Odd visit from DS GF dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why wouldn't you have met him? He is her Father.

(I actually think letting her stay at your house till 9:30pm on school nights is pretty horrible.)

Well, as her FATHER he should try and make a good impression - how about getting our details from her mom and making arrangements to stop by? That is what normal people do.
And considering sports / clubs/activities, 9:30 is very reasonable on a weeknight. He doesn’t get home until 5 or 6 most nights after tennis practice. It doesn’t sound like you have high schoolers and understand the schedules they have.

OP should not be having this girl at her home constantly and during the week. Maybe mom didn't agree and wanted to go to a stranger's house. My kids do not go to anyones house during the week. OP should be communicating with the child's parents.

W
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G

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you spoken to the parents? You may have rules for your home, but they have different rules and it sounds like she should not have been at your house.

Sorry, the custodial parent sets the rules - and the custodial parent is fine with it.

No, both parents set the rules.

No, the noncustodial (not shared custody) parent sets no rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I would assume that this perhaps not very socially-attuned father suddenly had a freak-out, and this resulted in the encounter you witnessed. In the moment he really wasn't thinking about the consequences of his actions on you, the parents of the boy. He was worried about his daughter, and probably wasn't too pleased to find her at her boyfriend's house, with possibly permissive adults, with an equally permissive custodial ex-wife in the background, allowing this.

In fact, if a post was created on DCUM from the point of view of a distraught dad finding out that his teen daughter is off gallivanting with a boyfriend in the evening, deploring that his ex-wife is allowing this, I'm sure it would garner some sympathy.

So since you don't know this family, and there are two sides to every story... I suggest you move on without judging too much.

She should be home doing homework, not hanging out.

Maybe it was his custody/visitation night.

No. JFC, you people are absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 9:30pm she should be home, not at your house. Not on a school night. Parent better.

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised how many people think 9:30 is late on a school night for older teenagers.
One son has a club that doesn’t even get out until 9 PM. His lacrosse practice is every other night until 7:30.
The other has tennis until 5 or 6, and meets friends at the gym and exercise from 6:30-8:30 PM
High schoolers have odd schedules, and 9:30 isn’t “late”.
(And yes, they have 3.8 GPAs - I know, low by DCUM standards but not bad for the rest of society). They get their homework done, and still have time for clubs, sports, and friends.

It's late enough for teen sex and teen pregnancy, is what we mean, PP. You should get this without us having to spell it out.
The later they hang out, the worse it gets.
This has nothing to do with evening activities. My 12 year old's orchestra gets out at 9pm. Not the same thing at all!

You have to be kidding. How absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised how many people think 9:30 is late on a school night for older teenagers.
One son has a club that doesn’t even get out until 9 PM. His lacrosse practice is every other night until 7:30.
The other has tennis until 5 or 6, and meets friends at the gym and exercise from 6:30-8:30 PM
High schoolers have odd schedules, and 9:30 isn’t “late”.
(And yes, they have 3.8 GPAs - I know, low by DCUM standards but not bad for the rest of society). They get their homework done, and still have time for clubs, sports, and friends.

It's late enough for teen sex and teen pregnancy, is what we mean, PP. You should get this without us having to spell it out.
The later they hang out, the worse it gets.
This has nothing to do with evening activities. My 12 year old's orchestra gets out at 9pm. Not the same thing at all!

Between homework and activities, ours has no time to hang out during the week. Hard no to 9:30 on a school night or any time during the week at all except maybe a half day.

Neat. Irrelevant, but neat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised how many people think 9:30 is late on a school night for older teenagers.
One son has a club that doesn’t even get out until 9 PM. His lacrosse practice is every other night until 7:30.
The other has tennis until 5 or 6, and meets friends at the gym and exercise from 6:30-8:30 PM
High schoolers have odd schedules, and 9:30 isn’t “late”.
(And yes, they have 3.8 GPAs - I know, low by DCUM standards but not bad for the rest of society). They get their homework done, and still have time for clubs, sports, and friends.

It's late enough for teen sex and teen pregnancy, is what we mean, PP. You should get this without us having to spell it out.
The later they hang out, the worse it gets.
This has nothing to do with evening activities. My 12 year old's orchestra gets out at 9pm. Not the same thing at all!

Thank you for clarifying that teen sex only happens after 9pm outside of school activities. Thank you for spelling this out for us. Your 12 year old will NOT be a team parent!!

I did not say that. I said it gets worse the later it is. And I'm right.

My 12 year old will probably not be a team parent, you are correct.

The time doesn't matter, the presence of parents does. It sounds like OP is present for these hang outs, so why the fixation with the time?

No, it doesn't.

Yes, it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my child turned off the locator app, I’d be looking for her. And I’d go to the places that I’d tracked her to before. I think you’re off base here.

Yeah me too.

Whoa. This probably ought to be raised in a separate thread, but you track your teen’s’ whereabouts all the time?

Not those posters but yes, I do and they track me as well. If they don't want a tracker, they can pay for their own phone as it’s for my needs, not theirs.

But, so often that you know where they are at all times and freak out if you can’t immediately locate their whereabouts? That seems like a major privacy violation. If they are late getting home, fine, but creepy otherwise.

You don't get privacy as a child. Even before cell phones, I always had to tell my parents where I was and call if I was late.

Yes, I know where they are at all times, and they know where I am. You should try parenting.

We are parenting. You should try being less of a helicoptering lunatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised how many people think 9:30 is late on a school night for older teenagers.
One son has a club that doesn’t even get out until 9 PM. His lacrosse practice is every other night until 7:30.
The other has tennis until 5 or 6, and meets friends at the gym and exercise from 6:30-8:30 PM
High schoolers have odd schedules, and 9:30 isn’t “late”.
(And yes, they have 3.8 GPAs - I know, low by DCUM standards but not bad for the rest of society). They get their homework done, and still have time for clubs, sports, and friends.

It's late enough for teen sex and teen pregnancy, is what we mean, PP. You should get this without us having to spell it out.
The later they hang out, the worse it gets.
This has nothing to do with evening activities. My 12 year old's orchestra gets out at 9pm. Not the same thing at all!

Thank you for clarifying that teen sex only happens after 9pm outside of school activities. Thank you for spelling this out for us. Your 12 year old will NOT be a team parent!!

I did not say that. I said it gets worse the later it is. And I'm right.

My 12 year old will probably not be a team parent, you are correct.

The time doesn't matter, the presence of parents does. It sounds like OP is present for these hang outs, so why the fixation with the time?

No, it doesn't.

She literally witnessed this incident and then comforted the gf at 7:30pm - she was home well before 9pm, which the parent of an orchestra teen has let us know is when teens start having sex.

We put our kids in orchestra and activities to keep them busy and out of houses like OP who don't care about activities, homework, etc. How does this HS student have that much time to spend all night hanging out?

Thats great. GFs dad doesn't have 50/50 custody - he doesn't share your priorities so stop trying to justify his weird behavior

If he has visits, and this was his visit time he has every right to say something and he may have shared custody and he is the father so he has every right to talk to her. If this girl is over OP house 2 school nights a week, when is she doing homework? OP is a lousy parent.

You’re insane. Your poor kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What high schoolers have time for movies on week days? Call me old-fashioned, but with younger siblings in house (and even if not), I think it is rude to be at someone else’s home after 9pm. Rheres a true disconnect here. HS parents are complaining that their kids can’t get into their state’s flagship colleges, and here we are playing video games and watching movies during the week. Kids in this area (perhaps OP is t DMV) have homework, sports, extracurriculars, jobs, etc and don’t have this amount of free time during the week.

Pro Tip: It’s not “rude” when the hosting parent INVITED you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why wouldn't you have met him? He is her Father.

(I actually think letting her stay at your house till 9:30pm on school nights is pretty horrible.)

Kindly, shut the f&ck up. You’re either a troll or a weirdo, in either case no one likes you and you have no friends.

This poster is way out of line. The father did nothing wrong. He came to OP's house, asked to speak with his daughter, said something that made her upset, and left 10 minutes later. You know teens can be upset at the drop of a hat, right? If I invited my 17 year old son's girlfriend to stay with us until 9:30pm, and one of her parents showed up to remonstrate with her, I would not feel the father was out of line.

I imagine what he said was: "I was not aware you were seeing a boyfriend at this time of the night. This is not OK, I will be speaking to your mother about this." And all three of them are currently in the midst of an argument about it as we speak.

Or maybe they argued about something completely different. Maybe he's a terrible person. Maybe he loves her and is genuinely worried about her. NO ONE KNOWS. So you shouldn't be judging.

Fathers who feel the need to protect their daughter’s virginity are so cringe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised how many people think 9:30 is late on a school night for older teenagers.
One son has a club that doesn’t even get out until 9 PM. His lacrosse practice is every other night until 7:30.
The other has tennis until 5 or 6, and meets friends at the gym and exercise from 6:30-8:30 PM
High schoolers have odd schedules, and 9:30 isn’t “late”.
(And yes, they have 3.8 GPAs - I know, low by DCUM standards but not bad for the rest of society). They get their homework done, and still have time for clubs, sports, and friends.

It's late enough for teen sex and teen pregnancy, is what we mean, PP. You should get this without us having to spell it out.
The later they hang out, the worse it gets.
This has nothing to do with evening activities. My 12 year old's orchestra gets out at 9pm. Not the same thing at all!

You sweet summer child. Sex can happen literally anytime if two horny teens want it to. When I was in high school my boyfriend picked me up in the morning and we’d have a quickie in his car before school if time sufficed. Straight A students, both went to Ivies, became responsible, well-paid citizens, not crack whores or winos lying in the gutter, before you ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my child turned off the locator app, I’d be looking for her. And I’d go to the places that I’d tracked her to before. I think you’re off base here.

Yeah me too.

Whoa. This probably ought to be raised in a separate thread, but you track your teen’s’ whereabouts all the time?

Not those posters but yes, I do and they track me as well. If they don't want a tracker, they can pay for their own phone as it’s for my needs, not theirs.

But, so often that you know where they are at all times and freak out if you can’t immediately locate their whereabouts? That seems like a major privacy violation. If they are late getting home, fine, but creepy otherwise.

You don't get privacy as a child. Even before cell phones, I always had to tell my parents where I was and call if I was late.

Yes, I know where they are at all times, and they know where I am. You should try parenting.

Seriously? So you can burst into your child’s room at any time, read their diary, inspect their body?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised how many people think 9:30 is late on a school night for older teenagers.
One son has a club that doesn’t even get out until 9 PM. His lacrosse practice is every other night until 7:30.
The other has tennis until 5 or 6, and meets friends at the gym and exercise from 6:30-8:30 PM
High schoolers have odd schedules, and 9:30 isn’t “late”.
(And yes, they have 3.8 GPAs - I know, low by DCUM standards but not bad for the rest of society). They get their homework done, and still have time for clubs, sports, and friends.

It's late enough for teen sex and teen pregnancy, is what we mean, PP. You should get this without us having to spell it out.
The later they hang out, the worse it gets.
This has nothing to do with evening activities. My 12 year old's orchestra gets out at 9pm. Not the same thing at all!

Thank you for clarifying that teen sex only happens after 9pm outside of school activities. Thank you for spelling this out for us. Your 12 year old will NOT be a team parent!!

I did not say that. I said it gets worse the later it is. And I'm right.

My 12 year old will probably not be a team parent, you are correct.

The time doesn't matter, the presence of parents does. It sounds like OP is present for these hang outs, so why the fixation with the time?

No, it doesn't.

She literally witnessed this incident and then comforted the gf at 7:30pm - she was home well before 9pm, which the parent of an orchestra teen has let us know is when teens start having sex.

We put our kids in orchestra and activities to keep them busy and out of houses like OP who don't care about activities, homework, etc. How does this HS student have that much time to spend all night hanging out?

Yeah, and your kids will be the ones who have nervous breakdowns because they didn’t have a moment to breathe and enjoy their childhood. You know suicidal and mental illness rates are through the roof with teens, right?

[Anonymous]

OP you don’t know the girl well enough to believe everything she tells you about her family life.