My husband is the least fun man ever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yes! If he can’t even play along on a holiday that doesn’t require much effort (no religious services, no elaborate meal expectations, no office obligations), then how can I count on him to show even a minimum of effort or enthusiasm for interacting with me as a human being on the harder, regular days?

You obviously have no idea how much effort it takes for an introvert to make small talk with strangers. We hate it. It's exhausting.

But interacting with you sounds exhausting too, tbh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the 4th of July, yay! We went to the pool. It was packed and festive and we saw tons of families we knew. I had fun walking around and catching up with people I don’t know very well and seeing a few of my friends.

My husband just sat there the entire time. Eventually he pulled out a book. He couldn’t be bothered to make small talk or get up to say hi to anyone. He couldn’t be bothered to join in with the dads jumping off the boards or standing and chatting. He wouldn’t even chit chat with me when I came back and sat down.

This is the last straw for me. Summer is supposed to be fun but I feel like I’m dragging around a crabby aloof dead weight and the 4th shined a light on everything that depresses me about my husband.

We have been together for 15 years, married for 10, and have elementary aged kids. My husband used to be sort of fun but then once we were married he totally stopped and became a crabby jerk. I sometimes feel like he played along when we were younger just to fit in and once he got the trappings of adulthood, he quit. I feel tricked. No one else’s husband acts like this. What have I done wrong to choose so badly?

You need to marry Kyle from Summer House:

[Anonymous]

OP desperately wants her DH to be a Bro Dad.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/706097.page

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it. My DH doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything, ever. If he does come along, he will not talk to other people but follow me like a puppy. Sometimes if he joins in a conversation, he is outright rude to people. He hates everyone and complains about the few people he knows. I cannot remember the last time I had fun when he was around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP desperately wants her DH to be a Bro Dad.

I hadn’t heard the term before, but that’s a good one.

I’m envisioning the kind of guy who prances around in nylon Under Armour shorts, golfs, and has really superficial conversations (saying Bro and Man and Dude a lot) that reveal he’s not well-read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP desperately wants her DH to be a Bro Dad.

I hadn’t heard the term before, but that’s a good one.

I’m envisioning the kind of guy who prances around in nylon Under Armour shorts, golfs, and has really superficial conversations (saying Bro and Man and Dude a lot) that reveal he’s not well-read.

Everyone knows the archetype in this area - polo shirt, UVA hat, glad-handing and back-slapping. A little too extra in social situations.

[Anonymous]

Lol, OP wishes her husband spent more time going off the diving boards? What a weird thing to want.

[Anonymous]

There’s a ton of good advice and marriage wisdom sprinkled through this thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, OP wishes her husband spent more time going off the diving boards? What a weird thing to want.

It really is. She sounds like she wanted to marry an extroverted frat bro but didn't.

Let him read his book, he was there with you at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes! If he can’t even play along on a holiday that doesn’t require much effort (no religious services, no elaborate meal expectations, no office obligations), then how can I count on him to show even a minimum of effort or enthusiasm for interacting with me as a human being on the harder, regular days?

You obviously have no idea how much effort it takes for an introvert to make small talk with strangers. We hate it. It's exhausting.

But interacting with you sounds exhausting too, tbh.

I remember when my wife would critique me after outings telling me how my small talks went - how many times I looked away, or looked at my phone, or seemed uninterested, or seemed like I wanted to interrupt. And the thing is that I'm an introvert who goes to these things with her to please her, but she is an introvert too. So she stays in the corner and basically doesn't socialize. Meanwhile I've got people asking me all kinds of questions about my job and my dissertation and my research, but yeah she doesn't want me to talk about those things at parties because they aren't social. But I literally do math for movies and sports and books so I think that's easier to talk about, especially since people always ask me about it. But then I try to shift it to just the latest MCU movie or whatever I've read lately (cause like OPs husband I've probably brought a book), then its not sophisticated enough because I'm excluding people who don't know about that stuff.

I really hate socializing at parties. Its gotten to the point to where I will just help clean up or organize things to not have to socialize, but then I'm criticized for that but I don't care any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the 4th of July, yay! We went to the pool. It was packed and festive and we saw tons of families we knew. I had fun walking around and catching up with people I don’t know very well and seeing a few of my friends.

My husband just sat there the entire time. Eventually he pulled out a book. He couldn’t be bothered to make small talk or get up to say hi to anyone. He couldn’t be bothered to join in with the dads jumping off the boards or standing and chatting. He wouldn’t even chit chat with me when I came back and sat down.

This is the last straw for me. Summer is supposed to be fun but I feel like I’m dragging around a crabby aloof dead weight and the 4th shined a light on everything that depresses me about my husband.

We have been together for 15 years, married for 10, and have elementary aged kids. My husband used to be sort of fun but then once we were married he totally stopped and became a crabby jerk. I sometimes feel like he played along when we were younger just to fit in and once he got the trappings of adulthood, he quit. I feel tricked. No one else’s husband acts like this. What have I done wrong to choose so badly?

Reading your post, I think most men thank their lucky stars they dont have someone like you as their spouse. I certainly did.

[Anonymous]

Extroverts are so needy and childish. I've had total strangers scream at me to "get up and have fun" when I've been enjoying my book and a cocktail on the beach on vacation. You don't see introverts yelling at you to shut up and calm down. People are different. It's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, I am thinking of asking for a divorce because my husband is not fun, but my situation is far more severe and pervasive. He doesn't like most restaurants, movies, TV shows, is unhappy at sporting events, refuses to go to the theater or concerts, dislikes most of the neighbors, and complaints about my family and my friends, and my son's friends, and the parents of my son's friends.

It sounds like your husband just isn't into the scene at your pool, unless there is more you are not telling me.

+1

I'm in the process of divorcing a man that complained ever single person he had to interact with was "giving him shit". Myself included. Probably our kids too, but for the fact that I do everything relating to their care on my own to shield them from this dysfunctional personality trait (among other things). He was gregarious when we met. Did a 180 as soon as we got married, I kid you not. What is this called? Viciously verbally abusive. Punitive against every slight, real or perceived. Delusional. I could go on and on...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the 4th of July, yay! . . . . I sometimes feel like he played along when we were younger just to fit in and once he got the trappings of adulthood, he quit. I feel tricked. . . What have I done wrong to choose so badly?

- now you know how most husbands feel about their extremely-diminished marital sex lives.

[Anonymous]

He wasn’t reading his book. He was using it as a crutch to watch the MLF’s wishing you would STFU.