MIL will only help at her own home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.

Hire a nanny dumb*ss.

I don’t think the issue is childcare dumb*ss. It’s that her MIL isn’t willing to put any effort into seeing her own son or grandchild. That kind of sucks.

Which is why it's bizarre that they thought MIL would drop everything and do this. Why even ask?

I think there was still a hope there. No doubt the MIL is always saying that she wants to see her son and spend more time with them.

Now OP and her DH know this is just lip service.

That’s just a crappy realization to have. I get why her feelings are hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.

Hire a nanny dumb*ss.

I don’t think the issue is childcare dumb*ss. It’s that her MIL isn’t willing to put any effort into seeing her own son or grandchild. That kind of sucks.

Which is why it's bizarre that they thought MIL would drop everything and do this. Why even ask?

I think there was still a hope there. No doubt the MIL is always saying that she wants to see her son and spend more time with them.

Now OP and her DH know this is just lip service.

That’s just a crappy realization to have. I get why her feelings are hurt.

I didn't get the sense OP really cares about her MIL as a person. Just the labor she can provide. MIL probably has her number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.

Hire a nanny dumb*ss.

I don’t think the issue is childcare dumb*ss. It’s that her MIL isn’t willing to put any effort into seeing her own son or grandchild. That kind of sucks.

Which is why it's bizarre that they thought MIL would drop everything and do this. Why even ask?

I think there was still a hope there. No doubt the MIL is always saying that she wants to see her son and spend more time with them.

Now OP and her DH know this is just lip service.

That’s just a crappy realization to have. I get why her feelings are hurt.

I didn't get the sense OP really cares about her MIL as a person. Just the labor she can provide. MIL probably has her number.

I don’t know that OP does, but her husband probably cares about his mom. That’s why they fly her out every year.

Also, as many people have pointed out, flying out MIL will be more expensive and more hassle than hiring part time help.

It sucks to have it hit you in the face that your mother won’t give up a social engagement to spend time with you and your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.

Hire a nanny dumb*ss.

I don’t think the issue is childcare dumb*ss. It’s that her MIL isn’t willing to put any effort into seeing her own son or grandchild. That kind of sucks.

Which is why it's bizarre that they thought MIL would drop everything and do this. Why even ask?

I bet the husband knew his mom wouldn’t come, but OP didn’t believe it. That’s why she was the one doing the actual asking.

Now she knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.

Hire a nanny dumb*ss.

I don’t think the issue is childcare dumb*ss. It’s that her MIL isn’t willing to put any effort into seeing her own son or grandchild. That kind of sucks.

Which is why it's bizarre that they thought MIL would drop everything and do this. Why even ask?

I think there was still a hope there. No doubt the MIL is always saying that she wants to see her son and spend more time with them.

Now OP and her DH know this is just lip service.

That’s just a crappy realization to have. I get why her feelings are hurt.

I didn't get the sense OP really cares about her MIL as a person. Just the labor she can provide. MIL probably has her number.

I don’t know that OP does, but her husband probably cares about his mom. That’s why they fly her out every year.

Also, as many people have pointed out, flying out MIL will be more expensive and more hassle than hiring part time help.

It sucks to have it hit you in the face that your mother won’t give up a social engagement to spend time with you and your child.

When I need someone to watch my kid, the distant grandma who never helps out and barely knows my kid doesn't come to mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.

Hire a nanny dumb*ss.

I don’t think the issue is childcare dumb*ss. It’s that her MIL isn’t willing to put any effort into seeing her own son or grandchild. That kind of sucks.

Which is why it's bizarre that they thought MIL would drop everything and do this. Why even ask?

I bet the husband knew his mom wouldn’t come, but OP didn’t believe it. That’s why she was the one doing the actual asking.

Now she knows.

OP wasn't the one doing the asking. Read the OP. DH did it (though there is a typo that confuses things)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

Is this OP? It sounds like you need afternoon help for 2-3 days? Hire a babysitter for those specific hours. Easy to find if you pay generously. and you could pay very generously and still not have it cost what a roundtrip ticket from the opposite side of the country would cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

Is this OP? It sounds like you need afternoon help for 2-3 days? Hire a babysitter for those specific hours. Easy to find if you pay generously. and you could pay very generously and still not have it cost what a roundtrip ticket from the opposite side of the country would cost.

That is not OP. Read Jeff's recap: "The original poster, who I half suspect might be a troll, never returned to the thread to offer additional information."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

OP travels a few times a year. MIL doesn't hop to it ever so why would she this time?

That is not OP. Why do you think OP travels a few times a year?

How do you know it's not OP? Why are you so invested in this?

Because the person you quoted said they don't expect parents to come from hours way. It is a different PP making the point that needing additional care does not make one incompetent.

The PP said they didn't expect their parents nothing is said about in-laws, so doesn't rule out OP. If OP hasn't come back a single time to this thread who gives a crap if anyone says she or her husband are incompetent?

You think it is likely or even plausible that OP would ask her MIL who lives across country to fly to them, then come here to complain that she won't, but would never consider asking her own parents? And that if she were to make a second post, she would only address this one issue of DH's competence and not any of the others? Not mention her MIL at all?

True, this being OP is not "ruled out." But it also does not seem it is reasonable to conclude that this one post out of several pages is her.

You think its likely OP isn't a troll? Come on. It's not reasonable to conclude anything else?

Whether ot not the original OP was trolling....that response was not likely her.

Not likely. Ok, boss. Doesn't mean I find OP or her DH more competent than before.

So do you still think the response was OP? Or do you now realize it wasn't and are deflecting?

Yeah I think it was likely OP. Now what?

Jeff disagrees: "The original poster, who I half suspect might be a troll, never returned to the thread to offer additional information."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.

Hire a nanny dumb*ss.

I don’t think the issue is childcare dumb*ss. It’s that her MIL isn’t willing to put any effort into seeing her own son or grandchild. That kind of sucks.

Which is why it's bizarre that they thought MIL would drop everything and do this. Why even ask?

I think there was still a hope there. No doubt the MIL is always saying that she wants to see her son and spend more time with them.

Now OP and her DH know this is just lip service.

That’s just a crappy realization to have. I get why her feelings are hurt.

I didn't get the sense OP really cares about her MIL as a person. Just the labor she can provide. MIL probably has her number.

I don’t know that OP does, but her husband probably cares about his mom. That’s why they fly her out every year.

Also, as many people have pointed out, flying out MIL will be more expensive and more hassle than hiring part time help.

It sucks to have it hit you in the face that your mother won’t give up a social engagement to spend time with you and your child.

If I ask you a question can you ask your Magic 8 Ball? You know SO much more about MIL than was posted, I figure you MUST have the Magic 8 Ball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.

Hire a nanny dumb*ss.

I don’t think the issue is childcare dumb*ss. It’s that her MIL isn’t willing to put any effort into seeing her own son or grandchild. That kind of sucks.

Which is why it's bizarre that they thought MIL would drop everything and do this. Why even ask?

I think there was still a hope there. No doubt the MIL is always saying that she wants to see her son and spend more time with them.

Now OP and her DH know this is just lip service.

That’s just a crappy realization to have. I get why her feelings are hurt.

I didn't get the sense OP really cares about her MIL as a person. Just the labor she can provide. MIL probably has her number.

I don’t know that OP does, but her husband probably cares about his mom. That’s why they fly her out every year.

Also, as many people have pointed out, flying out MIL will be more expensive and more hassle than hiring part time help.

It sucks to have it hit you in the face that your mother won’t give up a social engagement to spend time with you and your child.

If I ask you a question can you ask your Magic 8 Ball? You know SO much more about MIL than was posted, I figure you MUST have the Magic 8 Ball.

Uhmm...Magic 8 Balls only give "yes" and "no" answers. I have a Panasonic PT AX200U and a mother who reminds me a LOT of OP's MIL. My sister and BIL are like the OP and her husband who just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.

Hire a nanny dumb*ss.

I don’t think the issue is childcare dumb*ss. It’s that her MIL isn’t willing to put any effort into seeing her own son or grandchild. That kind of sucks.

Which is why it's bizarre that they thought MIL would drop everything and do this. Why even ask?

I think there was still a hope there. No doubt the MIL is always saying that she wants to see her son and spend more time with them.

Now OP and her DH know this is just lip service.

That’s just a crappy realization to have. I get why her feelings are hurt.

I didn't get the sense OP really cares about her MIL as a person. Just the labor she can provide. MIL probably has her number.

I don’t know that OP does, but her husband probably cares about his mom. That’s why they fly her out every year.

Also, as many people have pointed out, flying out MIL will be more expensive and more hassle than hiring part time help.

It sucks to have it hit you in the face that your mother won’t give up a social engagement to spend time with you and your child.

If I ask you a question can you ask your Magic 8 Ball? You know SO much more about MIL than was posted, I figure you MUST have the Magic 8 Ball.

Uhmm...Magic 8 Balls only give "yes" and "no" answers. I have a Panasonic PT AX200U and a mother who reminds me a LOT of OP's MIL. My sister and BIL are like the OP and her husband who just don't get it.

Oh, and if you have a question, I will ask my Panasonic!

[Anonymous]

I think I am different because I am not from the white American culture. I want grandparents to spend easy time with grandkids, cuddling them, telling them stories, spoiling them etc. I have never asked or expected the older generation to provide childcare or help in household chores. Even when my DH or I spend time with the parents or ILs, we do a lot of chores for them and do everything possible that they are not inconvenienced and their lives are a little bit easier.

My aim is that the older generation remain independent for as long as possible and that they remain in the lives of my children for as long as they can. Taking care of my own kids, my parents and my ILs is the responsibility of my DH and myself. I cannot believe that everyone expects elderly people to be their slaves and are resentful. The height of entitlement is something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I am different because I am not from the white American culture. I want grandparents to spend easy time with grandkids, cuddling them, telling them stories, spoiling them etc. I have never asked or expected the older generation to provide childcare or help in household chores. Even when my DH or I spend time with the parents or ILs, we do a lot of chores for them and do everything possible that they are not inconvenienced and their lives are a little bit easier.

My aim is that the older generation remain independent for as long as possible and that they remain in the lives of my children for as long as they can. Taking care of my own kids, my parents and my ILs is the responsibility of my DH and myself. I cannot believe that everyone expects elderly people to be their slaves and are resentful. The height of entitlement is something else.

For the record, I think this is a fairly new phenomenon in the American white culture. But you are dead on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

OP travels a few times a year. MIL doesn't hop to it ever so why would she this time?

That is not OP. Why do you think OP travels a few times a year?

How do you know it's not OP? Why are you so invested in this?

Because the person you quoted said they don't expect parents to come from hours way. It is a different PP making the point that needing additional care does not make one incompetent.

The PP said they didn't expect their parents nothing is said about in-laws, so doesn't rule out OP. If OP hasn't come back a single time to this thread who gives a crap if anyone says she or her husband are incompetent?

You think it is likely or even plausible that OP would ask her MIL who lives across country to fly to them, then come here to complain that she won't, but would never consider asking her own parents? And that if she were to make a second post, she would only address this one issue of DH's competence and not any of the others? Not mention her MIL at all?

True, this being OP is not "ruled out." But it also does not seem it is reasonable to conclude that this one post out of several pages is her.

You think its likely OP isn't a troll? Come on. It's not reasonable to conclude anything else?

Troll troll troll troll troll. I love how dcurban mom caused every post they might not agree with as a troll.