Feeling terrible for not bringing a gift to a no gifts party when others did

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I have 2 kids and over 30 bday party invites a year, in addition to a busy life. I’m not going to remember to text you, nor do I have the time. I am much more likely to decline if I sense the host is going to be high maintenance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

Also there’s usually a reason for no gifts. In my case my daughter has a huge family party and all of her aunts and cousins want to give her toys. Having that *as well* as a friends party is honestly just too much— too much for me and too much for her!

Donate them!

Why don't you ask her family members not to give her anything?

Honestly? Because I know my family members much more personally than I do the entire class, and I know a gift presents no financial hardship whatsoever to anyone in my family.

Meanwhile I have donated to two fundraisers for classmates families this year and there may be others for whom a gift is an expense that might keep them from attending the party.

Extra gifts are donated, but if I can save another parent the trip to target/any budget stress, and still let my sisters and nieces and nephews go nuts spoiling my daughter, I think it’s win-win.

[Anonymous]

As someone who says no gifts and means no gifts, thank you for listening. I am sure the people that brought gifts anyway created an unwelcome situation and placed an extra burden on the parents to handle unwanted gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nooooo - no means no!!

Actually it doesn't. We always take a hostess gift of a bottle of good wine or champagne.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids were really embarrassed going to a party that requested no gifts and we were the only ones who didn't bring one..... What made it worse is the venue had the birthday girl set up in front of the room and have the person who brought the gift stand next to her while she opened it. I was like WTF 😬😳 when I heard. My kids were mortified that they were the only ones who didn't get a chance to go stand up there with the birthday girl while she opened a gift..... Considering there were only 10 people, it was quite noticeable that my kids brought no gift.

My kids had the same experience and were mortified/upset as well. Their friend's party was at a playground, not a venue. Invitation said no gifts, AND the mom told me no gifts because they were moving and she was trying to purge, so we honored that. My kids brought a card and were the only ones who didn't bring a gift and didn't get to sit with the birthday girl while she opened each gift. What the . .. ?

[Anonymous]

My daughter has had no gift parties in the past. One year she asked guests to bring a donation for the local animal shelter in lieu of a birthday gift - we gave them a list of suggestions from the shelter. One year, she said she was collecting gifts for Cole's Closet, a local charity that donates items to children in hospitals, and one year we did a book swap -- everyone brought a wrapped book, and then picked a different one when they left. (Two birds, one stone -- also served as a party favor.). The latter worked particular well at a birthday party for multiple kids -- she shared a birthday with 2 other kids in her preschool so we joined efforts with one big party.

Most people brought cards for her -- one brought some flowers for her, which was sweet but completely unnecessary. She may have gotten a few gift cards, but since we had an "in lieu of" thing, she didn't get many gifts.

[Anonymous]

14:17 again -- she decided when she was 7 that she wanted to do a donation-type party every other year. Totally her choice -- and then we usually got her one extra birthday gift from us those years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I have 2 kids and over 30 bday party invites a year, in addition to a busy life. I’m not going to remember to text you, nor do I have the time. I am much more likely to decline if I sense the host is going to be high maintenance.

You have the time to post on here and take your kid toy shopping. You have the time to send a brief text; you just don't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nooooo - no means no!!

Actually it doesn't. We always take a hostess gift of a bottle of good wine or champagne.

DP. Nooooo - no means no, drunky!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I don't really care if it's awkward for the host. I'm sure the birthday kid would like it. I'll even put it on the table myself with the other gifts that will surely be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nooooo - no means no!!

Actually it doesn't. We always take a hostess gift of a bottle of good wine or champagne.

That's totally different. If you invite me over to your home for dinner, of course I will bring flowers or a nice bottle of wine. This is literally an invitation that says "no presents".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I don't really care if it's awkward for the host. I'm sure the birthday kid would like it. I'll even put it on the table myself with the other gifts that will surely be there.

Yep. Birthdays comes once a year and I bet if you ask any kid they are going to say they want presents. The few in thousands that might say no are outliers.

Kids are only young once and why parents deprive them of this is beyond me. Whatever they don’t like with presents donate. It’s not hard. Let them play with what they like and then if you want to get rid of it, donate it in a few weeks/month when novelty wears off and they forget about it,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has had no gift parties in the past. One year she asked guests to bring a donation for the local animal shelter in lieu of a birthday gift - we gave them a list of suggestions from the shelter. One year, she said she was collecting gifts for Cole's Closet, a local charity that donates items to children in hospitals, and one year we did a book swap -- everyone brought a wrapped book, and then picked a different one when they left. (Two birds, one stone -- also served as a party favor.). The latter worked particular well at a birthday party for multiple kids -- she shared a birthday with 2 other kids in her preschool so we joined efforts with one big party.

Most people brought cards for her -- one brought some flowers for her, which was sweet but completely unnecessary. She may have gotten a few gift cards, but since we had an "in lieu of" thing, she didn't get many gifts.

That is foul, why don't you pick a charity that helps actual humans? I would never bring something for an animal shelter to a childs birthday party, I guess you would have to deal with an actual gift for your human child from me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I have 2 kids and over 30 bday party invites a year, in addition to a busy life. I’m not going to remember to text you, nor do I have the time. I am much more likely to decline if I sense the host is going to be high maintenance.

You have the time to post on here and take your kid toy shopping. You have the time to send a brief text; you just don't want to.

Yep. Birthday gifts can be bought in 5 minutes on amazon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I have 2 kids and over 30 bday party invites a year, in addition to a busy life. I’m not going to remember to text you, nor do I have the time. I am much more likely to decline if I sense the host is going to be high maintenance.

You have the time to post on here and take your kid toy shopping. You have the time to send a brief text; you just don't want to.

Look, I'm not going to offer to "drop it off separately" that's an extreme waste of my time. And, really, you just want to be able to definitely say NO to the gift, you aren't going to give me your address given how hostile you are to the idea that your child receive a gift on their birthday. If my kid has thought of something special he or she thinks the birthday child would like, then that's what we'll do. Others will do the same, so get used to it. So you're right, I don't want to send a text, and I won't. And really this is neither here nor there, none of this would come up in my real life because I don't know people so uptight about birthday gifts.