My husband is the least fun man ever

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the comments, but I would ask yourself why you need him to play this particular part in your drama, OP? It's okay if you enjoy different things, but you seem to need him to enjoy what you enjoy. Does he get pissy that you don't want to sit and read a book?

[Anonymous]

I think your husband is enjoying his time off in a way that suits him, but that you just can’t stand not to be in charge of everything about everybody. Leave him alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. I’ll comment more on the significance when the OP replies to me.

It doesn’t matter.

If he’s senior and high income it’s because he’s masking his ASD and work addiction is his hyperinterest. He comes home at 6 or 7 totally spent, needs to selfishly decompress and not talk to anyone after work or the weekends.

If he’s junior or bouncing around jobs due to being socially awkward ASD, then he still can’t connect with people is socially know what to do when. Maybe he could memorize some greetings, or conversational questions or be more fun tagging along. Less of an ego than the former profile.

But either way the spouse and kids are in their own. The father / husband is checked out.

No. My analysis of the situation is taking a totally different track than that. You’re quite a long way off the mark of why I’m asking about his work life.

As someone who’s been around since the Beatles were new, I’ve eventually learned that there are really not that many different personality types and associated behavior manifestations. I’m a reserved person myself, and not a know-it-all, but after this many decades it doesn’t take me long to say to myself “AHA… I’ve seen THIS situation before.”

Thus I’m reserving judgment until the OP responds with answers. (1) What topics of conversation did the OP spend the day discussing? (2) What book was the husband reading? (3) What is the husband’s relative success in his career field, commensurate with his tenure in that role?

There are specific reasons why I’ve posed those questions, and probably more depth to them that may be apparent on the surface. But I need the OP to return to the thread and answer them honestly.

The fact that she’s abandoned the thread or won’t reply is starting to give me an idea of what’s going on. And/or it indicates that she’s ashamed of the answers.

But I’ll wait patiently and see and not say anything more.

Thanks,
Annie

Get a grip, Annie. OP does not owe you answers to your ridiculous questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is introvert a synonym for being antisocial? I thought introverts just didn’t like social interaction, I didn’t know they got a pass for being rude.

Nothing rude about reading a book at the pool. He's not the host of the party or the guest of honor or anything. He's just there like everyone else. In fact it's rude for other people to try and force him into a conversation he doesn't want to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it, just have fun without him.

That is so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. I’ll comment more on the significance when the OP replies to me.

It doesn’t matter.

If he’s senior and high income it’s because he’s masking his ASD and work addiction is his hyperinterest. He comes home at 6 or 7 totally spent, needs to selfishly decompress and not talk to anyone after work or the weekends.

If he’s junior or bouncing around jobs due to being socially awkward ASD, then he still can’t connect with people is socially know what to do when. Maybe he could memorize some greetings, or conversational questions or be more fun tagging along. Less of an ego than the former profile.

But either way the spouse and kids are in their own. The father / husband is checked out.

No. My analysis of the situation is taking a totally different track than that. You’re quite a long way off the mark of why I’m asking about his work life.

As someone who’s been around since the Beatles were new, I’ve eventually learned that there are really not that many different personality types and associated behavior manifestations. I’m a reserved person myself, and not a know-it-all, but after this many decades it doesn’t take me long to say to myself “AHA… I’ve seen THIS situation before.”

Thus I’m reserving judgment until the OP responds with answers. (1) What topics of conversation did the OP spend the day discussing? (2) What book was the husband reading? (3) What is the husband’s relative success in his career field, commensurate with his tenure in that role?

There are specific reasons why I’ve posed those questions, and probably more depth to them that may be apparent on the surface. But I need the OP to return to the thread and answer them honestly.

The fact that she’s abandoned the thread or won’t reply is starting to give me an idea of what’s going on. And/or it indicates that she’s ashamed of the answers.

But I’ll wait patiently and see and not say anything more.

Thanks,
Annie

Get a grip, Annie. OP does not owe you answers to your ridiculous questions.

It’s perfectly OK if she doesn’t reply (and apparently she’s not coming back at all) but that’s as much of a tell as anything if she won’t / can’t respond.

If she wants free advice from a forum then she’s going to be subject to follow-up questions from me. Like it or lump it.

Now I reckon she’s ashamed of the truth that folks are revealing to her here.

Annie.

[Anonymous]

Op is Annie

[Anonymous]

Annie is a verifiable DCUM addict, so am I, she is just the only one willing to admit it.

[Anonymous]

I have not read all of the comments but understand that your husband bagged the deer when he married you and no longer has to work at having "fun" in your relationship.

I'd tell him you want to start a date night every week where he plans the evening out, he picks the restaurant, and he picks the entertainment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes! If he can’t even play along on a holiday that doesn’t require much effort (no religious services, no elaborate meal expectations, no office obligations), then how can I count on him to show even a minimum of effort or enthusiasm for interacting with me as a human being on the harder, regular days?

You obviously have no idea how much effort it takes for an introvert to make small talk with strangers. We hate it. It's exhausting.

But interacting with you sounds exhausting too, tbh.

God, you whiny “OMG iM aN iNtRoVErT” people are so ridiculous. You really don’t need to go home and collapse dramatically on your fainting couch every time you make polite conversation with other adults.

Just like extroverts don't need to fill every single second with chatter.

[Anonymous]

OP, So your husband faked socialization for the 5 years before married for you to say yes and once you were married he checked out?

I'd address this in couples counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op is Annie

Why would I do that?? I SUSPECT the OP is an air-headed, narcissistic twat, but would simply like to hear more.

Annie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it, just have fun without him.

That is so sad.

It's not sad for a couple to spend a few hours apart.
We already expect so much from our partners. Now they have to have the exact same idea of fun too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes! If he can’t even play along on a holiday that doesn’t require much effort (no religious services, no elaborate meal expectations, no office obligations), then how can I count on him to show even a minimum of effort or enthusiasm for interacting with me as a human being on the harder, regular days?

You obviously have no idea how much effort it takes for an introvert to make small talk with strangers. We hate it. It's exhausting.

But interacting with you sounds exhausting too, tbh.

God, you whiny “OMG iM aN iNtRoVErT” people are so ridiculous. You really don’t need to go home and collapse dramatically on your fainting couch every time you make polite conversation with other adults.

While that is certainly dramatized, but not altogether unexpected coming from an extrovert who likely needs to be the focus of everyone's attention....the main thing you should realize is that introverts find large/loud/non-intimate social settings draining versus extroverts who find large/loud/non-intimate social settings invigorating. There are also people who are both or situational.

I am so happy many of my friends have moved on from having large house parties and/or free-for-alls from our 20s and now we do couple stuff/single-gender dinner nights/4-6 family get togethers. About 20 people is my max for a large gathering. And if there is loud music playing while people are trying to have conversations, forget it. I cant mentally focus and it can be extremely overwhelming and I literally will have to go home and have no lights/dark room for a few hours or go to bed earlier. It isnt actually the interacting so much as the sensory overload, but they are related. I love going to concerts and listening TO music or dancing. I hate loud movie theatres and usually need to stuff my ears to dampen the sounds. I volunteer at pool events for setting up and take tennis lessons and play pickleball and interact with neighbors and go to birthday parties and initiate play dates but the pool on the 4th of July is literally the worst day to go to a pool for someone who isnt a true extrovert and/or in the mindset to do so.

Sometimes showing up is showing that you care. But if every event requires 100% engagement and participation that isnt realistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op is Annie

Annie is OP’s husband.