My husband is the least fun man ever

[Anonymous]

OP, we went to 4th of July festivities and the pool and guess what, it is just not that fun when you have kids [little enough to require supervision]. We have plenty of fun doing other things that are more adult-centric. Maybe he is like me and just doesn't love the family activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t see the issue. I (the DW) am the introvert and DH is the extrovert. Why do you care, exactly, if DH doesn’t make the social rounds and prefers to read a book? I’d have done something similar in this situation (if I attended at all). My DH would socialize happily, and give me the rundown later over a glass of wine on the patio.

I am not “no fun” but don’t enjoy mingling with random people/acquaintances I have little in common with , and only do it when I have to, and for a short and perfunctory amount of time. I find small talk unbelievably boring and honestly don’t see the point. I do enjoy spending time with close friends, and socializing while doing a common activity (volunteer work, exercise class etc) or sometimes stuff for the kids (sports event or something)….but I don’t enjoy talking to ransoms just to talk and fill space.

I suspect it bothers you because you think it is hurting YOU socially? Honestly- this doesn’t seem to be an issue for my DH- and the “introverted wife” is probably less common and more of a social liability 🤣 He gets plenty of invites. Sometimes goes alone, sometimes with the kids, sometimes I join for a bit but often not. I don’t doubt that some wonder or find it strange that I am not present (where is his wife? hmm strange) but they don’t say so openly. It really hasn’t been an issue. Not sure what else to say. I wonder if your own social skills are lacking and you resent that DH can’t “help” by providing some cover?

I could have written this post (wife here); except I have had a couple say they have wondered about me .

So I am here to say one person, especially a woman, can carry the family socially. I suspect you are placing unfair blame on your DH for your lack of invites when you may be part of the issue.

Also haven’t there been a bunch of articles in the last couple years how men have no friends?

You don’t seem to like your DH generally though and that must be a terrible way for both of you to live.

[Anonymous]

I’m the NO who asked the question a bit ago about your topics of conversation. I have a couple additional questions:

1… What book was he reading?

2… Is he relatively successful in his job or career? I’m not saying is he “rich” or anything like that, but has he at least worked his way into a position of authority or supervision in his line of work? (Versus, is he still at the bottom of the totem pole.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the NO who asked the question a bit ago about your topics of conversation. I have a couple additional questions:

1… What book was he reading?

2… Is he relatively successful in his job or career? I’m not saying is he “rich” or anything like that, but has he at least worked his way into a position of authority or supervision in his line of work? (Versus, is he still at the bottom of the totem pole.)

I’m curious on the significance of the answers to these questions?

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I’ll comment more on the significance when the OP replies to me.

[Anonymous]

OP, another question, who is usually watching the kids primarily when you are at the pool? If it's him, you have your answer - he's not "not fun", he just might be burned out of being the default pool watcher.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re expecting too much from him. Maybe hanging out at a crowded pool on his day off sounds like hell, but he’s doing it for you because you love it. Have you thought of that? He’s relaxing with a book by the pool, which is exactly what I would be doing in that situation. I’d chat with people who came by and said hi to me, but I would walk around seeking people out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, another question, who is usually watching the kids primarily when you are at the pool? If it's him, you have your answer - he's not "not fun", he just might be burned out of being the default pool watcher.

Just to make clear, this question above was not mine. I’m the NP today and have posed three specific questions.

1. What topics were you conversing about?

2. What book was he reading?

3. Is he relatively accomplished in his career, commensurate with his age and longevity on the job?

To avoid any confusion with additional questioners, I’ll use a signature.

Thank you,
Annie

[Anonymous]

When OP played with dolls as a child, instead of using them for practicing social relationships with people, grew accustomed to treating people like toys who exist for her amusement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it really the last straw?

Yes! If he can’t even play along on a holiday that doesn’t require much effort (no religious services, no elaborate meal expectations, no office obligations), then how can I count on him to show even a minimum of effort or enthusiasm for interacting with me as a human being on the harder, regular days?

Um ... because he's been showing up for 15 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you to decide what "fun" or "summer" is supposed to be?

Going to a communal bathtub and hanging out talking to people I don't know very well in swamp weather, is my idea of hell.

Give me a gorgeous hike (even with others) on a cool Fall day. and I'm in heaven.

What's your DH's idea of fun? Do you do things that he enjoys

Yes, our vacations, our winter sports/family outings, our geographic location, our neighborhood and even my career have been dictated by what he “needs” to be happy. Over the years we have reached a point where more and more things are controlled by his preferences- probably because I can’t handle him “punishing” me by being aloof or grumpy when he has to be flexible or accommodate my preferences.

Also my idea of fun is pretty bland and easy and what many people and our kids’ friends’ families enjoy. His idea of fun is very antisocial, expensive and specific and making the 4th revolve around it is unfair to our kids.

So do what YOU want. Invite him. If he comes, great. If he doesn't, also great. Make yourself happy. But honestly you can't base your happiness on his happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When OP played with dolls as a child, instead of using them for practicing social relationships with people, grew accustomed to treating people like toys who exist for her amusement.

Well, this takes drama to a new low. And it's quite the example of "OPs are always really the ones to blame, in any thread."

Maybe use your creative writing skills somewhere they'll be more appreciated, instead of fabricating dramatic nonsense that doesn't answer any questions or offer any insights rooted in reality.

[Anonymous]

ah, yet another thread of controlling wife who can never believe that she is the problem...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it really the last straw?

Yes! If he can’t even play along on a holiday that doesn’t require much effort (no religious services, no elaborate meal expectations, no office obligations), then how can I count on him to show even a minimum of effort or enthusiasm for interacting with me as a human being on the harder, regular days?

Sounds like you require him to put in a lot of effort. He showed up, that wasn't even good enough for you.

[Anonymous]

My late husband was very introverted and hated parties, etc. There is no way in hell he would have attended the pool on July 4th (or any other day). My friends knew he was rather quirky about social events and still invited us. Sometimes he went but usually he didn't. I was still popular. Are you sure there is not something off-putting about you that is keeping people away? I don't know why you would'nt be invited otherwise.