I feel like my hosting is rarely reciprocated.

[Anonymous]

Hosting is like gifting.

You shouldn't expect reciprocation.

It's nice when the other party reciprocates. But you shouldn't do so with the expectation of reciprocation.

You host sleepovers because your kid wants company. Perhaps the other kid doesn't need/want company as badly.

[Anonymous]

Lol I have to comment even though the post is old, the posts indicate people are missing the point. If you are happy to send your child to a friends place, it should be reciprocated- we all have different lives so clearly doesn’t have to be 50/50, I don’t exactly love them, I don’t hate them either - it’s just common courtesy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol I have to comment even though the post is old, the posts indicate people are missing the point. If you are happy to send your child to a friends place, it should be reciprocated- we all have different lives so clearly doesn’t have to be 50/50, I don’t exactly love them, I don’t hate them either - it’s just common courtesy

This is old but I’m commenting too. I see it differently by the time they are teens. They plan these sleepovers and you can say no. I don’t care if my kids ever go to another sleepover again. You can stop having them. I’m not hosting any. If they want to plan something out somewhere, I’m happy to drive but my days of hosting are long over. They are too old for that now. They plan and I provide a ride if needed.

[Anonymous]

I have a lot on my plate these days with work, one child with SN, difficult elderly parent so I gave up trying to make sure I do etiquette just right. I try to keep my kids getting the amount of social stuff they need to be content. They don't need or want me to host sleepovers and I don't enjoy that. My daughter doesn't like them that much, but one of her friends really loves them and is persistent and she doesn't want to let her friend down. If I thought the mom resented it at all, I would hope she have her daughter stop inviting and my daughter would be relieved too.

I had easier phases in life were I probably hosted hangouts more than others, but it was about what my kids enjoyed and wanted not about keeping score. In fact, in one case there was a difficult situation at home (e.g. divorcing, but angry husband won't move out and doesn't work) where I was glad the mom only wanted me to host because I would not want my kid there.

I would not take the suggestion someone gave to expect them to take your kid overnight so you can attend a wedding or something. It's rude if they never offered. Sure you could ask in an emergency, but that is imposing. Only host as much as you and your kid enjoy, not to keep a tally. Think about the potential consequence of them just having their kid decline invites so you don't feel owed something. How would your child feel if everyone said "no" if they didn't plan to reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

I think the real point here is not to be oblivious.

Host if you want. Give occasional rides instead if that’s your thing. Or pick up the tab for pizzas sometime.

If you’re doing none of these things ever, just throwing up your hands and saying you don’t get involved in your kid’s social life then yes, that’s kinda rude.

[Anonymous]

I never did sleepovers, we just don’t have the room/set up. My kid didn’t care.

[Anonymous]

My dog really struggles with having other kids over so we rarely do it (basically DH or I has to take the dog out of the house the entire time or be constantly monitoring the situation, which is tough). We do try to drive kids to outside activities and treat for things like Top Golf or Sandy Springs but we rarely host at our house.

[Anonymous]

Not reciprocating is only ok if there is an excusable hardship. Excuses stated in these responses (“I have an old house” or “I have 4 kids” or “My house is small” or “We lead a busy life”) are all just excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never did sleepovers, we just don’t have the room/set up. My kid didn’t care.

OP, if you or your child is trying to build a relationship with someone with this type of an attitude, I would rethink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never did sleepovers, we just don’t have the room/set up. My kid didn’t care.

OP, if you or your child is trying to build a relationship with someone with this type of an attitude, I would rethink.

Please shut up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my daughter, I love my daughter's many friends. I enjoy sleepovers and do my best to make sure that they have a good dinner and breakfast and are comfortable.

What I don't love is that my daughter's friend's rarely reciprocate.

She is an only child and most of her friend's have brother's and sister's so is this because the other parents likely have more on their plate or just don't realize or what? It's not a huge problem and I know that my daughter is certainly polite enough, but I'm just getting tired of having kids over and never having her invited out. Is there something I'm missing, or is everyone just too busy these days? Or am I being taken advantage of?

Most parents have mental health issues, are lazy, run terrible homes, and can't be bothered with their own kids - let alone their friends. I gave up a long time ago (I have 3 kids, all in a lot of actives with 2 working parents) and my kid's friends are grateful for their time at our house, the dinners I cook, and the basement we created for the kids to socialize and have fun. The kids bake and BBQ a lot on their own now too.

Most kids are at home alone most weekends just staring at screens. I love that my kids are on the go and socializing all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dog really struggles with having other kids over so we rarely do it (basically DH or I has to take the dog out of the house the entire time or be constantly monitoring the situation, which is tough). We do try to drive kids to outside activities and treat for things like Top Golf or Sandy Springs but we rarely host at our house.

Because of a DOG? Why didn't you train the dog to deal with kids and noises. That is 100% on you. What in the heck of all excuses?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you saying you don’t have space, house is messy, siblings, dogs, whatever, are making excuses. If you wanted to host a sleepover you could. Or host an evening gathering and have the kids go home. I have an only DD (11) and host single kids now and again but rarely. I do however take kids with us a lot on outings. Just took a friend tothe beach with us for 3 nights, and a different friend to the pool all afternoon yesterday. Own your decisions and be honest, but make some effort to reciprocate.

Meh. We have other things in life that matter more than trying to manufacture a social life for our kids.

Hosting kids and others reciprocating is manufacturing social lives? Do you choose the kids. Do you sit and tell them what to do and what to talk about

You parents will say or do anything. I had neighborhood friends in and out of my house all my life. We played in the unfinished basement on rainy days. My mom never manufactured my social life but she absolutely allowed me to manufacture my own. She was welcoming to friends and made our house a place friends enjoyed coming over. I guess that's why I do the same for my own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my daughter, I love my daughter's many friends. I enjoy sleepovers and do my best to make sure that they have a good dinner and breakfast and are comfortable.

What I don't love is that my daughter's friend's rarely reciprocate.

She is an only child and most of her friend's have brother's and sister's so is this because the other parents likely have more on their plate or just don't realize or what? It's not a huge problem and I know that my daughter is certainly polite enough, but I'm just getting tired of having kids over and never having her invited out. Is there something I'm missing, or is everyone just too busy these days? Or am I being taken advantage of?

1) take the break you need and host when you have forgotten about how tiered you are and were after this last time you hosted.
2) surround yourself with friends that reciprocate
3) find people with only children
4) make friends with families that have large age difference between siblings
5) remember :”thank you mom for all that you do for me”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a great thing that your daughter and her friends WANT to hang out at your place. It’s a great way to make sure you know your kid’s friends, can make sure you’re aware of what they are getting up to, etc.

I would rather constantly host sleepovers rather than send my kid to sleep at the home of a random family I might not know that well.

+1