Feeling terrible for not bringing a gift to a no gifts party when others did

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids were really embarrassed going to a party that requested no gifts and we were the only ones who didn't bring one..... What made it worse is the venue had the birthday girl set up in front of the room and have the person who brought the gift stand next to her while she opened it. I was like WTF 😬😳 when I heard. My kids were mortified that they were the only ones who didn't get a chance to go stand up there with the birthday girl while she opened a gift..... Considering there were only 10 people, it was quite noticeable that my kids brought no gift.

My kids had the same experience and were mortified/upset as well. Their friend's party was at a playground, not a venue. Invitation said no gifts, AND the mom told me no gifts because they were moving and she was trying to purge, so we honored that. My kids brought a card and were the only ones who didn't bring a gift and didn't get to sit with the birthday girl while she opened each gift. What the . .. ?

Opening gifts in front of guests is so trashy. Especially when it's set up to buy access to the birthday girl!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But most of the parties our kids have been invited to recently specify “no gifts.” To the point where it would now feel weird/greedy if we did not do the same next time.

To me, what's weird/crass is explicitly addressing gifts at all on the invitation. Traditional etiquette dictates that this is not done.

Correct, because it's presumptuous to think anyone is owed a gift simply for throwing a party. Gifts are never required or expected. However, because enough people use gifts as a way to gain favor or lord over others, you have to draw a line. Telling someone what NOT to bring isn't the same as telling them what to bring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But most of the parties our kids have been invited to recently specify “no gifts.” To the point where it would now feel weird/greedy if we did not do the same next time.

To me, what's weird/crass is explicitly addressing gifts at all on the invitation. Traditional etiquette dictates that this is not done.

Your gift-grab parties are way more tacky. We suggest a donation in lieu of a gift.

[Anonymous]

For the weirdo Emily Post “OMG mentioning gifts is so CRASS” poster(s) - get real. Everyone knows that the default for a child’s birthday party is to bring a gift. So that is what will happen unless (and sometimes even still) guests are explicitly asked to NOT bring a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But most of the parties our kids have been invited to recently specify “no gifts.” To the point where it would now feel weird/greedy if we did not do the same next time.

To me, what's weird/crass is explicitly addressing gifts at all on the invitation. Traditional etiquette dictates that this is not done.

Your gift-grab parties are way more tacky. We suggest a donation in lieu of a gift.

DP. There is no obligation to bring a gift to a party or attend a party. If you can’t afford to buy a gift, you can still come with a card or decline the invite altogether.

It is very tacky to suggest a donation, you have officially imposed an expectation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the weirdo Emily Post “OMG mentioning gifts is so CRASS” poster(s) - get real. Everyone knows that the default for a child’s birthday party is to bring a gift. So that is what will happen unless (and sometimes even still) guests are explicitly asked to NOT bring a gift.

+1. Come on.