AITA: Getting crap for not attending a Friday wedding because we have no childcare

[Anonymous]

People with kids should not feel one ounce of guilt for not attending a childfree wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

🙄 everyone is always impressed by a man who does what a mom does daily.

Don’t watch your BILs kids he assumed he’d hatch into your plan without even asking first. Nannies don’t want to watch 4 kids overnight!

Hold firm.

But he did ask, right?
Three months prior to the wedding, he called and said that he was planning on coming out and asked if their nanny could watch all four kids or if they could hire childcare together.

Personally, I wouldn’t go to this wedding either. But I would if DH’s brother was flying into town for it. That’s a different situation.

I would also watch my BIL’s kids for an evening so that DH could hang out with his brother. I wouldn’t expect someone flying in from out of town to arrange their own childcare.

The OP situation is:
wedding is 2 hours drive for OP one way-traffic?
no kids wedding is at 3 pm on a Friday- ceremony. Reception?
intended babysitter by MIL is OP not a nanny- OP uses PTO, rents a hotel room, all to babysit?

This thing is not a fly to DCA and all local wedding events. This MIL is so off base- what's next for BIL's benefit on the request list? Airport pick up in Philadlphia and OP lives in Rockville?

I guess that the way I read it is that the wedding is 2 hours away, which isn’t local, but is definitely an easy day trip. BIL assumed that his brother was going, and he called several months before the wedding to see if they could share childcare.
OP’s only childcare option is herself. BIL asked about hiring a sitter they could share so they could all go to the wedding. OP shot that down. So, MIL asked if OP could just watch all of the kids.
I’m not saying that they are perfect, but this isn’t a heinous ask.

Also, remember that BIL is not anxious about taking care of kids. He’s bringing his 1 & 3 year old on the plane and not worried about it. He probably doesn’t think that feeding four kids Mac n cheese and putting them in pajamas is going to go terribly badly either.

You're reading it right, except that you forgot to add op would need to take paid leave (and said she doesn't have much) to babysit the kids.

I agree with op that I wouldn't let a stranger watch my kids either.

Bil just needs to arrange things for himself.

This just seems kind of odd. I mean, if it wasn’t for the wedding, and her BIL just came into town to visit, she really wouldn’t get a sitter and go out just adults, or watch all four kids while her DH and his brother hung out?

[Anonymous]

OP here with an update now that we're a few weeks away from the wedding.

Dh and I declined the wedding invite. FIL, MIL, and BIL accepted. The 3 of them (and the kids) booked an airbnb.

SIL texted me this morning asking if I know any babysitters in that area- no, who knows babysitters 2 hours away from home in the middle of nowhere? She said she's annoyed because BIL is taking the kids with no plans for childcare during the wedding.

It definitely felt like she wanted me to either offer to take off work and drive there to watch her kids or offer to watch her kids at my house, but again we declined the wedding precisely because it's a Friday afternoon, DH and I have work, our oldest has school, and we would have no childcare available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update now that we're a few weeks away from the wedding.

Dh and I declined the wedding invite. FIL, MIL, and BIL accepted. The 3 of them (and the kids) booked an airbnb.

SIL texted me this morning asking if I know any babysitters in that area- no, who knows babysitters 2 hours away from home in the middle of nowhere? She said she's annoyed because BIL is taking the kids with no plans for childcare during the wedding.

It definitely felt like she wanted me to either offer to take off work and drive there to watch her kids or offer to watch her kids at my house, but again we declined the wedding precisely because it's a Friday afternoon, DH and I have work, our oldest has school, and we would have no childcare available.

Not your problem!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update now that we're a few weeks away from the wedding.

Dh and I declined the wedding invite. FIL, MIL, and BIL accepted. The 3 of them (and the kids) booked an airbnb.

SIL texted me this morning asking if I know any babysitters in that area- no, who knows babysitters 2 hours away from home in the middle of nowhere? She said she's annoyed because BIL is taking the kids with no plans for childcare during the wedding.

It definitely felt like she wanted me to either offer to take off work and drive there to watch her kids or offer to watch her kids at my house, but again we declined the wedding precisely because it's a Friday afternoon, DH and I have work, our oldest has school, and we would have no childcare available.

She asked you a question and you answered it. Stop trying to make this into a thing. She's not expecting you to drop everything and watch her kids 2 hours away. That's you desperately reading into this to keep this whole thing going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update now that we're a few weeks away from the wedding.

Dh and I declined the wedding invite. FIL, MIL, and BIL accepted. The 3 of them (and the kids) booked an airbnb.

SIL texted me this morning asking if I know any babysitters in that area- no, who knows babysitters 2 hours away from home in the middle of nowhere? She said she's annoyed because BIL is taking the kids with no plans for childcare during the wedding.

It definitely felt like she wanted me to either offer to take off work and drive there to watch her kids or offer to watch her kids at my house, but again we declined the wedding precisely because it's a Friday afternoon, DH and I have work, our oldest has school, and we would have no childcare available.

It sounds like she's annoyed and venting to you, and grasping at straws for childcare. You declined, which was the right choice, given everything you've said. Feel good about declining and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update now that we're a few weeks away from the wedding.

Dh and I declined the wedding invite. FIL, MIL, and BIL accepted. The 3 of them (and the kids) booked an airbnb.

SIL texted me this morning asking if I know any babysitters in that area- no, who knows babysitters 2 hours away from home in the middle of nowhere? She said she's annoyed because BIL is taking the kids with no plans for childcare during the wedding.

It definitely felt like she wanted me to either offer to take off work and drive there to watch her kids or offer to watch her kids at my house, but again we declined the wedding precisely because it's a Friday afternoon, DH and I have work, our oldest has school, and we would have no childcare available.

It sounds like she's annoyed and venting to you, and grasping at straws for childcare. You declined, which was the right choice, given everything you've said. Feel good about declining and move on.

She can't really move on, she married into a stupid, careless family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update now that we're a few weeks away from the wedding.

Dh and I declined the wedding invite. FIL, MIL, and BIL accepted. The 3 of them (and the kids) booked an airbnb.

SIL texted me this morning asking if I know any babysitters in that area- no, who knows babysitters 2 hours away from home in the middle of nowhere? She said she's annoyed because BIL is taking the kids with no plans for childcare during the wedding.

It definitely felt like she wanted me to either offer to take off work and drive there to watch her kids or offer to watch her kids at my house, but again we declined the wedding precisely because it's a Friday afternoon, DH and I have work, our oldest has school, and we would have no childcare available.

She asked you a question and you answered it. Stop trying to make this into a thing. She's not expecting you to drop everything and watch her kids 2 hours away. That's you desperately reading into this to keep this whole thing going.

Disagree since SIL texted to ask if OP knew of sitters in the wedding locality. That group rented an airbnb so if the wedding reception is at a nice hotel there is no opton to explore concierge supplied sitter lists. And if they got a sitter via the concierge there would be no easy roam between the 3 -BIL/MIL/FIL to the room.

So if they chose an airbnb over the venue hotel? Makes it even sillier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update now that we're a few weeks away from the wedding.

Dh and I declined the wedding invite. FIL, MIL, and BIL accepted. The 3 of them (and the kids) booked an airbnb.

[i]SIL texted me this morning asking if I know any babysitters in that area[b]- no, who knows babysitters 2 hours away from home in the middle of nowhere? She said she's annoyed because BIL is taking the kids with no plans for childcare during the wedding.

It definitely felt like she wanted me to either offer to take off work and drive there to watch her kids or offer to watch her kids at my house, but again we declined the wedding precisely because it's a Friday afternoon, DH and I have work, our oldest has school, and we would have no childcare available.

You said no so her question is answered. IF she brings up anything else with regard to you somehow helping out, just tell her no, it's a regular Friday for you. You and dh will be at work, your kids will be in school.

[Anonymous]

BIL is in charge of childcare for this fiasco. If SIL calls again, that would be my POV to her. She needs to just put the thought out of her mind and let him deal with it.

I do agree that asking if you knew any babysitters two hours away was a blatant hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update now that we're a few weeks away from the wedding.

Dh and I declined the wedding invite. FIL, MIL, and BIL accepted. The 3 of them (and the kids) booked an airbnb.

SIL texted me this morning asking if I know any babysitters in that area- no, who knows babysitters 2 hours away from home in the middle of nowhere? She said she's annoyed because BIL is taking the kids with no plans for childcare during the wedding.

It definitely felt like she wanted me to either offer to take off work and drive there to watch her kids or offer to watch her kids at my house, but again we declined the wedding precisely because it's a Friday afternoon, DH and I have work, our oldest has school, and we would have no childcare available.

She asked you a question and you answered it. Stop trying to make this into a thing. She's not expecting you to drop everything and watch her kids 2 hours away. That's you desperately reading into this to keep this whole thing going.

Disagree since SIL texted to ask if OP knew of sitters in the wedding locality. That group rented an airbnb so if the wedding reception is at a nice hotel there is no opton to explore concierge supplied sitter lists. And if they got a sitter via the concierge there would be no easy roam between the 3 -BIL/MIL/FIL to the room.

So if they chose an airbnb over the venue hotel? Makes it even sillier.

You never know who knows what, or for where. I don’t think SIL is wrong for *asking*, as she has no idea if OP has been to that area before, or if she had already done some research.

[Anonymous]

MIL/FIL go to wedding and reception. Leave after dinner, stay with the sleeping kids, BIL goes to reception and gets drunk, doesn't bring gift.

FIL takes kids to the local playground in the morning and half watches them/scrolls Facebook while BIL sleeps off hangover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update now that we're a few weeks away from the wedding.

Dh and I declined the wedding invite. FIL, MIL, and BIL accepted. The 3 of them (and the kids) booked an airbnb.

SIL texted me this morning asking if I know any babysitters in that area- no, who knows babysitters 2 hours away from home in the middle of nowhere? She said she's annoyed because BIL is taking the kids with no plans for childcare during the wedding.

It definitely felt like she wanted me to either offer to take off work and drive there to watch her kids or offer to watch her kids at my house, but again we declined the wedding precisely because it's a Friday afternoon, DH and I have work, our oldest has school, and we would have no childcare available.

She asked you a question and you answered it. Stop trying to make this into a thing. She's not expecting you to drop everything and watch her kids 2 hours away. That's you desperately reading into this to keep this whole thing going.

Disagree since SIL texted to ask if OP knew of sitters in the wedding locality. That group rented an airbnb so if the wedding reception is at a nice hotel there is no opton to explore concierge supplied sitter lists. And if they got a sitter via the concierge there would be no easy roam between the 3 -BIL/MIL/FIL to the room.

So if they chose an airbnb over the venue hotel? Makes it even sillier.

You never know who knows what, or for where. I don’t think SIL is wrong for *asking*, as she has no idea if OP has been to that area before, or if she had already done some research.

Yet, I'm sure if OP knew sitters in the area she would have provided that info to the BIL when this all came down. It's not like OP, or anyone, would have kept that knowledge to herself. Of course the SIL was hinting/hoping OP would change her mind. So obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update now that we're a few weeks away from the wedding.

Dh and I declined the wedding invite. FIL, MIL, and BIL accepted. The 3 of them (and the kids) booked an airbnb.

SIL texted me this morning asking if I know any babysitters in that area- no, who knows babysitters 2 hours away from home in the middle of nowhere? She said she's annoyed because BIL is taking the kids with no plans for childcare during the wedding.

It definitely felt like she wanted me to either offer to take off work and drive there to watch her kids or offer to watch her kids at my house, but again we declined the wedding precisely because it's a Friday afternoon, DH and I have work, our oldest has school, and we would have no childcare available.

She asked you a question and you answered it. Stop trying to make this into a thing. She's not expecting you to drop everything and watch her kids 2 hours away. That's you desperately reading into this to keep this whole thing going.

Disagree since SIL texted to ask if OP knew of sitters in the wedding locality. That group rented an airbnb so if the wedding reception is at a nice hotel there is no opton to explore concierge supplied sitter lists. And if they got a sitter via the concierge there would be no easy roam between the 3 -BIL/MIL/FIL to the room.

So if they chose an airbnb over the venue hotel? Makes it even sillier.

How is any of that OPs problem? Say "Sorry I can't help!" and move on. Why the heck does she care about their babysitting arrangements. Butt out and let them sort it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update now that we're a few weeks away from the wedding.

Dh and I declined the wedding invite. FIL, MIL, and BIL accepted. The 3 of them (and the kids) booked an airbnb.

SIL texted me this morning asking if I know any babysitters in that area- no, who knows babysitters 2 hours away from home in the middle of nowhere? She said she's annoyed because BIL is taking the kids with no plans for childcare during the wedding.

It definitely felt like she wanted me to either offer to take off work and drive there to watch her kids or offer to watch her kids at my house, but again we declined the wedding precisely because it's a Friday afternoon, DH and I have work, our oldest has school, and we would have no childcare available.

She asked you a question and you answered it. Stop trying to make this into a thing. She's not expecting you to drop everything and watch her kids 2 hours away. That's you desperately reading into this to keep this whole thing going.

WTH do you know? Who calls their sil to ask about babysitters in an area where she doesn't live? We all know this ruse but you keep pretending.