How to not feel bad about putting an infant in daycare?

[Anonymous]

At least in MD, the ratio for infants is 1:3 so it is not like they are in a big classroom. I was amazed that my baby quickly adapted to the daily nap and feeding schedule (seemed impossible for me to get done). She loved to watch the other kids. She is a lovely young woman attending Cornell right now. Not one regret!

In some ways parents are not perfect care givers either. They are making dinner, on their phones, half asleep. It is not like home is always full creative loving attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not ideal. You gut is spot on. I agree that if you can find in home daycare or a nanny, that's much better than a typical daycare center. But lot of people have no choice and it generally works out.

I do not understand this line of thinking at all (about in home being better than a center). With our first we used a center after touring quite a number of licensed in home daycares (with good word of mouth reviews). And I was just so underwhelmed as a whole. Many were down in people’s basements with limited light and limited egresses, the homes had strong food smells, and it just felt very causal (college age kids coming home over breaks for instance, being advised you had to pay for the owner to take 2 week vacations each year, etc.). One even had a loud barking dog crated on another level of the home. I think people like these in homes because they are generally cheaper than a nice center, but they tell themselves it’s because it’s more “homey.” But I don’t want my kid in someone else’s home, I want them at a safely operated business that is dedicated to watching children.

OTOH, we loved our center. It was surrounding a courtyard so each room had lots of natural light and easy egress. There were cameras in each room so we could check in whenever we wanted. There were fire sprinklers and rollable cribs in case of emergencies. There were weekly emails with updates from the director and it was nice to have a designated director who speaks clear English to go to with any logistical questions.

For our second we hired a nanny (during COVID) and in some ways it was very nice. But I disliked having to be someone’s manager, reporting payroll each week, dealing with unexpected leave on a few occasions, etc. And overall we really liked our nanny. However there were definitely headaches that come with it vs. a center.

FWIW OP, my daycare kid is now a happy, social, bright first grader with absolutely no memory of his daycare. I had a ton of anxiety about sending him in the beginning, but it ended up being such a nice experience for our family (minus all the winter illnesses). And remember that choosing a childcare is not a life sentence. If you’re not happy with daycare you can leave it and explore something like a nanny share instead (if budget is an issue).

[Anonymous]

I get it OP, I had so much anxiety about putting my then 4 month old in daycare, but it has been really great. He is in a small in-home with 2 teachers who have been doing this forever and love babies and know what they're doing. They only take 4 babies at a time, so each one gets loads of individual attention (and there's way less illness than at a big center!). He in now 1 year old, and has been thriving and learning, has lots of fun every day, and is loved by the providers - it feels more like loving family members are caring for him instead of daycare. I'm sure you'll find a good option, and your baby will do great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not ideal. You gut is spot on. I agree that if you can find in home daycare or a nanny, that's much better than a typical daycare center. But lot of people have no choice and it generally works out.

I do not understand this line of thinking at all (about in home being better than a center). With our first we used a center after touring quite a number of licensed in home daycares (with good word of mouth reviews). And I was just so underwhelmed as a whole. Many were down in people’s basements with limited light and limited egresses, the homes had strong food smells, and it just felt very causal (college age kids coming home over breaks for instance, being advised you had to pay for the owner to take 2 week vacations each year, etc.). One even had a loud barking dog crated on another level of the home. I think people like these in homes because they are generally cheaper than a nice center, but they tell themselves it’s because it’s more “homey.” But I don’t want my kid in someone else’s home, I want them at a safely operated business that is dedicated to watching children.

OTOH, we loved our center. It was surrounding a courtyard so each room had lots of natural light and easy egress. There were cameras in each room so we could check in whenever we wanted. There were fire sprinklers and rollable cribs in case of emergencies. There were weekly emails with updates from the director and it was nice to have a designated director who speaks clear English to go to with any logistical questions.

For our second we hired a nanny (during COVID) and in some ways it was very nice. But I disliked having to be someone’s manager, reporting payroll each week, dealing with unexpected leave on a few occasions, etc. And overall we really liked our nanny. However there were definitely headaches that come with it vs. a center.

FWIW OP, my daycare kid is now a happy, social, bright first grader with absolutely no memory of his daycare. I had a ton of anxiety about sending him in the beginning, but it ended up being such a nice experience for our family (minus all the winter illnesses). And remember that choosing a childcare is not a life sentence. If you’re not happy with daycare you can leave it and explore something like a nanny share instead (if budget is an issue).

It's fine to have a different opinion, but to answer your comment about not understanding the line of thinking, I'll tell you that my kid is in an in home and I think it's the best of both worlds between nanny and a center. There are fewer kids than a center and less illness, more individualized attention while still having socialization, and no turnover of staff so my baby has a nice bond with the providers - and none of the headaches you mentioned about a nanny. We did see a few dim basement type ones when we were looking, but the one we chose has lots of windows and natural light, is large, great fenced yard with play area, and an extremely clean space that feels homey and really comfortable and nice. I get daily updates, and although English is not their first language, that's not an issue for me at all.

[Anonymous]

We started at an in-home when DC was 4 months old, and it was perfect. She was the only infant there at the time and the ladies really pampered her. We then moved to a center at 2.5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least in MD, the ratio for infants is 1:3 so it is not like they are in a big classroom. I was amazed that my baby quickly adapted to the daily nap and feeding schedule (seemed impossible for me to get done). She loved to watch the other kids. She is a lovely young woman attending Cornell right now. Not one regret!

In some ways parents are not perfect care givers either. They are making dinner, on their phones, half asleep. It is not like home is always full creative loving attention.

And 1:2 at an in home daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least in MD, the ratio for infants is 1:3 so it is not like they are in a big classroom. I was amazed that my baby quickly adapted to the daily nap and feeding schedule (seemed impossible for me to get done). She loved to watch the other kids. She is a lovely young woman attending Cornell right now. Not one regret!

In some ways parents are not perfect care givers either. They are making dinner, on their phones, half asleep. It is not like home is always full creative loving attention.

And 1:2 at an in home daycare.

Then why not just do a nanny share? How can this be less expensive?

[Anonymous]

Socialization is good
Stable finances in the home are good
I did have moments of feeling bad about it too - but when my oldest walked in to kindergarten very confident and ready, I realized some of that was thanks to daycare
In terms of daycare as opposed to nanny - this was pre-covid days for me, but I like the additional oversight. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

It’s totally normal to feel nervous. Find a center you feel comfortable with. Take tours, ask questions, and get recommendations from friends or neighbors. FTW, I love our center. The teachers, especially the infant teachers, have been there forever and they are amazing with the babies. They’ve been taking care of babies for a long time and always had great advice. You’ll be sad at first but that will change and you’ll love getting all the cute photos and videos from their day. We’ve also made great friends with some of the other families. It can be a great community for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Socialization is good
Stable finances in the home are good
I did have moments of feeling bad about it too - but when my oldest walked in to kindergarten very confident and ready, I realized some of that was thanks to daycare
In terms of daycare as opposed to nanny - this was pre-covid days for me, but I like the additional oversight. YMMV.

An infant doesn’t need socialization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Socialization is good
Stable finances in the home are good
I did have moments of feeling bad about it too - but when my oldest walked in to kindergarten very confident and ready, I realized some of that was thanks to daycare
In terms of daycare as opposed to nanny - this was pre-covid days for me, but I like the additional oversight. YMMV.

An infant doesn’t need socialization.

They do and it can be provided at home or at a daycare.

https://www.theskimm.com/parenting/babies-social-development

[Anonymous]

I personally like the idea of the center vs. in-home. There's more oversight, structured procedures and vetting of teachers and caregivers. I liked that most centers had security measures in place instead of having a basement in a home that people could come in and out of. I think this is all dependent on the options you have available but in my experience my child has absolutely thrived in daycare and the daycare we have him in provides a loving environment with stability, safety and socialization

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Socialization is good
Stable finances in the home are good
I did have moments of feeling bad about it too - but when my oldest walked in to kindergarten very confident and ready, I realized some of that was thanks to daycare
In terms of daycare as opposed to nanny - this was pre-covid days for me, but I like the additional oversight. YMMV.

An infant doesn’t need socialization.

They do and it can be provided at home or at a daycare.

https://www.theskimm.com/parenting/babies-social-development

If daycare were actually beneficial and good for a young baby, then rich women who don’t work would send their baby to one. Except they don’t. Daycares are a lower cost option for working parents. There is a reason why wealthy educated people hire a nanny.

[Anonymous]

There are pros and cons to every situation. Stay home, center care, in home, nanny. All are different with good and bad aspects.

It’s silly to suggest that everyone who can afford to hire a nanny or stay home would do this. This is categorically untrue. Lots of people with money can and do send their kids to center care for various reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are pros and cons to every situation. Stay home, center care, in home, nanny. All are different with good and bad aspects.

It’s silly to suggest that everyone who can afford to hire a nanny or stay home would do this. This is categorically untrue. Lots of people with money can and do send their kids to center care for various reasons.

Very few people who are truly wealthy send their kids to daycare. Cmon.