How to not feel bad about putting an infant in daycare?

[Anonymous]

I have had both my kids in a daycare setting since they were 3/4 months. Full time.

I honestly felt bad but not because it was daycare per se, but because I was not going to be with the kids after maternity leave.

Our daycare center was warm, with low ratios, and lots of love. It wasn't sterile, cold, or anything like that. My son absolutely wept when he had to move from the baby room to the toddler room because he'd be changing teachers from the ones with whom he'd been cared for as an infant to new teachers. He loved them and they loved him and it is (IMO) nice to have a big group of adults who dote on your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are “wealthy” and used a center from 4 months old. Zero regrets - our child absolutely thrived there. I worked from home and felt that having a nanny in my work space would make life more difficult - plus we felt daycare had better redundancy against sick providers, etc. The kid sick days were hard that year but we made very close friends with our cohort of preschool parents. There are lots of solutions that can work OP!

How wealthy? In my circle of about 20 mom friends all of whom almost certainly have HHIs of over 500k, not a single one uses daycare

Im a part time worker and my husband works for the government 100k+ and we use a nice local Family Daycare, our son is thriving and recieves much love!

Now you know someone wealthy who uses a Family Child Care home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are “wealthy” and used a center from 4 months old. Zero regrets - our child absolutely thrived there. I worked from home and felt that having a nanny in my work space would make life more difficult - plus we felt daycare had better redundancy against sick providers, etc. The kid sick days were hard that year but we made very close friends with our cohort of preschool parents. There are lots of solutions that can work OP!

How wealthy? In my circle of about 20 mom friends all of whom almost certainly have HHIs of over 500k, not a single one uses daycare

Im a part time worker and my husband works for the government 100k+ and we use a nice local Family Daycare, our son is thriving and recieves much love!

Now you know someone wealthy who uses a Family Child Care home

Is this a joke? You’re not wealthy. In fact you likely struggle to pay for daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are “wealthy” and used a center from 4 months old. Zero regrets - our child absolutely thrived there. I worked from home and felt that having a nanny in my work space would make life more difficult - plus we felt daycare had better redundancy against sick providers, etc. The kid sick days were hard that year but we made very close friends with our cohort of preschool parents. There are lots of solutions that can work OP!

How wealthy? In my circle of about 20 mom friends all of whom almost certainly have HHIs of over 500k, not a single one uses daycare

Im a part time worker and my husband works for the government 100k+ and we use a nice local Family Daycare, our son is thriving and recieves much love!

Now you know someone wealthy who uses a Family Child Care home

Is this a joke? You’re not wealthy. In fact you likely struggle to pay for daycare.

NP, i don’t think it was unfortunately. I don’t think the government pay scale goes high enough even as a SES for someone to ever get to “wealthy” if you live in the DC area and have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are “wealthy” and used a center from 4 months old. Zero regrets - our child absolutely thrived there. I worked from home and felt that having a nanny in my work space would make life more difficult - plus we felt daycare had better redundancy against sick providers, etc. The kid sick days were hard that year but we made very close friends with our cohort of preschool parents. There are lots of solutions that can work OP!

How wealthy? In my circle of about 20 mom friends all of whom almost certainly have HHIs of over 500k, not a single one uses daycare

Im a part time worker and my husband works for the government 100k+ and we use a nice local Family Daycare, our son is thriving and recieves much love!

Now you know someone wealthy who uses a Family Child Care home

Is this a joke? You’re not wealthy. In fact you likely struggle to pay for daycare.

I chuckled, but if PP is serious I am charmed. So many things go into wealth (salary, but also assets and debt or lack thereof) and most Americans are prone to inflating the middle class with too few considering themselves wealthy. I think it’s refreshing when people recognize their comparative privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I would have to leave my baby in a daycare center. But I want to and need to work so I am researching daycare options. How would a 3 month old survive at Daycare? Isn't it detrimental to their mental and emotiona l health?

Just sit and observe any infant day care for three hours. I dare you, because you would never leave your baby there all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I would have to leave my baby in a daycare center. But I want to and need to work so I am researching daycare options. How would a 3 month old survive at Daycare? Isn't it detrimental to their mental and emotiona l health?

Just sit and observe any infant day care for three hours. I dare you, because you would never leave your baby there all day.

I agree. I've worked in a daycare center. People thought it was great but they never actually saw what went on all day. I never put my own children in daycare. I have to assume many people are either in serious denial or they just have lower standards for how their infants and toddlers spend their days.

[Anonymous]

My oldest went to daycare 3 days a week from 14 weeks until 2 years (enter pandemic). I had to be physically present at my job but I had a lot of downtime and would just sit and stare at the live stream more than was healthy. The caregivers were loving but of course it was hard especially when she was tiny. It definitely felt better when she got to be mobile, which fortunately was on the early side. By the time she was a toddler I appreciated all the special activities the center hosted for the kids (my favorite was barn babies).

I have had two more children since then, and neither of them has gone to daycare. They’re also not getting the firstborn treatment — my current baby is constantly just along for the ride. You do your best for each child. There’s all kinds of possible advantages and disadvantages to any scenario. Every kid is different. Every situation is different. Daycare can be great. Try to make those hours at home with you count. I think, for example, I completely stopped using our bouncer and swing at home after my daughter started at her center. I was lucky I got to be home with her part time, and I think the “breaks” I got did ultimately make it easier for me to be a present and fun mom with her when I was home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I would have to leave my baby in a daycare center. But I want to and need to work so I am researching daycare options. How would a 3 month old survive at Daycare? Isn't it detrimental to their mental and emotiona l health?

Just sit and observe any infant day care for three hours. I dare you, because you would never leave your baby there all day.

I agree. I've worked in a daycare center. People thought it was great but they never actually saw what went on all day. I never put my own children in daycare. I have to assume many people are either in serious denial or they just have lower standards for how their infants and toddlers spend their days.

Curious what you think is bad about it?

My own opinion is that the kids don’t receive enough attention and just hang out alone. They need their own caregiver but have to share one with 3+ other babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Socialization is good
Stable finances in the home are good
I did have moments of feeling bad about it too - but when my oldest walked in to kindergarten very confident and ready, I realized some of that was thanks to daycare
In terms of daycare as opposed to nanny - this was pre-covid days for me, but I like the additional oversight. YMMV.

An infant doesn’t need socialization.

They do and it can be provided at home or at a daycare.

https://www.theskimm.com/parenting/babies-social-development

If daycare were actually beneficial and good for a young baby, then rich women who don’t work would send their baby to one. Except they don’t. Daycares are a lower cost option for working parents. There is a reason why wealthy educated people hire a nanny.

It is easier for them. They do not have to bring the baby anywhere. They hire the person who can work the hours they want and meet any other needs (like coming on a trip or watching the baby over night). They do not have to take off when the baby is sick. There are great daycares and also crappy nannys...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I would have to leave my baby in a daycare center. But I want to and need to work so I am researching daycare options. How would a 3 month old survive at Daycare? Isn't it detrimental to their mental and emotiona l health?

Just sit and observe any infant day care for three hours. I dare you, because you would never leave your baby there all day.

I agree. I've worked in a daycare center. People thought it was great but they never actually saw what went on all day. I never put my own children in daycare. I have to assume many people are either in serious denial or they just have lower standards for how their infants and toddlers spend their days.

Curious what you think is bad about it?

My own opinion is that the kids don’t receive enough attention and just hang out alone. They need their own caregiver but have to share one with 3+ other babies.

Similar to siblings in a family...lots of kids do not have a 1:1 care giver.

[Anonymous]

Daycare is not a ideal for a baby but nobody is allowed to say it b/c all the daycare parents lose their s**t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daycare is not a ideal for a baby but nobody is allowed to say it b/c all the daycare parents lose their s**t

Actually, if you go back and reread the thread (I just did), parents were quite tolerant of many, many comments that said “it’s not ideal.” Then a couple of daycare parents chimed in to say what they liked about daycare and this provoked controversy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are “wealthy” and used a center from 4 months old. Zero regrets - our child absolutely thrived there. I worked from home and felt that having a nanny in my work space would make life more difficult - plus we felt daycare had better redundancy against sick providers, etc. The kid sick days were hard that year but we made very close friends with our cohort of preschool parents. There are lots of solutions that can work OP!

How wealthy? In my circle of about 20 mom friends all of whom almost certainly have HHIs of over 500k, not a single one uses daycare

Wealthy like biglaw. Multiple in my kid's daycare class at a center. HHI 500k+ for sure.

Ours is also in that range, a bit under.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I would have to leave my baby in a daycare center. But I want to and need to work so I am researching daycare options. How would a 3 month old survive at Daycare? Isn't it detrimental to their mental and emotiona l health?

Just sit and observe any infant day care for three hours. I dare you, because you would never leave your baby there all day.

NP. I spent literally days at our daycare center before my kid enrolled. I was so impressed. I learned some tips from them, and the babies were happy.

That baby is about to leave to an excellent college and I’m going to miss DC so much, while being simultaneously so proud. I still reminisce fondly of those days at our first daycare. They were wonderful.

OP, don’t let the DCUM crazies get to you. Your baby will do well, and if your baby doesn’t do well, you will change. Trust me, the mark of good parenting is not what a lot of the DCUM crazies think it is. Your baby will do well, and so will you.