AITA: Getting crap for not attending a Friday wedding because we have no childcare

[Anonymous]

Would ^not take all 4

[Anonymous]

Anyone who plans a 3 pm wedding should expect that most people won't be able to make it.

[Anonymous]

OP is NTA. DH should just take over on all communication with his family and say that he’s coming on his own, that it won’t work for his brother to leave his kids with OP and that MIL and BIL should find a sitter at the wedding location for his kids.

[Anonymous]

Not only would I say no, I would comment on the Friday wedding aspect. “How strange to schedule this in the middle of a workday! Anyway I can’t get off but I hope it’s lovely.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like SIL’s marathon is out of town, and your SIL and BIL had planned for you or some other unwitting relative to watch their kids all along without your/their consent? Because why else would BIL fly with his 2 kids?

I read it as he was planning on splitting the cost of an on site sitter with his brother’s kids, but OP and her husband don’t feel comfortable with that idea (I wouldn’t either).

It's not a "plan," he didn't look at all into sitters or their cost, he just expected OP to figure out something that he'd also benefit from. It would be totally different if he had done any of the legwork whatsoever, or if he were still planning on finding a local sitter to stay with the kids wherever they are sleeping (hotel room? In laws?). If he could afford half an Airbnb, he could afford just the sitter for the afternoon and evening. Nope, he dropped it once OP said no to doing the legwork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like SIL’s marathon is out of town, and your SIL and BIL had planned for you or some other unwitting relative to watch their kids all along without your/their consent? Because why else would BIL fly with his 2 kids?

I read it as he was planning on splitting the cost of an on site sitter with his brother’s kids, but OP and her husband don’t feel comfortable with that idea (I wouldn’t either).

It's not a "plan," he didn't look at all into sitters or their cost, he just expected OP to figure out something that he'd also benefit from. It would be totally different if he had done any of the legwork whatsoever, or if he were still planning on finding a local sitter to stay with the kids wherever they are sleeping (hotel room? In laws?). If he could afford half an Airbnb, he could afford just the sitter for the afternoon and evening. Nope, he dropped it once OP said no to doing the legwork.

So accurate. I would say it’s shocking, but I’m actually too old for it to be shocking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who the hell gets married at 3 pm on a Friday and gets mad if people aren't able to attend??? I'd send DH by himself. I'm probably in the minority, but I'd offer to help with the cousins. It's just one night.

Even a highly skilled nanny would not take this on. This is the stuff of nightmares.

It's 4 kids, two of them are her own. I don't see how two extra kids for the night is a nightmare, unless the cousins are absolute terrors who don't sleep at night. I used to be a nanny and weekend babysitter and there were many times I watched 4 young kids.

Is this an overnight? Why can't DH and his brother come back that night?l

[Anonymous]

Nothing in the OP says this is a childfree wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh's cousin is getting married at 3pm on a Friday two hours away from home so we'd have to leave by noon at the latest if we went. Our kids are 5 and 2. On Fridays, our older one gets out of school at 3pm and our little one only has a half day of daycare til 12:30 then comes home for nap. DH's whole family will be at the wedding obviously so they can't watch the kids, my mom still works full time, and our 3 regular sitters also work full time. We are going on a vacation two weeks before the wedding and don't really have extra PTO to burn either.

For some reason this has spiraled into a huge family issue. DH's brother called last night and said that he is planning on coming in to town for the wedding with his 3yo and 1yo because his wife has a marathon that weekend and asked if whoever is watching our kids can watch his too. We said we weren't planning on going because we don't have anyone to watch the kids. Then he suggests that we split an AirBnb near the wedding (in the middle of literal nowhere) and "find a local babysitter" to watch all 4 kids. Then was annoyed when we said we weren't leaving our kids in a strange house with a strange person. Finally, MIL calls and suggests that she, FIL, DH, and BIL just go to the wedding as a family and I take the day off work and have all 4 kids (1, 2, 3, and 5yo) by myself overnight.

I'm perfectly happy with DH going to the wedding alone and staying home with my kids, but I don't have a PTO day to take and just really don't want the 4 little kids alone for the night. AITA?

He’ll no. Do not take PTO and have your husband be abundantly clear with your MIL that she should NEVER assume to schedule you or DHs PTO.

Another hell no. Everyone is just thinking about partying and enjoying themselves. DH, MIL, BIL all family at their cousin Bobby's wedding--how to make it work out for their max fun? It's selfish, and SIL is smart to plan ahead. OP you are NTA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A normal sitter would have a rough time with 4 young kids. My kids are older now but I remember what a nightmare it was for bedtime at ages 1 and 3. Dh and I would tag team. How does BIL think OP will put his two very young kids to bed while also putting her kids to bed. Has he ever even put his kids to bed alone???

I turned down a lot of weddings wheb my kids were your BIL’s kids ages. Logistics too difficult.

+1 they are nuts. OP is super NTA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would to take all 4 kids- but...it's clear you don't want to go to this wedding and the childcare is an excuse. You could find someone and even take someone with you- get references from your regular sitters, other family, etc. I think you should own that you just don't want to bother.

She already did.

[Anonymous]

I've turned down a few weddings because of lack of childcare and would have absolutely no issues doing the same here. You are completely in the right to say no.

I have gone to a mid-week wedding for a close family member but our children were all invited to that wedding.

If someone is going to have a wedding during work/school hours and not invite kids, they can expect "nays" from working parents.

Who the hell are these people getting married today? Just don't invite guests if you don't really want them.

[Anonymous]

This doesn’t sound like a very big problem. OP can stay home with her kids, SIL can run a marathon, OP’s dh, his parents and his brother can attend the wedding, and BIL can pay for the sitter he suggested for his kids. OP will hear some complaints, but so what? That’s life.

OP is NTAH, and no reasonable person would think it’s okay to dictate that she watch all those little ones overnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sounds like they are throwing out ideas and you are sitting there complaining. Help plan.

Why? She isn't going.

Op my MIL used to dictate everyone's plans, including who was staying where and involving other people's houses. Johnny, Jenny and their kids would stay at Larlo's and Larla's, etc.

We just stopped going to things.

Tell them you have to work, and will be unable to attend or provide childcare.

[Anonymous]

OP is basically not even invited to the wedding, based on the suggestions from her family. Why should she care about any of this?