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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why is your husband incompetent?[/quote]

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.) [/quote]

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?[/quote]

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect.  She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.[/quote]

It does if they can't figure out how to find a baby sitter or use drop in care. If he's so smart and high powered what's the problem?[/quote]

You are arguing with the wrong person/people.  Let me break it down for you:

1. Somebody posted to the OP "Why is your husband incompetent?" along with several others who suggested DH is inept if he can't "manage the kids on his own"
2. The PP responded that it is unfair to call the DH incompetent simply because he needs help when one parent goes away. The PP also said that they need help when one parent travels, but they wouldn't expect it to me a cross-country MIL.  (Presumably this means they DO find babysitter or drop-in care)

You agree with the PP, but you think you disagree.[/quote]

Spare me the breakdown. We all get it. The point is the DH is incompetent, trying to clarify what the PP is saying doesn't make that less true. Nobody would give mom a break if dad was going out of town for a week to figure out the logistics. But, again, dad are seen as heroes for doing the bare minimum badly. Like not figuring out back up childcare.[/quote]

OK, so seems we agree that you were arguing with the wrong person, and you agree that needing extra help does not make a parent incompetent.  Rather the inability to figure out the logistics of getting extra help would make him incompetent.  Agree.

What in OP's post tells you that the DH was not figuring out logistics?  He is the one that asked his mom.  Mom said only if they come to her.  We have no clue what has happened since, other than OP came here to complain about her MIL.[/quote]

NP. A competent father’s first instinct would not be to fly in his Mommy to provide child care. That would be a last resort, not the first call. Both DH and OP are incompetent for not having local, steady, reliable care in the first place.[/quote]

It is 100% okay and great to ask grandma to come in. That’s probably an amazing solution that builds a solid relationship between kid and grandparent. What’s not okay is complaining about it when the answer is ‘yes, but at my house.’

Competent and non-entitled parents would have effortlessly (and whine-least) moved to Plan B. [/quote]

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