Boyfriend blows up every time the house is messy

[Anonymous]

Break up!
My mom was like this. And it made home life miserable. Turns out I have ADHD. I will never have a tidy house. There will always be clutter. And dishes are rarely done that night. (And we don’t have a big or vermin issue)

But my Mom’s constantly harping on me destroyed my self esteem and made our relationship really rocky. Don’t do this to your kids.

[Anonymous]

When the kids were little, DH was traveling frequently, and I work FT, he’d come home from travel and the house would be a disaster. He never said a word and would just start unloading the dishwasher or running the vacuum. If he had started giving me shit about the house not being clean, I would have let him have it.

Definitely don’t marry and do not have kids with him. Life happens. With small kids, caring for elderly parents, or serious illness, cleaning will sometimes becomes a lower priority and you don’t need a partner giving you grief about it, especially during times of great stress. I’d run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is neater than me. I’m messy. He has never, ever yelled at me, given me the silent treatment, etc. We have certainly had conversations about it. He has expressed his displeasure. I am better at some things. Some things he has to accept.

What you are dealing with is wrong. You should move out and dump him. Life is too short.

+1. He will make you and your children miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Break up!
My mom was like this. And it made home life miserable. Turns out I have ADHD. I will never have a tidy house. There will always be clutter. And dishes are rarely done that night. (And we don’t have a big or vermin issue)

But my Mom’s constantly harping on me destroyed my self esteem and made our relationship really rocky. Don’t do this to your kids.

She probably helped you out to the point where you are manageable to live with. Do you not read all the posts about people who don't do stuff and the other person has to live with chaos and won't get help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define messy. Do you clean the kitchen before going to bed? Or is he waking up to last night's dinner mess each morning? Do you throw clothes on the floor? Are you eating on the couch and leaving crumbs all over?

OP here. Meaning us leaving dishes in the sink from the evening before, not wiping down the counters, maybe some clothes on the floor, makeup on the bathroom counter, etc. I do clean up frequently, its just the periods of time when things aren’t clean that are causing the issues.

Gross. I am not a clean frick, but I would hate to walk into the messy kitchen in the morning. Start cleaning up after yourself. Why the clothes on the floor? They have to be either hanging in the closet, folded in the dresser or in the laundry basket. The floor is not an option.

You sound insufferable, get help.

What exactly is insufferable about cleaning dishes and hanging your clothes? I am European and grew up in a big city where space was limited. No one ever drops clothes on the floor even though we take our shoes off inside the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define messy. Do you clean the kitchen before going to bed? Or is he waking up to last night's dinner mess each morning? Do you throw clothes on the floor? Are you eating on the couch and leaving crumbs all over?

OP here. Meaning us leaving dishes in the sink from the evening before, not wiping down the counters, maybe some clothes on the floor, makeup on the bathroom counter, etc. I do clean up frequently, its just the periods of time when things aren’t clean that are causing the issues.

Gross. I am not a clean frick, but I would hate to walk into the messy kitchen in the morning. Start cleaning up after yourself. Why the clothes on the floor? They have to be either hanging in the closet, folded in the dresser or in the laundry basket. The floor is not an option.

You sound insufferable, get help.

What exactly is insufferable about cleaning dishes and hanging your clothes? I am European and grew up in a big city where space was limited. No one ever drops clothes on the floor even though we take our shoes off inside the house.

Because you think your way is one true way. Not everyone cares as much as you do and chooses to use their time and resources differently.

[Anonymous]

Are men that hard to get that you have to hang on to one with anxiety and anger management issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define messy. Do you clean the kitchen before going to bed? Or is he waking up to last night's dinner mess each morning? Do you throw clothes on the floor? Are you eating on the couch and leaving crumbs all over?

OP here. Meaning us leaving dishes in the sink from the evening before, not wiping down the counters, maybe some clothes on the floor, makeup on the bathroom counter, etc. I do clean up frequently, its just the periods of time when things aren’t clean that are causing the issues.

Gross. I am not a clean frick, but I would hate to walk into the messy kitchen in the morning. Start cleaning up after yourself. Why the clothes on the floor? They have to be either hanging in the closet, folded in the dresser or in the laundry basket. The floor is not an option.

You sound insufferable, get help.

What exactly is insufferable about cleaning dishes and hanging your clothes? I am European and grew up in a big city where space was limited. No one ever drops clothes on the floor even though we take our shoes off inside the house.

Because you think your way is one true way. Not everyone cares as much as you do and chooses to use their time and resources differently.

Nope, there are many true ways. Some people live in tents and don't shower for month. Of course they choose to use their time and resources differently than me, but it does not make them not gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define messy. Do you clean the kitchen before going to bed? Or is he waking up to last night's dinner mess each morning? Do you throw clothes on the floor? Are you eating on the couch and leaving crumbs all over?

OP here. Meaning us leaving dishes in the sink from the evening before, not wiping down the counters, maybe some clothes on the floor, makeup on the bathroom counter, etc. I do clean up frequently, its just the periods of time when things aren’t clean that are causing the issues.

Gross. I am not a clean frick, but I would hate to walk into the messy kitchen in the morning. Start cleaning up after yourself. Why the clothes on the floor? They have to be either hanging in the closet, folded in the dresser or in the laundry basket. The floor is not an option.

You sound insufferable, get help.

What exactly is insufferable about cleaning dishes and hanging your clothes? I am European and grew up in a big city where space was limited. No one ever drops clothes on the floor even though we take our shoes off inside the house.

Because you think your way is one true way. Not everyone cares as much as you do and chooses to use their time and resources differently.

Nope, there are many true ways. Some people live in tents and don't shower for month. Of course they choose to use their time and resources differently than me, but it does not make them not gross.

Dp. You sound insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Run. Why would you want to tolerate this?

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of the television show The Odd Couple. Two roommates named Felix, who was fastidious, and Oscar who was messy.
You do sound like a slob, and your boyfriend sounds OCD, and a bit of an a-hole too. The relationship will not work long term. It makes for good TV but not in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been living with my boyfriend, who is admittedly a clean freak. I’m naturally fairly messy, but do my best to keep everything clean. However, he get agitated if the house is messy for even a few hours. He’ll get mad for hours; usually these blowups occur in the mornings for some reason. I’m at my wits end. Are we just not compatible? I’ve been forcing him to get a therapist for his anxiety but don’t know if it will be enough.

If this is a stressor already, I'd say not compatible. Someone mad at me regularly for "hours" b/c of a a messy apartment is not someone who I would stay with, also

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Break up!
My mom was like this. And it made home life miserable. Turns out I have ADHD. I will never have a tidy house. There will always be clutter. And dishes are rarely done that night. (And we don’t have a big or vermin issue)

But my Mom’s constantly harping on me destroyed my self esteem and made our relationship really rocky. Don’t do this to your kids.

She probably helped you out to the point where you are manageable to live with. Do you not read all the posts about people who don't do stuff and the other person has to live with chaos and won't get help?

Nope, she never helped me. She saw my messiness as something I chose to do. And that it was some moral failing that if she yelled and shamed me would fix the problem. Granted no one was talking about women and ADHD and the different symptoms. But there is a better way of dealing with things than blowing up and yelling horrible things.

[Anonymous]

I'd rather live slightly messy and alone than with a mad man. Blowing up and losing your cool is no better than being messy.

[Anonymous]

This will never get better. He is clearly OCD and you are not a good match. Don't marry this dude.