MIL will only help at her own home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have a husband who can take care of his own kid for Chrissake

+1

I just left my DH alone with 3 kids age 7 and under while I went on a girls’ trip for 4 nights. I do not understand people who need to fly somebody in to help watch their own kids. Hire a sitter for a few hours if he needs a break or extra set of hands.

Is your DH a senior partner? Doctor? Own his own company? These are all jobs where he may not be able to cut his hours to watch his kids and he should not be faulted for it.

Wow, what important, high-powered jobs! Those types of DHs must be so smart, competent and rich, huh? Like maybe they could secure and pay for child care, hmm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have a husband who can take care of his own kid for Chrissake

+1

I just left my DH alone with 3 kids age 7 and under while I went on a girls’ trip for 4 nights. I do not understand people who need to fly somebody in to help watch their own kids. Hire a sitter for a few hours if he needs a break or extra set of hands.

Is your DH a senior partner? Doctor? Own his own company? These are all jobs where he may not be able to cut his hours to watch his kids and he should not be faulted for it.

Wow, what important, high-powered jobs! Those types of DHs must be so smart, competent and rich, huh? Like maybe they could secure and pay for child care, hmm?

+1

I am floored by this comment. A senior partner, doctor, or business owner has more flexibility than most people in this county AND more resources to handle any gaps. I would absolutely fault a father for not doing whatever is necessary to care for his own kids for a week.

[Anonymous]

I'd definitely take that as MIL's message that she doesn't really want to babysit.

And if you and your H are willing to pay to fly her out for a week just for the few days of school pickups, then it's really not an economical solution, unless you're both thinking that this would count as her annual trip to visit you. In which case she might be weary and didn't want to lose her traditional visit.

In any event, it's a wake up call that you need to line up some local help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

I would absolutely sign up for aftercare for just a couple of weeks of pickup issues. Especially if you don't have a go-to alternative that lives local (baby sitter, nanny or friend whose willing to help out).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.

OK, so seems we agree that you were arguing with the wrong person, and you agree that needing extra help does not make a parent incompetent. Rather the inability to figure out the logistics of getting extra help would make him incompetent. Agree.

What in OP's post tells you that the DH was not figuring out logistics? He is the one that asked his mom. Mom said only if they come to her. We have no clue what has happened since, other than OP came here to complain about her MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.

OK, so seems we agree that you were arguing with the wrong person, and you agree that needing extra help does not make a parent incompetent. Rather the inability to figure out the logistics of getting extra help would make him incompetent. Agree.

What in OP's post tells you that the DH was not figuring out logistics? He is the one that asked his mom. Mom said only if they come to her. We have no clue what has happened since, other than OP came here to complain about her MIL.

Are you dense? Dad is incompetent. I don't agree with your nonsense. If they had a solution OP wouldn't have bothered to post because they would have just moved on to it and not be gripping about MIL. And competent parents wouldn't have gone to MIL as their first option in this childcare dilemma because as it comes up periodically there would already be a backup in place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.

OK, so seems we agree that you were arguing with the wrong person, and you agree that needing extra help does not make a parent incompetent. Rather the inability to figure out the logistics of getting extra help would make him incompetent. Agree.

What in OP's post tells you that the DH was not figuring out logistics? He is the one that asked his mom. Mom said only if they come to her. We have no clue what has happened since, other than OP came here to complain about her MIL.

Are you dense? Dad is incompetent. I don't agree with your nonsense. If they had a solution OP wouldn't have bothered to post because they would have just moved on to it and not be gripping about MIL. And competent parents wouldn't have gone to MIL as their first option in this childcare dilemma because as it comes up periodically there would already be a backup in place.

What exactly do you disagree with in my first paragraph?

And why is asking to fly grandma out a bad first choice?

And why do you think it comes up periodically?

And if DH is incompetent, is OP also incompetent? If not, why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.

OK, so seems we agree that you were arguing with the wrong person, and you agree that needing extra help does not make a parent incompetent. Rather the inability to figure out the logistics of getting extra help would make him incompetent. Agree.

What in OP's post tells you that the DH was not figuring out logistics? He is the one that asked his mom. Mom said only if they come to her. We have no clue what has happened since, other than OP came here to complain about her MIL.

Are you dense? Dad is incompetent. I don't agree with your nonsense. If they had a solution OP wouldn't have bothered to post because they would have just moved on to it and not be gripping about MIL. And competent parents wouldn't have gone to MIL as their first option in this childcare dilemma because as it comes up periodically there would already be a backup in place.

What exactly do you disagree with in my first paragraph?

And why is asking to fly grandma out a bad first choice?

And why do you think it comes up periodically?

And if DH is incompetent, is OP also incompetent? If not, why not?

They are all incompetent. This is obviously a fake post because nobody is really this stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.

You clearly have baggage to deal with. I would cut a working non the same slack if she is the one with the high powered job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.

You clearly have baggage to deal with. I would cut a working non the same slack if she is the one with the high powered job.

Working moms who travel don’t use across the country grandma as their go to sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?

You are arguing with the wrong person/people. Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL. (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.

OK, so seems we agree that you were arguing with the wrong person, and you agree that needing extra help does not make a parent incompetent. Rather the inability to figure out the logistics of getting extra help would make him incompetent. Agree.

What in OP's post tells you that the DH was not figuring out logistics? He is the one that asked his mom. Mom said only if they come to her. We have no clue what has happened since, other than OP came here to complain about her MIL.

Are you dense? Dad is incompetent. I don't agree with your nonsense. If they had a solution OP wouldn't have bothered to post because they would have just moved on to it and not be gripping about MIL. And competent parents wouldn't have gone to MIL as their first option in this childcare dilemma because as it comes up periodically there would already be a backup in place.

What exactly do you disagree with in my first paragraph?

And why is asking to fly grandma out a bad first choice?

And why do you think it comes up periodically?

And if DH is incompetent, is OP also incompetent? If not, why not?

They are all incompetent. This is obviously a fake post because nobody is really this stupid.

Are you referring to the OP as fake and stupid? Or me, the PP you are responding to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Geez, what a warped, self-centered view so many of you have. The MIL didn't say 'no'. She offered a solution that allows her to say, 'yes'. If she didn't want to help, she wouldn't have offered a solution.

The MIL also doesn't owe anyone a reason for why she cannot watch OP's kid in OP's home. As so many of us are fond of saying, 'it doesn't work' for her. Just because someone doesn't conform to your expectations or give you what you ask/demand doesn't mean they're making it all about them.

If you're go to solution to needing someone to do pick up a few days a week is to fly someone from across the country to do it, you've got a lot of other problems.

Are we reading the same thread? I am reading a lot of support for the MIL and very little criticism, if any.

Really? From just the first 2 pages posters said the below about the MIL - which is judgemental, self-centered and entitled. The MIL didn't say no, she offered a solution that OP doesn't like.

Your MIL a doesn’t want to help
It sounds like she doesn’t want to help.
She could definitely be more help but she’s an adult and she doesn’t want to
you have a MIL unwilling to help
It would be nice if she said yes but for whatever reason she doesn't want to.