We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old is your mom? If she's younger than 80, then she should probably her in any way you can until she is 80. However, if she is 80 or older, than the mere fact that she's still alive should be good enough for her, as that's longer than most people live, and you should feel no guilt about neglecting her.

WTAF? Put mom out on the street when she hits 80?

I didn't say the OP should force her mother to live on the street against her will. If the OP's mother can afford her own comfort, then she should be allowed to. But if she can't, that's not the OP's problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is very very hard to read. Easily top five on the scale of not caring.

I would never EVER put my mother on the street or in some drug and crime infested low income housing. WTF is wrong with you people ?

You can replace a husband. You cannot replace your mother. Some of these posts are written in such hateful ways. I shouldn't be shocked but considering how DC is I'm not. And most don't even see what they are saying. Just drop Mom off at a crackhouse. Let her fend for herself.

You can't "replace" your babby daddy, though. They are a family unit. No one is suggesting that OP drop mom off at a crack house, but getting her in low income housing is a reasonable solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is very very hard to read. Easily top five on the scale of not caring.

I would never EVER put my mother on the street or in some drug and crime infested low income housing. WTF is wrong with you people ?

You can replace a husband. You cannot replace your mother. Some of these posts are written in such hateful ways. I shouldn't be shocked but considering how DC is I'm not. And most don't even see what they are saying. Just drop Mom off at a crackhouse. Let her fend for herself.

Between the “you can replace a husband” and the “drop Mom off at a crackhouse,” you can’t possibly be serious. If you are, try explaining these choices to kids whose parents divorced because of this scenario. I can’t fathom putting my grandchildren through that, after I’ve had the good fortune to live a long life.

[Anonymous]

If I was in your shoes, my first priority would be a happy relaxed home environment for my kids’ childhood (I know life is stressful and difficult at times, I just mean… as much as possible)

If you and your spouse are frequently tense or fighting, this is not an ok environment. If they’re living in a home with hoarding, not ok. I’d discuss with mom, DH and possibly elder care specialist around the idea that the kids need a relaxed home base.

[Anonymous]

OP, I didn't catch if you said where you live. Some DMV areas have subsidized housing for seniors. If you could name your county/city, posters might have specific suggestions for either housing or agencies that help with finding housing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old is your mom? If she's younger than 80, then she should probably her in any way you can until she is 80. However, if she is 80 or older, than the mere fact that she's still alive should be good enough for her, as that's longer than most people live, and you should feel no guilt about neglecting her.

WTAF? Put mom out on the street when she hits 80?

I didn't say the OP should force her mother to live on the street against her will. If the OP's mother can afford her own comfort, then she should be allowed to. But if she can't, that's not the OP's problem.

Her elderly mother is her responsibility!

[Anonymous]

She needs to start paying rent and stop the hoarding/shopping. You can put it in a separate savings account or mutual fund or CD in your name and use it later on to help with her expenses.

If she is offended then she is free to move out.

Her rent covers her room. She is not allowed to store things or leave clutter in shared areas. If she doesn’t like it, she is free to move out.

Hoarders are selfish and often infantile. You need to draw a hard line.

You are not obligated to house her in a manner she desires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old is your mom? If she's younger than 80, then she should probably her in any way you can until she is 80. However, if she is 80 or older, than the mere fact that she's still alive should be good enough for her, as that's longer than most people live, and you should feel no guilt about neglecting her.

WTAF? Put mom out on the street when she hits 80?

I didn't say the OP should force her mother to live on the street against her will. If the OP's mother can afford her own comfort, then she should be allowed to. But if she can't, that's not the OP's problem.

Her elderly mother is her responsibility!

What part of "biology flows downhill" does is so hard to understand? What part of "nobody asked their parents to bring them into the world" is so hard to understand? What part of, "nobody is entitled to live more years than most people" does nobody understand? The OP is not responsible for giving her mother special treatment in helping her live longer than most people.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to let your mom know that her living with you is very temporary and that she will need to move out. She needs to apply for subsidized housing. Work out the application for Medicaid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This Tiny house kit is 14K,

https://www.amazon.com/ECOHOUSEMART-House-FRAMING-D33H-986-brown/dp/B09MBXW7G2/ref=sr_1_8?keywords=ECOHOUSEMART&qid=1683714907&sr=8-8

It's not a 'kit', it's just the framing and shell. Like a Shed.

OP, you need to get her on all the subsidized housing lists. My grandmother was difficult, and when her longtime apartment house was condemmed, my aunts got her on the lists (that existed then) and she got an apartment in a senior complex run by the housing authority of our town. It was safe and clean. Her only income was minimal SS, the family did help out some so she was never without.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old is your mom? If she's younger than 80, then she should probably her in any way you can until she is 80. However, if she is 80 or older, than the mere fact that she's still alive should be good enough for her, as that's longer than most people live, and you should feel no guilt about neglecting her.

WTAF? Put mom out on the street when she hits 80?

I didn't say the OP should force her mother to live on the street against her will. If the OP's mother can afford her own comfort, then she should be allowed to. But if she can't, that's not the OP's problem.

Her elderly mother is her responsibility!

What part of "biology flows downhill" does is so hard to understand? What part of "nobody asked their parents to bring them into the world" is so hard to understand? What part of, "nobody is entitled to live more years than most people" does nobody understand? The OP is not responsible for giving her mother special treatment in helping her live longer than most people.

Your numerous nasty comments are not helping anybody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old is your mom? If she's younger than 80, then she should probably her in any way you can until she is 80. However, if she is 80 or older, than the mere fact that she's still alive should be good enough for her, as that's longer than most people live, and you should feel no guilt about neglecting her.

WTAF? Put mom out on the street when she hits 80?

I didn't say the OP should force her mother to live on the street against her will. If the OP's mother can afford her own comfort, then she should be allowed to. But if she can't, that's not the OP's problem.

Woah like the elderly hunger games! Can’t wait to see that on Netflix.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Lots of unhelpful replies. OP, if you are still reading, will your mom take meds?

My mom moved in with my brother. She's also too poor to be on her own. And she was going through cancer treatment. A LOT of anxiety and she was hard to live with. We got her to take anti-anxiety meds. She feels better and the house is calmer and happier. It was a game changer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old is your mom? If she's younger than 80, then she should probably her in any way you can until she is 80. However, if she is 80 or older, than the mere fact that she's still alive should be good enough for her, as that's longer than most people live, and you should feel no guilt about neglecting her.

WTAF? Put mom out on the street when she hits 80?

I didn't say the OP should force her mother to live on the street against her will. If the OP's mother can afford her own comfort, then she should be allowed to. But if she can't, that's not the OP's problem.

Her elderly mother is her responsibility!

What part of "biology flows downhill" does is so hard to understand? What part of "nobody asked their parents to bring them into the world" is so hard to understand? What part of, "nobody is entitled to live more years than most people" does nobody understand? The OP is not responsible for giving her mother special treatment in helping her live longer than most people.

Your numerous nasty comments are not helping anybody.

Just so you know, I plan to be dead long before I'm the age of the OP's mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old is your mom? If she's younger than 80, then she should probably her in any way you can until she is 80. However, if she is 80 or older, than the mere fact that she's still alive should be good enough for her, as that's longer than most people live, and you should feel no guilt about neglecting her.

WTAF? Put mom out on the street when she hits 80?

I didn't say the OP should force her mother to live on the street against her will. If the OP's mother can afford her own comfort, then she should be allowed to. But if she can't, that's not the OP's problem.

Her elderly mother is her responsibility!

What part of "biology flows downhill" does is so hard to understand? What part of "nobody asked their parents to bring them into the world" is so hard to understand? What part of, "nobody is entitled to live more years than most people" does nobody understand? The OP is not responsible for giving her mother special treatment in helping her live longer than most people.

Your numerous nasty comments are not helping anybody.

Just so you know, I plan to be dead long before I'm the age of the OP's mother.

Thanks for sharing that. If you are the person making all these nasty comments then I'm afraid it will be no great loss.