MIL will only help at her own home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I am different because I am not from the white American culture. I want grandparents to spend easy time with grandkids, cuddling them, telling them stories, spoiling them etc. I have never asked or expected the older generation to provide childcare or help in household chores. Even when my DH or I spend time with the parents or ILs, we do a lot of chores for them and do everything possible that they are not inconvenienced and their lives are a little bit easier.

My aim is that the older generation remain independent for as long as possible and that they remain in the lives of my children for as long as they can. Taking care of my own kids, my parents and my ILs is the responsibility of my DH and myself. I cannot believe that everyone expects elderly people to be their slaves and are resentful. The height of entitlement is something else.

For the record, I think this is a fairly new phenomenon in the American white culture. But you are dead on.

I don’t think this is new. My grandparents stayed with us weekend a month while we were growing up, and my parents spent one of those nights at a hotel.

My grandmother also hosted every holiday in her home until she was in her 70’s. She continued cooking for us for smaller events and came over with stuffing and sweet potatoes for Thanksgiving a few days before my daughter was born.

Some families are close and some aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I am different because I am not from the white American culture. I want grandparents to spend easy time with grandkids, cuddling them, telling them stories, spoiling them etc. I have never asked or expected the older generation to provide childcare or help in household chores. Even when my DH or I spend time with the parents or ILs, we do a lot of chores for them and do everything possible that they are not inconvenienced and their lives are a little bit easier.

My aim is that the older generation remain independent for as long as possible and that they remain in the lives of my children for as long as they can. Taking care of my own kids, my parents and my ILs is the responsibility of my DH and myself. I cannot believe that everyone expects elderly people to be their slaves and are resentful. The height of entitlement is something else.

I'm dying to know what culture you're from - I'm thinking obscenely wealthy and clueless.

There are plenty of white people here who agree with you that it's unreasonable to expect others (not just the elderly) to be their 'slaves' and are resentful when they're not. You're generalization is way off base.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

OP travels a few times a year. MIL doesn't hop to it ever so why would she this time?

That is not OP. Why do you think OP travels a few times a year?

How do you know it's not OP? Why are you so invested in this?

Because the person you quoted said they don't expect parents to come from hours way. It is a different PP making the point that needing additional care does not make one incompetent.

The PP said they didn't expect their parents nothing is said about in-laws, so doesn't rule out OP. If OP hasn't come back a single time to this thread who gives a crap if anyone says she or her husband are incompetent?

You think it is likely or even plausible that OP would ask her MIL who lives across country to fly to them, then come here to complain that she won't, but would never consider asking her own parents? And that if she were to make a second post, she would only address this one issue of DH's competence and not any of the others? Not mention her MIL at all?

True, this being OP is not "ruled out." But it also does not seem it is reasonable to conclude that this one post out of several pages is her.

You think its likely OP isn't a troll? Come on. It's not reasonable to conclude anything else?

Troll troll troll troll troll. I love how dcurban mom caused every post they might not agree with as a troll.

Um it is a troll. Sorry you can’t tell when a post is fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

OP travels a few times a year. MIL doesn't hop to it ever so why would she this time?

That is not OP. Why do you think OP travels a few times a year?

How do you know it's not OP? Why are you so invested in this?

Because the person you quoted said they don't expect parents to come from hours way. It is a different PP making the point that needing additional care does not make one incompetent.

The PP said they didn't expect their parents nothing is said about in-laws, so doesn't rule out OP. If OP hasn't come back a single time to this thread who gives a crap if anyone says she or her husband are incompetent?

You think it is likely or even plausible that OP would ask her MIL who lives across country to fly to them, then come here to complain that she won't, but would never consider asking her own parents? And that if she were to make a second post, she would only address this one issue of DH's competence and not any of the others? Not mention her MIL at all?

True, this being OP is not "ruled out." But it also does not seem it is reasonable to conclude that this one post out of several pages is her.

You think its likely OP isn't a troll? Come on. It's not reasonable to conclude anything else?

Troll troll troll troll troll. I love how dcurban mom caused every post they might not agree with as a troll.

Um it is a troll. Sorry you can’t tell when a post is fake.

Per Jeff, who likely knows a bit more than you: "The original poster, who I half suspect might be a troll, never returned to the thread to offer additional information. Instead, the original poster has subsequently started two threads about dating, in one of which she has been very actively participating. If I squint just right and allow plenty of allowances, I can find an explanation for the original poster's seemingly contradictory threads that doesn't lead to the conclusion that she is a troll. So, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt for now."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

OP travels a few times a year. MIL doesn't hop to it ever so why would she this time?

That is not OP. Why do you think OP travels a few times a year?

How do you know it's not OP? Why are you so invested in this?

Because the person you quoted said they don't expect parents to come from hours way. It is a different PP making the point that needing additional care does not make one incompetent.

The PP said they didn't expect their parents nothing is said about in-laws, so doesn't rule out OP. If OP hasn't come back a single time to this thread who gives a crap if anyone says she or her husband are incompetent?

You think it is likely or even plausible that OP would ask her MIL who lives across country to fly to them, then come here to complain that she won't, but would never consider asking her own parents? And that if she were to make a second post, she would only address this one issue of DH's competence and not any of the others? Not mention her MIL at all?

True, this being OP is not "ruled out." But it also does not seem it is reasonable to conclude that this one post out of several pages is her.

You think its likely OP isn't a troll? Come on. It's not reasonable to conclude anything else?

Troll troll troll troll troll. I love how dcurban mom caused every post they might not agree with as a troll.

Um it is a troll. Sorry you can’t tell when a post is fake.

Per Jeff, who likely knows a bit more than you: "The original poster, who I half suspect might be a troll, never returned to the thread to offer additional information. Instead, the original poster has subsequently started two threads about dating, in one of which she has been very actively participating. If I squint just right and allow plenty of allowances, I can find an explanation for the original poster's seemingly contradictory threads that doesn't lead to the conclusion that she is a troll. So, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt for now."

Well that changes everything Why don’t you offer up your very important advice then to an OP who posted and ran and is unwilling to engage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

OP travels a few times a year. MIL doesn't hop to it ever so why would she this time?

That is not OP. Why do you think OP travels a few times a year?

How do you know it's not OP? Why are you so invested in this?

Because the person you quoted said they don't expect parents to come from hours way. It is a different PP making the point that needing additional care does not make one incompetent.

The PP said they didn't expect their parents nothing is said about in-laws, so doesn't rule out OP. If OP hasn't come back a single time to this thread who gives a crap if anyone says she or her husband are incompetent?

You think it is likely or even plausible that OP would ask her MIL who lives across country to fly to them, then come here to complain that she won't, but would never consider asking her own parents? And that if she were to make a second post, she would only address this one issue of DH's competence and not any of the others? Not mention her MIL at all?

True, this being OP is not "ruled out." But it also does not seem it is reasonable to conclude that this one post out of several pages is her.

You think its likely OP isn't a troll? Come on. It's not reasonable to conclude anything else?

Troll troll troll troll troll. I love how dcurban mom caused every post they might not agree with as a troll.

Um it is a troll. Sorry you can’t tell when a post is fake.

Per Jeff, who likely knows a bit more than you: "The original poster, who I half suspect might be a troll, never returned to the thread to offer additional information. Instead, the original poster has subsequently started two threads about dating, in one of which she has been very actively participating. If I squint just right and allow plenty of allowances, I can find an explanation for the original poster's seemingly contradictory threads that doesn't lead to the conclusion that she is a troll. So, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt for now."

Then go ahead and waste your time giving your very important advice to an OP who posted and ran.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I am different because I am not from the white American culture. I want grandparents to spend easy time with grandkids, cuddling them, telling them stories, spoiling them etc. I have never asked or expected the older generation to provide childcare or help in household chores. Even when my DH or I spend time with the parents or ILs, we do a lot of chores for them and do everything possible that they are not inconvenienced and their lives are a little bit easier.

My aim is that the older generation remain independent for as long as possible and that they remain in the lives of my children for as long as they can. Taking care of my own kids, my parents and my ILs is the responsibility of my DH and myself. I cannot believe that everyone expects elderly people to be their slaves and are resentful. The height of entitlement is something else.

For the record, I think this is a fairly new phenomenon in the American white culture. But you are dead on.

I don’t think this is new. My grandparents stayed with us weekend a month while we were growing up, and my parents spent one of those nights at a hotel.

My grandmother also hosted every holiday in her home until she was in her 70’s. She continued cooking for us for smaller events and came over with stuffing and sweet potatoes for Thanksgiving a few days before my daughter was born.

Some families are close and some aren’t.

Your parents went to a hotel to bang? Gross. You shouldn't even know this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I am different because I am not from the white American culture. I want grandparents to spend easy time with grandkids, cuddling them, telling them stories, spoiling them etc. I have never asked or expected the older generation to provide childcare or help in household chores. Even when my DH or I spend time with the parents or ILs, we do a lot of chores for them and do everything possible that they are not inconvenienced and their lives are a little bit easier.

My aim is that the older generation remain independent for as long as possible and that they remain in the lives of my children for as long as they can. Taking care of my own kids, my parents and my ILs is the responsibility of my DH and myself. I cannot believe that everyone expects elderly people to be their slaves and are resentful. The height of entitlement is something else.

For the record, I think this is a fairly new phenomenon in the American white culture. But you are dead on.

I don’t think this is new. My grandparents stayed with us weekend a month while we were growing up, and my parents spent one of those nights at a hotel.

My grandmother also hosted every holiday in her home until she was in her 70’s. She continued cooking for us for smaller events and came over with stuffing and sweet potatoes for Thanksgiving a few days before my daughter was born.

Some families are close and some aren’t.

Your parents went to a hotel to bang? Gross. You shouldn't even know this.

What? Why?
Should they have lied about where they were?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t your husband manage one kid on his own?

+100

They are a parent, too. You could do it if the tables were turned, OP. No one should need their mom to come to town to watch one kid...