kids' company - they are doing this for their kids. If you don't have any intention of reciprocating, then shame on you. It is not about you. It is about the kids.

I mean, obviously it is referring to the kid, not the parent. But if you need that clarified, there you go.

And, “it’s not about you” either - people might have a different life/priorities than you do, when it comes to things like sleepovers and how family time is spent. They’re not basing it on what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read these threads before and there are fundamentally two different kids of people:

-People who think it is polite to reciprocate an invitation
-People who think invitations come without strings attached, simply because the person enjoys your company and wants to socialize

I tend to side with the latter, since I think the burden is on a host to not take on more than they are willing to take on, and it’s unfair to expect everyone else to have your same priorities in life.

Um, seriously? Other moms do not "enjoy" your kids' company - they are doing this for their kids. If you don't have any intention of reciprocating, then shame on you. It is not about you. It is about the kids.

You don’t get to “shame” someone for not having the same priorities in life as you. If you want to host a sleepover for your kid, then do it. If you don’t, then don’t. If you only want my kid to come to your kid’s sleepover if my kid will then have your kid over for a sleepover, then make that an explicit condition when inviting my kid, and I will decide if my kid getting to have fun with your kid is worth dealing with you twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Short answer: Yes - you are definitely being taken advantage of.

If you look at most of these responses, parents excuse their failure to reciprocate based on excuses such as "I'm antisocial", "My house is messy or small", or "I work full-time". That is all irrelevant and does not excuse their lack of manners. I work full-time. I have a busy schedule. My house is not pristine. Regardless, I still always try to set an example for my kid to be courteous and kind because that is an essential job as a parent. If I can't host during the week, I suggest a weekend day. Easy peasy.

That being said, your daughter's friends are not their parents nor do they have their parents' issues. The girls are probably completely unaware of any underlying dynamics, and hopefully remain that way. Just because a parent is being selfish, doesn't mean that should reflect on their kid.

The takeaway: If your daughter and her friends are having a good time and you don't mind hosting, keep doing it...
You don't have to be best friends with the parents, just be there to help your daughter, her friendships, and (perhaps) even her friends who are not being exposed to better adult role models.

We have a 900 square foot house. Where would be put an extra kid?

No one said the kid had to move in and live with you. You can still take kids out for a few hours to do something as your way to reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read these threads before and there are fundamentally two different kids of people:

-People who think it is polite to reciprocate an invitation
-People who think invitations come without strings attached, simply because the person enjoys your company and wants to socialize

I tend to side with the latter, since I think the burden is on a host to not take on more than they are willing to take on, and it’s unfair to expect everyone else to have your same priorities in life.

Um, seriously? Other moms do not "enjoy" your kids' company - they are doing this for their kids. If you don't have any intention of reciprocating, then shame on you. It is not about you. It is about the kids.

You don’t get to “shame” someone for not having the same priorities in life as you. If you want to host a sleepover for your kid, then do it. If you don’t, then don’t. If you only want my kid to come to your kid’s sleepover if my kid will then have your kid over for a sleepover, then make that an explicit condition when inviting my kid, and I will decide if my kid getting to have fun with your kid is worth dealing with you twice.

It's not about resorting to "shaming" tactics. The reality is that organizing a sleepover entails similar inconveniences and challenges for every parent involved. An invitation to a sleepover shouldn't come with a laundry list of contingencies or preemptory conditions. It's a simple matter of basic courtesy that when your child receives an invitation to join a gathering, you might consider reciprocating with a similar (but by no means identical!) gesture.

It's disheartening to perceive a lack of willingness to contribute on many parent(s)' part. Mutual support and cooperation make for stronger community bonds. It's unfortunate if you seem only inclined to take rather than give.

Hopefully, you'll reflect on the importance of reciprocity and recognize the value of being a contributing member of a community. After all, what goes around, often comes around...

[Anonymous]

I absolutely hate sleepovers and only allow them at my house for birthdays or to help another parent out if asked.

We do, however, do more than our fair share of the driving the kids and their friends. I WFH and DH has a flexible schedule.

We have three young teens/tween who aren’t driving age yet, all play sports, jam packed schedule. We don’t like hosting lots of kids at once at the house or for long periods like sleepovers etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read these threads before and there are fundamentally two different kids of people:

-People who think it is polite to reciprocate an invitation
-People who think invitations come without strings attached, simply because the person enjoys your company and wants to socialize

I tend to side with the latter, since I think the burden is on a host to not take on more than they are willing to take on, and it’s unfair to expect everyone else to have your same priorities in life.

Um, seriously? Other moms do not "enjoy" your kids' company - they are doing this for their kids. If you don't have any intention of reciprocating, then shame on you. It is not about you. It is about the kids.

You don’t get to “shame” someone for not having the same priorities in life as you. If you want to host a sleepover for your kid, then do it. If you don’t, then don’t. If you only want my kid to come to your kid’s sleepover if my kid will then have your kid over for a sleepover, then make that an explicit condition when inviting my kid, and I will decide if my kid getting to have fun with your kid is worth dealing with you twice.

It's not about resorting to "shaming" tactics. The reality is that organizing a sleepover entails similar inconveniences and challenges for every parent involved. An invitation to a sleepover shouldn't come with a laundry list of contingencies or preemptory conditions. It's a simple matter of basic courtesy that when your child receives an invitation to join a gathering, you might consider reciprocating with a similar (but by no means identical!) gesture.

It's disheartening to perceive a lack of willingness to contribute on many parent(s)' part. Mutual support and cooperation make for stronger community bonds. It's unfortunate if you seem only inclined to take rather than give.

Hopefully, you'll reflect on the importance of reciprocity and recognize the value of being a contributing member of a community. After all, what goes around, often comes around...

What? Worry about yourself, ma’am. I personally find it “disheartening” how people like you feel absolutely entitled to dictate how everyone else should live. I am guessing you’re the PTA type who also complains constantly that no one “contributes” to all the utter BS that only you care about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Short answer: Yes - you are definitely being taken advantage of.

If you look at most of these responses, parents excuse their failure to reciprocate based on excuses such as "I'm antisocial", "My house is messy or small", or "I work full-time". That is all irrelevant and does not excuse their lack of manners. I work full-time. I have a busy schedule. My house is not pristine. Regardless, I still always try to set an example for my kid to be courteous and kind because that is an essential job as a parent. If I can't host during the week, I suggest a weekend day. Easy peasy.

That being said, your daughter's friends are not their parents nor do they have their parents' issues. The girls are probably completely unaware of any underlying dynamics, and hopefully remain that way. Just because a parent is being selfish, doesn't mean that should reflect on their kid.

The takeaway: If your daughter and her friends are having a good time and you don't mind hosting, keep doing it...
You don't have to be best friends with the parents, just be there to help your daughter, her friendships, and (perhaps) even her friends who are not being exposed to better adult role models.

We have a 900 square foot house. Where would be put an extra kid?

No one said the kid had to move in and live with you. You can still take kids out for a few hours to do something as your way to reciprocate.

Yea, if I'm not I don't like your kids. They are rude, never say thank you and just annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read these threads before and there are fundamentally two different kids of people:

-People who think it is polite to reciprocate an invitation
-People who think invitations come without strings attached, simply because the person enjoys your company and wants to socialize

I tend to side with the latter, since I think the burden is on a host to not take on more than they are willing to take on, and it’s unfair to expect everyone else to have your same priorities in life.

Um, seriously? Other moms do not "enjoy" your kids' company - they are doing this for their kids. If you don't have any intention of reciprocating, then shame on you. It is not about you. It is about the kids.

You don’t get to “shame” someone for not having the same priorities in life as you. If you want to host a sleepover for your kid, then do it. If you don’t, then don’t. If you only want my kid to come to your kid’s sleepover if my kid will then have your kid over for a sleepover, then make that an explicit condition when inviting my kid, and I will decide if my kid getting to have fun with your kid is worth dealing with you twice.

It's not about resorting to "shaming" tactics. The reality is that organizing a sleepover entails similar inconveniences and challenges for every parent involved. An invitation to a sleepover shouldn't come with a laundry list of contingencies or preemptory conditions. It's a simple matter of basic courtesy that when your child receives an invitation to join a gathering, you might consider reciprocating with a similar (but by no means identical!) gesture.

It's disheartening to perceive a lack of willingness to contribute on many parent(s)' part. Mutual support and cooperation make for stronger community bonds. It's unfortunate if you seem only inclined to take rather than give.

Hopefully, you'll reflect on the importance of reciprocity and recognize the value of being a contributing member of a community. After all, what goes around, often comes around...

The PP literally said “shame on you” so it is about shaming. The bolded is not true. This is exactly why some people only take on what they can handle. Inviting a friend over shouldn’t be “challenging” and “inconvenient.” If it is, you’re doing it wrong /doing too much. So perhaps the people you are faulting for not “contributing to their communities” because they don’t invite your kid for a sleepover (lol) are actually doing other things that are meaningful to them. and so should you!

[Anonymous]

I hate having extra kids sleep over. I am fine with playdates, etc, and host those, and host parties, but sleepovers I just can't. I do have extra kids occasionally as a favor if the parents ask but it isn't a thing we do regularly.

If parents judge me for it, so be it. I feel like I do my share of helping - I offer rides, take kids to dinner, etc, I just need a little time alone in the evenings and mornings.

[Anonymous]

The obsession with sleepovers is bizarre and creepy.

[Anonymous]

In my teens friend group there is one family that hosts sleepovers all the time. Often last minute and it just seems that it is both something they are happy to and also something that does not cause them stress. We host a couple a year and most of the other parents don’t host any, or maybe one. It all feels fine though. We have the kids here for some fun holiday events (not sleepovers) and other parents are good at organizing fun outings so it seems to work out in the wash.

As my kid gets older I agree that having them at your house is good. I am starting to learn that sleep overs can also be a time to misbehave so best to keep an eye on them!