Feeling terrible for not bringing a gift to a no gifts party when others did

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I don't really care if it's awkward for the host. I'm sure the birthday kid would like it. I'll even put it on the table myself with the other gifts that will surely be there.

The outlier gifts at our no-gifts party weren’t on a table making the parents who actually cared what we wanted feel awkward. They got hustled into a black trash bag that my kid still doesn’t know exists. Just for perspective.

I'll never understand parents like you who will not let their kid have gifts.

DP but you don’t need to understand. No gifts means no gifts. No means no. Aren’t we all about teaching our kids the concept of consent? Why is this so difficult for some of you?

The kid didn’t consent to no gifts! Who are you trying to fool?

Eh, the kid didn’t consent to a wall-r esque future with the world covered in landfills filled with all the cheap plastic bullshit gifts you insist on bringing, either. Be a grown up.

It took 9 pages for the sanctimonious, virtue signalers to get to the crux of it. They don’t want cheap gifts. Their kids preferences and enjoyment be damned. In fact they don’t want the friends at the party either, if they could hire a cast of sophisticated, artisanal, wooden, low VOC friends, they would.

It’s a problem of American overconsumption and excess. So no, we don’t want any more cheap plastic junk from Target that will clutter up the house and then end up in a landfill, thanks. My kids have plenty of toys, they do not need more. Friends are always welcome.

NP who hasn't read the whole thread. I truly hate no gift parties - so joyless and always inevitably leads to awkwardness like that OP experienced.

We don't do no gift parties and I manage to have a home that is not filled with crap. My DDs really only get presents and "stuff" (aside from needs being met) twice a year - their birthdays and Christmas. It is a source of joy for them. They write a personal thank you note for each gift. Also a source of joy for my kids is picking out gifts for their friends on their birthdays. My 9 year old in particular puts such careful thought into gifts for her friends, and even classmates with whom she is less close, and gets so much pleasure in being a gift-giver.

DP - really? How weird. I've never been to a joyless birthday party, gifts or no. Rarely, these days, do the birthday kids open the gifts at the party, nor do they even see them most of the time. Somehow, the kids still seem to have a blast interacting with their friends.

I love giving gifts, too, but thinking they're the end-all be-all for a party? Nah.

[Anonymous]

I take a card - no way for anyone observing to know if it has a gift card in it or not (it doesn't!) and that way we're not just waltzing in empty-handed. Try that next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I don't really care if it's awkward for the host. I'm sure the birthday kid would like it. I'll even put it on the table myself with the other gifts that will surely be there.

The outlier gifts at our no-gifts party weren’t on a table making the parents who actually cared what we wanted feel awkward. They got hustled into a black trash bag that my kid still doesn’t know exists. Just for perspective.

I'll never understand parents like you who will not let their kid have gifts.

DP but you don’t need to understand. No gifts means no gifts. No means no. Aren’t we all about teaching our kids the concept of consent? Why is this so difficult for some of you?

The kid didn’t consent to no gifts! Who are you trying to fool?

Eh, the kid didn’t consent to a wall-r esque future with the world covered in landfills filled with all the cheap plastic bullshit gifts you insist on bringing, either. Be a grown up.

It took 9 pages for the sanctimonious, virtue signalers to get to the crux of it. They don’t want cheap gifts. Their kids preferences and enjoyment be damned. In fact they don’t want the friends at the party either, if they could hire a cast of sophisticated, artisanal, wooden, low VOC friends, they would.

It’s a problem of American overconsumption and excess. So no, we don’t want any more cheap plastic junk from Target that will clutter up the house and then end up in a landfill, thanks. My kids have plenty of toys, they do not need more. Friends are always welcome.

NP who hasn't read the whole thread. I truly hate no gift parties - so joyless and always inevitably leads to awkwardness like that OP experienced.

We don't do no gift parties and I manage to have a home that is not filled with crap. My DDs really only get presents and "stuff" (aside from needs being met) twice a year - their birthdays and Christmas. It is a source of joy for them. They write a personal thank you note for each gift. Also a source of joy for my kids is picking out gifts for their friends on their birthdays. My 9 year old in particular puts such careful thought into gifts for her friends, and even classmates with whom she is less close, and gets so much pleasure in being a gift-giver.

DP - really? How weird. I've never been to a joyless birthday party, gifts or no. Rarely, these days, do the birthday kids open the gifts at the party, nor do they even see them most of the time. Somehow, the kids still seem to have a blast interacting with their friends.

I love giving gifts, too, but thinking they're the end-all be-all for a party? Nah.

Yes, I clarified. The party is always a blast no matter what the gift policy is. Not what I meant.
But whatever your reasons for doing a no-gift party, you have chosen to remove (one traditional source) of lovely joy and fun (for the majority of children, at least) from a special once-a-year day. And I just find that sad. No one has ever articulated a reason that I have found compelling for doing so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But most of the parties our kids have been invited to recently specify “no gifts.” To the point where it would now feel weird/greedy if we did not do the same next time.

To me, what's weird/crass is explicitly addressing gifts at all on the invitation. Traditional etiquette dictates that this is not done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I don't really care if it's awkward for the host. I'm sure the birthday kid would like it. I'll even put it on the table myself with the other gifts that will surely be there.

The outlier gifts at our no-gifts party weren’t on a table making the parents who actually cared what we wanted feel awkward. They got hustled into a black trash bag that my kid still doesn’t know exists. Just for perspective.

I'll never understand parents like you who will not let their kid have gifts.

DP but you don’t need to understand. No gifts means no gifts. No means no. Aren’t we all about teaching our kids the concept of consent? Why is this so difficult for some of you?

The kid didn’t consent to no gifts! Who are you trying to fool?

Eh, the kid didn’t consent to a wall-r esque future with the world covered in landfills filled with all the cheap plastic bullshit gifts you insist on bringing, either. Be a grown up.

It took 9 pages for the sanctimonious, virtue signalers to get to the crux of it. They don’t want cheap gifts. Their kids preferences and enjoyment be damned. In fact they don’t want the friends at the party either, if they could hire a cast of sophisticated, artisanal, wooden, low VOC friends, they would.

It’s a problem of American overconsumption and excess. So no, we don’t want any more cheap plastic junk from Target that will clutter up the house and then end up in a landfill, thanks. My kids have plenty of toys, they do not need more. Friends are always welcome.

NP who hasn't read the whole thread. I truly hate no gift parties - so joyless and always inevitably leads to awkwardness like that OP experienced.

We don't do no gift parties and I manage to have a home that is not filled with crap. My DDs really only get presents and "stuff" (aside from needs being met) twice a year - their birthdays and Christmas. It is a source of joy for them. They write a personal thank you note for each gift. Also a source of joy for my kids is picking out gifts for their friends on their birthdays. My 9 year old in particular puts such careful thought into gifts for her friends, and even classmates with whom she is less close, and gets so much pleasure in being a gift-giver.

Really? The occasional awkward situations I get, but even when gifts are brought the child never opens them at the party anyway, they are just put to the side for later. Whether the party is joyful depends upon the venue, activities, food, attendees, etc., not whether my child dropped off a gift at the table. Maybe you need to emphasize that part of birthday parties less if your kids find parties joyless without gifts....

I wasn't clear at all. That's not what I meant -- yes, the party is a source of joy in itself, absolutely!! I just mean the whole "no gift" trend is so anti-fun and bah-humbug-ish. Gift giving and receiving on childrens' birthdays is joyful and fun, yet THAT'S something we are choosing to mess with these days?? It's just, ugh, ugh, ugh.

Yeah, but a lot of things have changed since when we were kids. In my family we didn't have birthday parties every year, usually every other years, and it was often just a handful of friends at a sleepover or something. There seem to be more whole-class parties than there used to be, rarely did a a couple weeks go by last year where one of my kids wasn't invited to one. It's a lot! Our ES is also pretty mixed socioeconomically, and folks don't want that to be a limiting factor for attending. I don't really care either way but I just can't get hung up on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But most of the parties our kids have been invited to recently specify “no gifts.” To the point where it would now feel weird/greedy if we did not do the same next time.

To me, what's weird/crass is explicitly addressing gifts at all on the invitation. Traditional etiquette dictates that this is not done.

This! Does no one ready Emily Post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I don't really care if it's awkward for the host. I'm sure the birthday kid would like it. I'll even put it on the table myself with the other gifts that will surely be there.

The outlier gifts at our no-gifts party weren’t on a table making the parents who actually cared what we wanted feel awkward. They got hustled into a black trash bag that my kid still doesn’t know exists. Just for perspective.

I'll never understand parents like you who will not let their kid have gifts.

DP but you don’t need to understand. No gifts means no gifts. No means no. Aren’t we all about teaching our kids the concept of consent? Why is this so difficult for some of you?

The kid didn’t consent to no gifts! Who are you trying to fool?

Eh, the kid didn’t consent to a wall-r esque future with the world covered in landfills filled with all the cheap plastic bullshit gifts you insist on bringing, either. Be a grown up.

It took 9 pages for the sanctimonious, virtue signalers to get to the crux of it. They don’t want cheap gifts. Their kids preferences and enjoyment be damned. In fact they don’t want the friends at the party either, if they could hire a cast of sophisticated, artisanal, wooden, low VOC friends, they would.

It’s a problem of American overconsumption and excess. So no, we don’t want any more cheap plastic junk from Target that will clutter up the house and then end up in a landfill, thanks. My kids have plenty of toys, they do not need more. Friends are always welcome.

NP who hasn't read the whole thread. I truly hate no gift parties - so joyless and always inevitably leads to awkwardness like that OP experienced.

We don't do no gift parties and I manage to have a home that is not filled with crap. My DDs really only get presents and "stuff" (aside from needs being met) twice a year - their birthdays and Christmas. It is a source of joy for them. They write a personal thank you note for each gift. Also a source of joy for my kids is picking out gifts for their friends on their birthdays. My 9 year old in particular puts such careful thought into gifts for her friends, and even classmates with whom she is less close, and gets so much pleasure in being a gift-giver.

Really? The occasional awkward situations I get, but even when gifts are brought the child never opens them at the party anyway, they are just put to the side for later. Whether the party is joyful depends upon the venue, activities, food, attendees, etc., not whether my child dropped off a gift at the table. Maybe you need to emphasize that part of birthday parties less if your kids find parties joyless without gifts....

I wasn't clear at all. That's not what I meant -- yes, the party is a source of joy in itself, absolutely!! I just mean the whole "no gift" trend is so anti-fun and bah-humbug-ish. Gift giving and receiving on childrens' birthdays is joyful and fun, yet THAT'S something we are choosing to mess with these days?? It's just, ugh, ugh, ugh.

Yeah, but a lot of things have changed since when we were kids. In my family we didn't have birthday parties every year, usually every other years, and it was often just a handful of friends at a sleepover or something. There seem to be more whole-class parties than there used to be, rarely did a a couple weeks go by last year where one of my kids wasn't invited to one. It's a lot! Our ES is also pretty mixed socioeconomically, and folks don't want that to be a limiting factor for attending. I don't really care either way but I just can't get hung up on this.

If finances are truly the concern, then I guess fine, but I'm quite confident that is not the true motivation for most of the no-gift proponents on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I don't really care if it's awkward for the host. I'm sure the birthday kid would like it. I'll even put it on the table myself with the other gifts that will surely be there.

The outlier gifts at our no-gifts party weren’t on a table making the parents who actually cared what we wanted feel awkward. They got hustled into a black trash bag that my kid still doesn’t know exists. Just for perspective.

I'll never understand parents like you who will not let their kid have gifts.

DP but you don’t need to understand. No gifts means no gifts. No means no. Aren’t we all about teaching our kids the concept of consent? Why is this so difficult for some of you?

The kid didn’t consent to no gifts! Who are you trying to fool?

Eh, the kid didn’t consent to a wall-r esque future with the world covered in landfills filled with all the cheap plastic bullshit gifts you insist on bringing, either. Be a grown up.

It took 9 pages for the sanctimonious, virtue signalers to get to the crux of it. They don’t want cheap gifts. Their kids preferences and enjoyment be damned. In fact they don’t want the friends at the party either, if they could hire a cast of sophisticated, artisanal, wooden, low VOC friends, they would.

It’s a problem of American overconsumption and excess. So no, we don’t want any more cheap plastic junk from Target that will clutter up the house and then end up in a landfill, thanks. My kids have plenty of toys, they do not need more. Friends are always welcome.

NP who hasn't read the whole thread. I truly hate no gift parties - so joyless and always inevitably leads to awkwardness like that OP experienced.

We don't do no gift parties and I manage to have a home that is not filled with crap. My DDs really only get presents and "stuff" (aside from needs being met) twice a year - their birthdays and Christmas. It is a source of joy for them. They write a personal thank you note for each gift. Also a source of joy for my kids is picking out gifts for their friends on their birthdays. My 9 year old in particular puts such careful thought into gifts for her friends, and even classmates with whom she is less close, and gets so much pleasure in being a gift-giver.

DP - really? How weird. I've never been to a joyless birthday party, gifts or no. Rarely, these days, do the birthday kids open the gifts at the party, nor do they even see them most of the time. Somehow, the kids still seem to have a blast interacting with their friends.

I love giving gifts, too, but thinking they're the end-all be-all for a party? Nah.

Yes, I clarified. The party is always a blast no matter what the gift policy is. Not what I meant.
But whatever your reasons for doing a no-gift party, you have chosen to remove (one traditional source) of lovely joy and fun (for the majority of children, at least) from a special once-a-year day. And I just find that sad. No one has ever articulated a reason that I have found compelling for doing so.

Here’s the thing - no one is forcing YOU to have no gift parties for your child. What people are asking is for you to respect their wishes with regard to their own child’s party (this is an important point - this is their child and their party, not yours).

The joy your child feels from selecting a gift for a no-gift party is not more important than the party-thrower’s request for your child to NOT do this. At this point it is an imposition and incredibly rude.

Would you feed a vegetarian child bacon because you find bacon to be a source of delicious joy and you can’t understand why their joyless parents would deprive them of that? No? Then don’t bring a gift to a no-gift party. You don’t have to understand it or agree with it, but you do need to respect other people’s boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The invitation requested no gifts please and I did just that. DS showed up without an actual gift. Other guests arrived with gifts. Maybe 2 people that I noticed actually did not bring a gift.

In the future, if it says no gifts, do I need to bring a gift?

These people would probably take a bottle of gin to an AA meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I don't really care if it's awkward for the host. I'm sure the birthday kid would like it. I'll even put it on the table myself with the other gifts that will surely be there.

The outlier gifts at our no-gifts party weren’t on a table making the parents who actually cared what we wanted feel awkward. They got hustled into a black trash bag that my kid still doesn’t know exists. Just for perspective.

I'll never understand parents like you who will not let their kid have gifts.

DP but you don’t need to understand. No gifts means no gifts. No means no. Aren’t we all about teaching our kids the concept of consent? Why is this so difficult for some of you?

The kid didn’t consent to no gifts! Who are you trying to fool?

Eh, the kid didn’t consent to a wall-r esque future with the world covered in landfills filled with all the cheap plastic bullshit gifts you insist on bringing, either. Be a grown up.

It took 9 pages for the sanctimonious, virtue signalers to get to the crux of it. They don’t want cheap gifts. Their kids preferences and enjoyment be damned. In fact they don’t want the friends at the party either, if they could hire a cast of sophisticated, artisanal, wooden, low VOC friends, they would.

It’s a problem of American overconsumption and excess. So no, we don’t want any more cheap plastic junk from Target that will clutter up the house and then end up in a landfill, thanks. My kids have plenty of toys, they do not need more. Friends are always welcome.

NP who hasn't read the whole thread. I truly hate no gift parties - so joyless and always inevitably leads to awkwardness like that OP experienced.

We don't do no gift parties and I manage to have a home that is not filled with crap. My DDs really only get presents and "stuff" (aside from needs being met) twice a year - their birthdays and Christmas. It is a source of joy for them. They write a personal thank you note for each gift. Also a source of joy for my kids is picking out gifts for their friends on their birthdays. My 9 year old in particular puts such careful thought into gifts for her friends, and even classmates with whom she is less close, and gets so much pleasure in being a gift-giver.

Really? The occasional awkward situations I get, but even when gifts are brought the child never opens them at the party anyway, they are just put to the side for later. Whether the party is joyful depends upon the venue, activities, food, attendees, etc., not whether my child dropped off a gift at the table. Maybe you need to emphasize that part of birthday parties less if your kids find parties joyless without gifts....

I wasn't clear at all. That's not what I meant -- yes, the party is a source of joy in itself, absolutely!! I just mean the whole "no gift" trend is so anti-fun and bah-humbug-ish. Gift giving and receiving on childrens' birthdays is joyful and fun, yet THAT'S something we are choosing to mess with these days?? It's just, ugh, ugh, ugh.

Yeah, but a lot of things have changed since when we were kids. In my family we didn't have birthday parties every year, usually every other years, and it was often just a handful of friends at a sleepover or something. There seem to be more whole-class parties than there used to be, rarely did a a couple weeks go by last year where one of my kids wasn't invited to one. It's a lot! Our ES is also pretty mixed socioeconomically, and folks don't want that to be a limiting factor for attending. I don't really care either way but I just can't get hung up on this.

This. It's different now than when we were growing up. For my kids we did no gift parties in daycare/preschool/early elementary in the years we had all class parties (but we didn't have a party every year). Now they're older and the "parties" are just a few friends who they know well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I don't really care if it's awkward for the host. I'm sure the birthday kid would like it. I'll even put it on the table myself with the other gifts that will surely be there.

The outlier gifts at our no-gifts party weren’t on a table making the parents who actually cared what we wanted feel awkward. They got hustled into a black trash bag that my kid still doesn’t know exists. Just for perspective.

I'll never understand parents like you who will not let their kid have gifts.

DP but you don’t need to understand. No gifts means no gifts. No means no. Aren’t we all about teaching our kids the concept of consent? Why is this so difficult for some of you?

The kid didn’t consent to no gifts! Who are you trying to fool?

Eh, the kid didn’t consent to a wall-r esque future with the world covered in landfills filled with all the cheap plastic bullshit gifts you insist on bringing, either. Be a grown up.

It took 9 pages for the sanctimonious, virtue signalers to get to the crux of it. They don’t want cheap gifts. Their kids preferences and enjoyment be damned. In fact they don’t want the friends at the party either, if they could hire a cast of sophisticated, artisanal, wooden, low VOC friends, they would.

It’s a problem of American overconsumption and excess. So no, we don’t want any more cheap plastic junk from Target that will clutter up the house and then end up in a landfill, thanks. My kids have plenty of toys, they do not need more. Friends are always welcome.

NP who hasn't read the whole thread. I truly hate no gift parties - so joyless and always inevitably leads to awkwardness like that OP experienced.

We don't do no gift parties and I manage to have a home that is not filled with crap. My DDs really only get presents and "stuff" (aside from needs being met) twice a year - their birthdays and Christmas. It is a source of joy for them. They write a personal thank you note for each gift. Also a source of joy for my kids is picking out gifts for their friends on their birthdays. My 9 year old in particular puts such careful thought into gifts for her friends, and even classmates with whom she is less close, and gets so much pleasure in being a gift-giver.

Really? The occasional awkward situations I get, but even when gifts are brought the child never opens them at the party anyway, they are just put to the side for later. Whether the party is joyful depends upon the venue, activities, food, attendees, etc., not whether my child dropped off a gift at the table. Maybe you need to emphasize that part of birthday parties less if your kids find parties joyless without gifts....

I wasn't clear at all. That's not what I meant -- yes, the party is a source of joy in itself, absolutely!! I just mean the whole "no gift" trend is so anti-fun and bah-humbug-ish. Gift giving and receiving on childrens' birthdays is joyful and fun, yet THAT'S something we are choosing to mess with these days?? It's just, ugh, ugh, ugh.

Yeah, but a lot of things have changed since when we were kids. In my family we didn't have birthday parties every year, usually every other years, and it was often just a handful of friends at a sleepover or something. There seem to be more whole-class parties than there used to be, rarely did a a couple weeks go by last year where one of my kids wasn't invited to one. It's a lot! Our ES is also pretty mixed socioeconomically, and folks don't want that to be a limiting factor for attending. I don't really care either way but I just can't get hung up on this.

If finances are truly the concern, then I guess fine, but I'm quite confident that is not the true motivation for most of the no-gift proponents on this thread.

It's important to know your audience. I wouldn't worry about anonymous posters so much as the families you're inviting. Similar to the comment above about "no gifts" written on an invitation to be tacky- most parents I know would say phew rather than find it crass but your crowd may turn up their nose.

FWIW, I like no-gift parties in the younger years and gifts for when they're older. My 2nd grader loves picking out gifts for his friends but when he was 3-4 it was usually me as a harried parent of young kids picking out random stuff at whatever store I happened to be at that week. And he also received a lot of random stuff compared to now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I don't really care if it's awkward for the host. I'm sure the birthday kid would like it. I'll even put it on the table myself with the other gifts that will surely be there.

The outlier gifts at our no-gifts party weren’t on a table making the parents who actually cared what we wanted feel awkward. They got hustled into a black trash bag that my kid still doesn’t know exists. Just for perspective.

I'll never understand parents like you who will not let their kid have gifts.

DP but you don’t need to understand. No gifts means no gifts. No means no. Aren’t we all about teaching our kids the concept of consent? Why is this so difficult for some of you?

The kid didn’t consent to no gifts! Who are you trying to fool?

Eh, the kid didn’t consent to a wall-r esque future with the world covered in landfills filled with all the cheap plastic bullshit gifts you insist on bringing, either. Be a grown up.

It took 9 pages for the sanctimonious, virtue signalers to get to the crux of it. They don’t want cheap gifts. Their kids preferences and enjoyment be damned. In fact they don’t want the friends at the party either, if they could hire a cast of sophisticated, artisanal, wooden, low VOC friends, they would.

It’s a problem of American overconsumption and excess. So no, we don’t want any more cheap plastic junk from Target that will clutter up the house and then end up in a landfill, thanks. My kids have plenty of toys, they do not need more. Friends are always welcome.

NP who hasn't read the whole thread. I truly hate no gift parties - so joyless and always inevitably leads to awkwardness like that OP experienced.

We don't do no gift parties and I manage to have a home that is not filled with crap. My DDs really only get presents and "stuff" (aside from needs being met) twice a year - their birthdays and Christmas. It is a source of joy for them. They write a personal thank you note for each gift. Also a source of joy for my kids is picking out gifts for their friends on their birthdays. My 9 year old in particular puts such careful thought into gifts for her friends, and even classmates with whom she is less close, and gets so much pleasure in being a gift-giver.

Really? The occasional awkward situations I get, but even when gifts are brought the child never opens them at the party anyway, they are just put to the side for later. Whether the party is joyful depends upon the venue, activities, food, attendees, etc., not whether my child dropped off a gift at the table. Maybe you need to emphasize that part of birthday parties less if your kids find parties joyless without gifts....

I wasn't clear at all. That's not what I meant -- yes, the party is a source of joy in itself, absolutely!! I just mean the whole "no gift" trend is so anti-fun and bah-humbug-ish. Gift giving and receiving on childrens' birthdays is joyful and fun, yet THAT'S something we are choosing to mess with these days?? It's just, ugh, ugh, ugh.

Yeah, but a lot of things have changed since when we were kids. In my family we didn't have birthday parties every year, usually every other years, and it was often just a handful of friends at a sleepover or something. There seem to be more whole-class parties than there used to be, rarely did a a couple weeks go by last year where one of my kids wasn't invited to one. It's a lot! Our ES is also pretty mixed socioeconomically, and folks don't want that to be a limiting factor for attending. I don't really care either way but I just can't get hung up on this.

If finances are truly the concern, then I guess fine, but I'm quite confident that is not the true motivation for most of the no-gift proponents on this thread.

It's important to know your audience. I wouldn't worry about anonymous posters so much as the families you're inviting. Similar to the comment above about "no gifts" written on an invitation to be tacky- most parents I know would say phew rather than find it crass but your crowd may turn up their nose.

FWIW, I like no-gift parties in the younger years and gifts for when they're older. My 2nd grader loves picking out gifts for his friends but when he was 3-4 it was usually me as a harried parent of young kids picking out random stuff at whatever store I happened to be at that week. And he also received a lot of random stuff compared to now.

During the "whole preschool class" parties years I get something on Amazon if I don't have time to run to a store --not crap, I had a rotation of some perfectly nice gifts. It's easy. When I had time, I liked taking my 4 year old to a toy store to pick out a gift for her classmate -- good lesson.

"No gift" invites in my area are not met with disdain or relief; but they are not particularly prevalent, so they leave everyone worried that they will be in OP's shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I don't really care if it's awkward for the host. I'm sure the birthday kid would like it. I'll even put it on the table myself with the other gifts that will surely be there.

The outlier gifts at our no-gifts party weren’t on a table making the parents who actually cared what we wanted feel awkward. They got hustled into a black trash bag that my kid still doesn’t know exists. Just for perspective.

I'll never understand parents like you who will not let their kid have gifts.

DP but you don’t need to understand. No gifts means no gifts. No means no. Aren’t we all about teaching our kids the concept of consent? Why is this so difficult for some of you?

The kid didn’t consent to no gifts! Who are you trying to fool?

Eh, the kid didn’t consent to a wall-r esque future with the world covered in landfills filled with all the cheap plastic bullshit gifts you insist on bringing, either. Be a grown up.

It took 9 pages for the sanctimonious, virtue signalers to get to the crux of it. They don’t want cheap gifts. Their kids preferences and enjoyment be damned. In fact they don’t want the friends at the party either, if they could hire a cast of sophisticated, artisanal, wooden, low VOC friends, they would.

It’s a problem of American overconsumption and excess. So no, we don’t want any more cheap plastic junk from Target that will clutter up the house and then end up in a landfill, thanks. My kids have plenty of toys, they do not need more. Friends are always welcome.

NP who hasn't read the whole thread. I truly hate no gift parties - so joyless and always inevitably leads to awkwardness like that OP experienced.

We don't do no gift parties and I manage to have a home that is not filled with crap. My DDs really only get presents and "stuff" (aside from needs being met) twice a year - their birthdays and Christmas. It is a source of joy for them. They write a personal thank you note for each gift. Also a source of joy for my kids is picking out gifts for their friends on their birthdays. My 9 year old in particular puts such careful thought into gifts for her friends, and even classmates with whom she is less close, and gets so much pleasure in being a gift-giver.

Really? The occasional awkward situations I get, but even when gifts are brought the child never opens them at the party anyway, they are just put to the side for later. Whether the party is joyful depends upon the venue, activities, food, attendees, etc., not whether my child dropped off a gift at the table. Maybe you need to emphasize that part of birthday parties less if your kids find parties joyless without gifts....

I wasn't clear at all. That's not what I meant -- yes, the party is a source of joy in itself, absolutely!! I just mean the whole "no gift" trend is so anti-fun and bah-humbug-ish. Gift giving and receiving on childrens' birthdays is joyful and fun, yet THAT'S something we are choosing to mess with these days?? It's just, ugh, ugh, ugh.

Yeah, but a lot of things have changed since when we were kids. In my family we didn't have birthday parties every year, usually every other years, and it was often just a handful of friends at a sleepover or something. There seem to be more whole-class parties than there used to be, rarely did a a couple weeks go by last year where one of my kids wasn't invited to one. It's a lot! Our ES is also pretty mixed socioeconomically, and folks don't want that to be a limiting factor for attending. I don't really care either way but I just can't get hung up on this.

If finances are truly the concern, then I guess fine, but I'm quite confident that is not the true motivation for most of the no-gift proponents on this thread.

It's important to know your audience. I wouldn't worry about anonymous posters so much as the families you're inviting. Similar to the comment above about "no gifts" written on an invitation to be tacky- most parents I know would say phew rather than find it crass but your crowd may turn up their nose.

FWIW, I like no-gift parties in the younger years and gifts for when they're older. My 2nd grader loves picking out gifts for his friends but when he was 3-4 it was usually me as a harried parent of young kids picking out random stuff at whatever store I happened to be at that week. And he also received a lot of random stuff compared to now.

During the "whole preschool class" parties years I get something on Amazon if I don't have time to run to a store --not crap, I had a rotation of some perfectly nice gifts. It's easy. When I had time, I liked taking my 4 year old to a toy store to pick out a gift for her classmate -- good lesson.

"No gift" invites in my area are not met with disdain or relief; but they are not particularly prevalent, so they leave everyone worried that they will be in OP's shoes.

Would you like a cookie for doing everything right?

Since no gift parties aren’t common in your area anyway, sounds like you don’t have much to worry about- just skip the joyless parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I don't really care if it's awkward for the host. I'm sure the birthday kid would like it. I'll even put it on the table myself with the other gifts that will surely be there.

The outlier gifts at our no-gifts party weren’t on a table making the parents who actually cared what we wanted feel awkward. They got hustled into a black trash bag that my kid still doesn’t know exists. Just for perspective.

I'll never understand parents like you who will not let their kid have gifts.

DP but you don’t need to understand. No gifts means no gifts. No means no. Aren’t we all about teaching our kids the concept of consent? Why is this so difficult for some of you?

The kid didn’t consent to no gifts! Who are you trying to fool?

Eh, the kid didn’t consent to a wall-r esque future with the world covered in landfills filled with all the cheap plastic bullshit gifts you insist on bringing, either. Be a grown up.

It took 9 pages for the sanctimonious, virtue signalers to get to the crux of it. They don’t want cheap gifts. Their kids preferences and enjoyment be damned. In fact they don’t want the friends at the party either, if they could hire a cast of sophisticated, artisanal, wooden, low VOC friends, they would.

It’s a problem of American overconsumption and excess. So no, we don’t want any more cheap plastic junk from Target that will clutter up the house and then end up in a landfill, thanks. My kids have plenty of toys, they do not need more. Friends are always welcome.

NP who hasn't read the whole thread. I truly hate no gift parties - so joyless and always inevitably leads to awkwardness like that OP experienced.

We don't do no gift parties and I manage to have a home that is not filled with crap. My DDs really only get presents and "stuff" (aside from needs being met) twice a year - their birthdays and Christmas. It is a source of joy for them. They write a personal thank you note for each gift. Also a source of joy for my kids is picking out gifts for their friends on their birthdays. My 9 year old in particular puts such careful thought into gifts for her friends, and even classmates with whom she is less close, and gets so much pleasure in being a gift-giver.

Really? The occasional awkward situations I get, but even when gifts are brought the child never opens them at the party anyway, they are just put to the side for later. Whether the party is joyful depends upon the venue, activities, food, attendees, etc., not whether my child dropped off a gift at the table. Maybe you need to emphasize that part of birthday parties less if your kids find parties joyless without gifts....

I wasn't clear at all. That's not what I meant -- yes, the party is a source of joy in itself, absolutely!! I just mean the whole "no gift" trend is so anti-fun and bah-humbug-ish. Gift giving and receiving on childrens' birthdays is joyful and fun, yet THAT'S something we are choosing to mess with these days?? It's just, ugh, ugh, ugh.

Yeah, but a lot of things have changed since when we were kids. In my family we didn't have birthday parties every year, usually every other years, and it was often just a handful of friends at a sleepover or something. There seem to be more whole-class parties than there used to be, rarely did a a couple weeks go by last year where one of my kids wasn't invited to one. It's a lot! Our ES is also pretty mixed socioeconomically, and folks don't want that to be a limiting factor for attending. I don't really care either way but I just can't get hung up on this.

If finances are truly the concern, then I guess fine, but I'm quite confident that is not the true motivation for most of the no-gift proponents on this thread.

It's important to know your audience. I wouldn't worry about anonymous posters so much as the families you're inviting. Similar to the comment above about "no gifts" written on an invitation to be tacky- most parents I know would say phew rather than find it crass but your crowd may turn up their nose.

FWIW, I like no-gift parties in the younger years and gifts for when they're older. My 2nd grader loves picking out gifts for his friends but when he was 3-4 it was usually me as a harried parent of young kids picking out random stuff at whatever store I happened to be at that week. And he also received a lot of random stuff compared to now.

During the "whole preschool class" parties years I get something on Amazon if I don't have time to run to a store --not crap, I had a rotation of some perfectly nice gifts. It's easy. When I had time, I liked taking my 4 year old to a toy store to pick out a gift for her classmate -- good lesson.

"No gift" invites in my area are not met with disdain or relief; but they are not particularly prevalent, so they leave everyone worried that they will be in OP's shoes.

Would you like a cookie for doing everything right?

Since no gift parties aren’t common in your area anyway, sounds like you don’t have much to worry about- just skip the joyless parties.

I don't want children exchanging gifts with their classmates and friends to become a thing of the past or fraught with weirdness. Sue me for feeling that way! I know I can't stop anyone from doing what it is they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked for no gifts and got tons and I GREATLY APPRECIATE the people who didn’t bring!!

+1

Usually the gifts brought to "no gift" parties are random crap because people feel like they can cheap out on the gift ("they said no gifts") while also fulfilling their perceived social obligation.

Next time, bring a card, OP, and be proud that you're able to follow instructions. Most of the gifts people have given when I've specified none go into the trash or are donated.

So you'd take expensive quality gifts then. You just don't like the cheap ones. 😕

No. When I said, "no gifts," I meant no gifts. Cost is irrelevant.

My point was that I think many of the people who insist on bringing gifts, after explicitly being asked not to, satisfy their lack of impulse control by unloading whatever crap they have lying around. So that's doubly annoying. I'm not donating crap, nor should I have to be the one to toss it. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just... not bring gifts.

DP. Because your kid told my kid exactly what kind of gifts he wants and he is so excited for his birthday. And my kid is very excited to go to the toy store and get the thing his classmate likes.

Do you people ever consult your children? It’s THEIR birthday.

Then be an adult and talk to the host: "I know you said no gifts, but Larlo is so excited to get Larla the boba tea kit she wants. Could we drop it off separately?"

This would be even more awkward, bring the gift and then say Larlo was so excited to give the thing. It's too late for the host to say no, and avoids the awkwardness.

Having direct communication is awkward? Why? Your approach - bringing the gift to the party - is awkward AF for the *host*. I would wonder why you couldn't have raised it with me beforehand. It must be really hard to struggle to communicate directly with people.

I don't really care if it's awkward for the host. I'm sure the birthday kid would like it. I'll even put it on the table myself with the other gifts that will surely be there.

The outlier gifts at our no-gifts party weren’t on a table making the parents who actually cared what we wanted feel awkward. They got hustled into a black trash bag that my kid still doesn’t know exists. Just for perspective.

I'll never understand parents like you who will not let their kid have gifts.

DP but you don’t need to understand. No gifts means no gifts. No means no. Aren’t we all about teaching our kids the concept of consent? Why is this so difficult for some of you?

The kid didn’t consent to no gifts! Who are you trying to fool?

Eh, the kid didn’t consent to a wall-r esque future with the world covered in landfills filled with all the cheap plastic bullshit gifts you insist on bringing, either. Be a grown up.

It took 9 pages for the sanctimonious, virtue signalers to get to the crux of it. They don’t want cheap gifts. Their kids preferences and enjoyment be damned. In fact they don’t want the friends at the party either, if they could hire a cast of sophisticated, artisanal, wooden, low VOC friends, they would.

It’s a problem of American overconsumption and excess. So no, we don’t want any more cheap plastic junk from Target that will clutter up the house and then end up in a landfill, thanks. My kids have plenty of toys, they do not need more. Friends are always welcome.

NP who hasn't read the whole thread. I truly hate no gift parties - so joyless and always inevitably leads to awkwardness like that OP experienced.

We don't do no gift parties and I manage to have a home that is not filled with crap. My DDs really only get presents and "stuff" (aside from needs being met) twice a year - their birthdays and Christmas. It is a source of joy for them. They write a personal thank you note for each gift. Also a source of joy for my kids is picking out gifts for their friends on their birthdays. My 9 year old in particular puts such careful thought into gifts for her friends, and even classmates with whom she is less close, and gets so much pleasure in being a gift-giver.

DP - really? How weird. I've never been to a joyless birthday party, gifts or no. Rarely, these days, do the birthday kids open the gifts at the party, nor do they even see them most of the time. Somehow, the kids still seem to have a blast interacting with their friends.

I love giving gifts, too, but thinking they're the end-all be-all for a party? Nah.

Yes, I clarified. The party is always a blast no matter what the gift policy is. Not what I meant.
But whatever your reasons for doing a no-gift party, you have chosen to remove (one traditional source) of lovely joy and fun (for the majority of children, at least) from a special once-a-year day. And I just find that sad. No one has ever articulated a reason that I have found compelling for doing so.

Here’s the thing - no one is forcing YOU to have no gift parties for your child. What people are asking is for you to respect their wishes with regard to their own child’s party (this is an important point - this is their child and their party, not yours).

The joy your child feels from selecting a gift for a no-gift party is not more important than the party-thrower’s request for your child to NOT do this. At this point it is an imposition and incredibly rude.

Would you feed a vegetarian child bacon because you find bacon to be a source of delicious joy and you can’t understand why their joyless parents would deprive them of that? No? Then don’t bring a gift to a no-gift party. You don’t have to understand it or agree with it, but you do need to respect other people’s boundaries.

I'm the PP the anti-no-gift PP was responding to, but I agree entirely with the above post. Birthday parties thrown by other people, for children, are not about the guest's gift-giving preference. It's not about you.