AITA: Getting crap for not attending a Friday wedding because we have no childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH goes alone, you decline to babysit the other kids. The other kids are the other parents’ problem. The end.

+1

Hold the line. This problem isn't difficult to solve; it's your in-laws who are making it so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My mom cannot take PTO. Her parents are (thankfully!) still both alive and in their 90s so she uses/saves all her PTO taking them to doctors appts and caring for them. 2/3 of our regular sitters are full time nannies and I feel weird about asking them to leave their full time families in a childcare lurch for the day. The other one is in both grad school and works during the day.

But you're right- I'm pretty indifferent about going in general just because the amount of mental work, logistical planning, and money (wedding gift, 4hr drive, sitter @ $25hr, possible hotel room) just doesn't feel worth it to me.

I do think your husband should go through, so you will probably be out the gift and hotel. At least you personally won’t be doing the drive!

[Anonymous]

how did someone running a marathon become your problem? not your problem

I would just decline a wedding at such an inconvenient time that doesn't allow kids.

[Anonymous]

Your DH goes alone (if he wants to- sounds like there is a PTO issue). You stay home with your kids (who normally does the afternoon child care? Are you a SAHM? If not, work your normal day and come home to relieve whatever daytime nanny you have). Have your husband talk to his brother about the rest of us. If they’re comfortable getting an Airbnb and an internet sitter then what’s stopping them? They can do that without you. Or, SIL can come stay with you with her kids and you guys can have some cousin bonding (but with her watching her own kids!). If anyone even says anything to you you can just respond “wait so the plan is for everyone to go to the wedding except me and I’m in charge of four babies/ preschoolers alone all evening / night/ morning? I don’t get it”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol I love how all these *ssholes can’t figure anything out when the moms (OP and SIL) abdicate their roles.

OP if I were you I would send DH alone and say you can’t help with BIL kids.

OP here and wow, this is it now that you blatantly said this. SIL and I (even though we are the in laws, married to brothers) handle most if not all of extended family planning logistics.

knew it

[Anonymous]

Just saw now that SIL is presumably not coming. Well, that’s certainly not your problem to solve for your BIL. He can work out with his wife who is in charge of the kids while they have conflicting important plans. The solution is NOT to fly to your house and leave them with you

[Anonymous]

sounds like they are throwing out ideas and you are sitting there complaining. Help plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how did someone running a marathon become your problem? not your problem

I would just decline a wedding at such an inconvenient time that doesn't allow kids.

go run a marathon yourself and enjoy

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t sound like you want to go to this wedding, so just own up to your choice. You (and DH) haven’t tried very hard to find childcare, and if you really wanted to go, you would work it out. Ask your regular sitters to ask their nanny friends, surely someone works for a family who will be out of town that day and able to watch your kids.

Otherwise, agree with PPs that you watch your own kids and let BIL fend for himself. He can get an AirBnB and a local sitter if he is okay with that, and you stay home with your kids. Agree that 4 really little kids on your own is too much.

[Anonymous]

I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sounds like they are throwing out ideas and you are sitting there complaining. Help plan.

Her plan is to stay home with her kids and not attend. Why does she need to also plan for everyone else??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sounds like they are throwing out ideas and you are sitting there complaining. Help plan.

Why? OP doesn't really want to go to the event, and as it's always said here, an invitation is not a summons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

nothing impressive about a man watching kids for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

?? Is this one of those things where we applaud dads for being normal parents?

[Anonymous]

Send your husband to the wedding alone if he wants to go. You stay home with your children. BIL's kids are not your problem to solve. He needs to figure that one out on his own. I would not be strong-armed into taking care of an extra 1 and 3 year old for 24 hours so he can go have fun by himself.