How to not feel bad about putting an infant in daycare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I would have to leave my baby in a daycare center. But I want to and need to work so I am researching daycare options. How would a 3 month old survive at Daycare? Isn't it detrimental to their mental and emotiona l health?

Just sit and observe any infant day care for three hours. I dare you, because you would never leave your baby there all day.

I agree. I've worked in a daycare center. People thought it was great but they never actually saw what went on all day. I never put my own children in daycare. I have to assume many people are either in serious denial or they just have lower standards for how their infants and toddlers spend their days.

Curious what you think is bad about it?

My own opinion is that the kids don’t receive enough attention and just hang out alone. They need their own caregiver but have to share one with 3+ other babies.

I think it's most important for young babies and toddlers to be cared for by someone who loves them. I know many people say the daycare people are loving and treat the babies lovingly but I know that the majority of daycare workers do not love the babies they care for all day. Infants and toddlers need to form a strong bond of love with someone who loves them and wants the absolute best for them. Someone who is tuned into what that child needs, what they are doing and learning all day, how they are reacting cognitively and emotionally, how much they are sleeping and eating, caring for their needs promptly like diaper changes, etc

Just as one example, a home daycare provider I know got a 2 yr old when the child's parents moved her from a different but very popular daycare provider because they saw the child had multiple bites on her back when they got her home one day and the daycare provider had no idea that had happened, did not know which other child did it, knew nothing about it. That daycare provider was very much in demand despite incidents like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I would have to leave my baby in a daycare center. But I want to and need to work so I am researching daycare options. How would a 3 month old survive at Daycare? Isn't it detrimental to their mental and emotiona l health?

Just sit and observe any infant day care for three hours. I dare you, because you would never leave your baby there all day.

I agree. I've worked in a daycare center. People thought it was great but they never actually saw what went on all day. I never put my own children in daycare. I have to assume many people are either in serious denial or they just have lower standards for how their infants and toddlers spend their days.

Curious what you think is bad about it?

My own opinion is that the kids don’t receive enough attention and just hang out alone. They need their own caregiver but have to share one with 3+ other babies.

I think it's most important for young babies and toddlers to be cared for by someone who loves them. I know many people say the daycare people are loving and treat the babies lovingly but I know that the majority of daycare workers do not love the babies they care for all day. Infants and toddlers need to form a strong bond of love with someone who loves them and wants the absolute best for them. Someone who is tuned into what that child needs, what they are doing and learning all day, how they are reacting cognitively and emotionally, how much they are sleeping and eating, caring for their needs promptly like diaper changes, etc

Just as one example, a home daycare provider I know got a 2 yr old when the child's parents moved her from a different but very popular daycare provider because they saw the child had multiple bites on her back when they got her home one day and the daycare provider had no idea that had happened, did not know which other child did it, knew nothing about it. That daycare provider was very much in demand despite incidents like that.

For a baby, love is not enough. The person needs to be alert and physically capable to care for the baby. My mother loves DD with all of her heart. She is not equipped to care for her full time. It would be unsafe for DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I would have to leave my baby in a daycare center. But I want to and need to work so I am researching daycare options. How would a 3 month old survive at Daycare? Isn't it detrimental to their mental and emotiona l health?

Just sit and observe any infant day care for three hours. I dare you, because you would never leave your baby there all day.

I agree. I've worked in a daycare center. People thought it was great but they never actually saw what went on all day. I never put my own children in daycare. I have to assume many people are either in serious denial or they just have lower standards for how their infants and toddlers spend their days.

Curious what you think is bad about it?

My own opinion is that the kids don’t receive enough attention and just hang out alone. They need their own caregiver but have to share one with 3+ other babies.

I think it's most important for young babies and toddlers to be cared for by someone who loves them. I know many people say the daycare people are loving and treat the babies lovingly but I know that the majority of daycare workers do not love the babies they care for all day. Infants and toddlers need to form a strong bond of love with someone who loves them and wants the absolute best for them. Someone who is tuned into what that child needs, what they are doing and learning all day, how they are reacting cognitively and emotionally, how much they are sleeping and eating, caring for their needs promptly like diaper changes, etc

Just as one example, a home daycare provider I know got a 2 yr old when the child's parents moved her from a different but very popular daycare provider because they saw the child had multiple bites on her back when they got her home one day and the daycare provider had no idea that had happened, did not know which other child did it, knew nothing about it. That daycare provider was very much in demand despite incidents like that.

For a baby, love is not enough. The person needs to be alert and physically capable to care for the baby. My mother loves DD with all of her heart. She is not equipped to care for her full time. It would be unsafe for DD.

Yes. They need both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I would have to leave my baby in a daycare center. But I want to and need to work so I am researching daycare options. How would a 3 month old survive at Daycare? Isn't it detrimental to their mental and emotiona l health?

Just sit and observe any infant day care for three hours. I dare you, because you would never leave your baby there all day.

I agree. I've worked in a daycare center. People thought it was great but they never actually saw what went on all day. I never put my own children in daycare. I have to assume many people are either in serious denial or they just have lower standards for how their infants and toddlers spend their days.

Curious what you think is bad about it?

My own opinion is that the kids don’t receive enough attention and just hang out alone. They need their own caregiver but have to share one with 3+ other babies.

I think it's most important for young babies and toddlers to be cared for by someone who loves them. I know many people say the daycare people are loving and treat the babies lovingly but I know that the majority of daycare workers do not love the babies they care for all day. Infants and toddlers need to form a strong bond of love with someone who loves them and wants the absolute best for them. Someone who is tuned into what that child needs, what they are doing and learning all day, how they are reacting cognitively and emotionally, how much they are sleeping and eating, caring for their needs promptly like diaper changes, etc

Just as one example, a home daycare provider I know got a 2 yr old when the child's parents moved her from a different but very popular daycare provider because they saw the child had multiple bites on her back when they got her home one day and the daycare provider had no idea that had happened, did not know which other child did it, knew nothing about it. That daycare provider was very much in demand despite incidents like that.

For a baby, love is not enough. The person needs to be alert and physically capable to care for the baby. My mother loves DD with all of her heart. She is not equipped to care for her full time. It would be unsafe for DD.

I agree and did not say that's all they need, just that I believe it's the most important thing. However, if it is just not possible then you choose the next best care you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are “wealthy” and used a center from 4 months old. Zero regrets - our child absolutely thrived there. I worked from home and felt that having a nanny in my work space would make life more difficult - plus we felt daycare had better redundancy against sick providers, etc. The kid sick days were hard that year but we made very close friends with our cohort of preschool parents. There are lots of solutions that can work OP!

How wealthy? In my circle of about 20 mom friends all of whom almost certainly have HHIs of over 500k, not a single one uses daycare

Im a part time worker and my husband works for the government 100k+ and we use a nice local Family Daycare, our son is thriving and recieves much love!

Now you know someone wealthy who uses a Family Child Care home

Is this a joke? You’re not wealthy. In fact you likely struggle to pay for daycare.

Are you talking to yourself?

Nah. We are good. I'm not that dumb to pay thousands for a center who has less staff and tons of kids there. Our older son is thriving in 2nd grade. He used to go to our local Family Daycare. And now the baby is doing great at our local Family Child Care home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I would have to leave my baby in a daycare center. But I want to and need to work so I am researching daycare options. How would a 3 month old survive at Daycare? Isn't it detrimental to their mental and emotiona l health?

Just sit and observe any infant day care for three hours. I dare you, because you would never leave your baby there all day.

I agree. I've worked in a daycare center. People thought it was great but they never actually saw what went on all day. I never put my own children in daycare. I have to assume many people are either in serious denial or they just have lower standards for how their infants and toddlers spend their days.

Curious what you think is bad about it?

My own opinion is that the kids don’t receive enough attention and just hang out alone. They need their own caregiver but have to share one with 3+ other babies.

I think it's most important for young babies and toddlers to be cared for by someone who loves them. I know many people say the daycare people are loving and treat the babies lovingly but I know that the majority of daycare workers do not love the babies they care for all day. Infants and toddlers need to form a strong bond of love with someone who loves them and wants the absolute best for them. Someone who is tuned into what that child needs, what they are doing and learning all day, how they are reacting cognitively and emotionally, how much they are sleeping and eating, caring for their needs promptly like diaper changes, etc

Just as one example, a home daycare provider I know got a 2 yr old when the child's parents moved her from a different but very popular daycare provider because they saw the child had multiple bites on her back when they got her home one day and the daycare provider had no idea that had happened, did not know which other child did it, knew nothing about it. That daycare provider was very much in demand despite incidents like that.

Can you talk about some moms and dads abuse theur own kids. Also don't forget to talk about the pedo priests, the hypocrite families who takes their young kids to Hooters to see half naked girls

[Anonymous]

The best option imo is a Family Daycare. It's a small learning environment like 8 kids total. 3 staff. And children gets lots of socialization, learning from others and together and surrounded by caring Providers.

I don't like Child care Centers. Too many kids and not enough staff. Children needs more individual attention. 12 kids of 2 years old age for 1 teacher is crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are “wealthy” and used a center from 4 months old. Zero regrets - our child absolutely thrived there. I worked from home and felt that having a nanny in my work space would make life more difficult - plus we felt daycare had better redundancy against sick providers, etc. The kid sick days were hard that year but we made very close friends with our cohort of preschool parents. There are lots of solutions that can work OP!

How wealthy? In my circle of about 20 mom friends all of whom almost certainly have HHIs of over 500k, not a single one uses daycare

I’m the poster you asked. We are half biglaw half tech, well over $500k in all the daycare years, some years over $1m compensation. Very high earning. Now we attend a public school that most DCUM folks would clutch pearls about. Kids still fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best option imo is a Family Daycare. It's a small learning environment like 8 kids total. 3 staff. And children gets lots of socialization, learning from others and together and surrounded by caring Providers.

I don't like Child care Centers. Too many kids and not enough staff. Children needs more individual attention. 12 kids of 2 years old age for 1 teacher is crazy

The guidelines vary a lot across state lines but it’s just not right to suggest that the ratios are always lower in family daycares. My oldest attended a daycare before the pandemic; the legal ratios were 1:3 in the babies room and 2:9 in the toddler room. At the same ages, she could have attended a family daycare with max legal ratio (mixed age) of 1:6. That said, I know plenty of places (both centers and home daycares) that choose to stay below max capacity.

[Anonymous]

Family Daycares ratios are 2 infants for 1 staff and in centers is 3 infants for 1 staff in Maryland.

I prefer Family Daycare. Centers has too many kids, less staff, they rotate the assistants to different rooms.

[Anonymous]

Only few centers pays well and hires more people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family Daycares ratios are 2 infants for 1 staff and in centers is 3 infants for 1 staff in Maryland.

I prefer Family Daycare. Centers has too many kids, less staff, they rotate the assistants to different rooms.

True but the family daycares may have older children in addition to the babies.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really understand how that 1:2 teacher:baby ratio for family daycares gets quoted as if the toddlers and older children they can care for at the same time don’t also count as people. IMHO it’s easier to keep 3 babies safe than to care for, say, 2 babies 2 toddlers and maybe a couple of older kids as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family Daycares ratios are 2 infants for 1 staff and in centers is 3 infants for 1 staff in Maryland.

I prefer Family Daycare. Centers has too many kids, less staff, they rotate the assistants to different rooms.

True but the family daycares may have older children in addition to the babies.

We left a family daycare that had one teacher for 8 children including our young toddler. Left for a center with 3 teachers for 6 babies. DD was noticeably happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family Daycares ratios are 2 infants for 1 staff and in centers is 3 infants for 1 staff in Maryland.

I prefer Family Daycare. Centers has too many kids, less staff, they rotate the assistants to different rooms.

True but the family daycares may have older children in addition to the babies.

We left a family daycare that had one teacher for 8 children including our young toddler. Left for a center with 3 teachers for 6 babies. DD was noticeably happier.

The centers my daughter attended (we used 2, one pre-pandemic and another after a year out) were typically over staffed as well. The legal ratios are minimums. That means they often have more people when no one is on their lunch break. Like anything else it varies but we had positive experiences.