MIL will only help at her own home

[Anonymous]

I have to travel for work. DH walked MIL to come to help while I am away. MIL lives on the opposite coast and only visits once a year, which DH pays for. DH offered to fly her out and pay all expenses while she is here for a week. She is single and retired. She said she had other commitments, but it would be so great for her to take care of DC at her house if we would put them on a plane alone.

On one had I get it, on the other hand I’m annoyed that she has made it about her. Like now I’m somehow the bad guy if I don’t want to put DC on a cross country plane alone both ways and I’m depriving her of something when the original question was if she could help me and DH (we have hardly ever asked before). She has done very little to help overall in DC’s life, just the annual visits paid for by DH.

[Anonymous]

^wanted

[Anonymous]

It sucks but she also doesn’t owe you help. You may have to hire help for your husband to care for your child or ask for friends and neighbors to help.

[Anonymous]

If she is only at your house once a year, it might be overwhelming to babysit (which she never does) in an unfamiliar place.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t your husband manage one kid on his own?

[Anonymous]

I totally do understand (we have had nearly zero help from any of the grandparents) but MIL is not obligated to help at all. It makes sense that she would feel more comfortable in her own home, since she isn’t that familiar with your home/area. I’d consider the offer if you feel DC is old enough to handle this arrangement.

[Anonymous]

How old is your child? I wouldn't send them to someone they don't know, who doesn't know them.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL a doesn’t want to help. Listen to her and find alternate arrangements.

[Anonymous]

Just because she is single and retired doesn’t mean she has no real commitments. She offered a solution.

What kind of help does your DH need while you are away?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she doesn’t want to help.

A weekend long trip away from his parents sounds like a burden instead of help. This is her way of saying no without saying no. Look into hiring a babysitter while you’re away.

[Anonymous]

If your dc is young enough that your dh needs help when you’re gone, your dc is not old enough to fly alone to a grandparent who they don’t know so well.

Just find a local babysitter to help out when you’re gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sucks but she also doesn’t owe you help. You may have to hire help for your husband to care for your child or ask for friends and neighbors to help.

This. She could definitely be more help but she’s an adult and she doesn’t want to. That’s her choice to make.
You may need to pay for childcare help during that week.

[Anonymous]

I’m still trying to figure out why your husband needs help.

[Anonymous]

I am confused - how long are you going to be gone for? Weeks? Why can’t your DH handle one kid by himself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sucks but she also doesn’t owe you help. You may have to hire help for your husband to care for your child or ask for friends and neighbors to help.

Nope, hire help. Your kid. You need to figure this out. You hire someone to help if DH can’t handle it.