MIL will only help at her own home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

OP travels a few times a year. MIL doesn't hop to it ever so why would she this time?

That is not OP. Why do you think OP travels a few times a year?

How do you know it's not OP? Why are you so invested in this?

Because the person you quoted said they don't expect parents to come from hours way. It is a different PP making the point that needing additional care does not make one incompetent.

The PP said they didn't expect their parents nothing is said about in-laws, so doesn't rule out OP. If OP hasn't come back a single time to this thread who gives a crap if anyone says she or her husband are incompetent?

You think it is likely or even plausible that OP would ask her MIL who lives across country to fly to them, then come here to complain that she won't, but would never consider asking her own parents? And that if she were to make a second post, she would only address this one issue of DH's competence and not any of the others? Not mention her MIL at all?

True, this being OP is not "ruled out." But it also does not seem it is reasonable to conclude that this one post out of several pages is her.

You think its likely OP isn't a troll? Come on. It's not reasonable to conclude anything else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have a husband who can take care of his own kid for Chrissake

+1

I just left my DH alone with 3 kids age 7 and under while I went on a girls’ trip for 4 nights. I do not understand people who need to fly somebody in to help watch their own kids. Hire a sitter for a few hours if he needs a break or extra set of hands.

Is your DH a senior partner? Doctor? Own his own company? These are all jobs where he may not be able to cut his hours to watch his kids and he should not be faulted for it.

Stop with this.

A senior partner or a doctor or most CERTAINLY a business owner has more control over their own hours than the vast majority of people in this country.
And the point wasn't that they can cut back at work, but that they have a lot more options, because of the income from these jobs, to make it work OTHER THAN flying MIL in from across the country.

Life is about choices, and your "high-powered" job doesn't make those choices more difficult. In fact, the opposite.

That’s news to me. I’m a doctor, and my vacation, planned a year ago, was just canceled because we are understaffed. I also have to give 90 days notice before I quit, and I had to sign a (pretty standard) non-compete that means I more or less have to move if I quit.

+1 I am also a doctor, and all of the above plus I have to give 90 days notice to rearrange a single 4-hour clinic and more for a full week (usually vacation & travel schedule is set a full year in advance). You can’t just arrive late or leave early every day for a week on short or even normal notice.

People here have really warped perceptions of what doctors lives are like, just bc they make more money doesn’t mean they live cushy work lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

OP travels a few times a year. MIL doesn't hop to it ever so why would she this time?

That is not OP. Why do you think OP travels a few times a year?

How do you know it's not OP? Why are you so invested in this?

Because the person you quoted said they don't expect parents to come from hours way. It is a different PP making the point that needing additional care does not make one incompetent.

The PP said they didn't expect their parents nothing is said about in-laws, so doesn't rule out OP. If OP hasn't come back a single time to this thread who gives a crap if anyone says she or her husband are incompetent?

You think it is likely or even plausible that OP would ask her MIL who lives across country to fly to them, then come here to complain that she won't, but would never consider asking her own parents? And that if she were to make a second post, she would only address this one issue of DH's competence and not any of the others? Not mention her MIL at all?

True, this being OP is not "ruled out." But it also does not seem it is reasonable to conclude that this one post out of several pages is her.

You think its likely OP isn't a troll? Come on. It's not reasonable to conclude anything else?

Whether ot not the original OP was trolling....that response was not likely her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

OP travels a few times a year. MIL doesn't hop to it ever so why would she this time?

That is not OP. Why do you think OP travels a few times a year?

How do you know it's not OP? Why are you so invested in this?

Because the person you quoted said they don't expect parents to come from hours way. It is a different PP making the point that needing additional care does not make one incompetent.

The PP said they didn't expect their parents nothing is said about in-laws, so doesn't rule out OP. If OP hasn't come back a single time to this thread who gives a crap if anyone says she or her husband are incompetent?

You think it is likely or even plausible that OP would ask her MIL who lives across country to fly to them, then come here to complain that she won't, but would never consider asking her own parents? And that if she were to make a second post, she would only address this one issue of DH's competence and not any of the others? Not mention her MIL at all?

True, this being OP is not "ruled out." But it also does not seem it is reasonable to conclude that this one post out of several pages is her.

You think its likely OP isn't a troll? Come on. It's not reasonable to conclude anything else?

Whether ot not the original OP was trolling....that response was not likely her.

Not likely. Ok, boss. Doesn't mean I find OP or her DH more competent than before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.

Hire a nanny dumb*ss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

OP travels a few times a year. MIL doesn't hop to it ever so why would she this time?

That is not OP. Why do you think OP travels a few times a year?

How do you know it's not OP? Why are you so invested in this?

Because the person you quoted said they don't expect parents to come from hours way. It is a different PP making the point that needing additional care does not make one incompetent.

The PP said they didn't expect their parents nothing is said about in-laws, so doesn't rule out OP. If OP hasn't come back a single time to this thread who gives a crap if anyone says she or her husband are incompetent?

You think it is likely or even plausible that OP would ask her MIL who lives across country to fly to them, then come here to complain that she won't, but would never consider asking her own parents? And that if she were to make a second post, she would only address this one issue of DH's competence and not any of the others? Not mention her MIL at all?

True, this being OP is not "ruled out." But it also does not seem it is reasonable to conclude that this one post out of several pages is her.

You think its likely OP isn't a troll? Come on. It's not reasonable to conclude anything else?

Whether ot not the original OP was trolling....that response was not likely her.

Not likely. Ok, boss. Doesn't mean I find OP or her DH more competent than before.

So do you still think the response was OP? Or do you now realize it wasn't and are deflecting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.

Hire a nanny dumb*ss.

I don’t think the issue is childcare dumb*ss. It’s that her MIL isn’t willing to put any effort into seeing her own son or grandchild. That kind of sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have a husband who can take care of his own kid for Chrissake

+1

I just left my DH alone with 3 kids age 7 and under while I went on a girls’ trip for 4 nights. I do not understand people who need to fly somebody in to help watch their own kids. Hire a sitter for a few hours if he needs a break or extra set of hands.

Is your DH a senior partner? Doctor? Own his own company? These are all jobs where he may not be able to cut his hours to watch his kids and he should not be faulted for it.

Stop with this.

A senior partner or a doctor or most CERTAINLY a business owner has more control over their own hours than the vast majority of people in this country.
And the point wasn't that they can cut back at work, but that they have a lot more options, because of the income from these jobs, to make it work OTHER THAN flying MIL in from across the country.

Life is about choices, and your "high-powered" job doesn't make those choices more difficult. In fact, the opposite.

That’s news to me. I’m a doctor, and my vacation, planned a year ago, was just canceled because we are understaffed. I also have to give 90 days notice before I quit, and I had to sign a (pretty standard) non-compete that means I more or less have to move if I quit.

+1 I am also a doctor, and all of the above plus I have to give 90 days notice to rearrange a single 4-hour clinic and more for a full week (usually vacation & travel schedule is set a full year in advance). You can’t just arrive late or leave early every day for a week on short or even normal notice.

People here have really warped perceptions of what doctors lives are like, just bc they make more money doesn’t mean they live cushy work lives.

I think you are all missing the point. I appreciate doctors and understand the job is hard.

What I take issue with is the PP who singled out these particular professions (doctor, "senior partner", and business owner) as being so so important, more so than others, as ones where it is not even possible to consider finding time to take care of the kids when needed. Yes, the doctor schedule in some cases can be more rigid than "senior partner" and "business owner." But it is not generally true that anybody who is a doctor in any field can't make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.

Hire a nanny dumb*ss.

I don’t think the issue is childcare dumb*ss. It’s that her MIL isn’t willing to put any effort into seeing her own son or grandchild. That kind of sucks.

The issue is the childcare. OP said as much.

And MIL was willing to "put in the effort" to watch the child full time on her own for a solid week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.

Hire a nanny dumb*ss.

I don’t think the issue is childcare dumb*ss. It’s that her MIL isn’t willing to put any effort into seeing her own son or grandchild. That kind of sucks.

The issue is the childcare. OP said as much.

And MIL was willing to "put in the effort" to watch the child full time on her own for a solid week.

I don’t think so. I think she is planning to put the kid in front of the TV. Either that, or she will back out when she realizes how much work it is to take care of a kid for a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

OP travels a few times a year. MIL doesn't hop to it ever so why would she this time?

That is not OP. Why do you think OP travels a few times a year?

How do you know it's not OP? Why are you so invested in this?

Because the person you quoted said they don't expect parents to come from hours way. It is a different PP making the point that needing additional care does not make one incompetent.

The PP said they didn't expect their parents nothing is said about in-laws, so doesn't rule out OP. If OP hasn't come back a single time to this thread who gives a crap if anyone says she or her husband are incompetent?

You think it is likely or even plausible that OP would ask her MIL who lives across country to fly to them, then come here to complain that she won't, but would never consider asking her own parents? And that if she were to make a second post, she would only address this one issue of DH's competence and not any of the others? Not mention her MIL at all?

True, this being OP is not "ruled out." But it also does not seem it is reasonable to conclude that this one post out of several pages is her.

You think its likely OP isn't a troll? Come on. It's not reasonable to conclude anything else?

Whether ot not the original OP was trolling....that response was not likely her.

Not likely. Ok, boss. Doesn't mean I find OP or her DH more competent than before.

So do you still think the response was OP? Or do you now realize it wasn't and are deflecting?

Yeah I think it was likely OP. Now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.

Hire a nanny dumb*ss.

I don’t think the issue is childcare dumb*ss. It’s that her MIL isn’t willing to put any effort into seeing her own son or grandchild. That kind of sucks.

Which is why it's bizarre that they thought MIL would drop everything and do this. Why even ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.

Hire a nanny dumb*ss.

I don’t think the issue is childcare dumb*ss. It’s that her MIL isn’t willing to put any effort into seeing her own son or grandchild. That kind of sucks.

Did u even bother to read the thread, dumb*ss? The issue of this thread is childcare. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

OP travels a few times a year. MIL doesn't hop to it ever so why would she this time?

That is not OP. Why do you think OP travels a few times a year?

How do you know it's not OP? Why are you so invested in this?

Because the person you quoted said they don't expect parents to come from hours way. It is a different PP making the point that needing additional care does not make one incompetent.

The PP said they didn't expect their parents nothing is said about in-laws, so doesn't rule out OP. If OP hasn't come back a single time to this thread who gives a crap if anyone says she or her husband are incompetent?

You think it is likely or even plausible that OP would ask her MIL who lives across country to fly to them, then come here to complain that she won't, but would never consider asking her own parents? And that if she were to make a second post, she would only address this one issue of DH's competence and not any of the others? Not mention her MIL at all?

True, this being OP is not "ruled out." But it also does not seem it is reasonable to conclude that this one post out of several pages is her.

You think its likely OP isn't a troll? Come on. It's not reasonable to conclude anything else?

Whether ot not the original OP was trolling....that response was not likely her.

Not likely. Ok, boss. Doesn't mean I find OP or her DH more competent than before.

So do you still think the response was OP? Or do you now realize it wasn't and are deflecting?

Yeah I think it was likely OP. Now what?

I stop engaging because you aren't logical or rational.

[Anonymous]

Hire a nanny, OP. We had to hire a full time nanny even though we rarely need 40 hours of care, but rarely we both have to travel the same night or we both have early morning commitments or we have two kids that need to be on opposite sides of the metro area for sports and only one of us can drive. We ended up moving our nanny into our in law suite that was intended for our parents out of necessity. Neither of sets of parents want to help when we need it and our nanny is a ton of help and life is challenging right now between jobs and busy kids.