Unfriendly Classmate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's such a tendency/desire to respond to an OP's posts with criticism that all common sense goes out the window.

If the other mother is big on everyone being kind and polite and inclusive, it is highly unlikely that her own DD has a neuro-atypical issue that prohibits decent behavior.

OP I always tell my kids that this is a learning moment. Bored, uninterested people are boring and uninteresting. This girl doesn't seem happy. That is sad. Let how you feel in this moment serve as a reminder to go out of your way to show kindness to others.

We're too willing to not judge and make excuses and say everyone is great. Some people have poor character. Some people are not good people. It's a good skill to be able to identify this. I am not talking about the girl because she is a young child. I am talking about her parents and they way she is being raised and what her parents puts up with. Her mom also sounds like a hypocrite.

This is why girls falter with friendships in MS/HS and relationships in college. Assuming the best from people who do not deserve it.

This is so true. The majority of the women who piled on have kids with problems. This is not an insult — they themselves have written this. Simple things like encouraging - gently - children to make eye contact and respond in appropriate circumstances is somehow a big deal. Coddling ‘shyness’ is seen as a legitimate, long-term solution to subclinical anxiety.

If you actually parent and try and help your child manage mild social anxieties and situations, the returns are almost instant and are great. But that’s not the way of most here, who instead lash out at even the idea of a well-adjusted kid who cheerfully acknowledges other people. It’s insane but then again, so are the moms and kids who are threatened by stability and good-natured kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's such a tendency/desire to respond to an OP's posts with criticism that all common sense goes out the window.

If the other mother is big on everyone being kind and polite and inclusive, it is highly unlikely that her own DD has a neuro-atypical issue that prohibits decent behavior.

OP I always tell my kids that this is a learning moment. Bored, uninterested people are boring and uninteresting. This girl doesn't seem happy. That is sad. Let how you feel in this moment serve as a reminder to go out of your way to show kindness to others.

We're too willing to not judge and make excuses and say everyone is great. Some people have poor character. Some people are not good people. It's a good skill to be able to identify this. I am not talking about the girl because she is a young child. I am talking about her parents and they way she is being raised and what her parents puts up with. Her mom also sounds like a hypocrite.

This is why girls falter with friendships in MS/HS and relationships in college. Assuming the best from people who do not deserve it.

I'm not one of the PPs who came on her and suggested this girl might have special needs. I dislike that tendency. But just want to say that I don't understand the bolded. Wouldn't the mom of a child with SN be MORE inclined to be speaking up about the need for kindness and inclusivity?

It's also important to teach your kids to sometimes dig deeper and not get fooled by this surface stuff. There is a mom and daughter at my DD's bus stop who are oh-so polite and outgoing every morning. The girl is a mean girl at school, and the mom is the type who will turn around and talk about you behind your back. There is a more reserved sort of stand-offish family, and both the mom and daughter in substance don't have a mean bone in their body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 stands in the garage until we see the bus coming, instead of going to the stop which is probably only 50 feet away.

She's not a morning person and we let her wait for the bus as she wants.

It's not rude to want a little space

But your daughter is coming up with a solution that affords her space without ignoring someone who is greeting her.

Also, you can say hi and still have space. You can say "Hi" and then turn to talk to your mom or get out a book to read. You can even say "Hi -- I'm going to take some space for myself, I'm just not a morning person."

Ignoring someone who says hello to you, that you know and see on a regular basis, actually IS rude, even if the reasons behind it are understandable. It's worth it to teach kids that they can set boundaries with other people without just shutting others out or ignoring them.

In OP original post "She stands at the top of her driveway, while my DD stands on the curb. "

Leave this girl the hell alone!

OP here... I truly mean this without any snark... but how is saying a quick "good morning" while giving her the physical space she seems to want, bothering her? Or enough to illicit a "Leave this girl the hell alone!" response? It's not like my DD is forcing her to have a conversation or invading her personal space.

We can turn this around though.

Your daughter also needs to learn that if someone is putting out social clues that they want to be left alone, then you should leave them alone.

Standing alone at the top of the driveway (or as my DD does: in the garage) is a pretty clear signal that they want to be left alone.

It's actually kind of rude to try to engage in conversation with a person who is making it clear that they don't want to be engaged.

Its like the guys at the gyms that keep try to talk to women, even when the women have headphones on. Your daughter has to learn to read the room

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree not to say anything to the other parent. Just continue to say hi or good morning to the mom and daughter at the bus stop, whether or not one or both of them return your greeting. That is being polite and is showing by example to your daughter about how to be polite.

As for your daughter, I also agree with what others posted here, that it could be a good learning experience. She may say that the girl doesn’t like her, and you can take the opportunity to say that everybody doesn’t always like everybody else or is friends with everybody and that is OK. You could also take the opportunity to talk about how sometimes you don’t know what somebody else is feeling. The other girl may be quiet or shy, or may be nervous or anxious about school, or may be super tired or grumpy and doesn’t like to talk in the morning.

What you want your daughter to know is it is kind and thoughtful to greet people she knows or new people she meets, regardless of whether she is ignored. If she is feeling hurt by saying hello, or good morning to the other girl and not getting a reply, you could suggest that she wave or smile instead. And then take the opportunity to talk to your daughter about how good it is to focus on her friends and friendships, and being a kind person, even if others may not be the same.

OP here, thank you for the thoughtful response. I definitely am not expecting them to be friends, but I'm just a little put off by the outright rudeness. The parents are not there in the morning. I've also seen it in the afternoon when they get off the bus. My DD will say "bye Larla!" and the girl ignores her then too. It's odd. If her mom is there, I've seen her correct her, so I know her mom knows better.

Correct, I don't know 1000000000% for sure that this girl doesn't have special needs, but having known this family long enough, I am fairly certain. Also, I agree with some of the other posters to say that it's far more likely that she's just rude vs. being on the spectrum (or other issues). But of course, there's always exceptions, and I will try to keep that in mind.

I also don't know 1000000000% for sure that my DD is not mean to her when I'm not there, but I am fairly certain she is not. I've always heard from teachers that DD is very inclusive to others, as well as that being my experience watching her play as well. She's not perfect, but it'd be hard for me to imagine her being outright unkind.

I've told DD to not let it bother her and to continue to be polite. It really only started to irk me when this mom goes off on tirades about "unkind kids" at school for relatively minor infractions like not letting someone play with them at recess one day.

NP but it sounds like this girl is shy and her mother is working with her on it. I'm not sure after saying what you've just told us, you still think the girl is being mean. Clearly she's not being mean, she's just really shy/introverted. Really, you need to let this go, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree not to say anything to the other parent. Just continue to say hi or good morning to the mom and daughter at the bus stop, whether or not one or both of them return your greeting. That is being polite and is showing by example to your daughter about how to be polite.

As for your daughter, I also agree with what others posted here, that it could be a good learning experience. She may say that the girl doesn’t like her, and you can take the opportunity to say that everybody doesn’t always like everybody else or is friends with everybody and that is OK. You could also take the opportunity to talk about how sometimes you don’t know what somebody else is feeling. The other girl may be quiet or shy, or may be nervous or anxious about school, or may be super tired or grumpy and doesn’t like to talk in the morning.

What you want your daughter to know is it is kind and thoughtful to greet people she knows or new people she meets, regardless of whether she is ignored. If she is feeling hurt by saying hello, or good morning to the other girl and not getting a reply, you could suggest that she wave or smile instead. And then take the opportunity to talk to your daughter about how good it is to focus on her friends and friendships, and being a kind person, even if others may not be the same.

OP here, thank you for the thoughtful response. I definitely am not expecting them to be friends, but I'm just a little put off by the outright rudeness. The parents are not there in the morning. I've also seen it in the afternoon when they get off the bus. My DD will say "bye Larla!" and the girl ignores her then too. It's odd. If her mom is there, I've seen her correct her, so I know her mom knows better.

Correct, I don't know 1000000000% for sure that this girl doesn't have special needs, but having known this family long enough, I am fairly certain. Also, I agree with some of the other posters to say that it's far more likely that she's just rude vs. being on the spectrum (or other issues). But of course, there's always exceptions, and I will try to keep that in mind.

I also don't know 1000000000% for sure that my DD is not mean to her when I'm not there, but I am fairly certain she is not. I've always heard from teachers that DD is very inclusive to others, as well as that being my experience watching her play as well. She's not perfect, but it'd be hard for me to imagine her being outright unkind.

I've told DD to not let it bother her and to continue to be polite. It really only started to irk me when this mom goes off on tirades about "unkind kids" at school for relatively minor infractions like not letting someone play with them at recess one day.

I'm also not sure why your two conclusions are so black and white - why does it have to be she's rude vs. she's on the spectrum? Not everything anxiety or introversion-related is autism, OP. Not everyone is the social butterfly that you and your child are. Not everyone is the same. After reading all of your posts, I just really, really don't like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 stands in the garage until we see the bus coming, instead of going to the stop which is probably only 50 feet away.

She's not a morning person and we let her wait for the bus as she wants.

It's not rude to want a little space

But your daughter is coming up with a solution that affords her space without ignoring someone who is greeting her.

Also, you can say hi and still have space. You can say "Hi" and then turn to talk to your mom or get out a book to read. You can even say "Hi -- I'm going to take some space for myself, I'm just not a morning person."

Ignoring someone who says hello to you, that you know and see on a regular basis, actually IS rude, even if the reasons behind it are understandable. It's worth it to teach kids that they can set boundaries with other people without just shutting others out or ignoring them.

In OP original post "She stands at the top of her driveway, while my DD stands on the curb. "

Leave this girl the hell alone!

OP here... I truly mean this without any snark... but how is saying a quick "good morning" while giving her the physical space she seems to want, bothering her? Or enough to illicit a "Leave this girl the hell alone!" response? It's not like my DD is forcing her to have a conversation or invading her personal space.

OMG, OP. You sound psychotic.

GET.
OVER.
IT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree not to say anything to the other parent. Just continue to say hi or good morning to the mom and daughter at the bus stop, whether or not one or both of them return your greeting. That is being polite and is showing by example to your daughter about how to be polite.

As for your daughter, I also agree with what others posted here, that it could be a good learning experience. She may say that the girl doesn’t like her, and you can take the opportunity to say that everybody doesn’t always like everybody else or is friends with everybody and that is OK. You could also take the opportunity to talk about how sometimes you don’t know what somebody else is feeling. The other girl may be quiet or shy, or may be nervous or anxious about school, or may be super tired or grumpy and doesn’t like to talk in the morning.

What you want your daughter to know is it is kind and thoughtful to greet people she knows or new people she meets, regardless of whether she is ignored. If she is feeling hurt by saying hello, or good morning to the other girl and not getting a reply, you could suggest that she wave or smile instead. And then take the opportunity to talk to your daughter about how good it is to focus on her friends and friendships, and being a kind person, even if others may not be the same.

OP here, thank you for the thoughtful response. I definitely am not expecting them to be friends, but I'm just a little put off by the outright rudeness. The parents are not there in the morning. I've also seen it in the afternoon when they get off the bus. My DD will say "bye Larla!" and the girl ignores her then too. It's odd. If her mom is there, I've seen her correct her, so I know her mom knows better.

Correct, I don't know 1000000000% for sure that this girl doesn't have special needs, but having known this family long enough, I am fairly certain. Also, I agree with some of the other posters to say that it's far more likely that she's just rude vs. being on the spectrum (or other issues). But of course, there's always exceptions, and I will try to keep that in mind.

I also don't know 1000000000% for sure that my DD is not mean to her when I'm not there, but I am fairly certain she is not. I've always heard from teachers that DD is very inclusive to others, as well as that being my experience watching her play as well. She's not perfect, but it'd be hard for me to imagine her being outright unkind.

I've told DD to not let it bother her and to continue to be polite. It really only started to irk me when this mom goes off on tirades about "unkind kids" at school for relatively minor infractions like not letting someone play with them at recess one day.

NP but it sounds like this girl is shy and her mother is working with her on it. I'm not sure after saying what you've just told us, you still think the girl is being mean. Clearly she's not being mean, she's just really shy/introverted. Really, you need to let this go, OP.

A mom sniping about “mean girls” and a girl who completely ignores a classmate does not sound like a “shy” girl and a mom “working” on it at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 stands in the garage until we see the bus coming, instead of going to the stop which is probably only 50 feet away.

She's not a morning person and we let her wait for the bus as she wants.

It's not rude to want a little space

But your daughter is coming up with a solution that affords her space without ignoring someone who is greeting her.

Also, you can say hi and still have space. You can say "Hi" and then turn to talk to your mom or get out a book to read. You can even say "Hi -- I'm going to take some space for myself, I'm just not a morning person."

Ignoring someone who says hello to you, that you know and see on a regular basis, actually IS rude, even if the reasons behind it are understandable. It's worth it to teach kids that they can set boundaries with other people without just shutting others out or ignoring them.

In OP original post "She stands at the top of her driveway, while my DD stands on the curb. "

Leave this girl the hell alone!

OP here... I truly mean this without any snark... but how is saying a quick "good morning" while giving her the physical space she seems to want, bothering her? Or enough to illicit a "Leave this girl the hell alone!" response? It's not like my DD is forcing her to have a conversation or invading her personal space.

OMG, OP. You sound psychotic.

GET.
OVER.
IT.

Lady. Xanax. You sound like a complete psycho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's such a tendency/desire to respond to an OP's posts with criticism that all common sense goes out the window.

If the other mother is big on everyone being kind and polite and inclusive, it is highly unlikely that her own DD has a neuro-atypical issue that prohibits decent behavior.

OP I always tell my kids that this is a learning moment. Bored, uninterested people are boring and uninteresting. This girl doesn't seem happy. That is sad. Let how you feel in this moment serve as a reminder to go out of your way to show kindness to others.

We're too willing to not judge and make excuses and say everyone is great. Some people have poor character. Some people are not good people. It's a good skill to be able to identify this. I am not talking about the girl because she is a young child. I am talking about her parents and they way she is being raised and what her parents puts up with. Her mom also sounds like a hypocrite.

This is why girls falter with friendships in MS/HS and relationships in college. Assuming the best from people who do not deserve it.

OMG. Read the posts. OP said that the mom says hi or tells her kid to say hi when she is with her daughter. I don't know why OP is still blaming the mom and criticizing the MOM. It sounds like there's something else going on and OP just doesn't like the mom.

[Anonymous]

When I read your OP, I thought this neighbor of yours could be my daughter (the so-called rude girl). My daughter is actually very kind, friendly, and thoughtful and considerate of others. She is not rude. But she is incredibly shy. I have seen many, many times over the years where my daughter's classmates or teammates or other kids she knows say hi to her and she doesn't respond. I have talked to her about it many times. I've told her that while it would be best if she would say hi back, it's OK if she doesn't feel like saying anything but that she should at least acknowledge their greeting with a wave or at the very least a smile. If she doesn't say anything, I will speak on her behalf in a very friendly way to model to her how to respond.
However, I don't know 100% for sure if she acknowledges/greets others when I'm not around to prompt or encourage her to do so or to model that to her. I can imagine that there are likely many times where someone talks to her--even a classmate she has known for years, since preschool, and likes just fine but never been close friends with--and she doesn't respond. I do want her to understand as she gets older that it is considered rude to ignore people like that but for young kids, I just don't think they really "get" that. I'm not saying an 8-9 year old can't be rude. But I don't necessarily think that it means that much (In this case, I don't think this necessarily means that this girl doesn't like your daughter) so I'd encourage your daughter to not let it bother her too much because it sounds like the other girl is just shy or doesn't want to talk; not to assume that means the other girl doesn't like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's such a tendency/desire to respond to an OP's posts with criticism that all common sense goes out the window.

If the other mother is big on everyone being kind and polite and inclusive, it is highly unlikely that her own DD has a neuro-atypical issue that prohibits decent behavior.

OP I always tell my kids that this is a learning moment. Bored, uninterested people are boring and uninteresting. This girl doesn't seem happy. That is sad. Let how you feel in this moment serve as a reminder to go out of your way to show kindness to others.

We're too willing to not judge and make excuses and say everyone is great. Some people have poor character. Some people are not good people. It's a good skill to be able to identify this. I am not talking about the girl because she is a young child. I am talking about her parents and they way she is being raised and what her parents puts up with. Her mom also sounds like a hypocrite.

This is why girls falter with friendships in MS/HS and relationships in college. Assuming the best from people who do not deserve it.

This is so true. The majority of the women who piled on have kids with problems. This is not an insult — they themselves have written this. Simple things like encouraging - gently - children to make eye contact and respond in appropriate circumstances is somehow a big deal. Coddling ‘shyness’ is seen as a legitimate, long-term solution to subclinical anxiety.

If you actually parent and try and help your child manage mild social anxieties and situations, the returns are almost instant and are great. But that’s not the way of most here, who instead lash out at even the idea of a well-adjusted kid who cheerfully acknowledges other people. It’s insane but then again, so are the moms and kids who are threatened by stability and good-natured kids.

Why does my child have to change her attitude to match your kid's. Why can't your kid just not talk to her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree not to say anything to the other parent. Just continue to say hi or good morning to the mom and daughter at the bus stop, whether or not one or both of them return your greeting. That is being polite and is showing by example to your daughter about how to be polite.

As for your daughter, I also agree with what others posted here, that it could be a good learning experience. She may say that the girl doesn’t like her, and you can take the opportunity to say that everybody doesn’t always like everybody else or is friends with everybody and that is OK. You could also take the opportunity to talk about how sometimes you don’t know what somebody else is feeling. The other girl may be quiet or shy, or may be nervous or anxious about school, or may be super tired or grumpy and doesn’t like to talk in the morning.

What you want your daughter to know is it is kind and thoughtful to greet people she knows or new people she meets, regardless of whether she is ignored. If she is feeling hurt by saying hello, or good morning to the other girl and not getting a reply, you could suggest that she wave or smile instead. And then take the opportunity to talk to your daughter about how good it is to focus on her friends and friendships, and being a kind person, even if others may not be the same.

OP here, thank you for the thoughtful response. I definitely am not expecting them to be friends, but I'm just a little put off by the outright rudeness. The parents are not there in the morning. I've also seen it in the afternoon when they get off the bus. My DD will say "bye Larla!" and the girl ignores her then too. It's odd. If her mom is there, I've seen her correct her, so I know her mom knows better.

Correct, I don't know 1000000000% for sure that this girl doesn't have special needs, but having known this family long enough, I am fairly certain. Also, I agree with some of the other posters to say that it's far more likely that she's just rude vs. being on the spectrum (or other issues). But of course, there's always exceptions, and I will try to keep that in mind.

I also don't know 1000000000% for sure that my DD is not mean to her when I'm not there, but I am fairly certain she is not. I've always heard from teachers that DD is very inclusive to others, as well as that being my experience watching her play as well. She's not perfect, but it'd be hard for me to imagine her being outright unkind.

I've told DD to not let it bother her and to continue to be polite. It really only started to irk me when this mom goes off on tirades about "unkind kids" at school for relatively minor infractions like not letting someone play with them at recess one day.

NP but it sounds like this girl is shy and her mother is working with her on it. I'm not sure after saying what you've just told us, you still think the girl is being mean. Clearly she's not being mean, she's just really shy/introverted. Really, you need to let this go, OP.

A mom sniping about “mean girls” and a girl who completely ignores a classmate does not sound like a “shy” girl and a mom “working” on it at all.

Did you READ OP's responses. She literally said that when the mom is with the daughter, she corrects her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 stands in the garage until we see the bus coming, instead of going to the stop which is probably only 50 feet away.

She's not a morning person and we let her wait for the bus as she wants.

It's not rude to want a little space

But your daughter is coming up with a solution that affords her space without ignoring someone who is greeting her.

Also, you can say hi and still have space. You can say "Hi" and then turn to talk to your mom or get out a book to read. You can even say "Hi -- I'm going to take some space for myself, I'm just not a morning person."

Ignoring someone who says hello to you, that you know and see on a regular basis, actually IS rude, even if the reasons behind it are understandable. It's worth it to teach kids that they can set boundaries with other people without just shutting others out or ignoring them.

In OP original post "She stands at the top of her driveway, while my DD stands on the curb. "

Leave this girl the hell alone!

OP here... I truly mean this without any snark... but how is saying a quick "good morning" while giving her the physical space she seems to want, bothering her? Or enough to illicit a "Leave this girl the hell alone!" response? It's not like my DD is forcing her to have a conversation or invading her personal space.

We can turn this around though.

Your daughter also needs to learn that if someone is putting out social clues that they want to be left alone, then you should leave them alone.

Standing alone at the top of the driveway (or as my DD does: in the garage) is a pretty clear signal that they want to be left alone.

It's actually kind of rude to try to engage in conversation with a person who is making it clear that they don't want to be engaged.

Its like the guys at the gyms that keep try to talk to women, even when the women have headphones on. Your daughter has to learn to read the room

+1. Do I think the girls behavior is ideal? No. Do I think OP’s kid needs to learn to read the room? Yes.

The reality is my husband isn’t a morning person. Me telling him a bright “hello” at 7am isn’t going to get me the response I want. I’ve learned to read the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 stands in the garage until we see the bus coming, instead of going to the stop which is probably only 50 feet away.

She's not a morning person and we let her wait for the bus as she wants.

It's not rude to want a little space

But your daughter is coming up with a solution that affords her space without ignoring someone who is greeting her.

Also, you can say hi and still have space. You can say "Hi" and then turn to talk to your mom or get out a book to read. You can even say "Hi -- I'm going to take some space for myself, I'm just not a morning person."

Ignoring someone who says hello to you, that you know and see on a regular basis, actually IS rude, even if the reasons behind it are understandable. It's worth it to teach kids that they can set boundaries with other people without just shutting others out or ignoring them.

In OP original post "She stands at the top of her driveway, while my DD stands on the curb. "

Leave this girl the hell alone!

OP here... I truly mean this without any snark... but how is saying a quick "good morning" while giving her the physical space she seems to want, bothering her? Or enough to illicit a "Leave this girl the hell alone!" response? It's not like my DD is forcing her to have a conversation or invading her personal space.

We can turn this around though.

Your daughter also needs to learn that if someone is putting out social clues that they want to be left alone, then you should leave them alone.

Standing alone at the top of the driveway (or as my DD does: in the garage) is a pretty clear signal that they want to be left alone.

It's actually kind of rude to try to engage in conversation with a person who is making it clear that they don't want to be engaged.

Its like the guys at the gyms that keep try to talk to women, even when the women have headphones on. Your daughter has to learn to read the room

+1. Do I think the girls behavior is ideal? No. Do I think OP’s kid needs to learn to read the room? Yes.

The reality is my husband isn’t a morning person. Me telling him a bright “hello” at 7am isn’t going to get me the response I want. I’ve learned to read the room.

+1

OP isn't going to like this, but her DD is being just as rude (or honestly, imo, ruder) than the other little girl. You don't have some god-given right to conversation. This kid made it perfectly clear by standing at the top of the driveway that she did not want to engage. OP, and her daughter, should have respected that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I read your OP, I thought this neighbor of yours could be my daughter (the so-called rude girl). My daughter is actually very kind, friendly, and thoughtful and considerate of others. She is not rude. But she is incredibly shy. I have seen many, many times over the years where my daughter's classmates or teammates or other kids she knows say hi to her and she doesn't respond. I have talked to her about it many times. I've told her that while it would be best if she would say hi back, it's OK if she doesn't feel like saying anything but that she should at least acknowledge their greeting with a wave or at the very least a smile. If she doesn't say anything, I will speak on her behalf in a very friendly way to model to her how to respond.
However, I don't know 100% for sure if she acknowledges/greets others when I'm not around to prompt or encourage her to do so or to model that to her. I can imagine that there are likely many times where someone talks to her--even a classmate she has known for years, since preschool, and likes just fine but never been close friends with--and she doesn't respond. I do want her to understand as she gets older that it is considered rude to ignore people like that but for young kids, I just don't think they really "get" that. I'm not saying an 8-9 year old can't be rude. But I don't necessarily think that it means that much (In this case, I don't think this necessarily means that this girl doesn't like your daughter) so I'd encourage your daughter to not let it bother her too much because it sounds like the other girl is just shy or doesn't want to talk; not to assume that means the other girl doesn't like her.

Op here. Thanks for the thoughtful response and insight.