MIL will only help at her own home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.

OK, so seems we agree that you were arguing with the wrong person, and you agree that needing extra help does not make a parent incompetent. Rather the inability to figure out the logistics of getting extra help would make him incompetent. Agree.

What in OP's post tells you that the DH was not figuring out logistics? He is the one that asked his mom. Mom said only if they come to her. We have no clue what has happened since, other than OP came here to complain about her MIL.

Are you dense? Dad is incompetent. I don't agree with your nonsense. If they had a solution OP wouldn't have bothered to post because they would have just moved on to it and not be gripping about MIL. And competent parents wouldn't have gone to MIL as their first option in this childcare dilemma because as it comes up periodically there would already be a backup in place.

What exactly do you disagree with in my first paragraph?

And why is asking to fly grandma out a bad first choice?

And why do you think it comes up periodically?

And if DH is incompetent, is OP also incompetent? If not, why not?

They are all incompetent. This is obviously a fake post because nobody is really this stupid.

Are you referring to the OP as fake and stupid? Or me, the PP you are responding to?

OP is stupid and you're annoying for asking stupid questions, so, yes, you the PP also seem incompetent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.

OK, so seems we agree that you were arguing with the wrong person, and you agree that needing extra help does not make a parent incompetent. Rather the inability to figure out the logistics of getting extra help would make him incompetent. Agree.

What in OP's post tells you that the DH was not figuring out logistics? He is the one that asked his mom. Mom said only if they come to her. We have no clue what has happened since, other than OP came here to complain about her MIL.

Are you dense? Dad is incompetent. I don't agree with your nonsense. If they had a solution OP wouldn't have bothered to post because they would have just moved on to it and not be gripping about MIL. And competent parents wouldn't have gone to MIL as their first option in this childcare dilemma because as it comes up periodically there would already be a backup in place.

What exactly do you disagree with in my first paragraph?

And why is asking to fly grandma out a bad first choice?

And why do you think it comes up periodically?

And if DH is incompetent, is OP also incompetent? If not, why not?

They are all incompetent. This is obviously a fake post because nobody is really this stupid.

Are you referring to the OP as fake and stupid? Or me, the PP you are responding to?

OP is stupid and you're annoying for asking stupid questions, so, yes, you the PP also seem incompetent.

What questions have I asked that are stupid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.

OK, so seems we agree that you were arguing with the wrong person, and you agree that needing extra help does not make a parent incompetent. Rather the inability to figure out the logistics of getting extra help would make him incompetent. Agree.

What in OP's post tells you that the DH was not figuring out logistics? He is the one that asked his mom. Mom said only if they come to her. We have no clue what has happened since, other than OP came here to complain about her MIL.

Are you dense? Dad is incompetent. I don't agree with your nonsense. If they had a solution OP wouldn't have bothered to post because they would have just moved on to it and not be gripping about MIL. And competent parents wouldn't have gone to MIL as their first option in this childcare dilemma because as it comes up periodically there would already be a backup in place.

What exactly do you disagree with in my first paragraph?

And why is asking to fly grandma out a bad first choice?

And why do you think it comes up periodically?

And if DH is incompetent, is OP also incompetent? If not, why not?

They are all incompetent. This is obviously a fake post because nobody is really this stupid.

Are you referring to the OP as fake and stupid? Or me, the PP you are responding to?

OP is stupid and you're annoying for asking stupid questions, so, yes, you the PP also seem incompetent.

What questions have I asked that are stupid?

If you read the thread you would realize your questions have mostly been answered. MIL is not actively engaged in the grandchilds life, doesn't have a history of helping, these work trips come up a few times a year so obviously this has been handled in the past. So OP needs to go do whatever she did in the past because going to Grandma makes no sense. But really, OP is a trolling troll so none of this matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd definitely take that as MIL's message that she doesn't really want to babysit.

And if you and your H are willing to pay to fly her out for a week just for the few days of school pickups, then it's really not an economical solution, unless you're both thinking that this would count as her annual trip to visit you. In which case she might be weary and didn't want to lose her traditional visit.

In any event, it's a wake up call that you need to line up some local help.

She offered to watch the kid, without either of the parents, at her house for a week. I am not sure how that translates to "she doesn't really want to babysit."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.

OK, so seems we agree that you were arguing with the wrong person, and you agree that needing extra help does not make a parent incompetent. Rather the inability to figure out the logistics of getting extra help would make him incompetent. Agree.

What in OP's post tells you that the DH was not figuring out logistics? He is the one that asked his mom. Mom said only if they come to her. We have no clue what has happened since, other than OP came here to complain about her MIL.

NP. A competent father’s first instinct would not be to fly in his Mommy to provide child care. That would be a last resort, not the first call. Both DH and OP are incompetent for not having local, steady, reliable care in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.

OK, so seems we agree that you were arguing with the wrong person, and you agree that needing extra help does not make a parent incompetent. Rather the inability to figure out the logistics of getting extra help would make him incompetent. Agree.

What in OP's post tells you that the DH was not figuring out logistics? He is the one that asked his mom. Mom said only if they come to her. We have no clue what has happened since, other than OP came here to complain about her MIL.

NP. A competent father’s first instinct would not be to fly in his Mommy to provide child care. That would be a last resort, not the first call. Both DH and OP are incompetent for not having local, steady, reliable care in the first place.

It is 100% okay and great to ask grandma to come in. That’s probably an amazing solution that builds a solid relationship between kid and grandparent. What’s not okay is complaining about it when the answer is ‘yes, but at my house.’

Competent and non-entitled parents would have effortlessly (and whine-least) moved to Plan B.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.

OK, so seems we agree that you were arguing with the wrong person, and you agree that needing extra help does not make a parent incompetent. Rather the inability to figure out the logistics of getting extra help would make him incompetent. Agree.

What in OP's post tells you that the DH was not figuring out logistics? He is the one that asked his mom. Mom said only if they come to her. We have no clue what has happened since, other than OP came here to complain about her MIL.

NP. A competent father’s first instinct would not be to fly in his Mommy to provide child care. That would be a last resort, not the first call. Both DH and OP are incompetent for not having local, steady, reliable care in the first place.

It is 100% okay and great to ask grandma to come in. That’s probably an amazing solution that builds a solid relationship between kid and grandparent. What’s not okay is complaining about it when the answer is ‘yes, but at my house.’

Competent and non-entitled parents would have effortlessly (and whine-least) moved to Plan B.

They have no Plan B, that’s why relying on long-distance grandma is, indeed, a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because she is single and retired doesn’t mean she has no real commitments. She offered a solution.

What kind of help does your DH need while you are away?

+1
I don't get why OP is making this so personal. MIL said she can't come out for a week because she has other commitments. She offered a solution. OP doesn't like it. Fine. Figure out something else. I don't understand why her husband can't take care of their kid for a week, but if he can't, fund another solution.

Maybe MIL thinks her son should step up and parent his child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd definitely take that as MIL's message that she doesn't really want to babysit.

And if you and your H are willing to pay to fly her out for a week just for the few days of school pickups, then it's really not an economical solution, unless you're both thinking that this would count as her annual trip to visit you. In which case she might be weary and didn't want to lose her traditional visit.

In any event, it's a wake up call that you need to line up some local help.

She offered to watch the kid, without either of the parents, at her house for a week. I am not sure how that translates to "she doesn't really want to babysit."

It only translates to "she doesn't want to do it" if your self centered and entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because she is single and retired doesn’t mean she has no real commitments. She offered a solution.

What kind of help does your DH need while you are away?

+1
I don't get why OP is making this so personal. MIL said she can't come out for a week because she has other commitments. She offered a solution. OP doesn't like it. Fine. Figure out something else. I don't understand why her husband can't take care of their kid for a week, but if he can't, fund another solution.

Maybe MIL thinks her son should step up and parent his child.

Maybe MIL should step up and pay her own airfare to visit her son and his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because she is single and retired doesn’t mean she has no real commitments. She offered a solution.

What kind of help does your DH need while you are away?

+1
I don't get why OP is making this so personal. MIL said she can't come out for a week because she has other commitments. She offered a solution. OP doesn't like it. Fine. Figure out something else. I don't understand why her husband can't take care of their kid for a week, but if he can't, fund another solution.

Maybe MIL thinks her son should step up and parent his child.

Maybe MIL should step up and pay her own airfare to visit her son and his family.

Maybe she will if it isn’t under the guise as a nanny while one of the parents is away.

[Anonymous]

Don't be unkind! OP's DH likely manages a Foot Locker or something, and her big business trip is for an Amway convention. That's why they have so few childcare options. Let's help them find a workable solution given their income and MIL's reluctance to travel to them.

[Anonymous]

I rarely have to travel for work but, when I do, we do a mix of DH taking time off or working from home and hiring a babysitter for days he’s unable to do this.

It will likely be much more convenient to do something like this as kids will have their normal schedule/will sleep in their own beds etc. Flying the kids out to MIL seems excessive if all you need is for someone to watch kids while DH is working.

If MIL was thrilled to do it and available to fly out that would have worked but it’s probably good to have some more local childcare options, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.

Who did you marry who cannot handle your kids? Mine would all be fine for a week or longer with dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.

Who did you marry who cannot handle your kids? Mine would all be fine for a week or longer with dad.

I’m not OP, maybe ask her? Thats why i said dads and not my DH. The reception a working mom gets if she can’t figure out how to get from A to B is very different than a dad, unfortunately. I have never had to create a post to figure out childcare for my household, so this isn’t my problem. OP and her husband two need a solution that doesn’t include MIL if a week’s worth of travel happens a few times a year, but OP just wants to complain about her MIL this isn’t really a serious problem she’s trying to resolve since she hasn’t bothered to come back.